1st January, 2019

“….Luhan?”

To be honest, you doubt your own eyes, your own mind, and yourself. Why would you think a heavily makeup-covered clown as Luhan just because they share the same doe, brown eyes? Why would you think a random clown, who is a part of the circus team that came from other city as your favorite oppa in the EXO family besides your own brother and Jongin?  You doubt yourself so much; that you believed the clown will shakes off from you and leave.

But the fact that the clown is just standing there, staring at you with those doe eyes of his and slowly loosing up himself from your grip, your doubt starts to vanish.

The clown starts to smile, while scratching his head. Your eyes are still glaring at him, waiting for his words.

“I’m surprised that you were able to recognized your Luhan-oppa even when I’m fully covered by make-up like this, Yeonnie-ah.”

You gasps so loud that a couple beside you glances at you in curiosity, but you quickly covers your mouth with your own hand. Your other hand is still holding Luhan’s wrist, and the grip gets tighter.

“Aw, aw, aw!”

You – still with your strong glare – pull the clown closer to you until there are only few centimeters between your nose and his, and then grab his chin.

“What will I name my daughter when I have one in the future?”

The clown stuns as he listens to your question – the question that looks silly and very out of topic, but actually had a lot more meanings than any interrogating questions that could be directed to the clown. The question, which you, and EXO family members only know the answer.

The clown slowly gulps, and starts opening his small lips.

“M-Megara..”

You froze, as Luhan spoke the name of the main female character in the Hercules story. The name of a female character that you adore the most. The name that you really want to have. The name that you really want to give to your daughter in the future.

Luhan eyeing on you as you froze, and a small smile starts curling up on his lips.

“Do you believe me now, Yeonni-”

Luhan stops as your arms wraps him tightly, hugging him as tight as you could as you bury your head on his chest. Your nose inhales his scent, and that scent’s still there – Luhan’s favorite perfume. Even after all these years. Tears starts building up on your eyes as Luhan hugs you back, and starts patting your head as well.

A minute was spent with silence, but the silent hug is definitely more meaningful than anything that you’ve experienced for the last eleven years. It feels like something that had been missing, comes back. A small part that had been missing is finally back. Even though it’s small – for eleven years of despair and eleven years of tracing back people from your past – even a small part of happiness gives you so much warmth already.

Suddenly, your rational side snaps up, and pushes away the slight euphoria from meeting Luhan.

“Yeonnie-ah, how are y-“

“Where the hell have you been?”

Luhan stops again as you snaps out at him. You release yourself from Luhan, and quickly grab his wrist tightly again. Slowly, Luhan let out a heavy sigh. Even behind those heavy make-ups, you can see Luhan’s distressed expression clearly.

“Don’t think you will be able to run away, Luhan-oppa.” You says again, with a sharper tone this time – “you have so many things that need to be explained.”

Luhan opens his mouth, ready to answer you – but suddenly he pauses and a small, sweet smile starts curling up on his lips as his eyes meets up with your glare.

“What if you – “says Luhan, suddenly takes out something from the pocket of his baggy stripes pants – “join me?”

Your eyes stares at the things that Luhan took from his pocket. It’s a thick make-up foundation, a small make-up kit, and red lipstick.

“You want me to be a clown as well?” you asks, trying to clarify Luhan’s intentions.

Luhan nods. “By being a clown, you’ll be able to stay close to me and blends in the carnival with me. Those mafia bastards will not be able to chase you or listen to our conversation.”

“But I didn’t wear clown outfits!” you says – “People will get suspicious at me and will pu-“

You whimpers when suddenly Luhan grabs your cheeks and forcefully applies the thick make-up foundation on your face. Being forceful and professional as well, he grabs you and applies the thick make-up all over your face only in few minutes.

“Yah!” you shouts when he releases his grip. “You hurt my cheeks!”

Luhan pouts as he stares at you from your head to your toe.

“Your shirt’s color is shocking enough and the thick make-up…you already look like a clown to me.” Says Luhan.

You narrows your eyes as you listens to his words. Suddenly, he grabs your wrist and pulls you together with him to join the crowd again.

You never imagined you will join the line of carnival’s performers for the whole of your life– and yeah, Luhan’s right. The line of carnival’s performers and cars are very hectic and crowded, that you’re sure that it wouldn’t be easy for any people to eavesdropping your conversations when you’re talking inside the hectic crowd of carnival’s performers.

“So!” Luhan’s shout snaps you out from your amazement of carnival’s performers. Surprisingly, even if the performers’ line is very crowded, you still can hear Luhan’s voice clearly when he stands right beside you.

“What is your first question, Yeonnie-ah?”

 You stares at the ground. The moment that you’ve been waiting since eleven eyars ago has arrives – the moment that will help you to understand everything. Everything that was related to Sooman clan, and your own brother, Sehun.

“Why do all of you disappeared…and now working in a job that have no relations with mafia world at all?”

Luhan shows a bitter smile.

“Well…”

“Why Lee Sooman didn’t save my brother? Why, a mafia clan who supposed to protect every and each of its members, let their member to be on a death row?”

Luhan keeps quiet, as his eyes stares at the ground.

“Why are you not answering me, oppa?” you asks again, starts getting pissed off. You expected Luhan to talk. Talk about everything. Not shutting up his mouth.

“Opp-“

“That plan was a failure. Yeonni-ah. The whole thing of that job. Sehun had killed 16 people of YG Clan for nothing. Nothing have been achieved, nothing good have been made because of him killing those guys – except that ‘Legendary Murderer’ title.”

You freezes as you heard the last sentence from Luhan. Luhan who still walking, realizes that you were stopped, then walks back to you.

Huh?

“Surprise, surprise.” Says Luhan, with his bitter tone, facing you who still shocked at his latest statement. “This is the truth, Yeonni-ah. The truth that we’d been hiding from you and from everyone.

 “Your brother, Oh Sehun, is going to die. And sadly, he’ll going to die for nothing.”

What the ?

COLLEGE IS A TT______TT I barely have any spare time T___T

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