Is it because you forgot your main purpose of coming to find him? Is it because you got weak and powerless for getting defeated twice? Is it because of his pleading eyes?

Is it because he chose to talk to you, instead of killing you when he got the chance to make you do anything that he wanted you to do?

 

Your head is busy and very filled. Filled with so many thoughts about possibilities of  reasons – reasons for why you're following him to the private archive room of (which is surprisingly) Jongin’s building, leaning on the wall, while Jongin is standing in front of you; holding a thick folder, instead of punching him or kicking him or do any forms of attacks towards him to fulfill your revenge.

 

Seriously, what is the reason?

 

“Are you done with your daydreaming?”

You blinks as Jongin interrupts the silence that was enveloping you both. You slowly glances up at him.

 

Keep your intimidating looks, Sooyeon. Don't show him the soft side of yours.

 

“What is it? What is the thing that you are going to say, that made you begged to me like that?” you speaks, trying to sounds tough.

Unexpectedly, Jongin chuckles. His eyes changes – it turns into a crescent moon shape, while his lips forms a wide smile, showing you his aligned teeth.

 

God, he’s still beautiful. Even with that huge scar on his left cheek.

 

 

“What are you laughing about?” you’re trying to cut off your own mind from daydreaming again – and this time, you were about to daydream about Jongin. God.

Jongin smiles, then stares at you. That dagger-like glare have vanished – it turned into a sweet, soft stare.

“Okay, then. If you’re still going to keep that ‘tough’ image of yours.” He says, with a sweet smile – “as long as you listens, and believe me.”

 

You snorts. “So, Jongin, what are you going to say?”

 

“My defense for any that Luhan-hyung had told you.”

You turns your head towards Jongin, who just straight-forwardly answered your question. His face is expressionless, but you could see the seriousness in his eyes.

 

He’s going to defend himself? So he’s simply saying that Luhan-hyung’s story is not true?

 

This jerk is going to defend himself so that he wouldn’t look so guilty – that’s it?

 

“Defense?” you speaks in low tone – “are you going to tell me that Luhan-oppa lied to me?”

Jongin’s eyebrows furrows and he narrows his eyes in confusion.

“Are you going to deny everything that you’ve done to Sehun-oppa?” you raises your voice in anger. “Am I right, Jo- Kai? Are you trying to force me to listen to your bull about your own sin? About how you betrayed your own blood brother?“

Jongin falls silent, as you sending your most deadly glares at him. He’s quiet; could it be that your words were right? It’s 100% right that he got speechless? Was he trying to make a comeback at your remar-

 

 “No. Who said that I’m going to tell you that Luhan-hyung lied to you? Who said that I’m going to tell you bull?”

 

Jongin suddenly answers, somehow sounds annoyed. “Seriously, Soo- can’t you just stop with all of those negativities of yours?! Stop taking sides and be neutral? Stop taking Luhan-hyung’s side for once and listen to me?”

 

You presses your lips tight against each other. Jongin looks really pissed off, and surprisingly, frustrated as well.

 

“And Soo,” Jongin continues, as he starts walking closer to you; pushing you backwards until your back finally hit the wall and the space between both of you are once again, way too close. There’s barely 4 centimeters between both of your noses when Jongin opens up his mouth again, to continue his sentence.

“It’s a basic knowledge, that if you wants to know the truth, you must look from every sides of the story or case. Refusing to see the case from different sides; even if it just one side, is a stupid action. It simply means that you’re distancing yourself from a possibility of an answer for your truth. Even though you thought that it’s a bull, that bull might hold the main key of the case.”

 

Jongin exhales deeply in anger, then glares at you who quickly averts your gaze to the floor. You still can feel Jongin’s pressuring glare, pressing and stabbing you.

 

What is wrong with him?

Why did he get so frustrated? Why did he keep begging? Jongin is not the kind of man who would beg – well, at least that’s what I knew after living with him.

Why did he keep insisting to talk to me; to make me believe him?

What is this ‘truth’ that he keeps pointing?

 

“I knew speaking to you will results nothing.” Jongin speaks – “you’re still stubborn as hell.”

You were about to open up your mouth to reply his words, but suddenly Jongin lift up the thick folder, right in front of your face.

You furrowed your eyebrows, then roughly take the thick folder and hold it with your hand. “What the hell is this?”

“So, tell me, Soo.” Jongin speaks, clearly ignoring your question – “what did Luhan-hyung told you? Tell me the whole story.”

You stares at the thick folder, then back on Jongin’s eyes.

 

“He tells me everything.” You answers, “about how you and Sehun-oppa were assigned to the same job. About how you left him alone and let him do the job alone. About how you let Sehun-oppa dealing with the death row alone. Oh, and how about EXO got banished and all of the members are nowhere to be found, except you. Simply about your betrayal, that’s all.”

Jongin stares at you coldly. You keeps your chin high, feeling proud for being able to tell Jongin about his sin.

 

“I see.” He answers, still staring at you coldly. “Did Luhan-hyung told you about what am I doing when I ditched Sehun?”

You fall silent for a few seconds. All you can remember is ‘Jongin left Sehun alone’ , that’s all. Luhan didn’t tell you about what Jongin was doing when he left Sehun on that day, or the real reason why Jongin left Sehun.

“I guess the answer is no?” Jongin speaks again, “of course no, because he knows definitely nothing.”

He steps forward towards you, then points at the thick folder.

“Try to open that, Soo.”

You stares at him, then slowly opens the folder. The first page is an old document. You spot ‘2008’ on the ‘Year’ column of that document. You look thoroughly at the document, and your jaw drops.

 

Pyeonghwa Asylum

Patient Data

 

Inmate Number : 080588

Name : Kim Jongin

DOB : 14^th January 1994

Date of Admission : 14^th May 2008, 05:47 AM

Form of Mental Disorder on Admission : Bipolar I Disorder

 

You blinks and pull the folder closer to your eyes, trying to re-read the paper in front of you.

It’s real. ‘Kim Jongin’ is really written there. It also have the same birthdate with Jongin.

 

“What the f- you got admitted to an asylum?!” you almost shouted, but quickly lowers your voice when Jongin glares at you angrily and lifts his index finger on his lips. You stares at Jongin in disbelief, with your wide eyes.

Jongin smiles sarcastically. “Yeah, I got admitted once. Surprise, surprise.”

You look back at the paper, then at Jongin, then back at the admission paper again in disbelief.

“But that’s not the point.” Says Jongin, trying to avert your attention from the paper – “don’t you think the date is pretty familiar?”

You furrows your eyebrows, then glances at the ‘Date of Admission’ column.

 

14^th May 2008…

 

“My birthday is on 13^th so it’s a day after my birthday, and I have my seventeenth birthday on 2008, a-“

You fall silent in shock as you realizes the date.

 

It’s the day of the massacre job that Sehun and Jongin were assigned to.

 

“….You ditched Sehun because you got admitted in asylum?” you whispers, “What have you done….? Doesn’t that mean right after you and Sehun-oppa gave me cake and gifts.. you got admitted?”

“Go read the details part of that paper.” Jongin answers. You glances at the paper and starts reading again.

 

Admission Remarks:

Heavily bruised like he just got in a fight, lost two teeths, broken nose, bleeding on mouth,lips,and cheek.

Struggles so hard when got admitted, raging. Keeps screaming that he didn’t want to be here.

Holding a knife on left hand – quickly confiscated.

 

Special Handling Code : 24/7 Surveillance, Isolation Room

Special Handling: Keep sharp objects away; hurted himself once before admitted

 

General Remarks:

Very calm and nice – didn’t look like he had a mental illness.

Scar ‘K’ on cheek recovered after 3 weeks – broken right arm and nose recovered after 4 weeks.

Never shows mania behaviors, never harm himself or other.

Diagnosed with: Depression. Mania episodes never shown – probably should be Bipolar II Disorder instead of Bipolar I Disorder, but it’s not that severe to be categorized in any hypomanic/major depressive episodes.

 

 

“You’re diagnosed with depression?” you asks slowly.

“Don’t you think that’s weird?” Jongin smiles again – “I was admitted as a maniac – hurting myself and others, being hyperactive, easily distracted, aggressive, intolerant, et cetera.

“But I didn’t act or speak like that at all. I got depressed instead – something that Bipolar I Disorder patient wouldn’t do. I also didn’t show any signs of mental illness, and my depression isn’t so severe that I need to be put in asylum. The doctors said so in the report, right?”

 

You stares at Jongin in confusion. Is he saying that..

 

“It’s like you didn’t have any mental illness at all, yet you were forced into an asylum….”

 

Jongin stares at you, his face is expressionless as he watches you realizes what was happened during that day.

 

“And scar ‘K’…” you whispers, then glances at Jongin’s left cheek.

Indeed, there’s a pretty huge scar, perfectly forming a letter ‘K’ on Jongin’s smooth tanned skin. The scar seemed has healed a long time ago, yet the mark is permanent.

“I got admitted right on that mission day. The man who admitted me to the asylum said that it’s me who carved this ing letter on my own cheek. He brought me to the asylum soon after I carved this letter, so I arrived there still heavily bleeding.” Answers Jongin.

 

You don’t know from where this urge came from, but you steps forward and slowly touch Jongin’s scar. The scar is indeed, a perfect ‘K’ letter. Like someone carefully carved it on Jongin’s cheek.

 

Carefully carved…?

 

“I’m a right-handed, and my right arm was broken that day. So there’s no way I carved that letter on my cheek with my right hand.” Answers Jongin, like he just read your mind.

 

“Yet the letter ‘K’ is very neatly scratched..”you continues slowly, as realization starts coming again into your brain.

 

“My left hand wouldn’t be able to do it that neat because my writing is really bad and I’m not eve left-handed,”continues Jongin,” and if I really am a maniac, the letter ‘K’ will be very messy. Would I be able to draw this ‘K’ letter?”

You trails the scar on Jongin’s cheek slowly, as your eyes went wider.

 

“I was reported heavily bruised like I just had a fight; but would I be able to punched myself until I lost my teeth, broke my own nose, created that many bruises only with my left hand?”

 

You stares at Jongin in fear, as you realizes what was happening.

“Do you see what am I telling you, Soo?” asks Jongin softly, but his eyes are as cold as ice.

 

 

Jongin never intended to ditched Sehun. Jongin was forced to, and got hurt from it.

 

 

Luhan’s story is not completely true.

Not at all.

 

 

 

“Who did all of these, Jongin….?”

 

You follows Jongin’s eyes, who stares at the signature part of the paper.

 

 

PROPONENT’S STATEMENT

(signed by the proponent of the admission of the patient)

With this, I fully agreed to take full responsibility of the patient after the release and agreed with the 2-weeks post-hospitalization treatments.

 

 

 

Choi Minho

 

---

ta-dah~