This evening, it was just me and Hyunnie who were at the dorm. The rest of the girls were out doing their scheduled appearances. This place is rather large for the two of us. But to be honest, there isn’t much here to care for. For us working idols, we rarely spend our time at the dorm. Sure it has all the luxurious things that all girls want in their room, but because we don’t spend our time here often, there is hardly anything we can call precious, except for a few things. But those items are usually light and mobile, so we don’t leave them at the dorm. Anyway, getting back to this specific evening, only Hyunnie and I are at the dorm at the moment. She called me out to watch the new episode of WGM that was airing today. She claimed she has something to show me, but I bet she just wanted to brag about her virtual husband to me. She does this often at earlier showings too. I guess, she has gotten fond of the fella. His name’s Yonghwa, I believe. He isn’t bad looking, so I guess it’s right for her to brag about him. Unlike Tae unnie, Hyunnie’s virtual marriage isn’t as much a comedy as her predecessor. From what I noticed of this girl, she really truly has developed a sort of intimate feeling for this guy. I don’t know what I should make out of the guy, but from what I see from the television, he’s being really cautious around her. He’s like a puppy following her at the moment. But it’s not a bad sight, him being considerate around her, teaches her things. They’re cute together…for now. If I see this fella hurt Hyunnie in any way, I will wring him dry like the wet towel I’ll make him out to be.

“Yoong unnie~~! It’s on right now!!” Seohyun yelled out for me.

I rushed out of the kitchen immediately after having dropped the wrapper of this ice cream cone off into the waste bin. Being an expert dancer, I navigated myself swiftly around all the other obstacles called furniture before I flew toward the sofa where the maknae was sitting. I flop down like a bomb hitting the intended target with the cone in my mouth.

“Bbwhet?” with the cone in my mouth.

“Watch.” Hyun points to the television.

So I turned my sight towards the television. I figured that Yonghwa must have done something extremely sweet, because I can see the way she looked at the TV, with her nose flaring like this whenever she’s concentrating. But the screen was pitch black because someone had turned off the light in there. I was about to ask her a question as to why she wanted me to see…something dark. But a voice rang out from the TV. Completely, the voice had caught me off guard. “The door is opening~” coming from the TV. I immediately turned my attention to the source of that voice. “And she comes in~,” the melodious voice continues, but irritatingly the voice was interrupted by the MCs present. I was about to yell at them to shut up, but they did, and the melody coming from the guitar was continuing. “I want to say it carefully, I want to be brave” as he kept on singing out the song, but that old lady MC interrupted again! Really, do you not feel how amazing this moment is? At least his voice is louder than the MCs talking. How are you MOCKING THEIR SNAPPING THEIR FINGERS? Are you deaf? Do you people not realize they are providing back up sound like drummers to the acoustic melody?! Why the heck are you making fun of that?! Sooyoung unnie?! Why you too?! God, don’t interrupt the song please. Can you not hear how angelic his voice is? At least I can still hear its end. Wow…his voice…so solemn with such a love song…how can such a male’s voice be so beautiful…?

“That was what I wanted to show you.” I hear a voice coming from the side of me.

“Hu..huh?” I woke up from my supposed slumber. What the? Was I under a spell until now? But I didn’t zone out, I heard the whole song. Oh, Hyunnie told me something. “What was it that you want to show me?”

“Unnie~! That scene, wasn’t it sweet? They all did that for me. I really think the whole group of boys is really sweet. We had so much fun.” Hyunnie told me with glee. She must have really liked that event they planned for her. I think it was sweet of them too. 

“Yeah, I think so too. They even got your favorites and such.” I agreed with her. If I was serenade like that, I wouldn’t gloomed either. Then again, I guess anyone would have that sort of reaction.

“Mhmm. Well, that is all I wanted to show you, unnie. You can get to bed if you like, I want to finish watching this.”

“Eh~~ I’ll just watch it with you. I wanna see how they are around you.” I told her. Still wiping the saliva that dripped out of my mouth. Honestly, I didn’t think I was under a trance like that.

I focused my eyes on the owner of that voice. His hair is really too dirty, seems like he haven’t combed it or anything. There wasn’t much focus on him, I understand it because they’re supposed to cover the couple on there, anybody else is second place. Haha, he coughed when he began cutting that cake, is he serious? Oh, Junshin saved them from an awkward moment, no wonder Hyunnie told us how she considers Junshin chingoo as a go to guy in a pinch. HAHAHAHA he messed up!!! They have to dance together!!!

“Look at Yong seobang’s face Hyunnie!!!” I yelled at her as I laughed, “See his face when you said all of them had to dance?” Hyunnie let out a sheepish giggle, confirming that she too realized it.

Oh they had a shot of that singer. Yea, his hair was really unruly, like he doesn’t take care of it. His face is pale though, but the clothes he has on completely clashes. Seems like this singer has no sense of style at all. OH MY GOD! Hahaha his awkward dance step, really? He’s terrible, hahaha, oh, but that’s a cute expression, he was so embarrassed.

“Hahaha, your new family is hilarious Hyunnie.” I let out a loud laugh.

“Uuu~~~ unnie…” Hyunnie groaned at me.

I continued to laugh. “I don’t mean anything by it. I can see they’re good guys. They all tried hard to make you feel at ease, especially Junshin chingu.”

I guess I satisfied her, because she revealed a smile at me. I told her to do her nightly routine before heading for bed, but she ran away from embarrassment. She listened to me because she yelled back answering me, heh. I got a napkin and cleaned the saliva that was on the sofa, and I let out a big yawn. I guess it was high time for me to leave for bed too. Oh, the song.

“Well, I’m going to check the net for a bit then off to bed too, I guess.”

I got on my laptop, and searched up CN Blue. This would be the second time I looked up CN Blue. The first being after Hyunnie told us SNSD girls about her virtual husband, we all got on the train to google immediately. We found out that they recently debuted, with their “I’m a Loner” single, we listened to it, and it’s definitely different from ours. The beats, sound like rock, but nothing heavy, but distinctly different from the pop that we do, mainly because of the guitar rifts. This time, I found out that for the concept video of the four boys, he was the tough guy of the group… and that hairstyle, I guess they did this MV and the WGM filming near each other since he still has this hairstyle. I searched up Music Bank too, they sang it really well. I like their song. So, to sum it up, tonight, I gained interests on a Lee Jong Hyun who I didn’t care for before, all because of his voice.

---

I didn’t have much to do today; rather, I finished everything a bit too early. I was in the studio finishing up my part of the recording, and now waiting on unnies to finish their parts. I walked around the studio a bit, but I’ve been here several times already, the place has lost its novelty to me. Then I overheard an interesting conversation.

“I don’t think you should do that.”

“Why not? We have the equipments here, might as well use it and have some fun.” This sounds like some delinquent topic right here, I though to myself. Should I stop them?

“But aren’t you afraid of being scold by the boss?”

“Eh, this is for his sake’s though, I think he’ll let us go after he received the present from us.” Oh, I guess they’re planning a surprise event for their boss. I let out a grin. This sounds like fun.

“What are you boys doing?”

“I..Im Yoona ssi!”

“Miss!”

“What are you guys secretly planning?” I talked to them. Like most men who aren’t used to me, they were shocked when I appear in front of them. They turned into something like butter. I’m pretty, I know, but really, I don’t think I’m prettier than most of the idols out there. I think it’s because I’m an idol that they’ve turned gooey on me, so I'm sure they'd have the same reaction with any other idol. But I’m not complaining. I’ve worked hard for my time to shine, I’ve spent five years and some months training since I was 12 years old before I debut. I’ve struggled like any other person working toward their dreams; everything I have at the moment, I’ve earned them with my sweats. I’m not some kid who had a silver spoon in since conception, or others who just wastes their life away. So I’m popular because of that, and I’m happy I was able to achieve what I’ve longed for. I’ve nothing to be shy about. “I heard what you guys talked about. I want in on the plan.”

“But this is just something childish.”

“You know, since you guys are going behind your boss’s back, if I’m here with you if this surprise fail, just say I forced you guys to do it. It’ll lighten the punishment you’ll receive. If this succeeds, you guys can take al the credit. I’m jus tagging along is all since I’ve nothing to do.”

The two guys looked at each other. They looked back and me, and I let out wide grin that seems to be captivate anyone who sees it, and they nodded shyly. Score one for the face of SNSD.

So the plan for this event was to secretly record everything the boss says, then they were planning to cut and stitch each syllables into a song with the equipment they have as a present for the boss’s birthday. So while each of the employees went out one by one to buy presents and party materials separately, the three of us followed the boss around in secret with a mic in hand and record his conversations. The station employees also opt out starting conversations with the boss too, so we could get the syllables we needed from him. It wasn’t that hard because he’s rather talkative. But I guess that’s what bosses need to do, they need to be able to communicate well with their subordinates.

After that, we three went into one of the recording studios. This seems different from the ones I’ve used to. It didn’t have a sound proof room with glass panel to record audio like the one I just went to earlier today. This room has a lot of equipments for sounds recording purposes, but a lot more computers presented here, like…a laboratory. They two guys began to work. I like men like these. When they start working all of the sudden, like giving their total focus to what they do, to their jobs, I think that’s when they’re the coolest. But, that statement is for all, whether they’re male or female; if they dedicate themselves to something, they’re all shining in my eyes.

“What is he doing?” I asked the one who was free at the moment. He just came back after he got a drink because he was tired from editing, so they traded off for now.

“He…umm…he’s…he’s isolating the sounds.”

“Isolating? Is that like how singers stand in a sound proof room so no sound can get in?”

“It’s sort of like that, in a sense. We did the recording just now right? So because we recorded boss’s voice in an environment where there are a lot of noises, like sounds in the background or something…so right now he’s trying to just increase boss’s voice to have a louder feed than the others. It’s hard for me to explain it without going into technical terms, sorry.”

“Yah, you calling me dumb?”

“No no no, ma’am, I would never.” He’s flustered. So easy to tease.

“I was kidding. But I do understand you. Sort of like, if you and I speak at the same time, and he wants to just extract your voice, he’d give you a louder pitch while lower mine, and then extract yours later, right?”

He looked at me in awe. I don’t know whether I’m right or not though, so I looked straight at him.

We made eye contacts and he immediately looked away. “Yes, that’s exactly it.”

So I just sat there while they alternate between themselves, working like men should. Oh, but I’m not that lazy of a person. They also gave me the music sheet they wrote for their boss. They’re planning to make this song for him, and by going syllable by syllable stitching them together, they’d get this song as an end product.

When they finished, they replayed it without background music. It was good, but they couldn’t completely erase the background noise so I could hear other people speaking in the back. The song was pretty funny really. I was already amazed that they did this word by word, but when they add the melody they created, my mind was blown. It was so good. Sure, it was nothing like a studio version like the ones we do, but this to be able to achieve something like this is extremely amazing. These guys are very good at what they do.

“So do you think this is alright by you, Im Yoona ssi?”

“You guys sure are amazing.” I clapped as I praised them. Both of them blushed immediately, but it was something expected. They were cheered on by a beauty, heh, the beautiful me. “So what do you guys do now?”

“We wait until the boss’s finish with his evaluation for the day, and all of us will surprise him in his office.”

“When will that be?”

“10 PM.”

“Aww, that means I’ll miss the occasion! No fair!” I whined.

“Oh, you have to go somewhere, Yoona ssi?”

“Yes, I have an episode to finish filming.”

“Variety TV?”

“Yes. Disappointed that I can’t be here for it, I bet he’ll be so surprised. Mind if I hear it again?”

“Sure, Yoona ssi.”

So they played the song again. It still amazes me. I spent two hours sneaking around with these two, and I listened to the playbacks of all the clips we recorded. Now, this sounds nothing like what we recorded. To be able to isolate just the boss’s voice…isolate…the voice…

“Hey guys, can you do something for me?” I asked immediately when the thought hit me.

“If we can do it.”

“Can you do the isolation thing you did with the boss, but with a recording I have?”

“Maybe, if the sound you want to isolate is distinct enough.”

“I don’t know what that mean, but I’ll let you guys hear it.”

“Sure. Let’s listen.”

I played a song on my iPod, tentatively labeled as “[2010]WGM – can I love you?” for them to listen. After it finished, I looked at the two.

“Did you want to isolate the singing voice?”

“Yes. It’s a recording of my maknae’s other family’s singing. I want it to be a present for her.” Sorry Hyunnie, I used you as an excuse. “There are too much laughter in here, so I’d like to have the singing voice isolated, then use a copy of the acoustic guitar like this one here, to overlap the melody.”

“Woah, Yoona ssi, you know a lot.”

“Really? I learned it from watching you guys. You guys did a really good job.”

“Hm, do you think we can do it?” one of the guys asked the other.

“I think we can isolate the voice, because his voice is unique. But it may be hard for us to reproduce the guitar playing because I can’t play it, we should call in Kangwoo ssi since he plays the guitar well.”

“Yes, that sounds logical. You can start doing it right now, I’ll go get Kangwoo ssi so to have him record in the other room.” He then turned to me. “The song’s title is ‘Can I love you?’ right?”

“Yes, you can love me.” I let out a smile. The man turned completely red. I didn’t think that one liner would turn him to stone like that. “Yes, that’s the title’s name.”

He left quickly. 30 minutes passed when he returned, with a flash drive in hand in which he claimed to have the acoustic guitar version of the song. The two guys finished the song, and Oh My God it was amazing. It was unavoidable that there were a bit of laughter in the background, but I wasn’t expecting perfection anyway. But these guys, that voice, that solemn mystifying voice, caught me off guard again. They did an amazing job.

“Thank you so much guys!! MY maknae will definitely love this!” sorry again Hyunnie.

“No problem.” the two guys smiled back at me. I guess they’ve gotten used to me, it feels good. I like the comfortable feeling more than being serenade with stuttering.

Then my phone rang, it was Tae unnie on the other side of the call telling me I have a schedule to keep. I thanked them again after I got a copy of the song, and told them “hwaiting” to cheer them on when they are to surprise the boss. I waved byes to them, and I gripped my ipod tightly in hand as my feet feels like I’m walking on clouds.

---

HAHAHA!! He’s terrible!

“Hyunnie, you embarrassed Jonghyun so badly!” I told her as I laughed.

“W..what, what do you mean?”

“Did you look at him? You only chose to listen to Yong seobang’s song and not his, and then he even apologized to you because of it, hahaha.”

“Ehh..bu…but I listened to the whole CD..and…” She began to blush, haha my maknae’s so cute.

The nine of us continued to watch the show, and as time continued on, we created a louder ruckus than before; well, the eight of us while our lovely maknae here’s ducking her head in embarrassment as we .

“Haha, Jonghyun is terrible with those games! How many games did you play Hyunnie?” I asked her with my head still on her lap while my attention was still directed at the television.

“We played around a lot, unnie. I guess they cut the majority of it to fit the time, but we spent like 2~3 hours playing actually.”

“Does he lose every time?” Sooyoung asked.

“..Hmm, he actually does,” Hyunnie let out a chuckle, “he is terrible at games.”

We continued watching as I continued to focus on the guy who keeps losing game after game with an amazing voice. I was saddened that at the end of the episode, he didn’t let out a single tune. After the eight of us thoroughly teased Hyunnie, Soo unnie called it a night. As I smiled while thinking about him, a thought struck me all of the sudden.

“Hyun, can you give me Jonghyun’s phone number?” I spoke out, maintaining my voice, hoping that I kept my composure because there were seven other people here with me.

“EH?” Hyunnie’s eyes were wide open, “Why do you want it?”

“I like him, I want to be his friend.” I replied as I chewed on the candy that was in my mouth. I’m lucky I have this thing here to keep my mind focused, else I’m sure all my sisters will catch me.

“I don’t have his number either, unnie. I’ll ask him next time I’ll meet Yoong…o..hwa ssi.”

“Hmm, can’t you text him now and asks for Jonghyun’s phone number instead?” I pushes her, rather feeling down that I couldn’t have it instantly.

“Umm…” Hyunnie seemed hesitant.

“Don’t push her Yoona.” Tae unnie interrupted. “She wants to ask him in person so the next time that they meet, she has a topic to bring up when they become awkward again, like what we’ve seen today.”

“Oh,” I see, that’s why she was like that, “Then just get it when you can.”

“Okay.” I got up from her laps and let out a yawn.

I entered my room immediately right after i said night to everybody. I was rather happy that I could say something like that, and even more gleeful that I can soon talk to the owner of that voice. I wonder, if I ask him to sing the full song while playing on his guitar, will he do it? He might reject my request though; from what I’ve seen on the tube, he’s rather an introvert, something along the line of Hyunnie when it comes to people. He needs someone to push him along, someone who can make him feel comfortable, before he can share. I wonder when I get his phone number, can I be that person? Omo, I’ve been thinking about him way too much. Is it because I have this song now? I pulled out my ipod and looked at the song, a smile immediately appeared on my face.

This has been my routine nowadays whenever I want to go to sleep. Every night since I was able to copy this song from that WGM episode, I put the recording on repeat. At first, it felt unnatural because there were too many interruptions, and the feeling of the earphones in my ears at night. But after a few days, I felt like I couldn’t sleep without it. Unless I was truly tired and crashed, I felt like I couldn’t sleep without the voice serenading me. Then, when I got those guys at the studio to create this for me, I was truly happy. Nothing could take the place of this song in my slumber.

“My lullaby.” I said to the ipod in hand, as if I was cooing the thing like its mother. I inserted the earphones in each ear, and pressed play on the device. There and then, his voice, and serenity that follows it, swept over me and I immediately fall into my slumber; completely enchanted.

---

The next couple of weeks were just like any other. I didn’t mind them much because I’ve been through this sequence of workload before. The schedules all of us on were pretty crazy, especially me. I gained popularity for the daily drama I was in the year before, so there were a lot of offers from advertising companies to have me as the face of their products. I don’t really decide during the selection process though, it’s just not my area so I’d just leave that up to my manager most of the time. He’d go to board meetings and board reviews and board stuff that have a lot to do with boarding. Haha, I made a joke. But back to the topic, us SNSD girls have been quite busy as of late, but we’ve gotten used to it. That’s not to say we like it, because at time, we barely have any sleep. And not sleeping makes anybody cranky.

These days, these things don’t seem so bad. I think it’s because I have something to look forward to. But I am getting tired of waiting around. Sure, I recalled that I said just get his phone number whenever she can, but Hyunnie hasn’t said anything regarding that topic! I know Hyunnie, she is not the type of person that let things slip out of her mind. If anything, even anger, she holds it in and snorts it out through her nostril or something at a later date. So does this mean Hyunnie haven’t met up with Yong seobang once to do the show? Isn’t that too unlikely? No, I remember her meeting him three days after I asked, I’m sure of this because she said so too. Oh that’s right, he fell sick and had to be admitted into the hospital. Maybe they’ve met again already, but when she asked for Jonghyun’s number, Yong seobang got jealous and didn’t want to give it to her. All of us can tell he gets jealous, but I don’t think he’s the type to put up a defensive wall against his own dongsaeng like that. I don’t want to come up to Hyunnie and asks her directly. That way, she’ll think I’m desperate. Wait, aren’t I being desperate right now? Why do I have to hide my intentions? I mean, I want him to be my friend; that is all. There is no other motive other than this. Wait, I think there is. But it’s just a request to have him sing the song for me, the full song. I mean, I’ve made thousands of requests to others before, so this isn’t something for me to be secretive about. Plus, others must have made thousands of requests to him, like his fans for instance, so it’s not a big deal to him either. So then, why am I thinking a roundabout way of doing this? Ok, tonight, if she is at the dorm, crap I’m not sure of her schedules, but if she is, I’ll just ask during dinner; even if everybody is there. No problem. Just do it calmly, no problem. Why the heck am I trying to calm my heart?! I JUST WANT HIM TO BE A FRIEND. But more than that, I want the full song.

That night, when I returned home from work, I was irritable. The old coot of a director kept changing his shots after every take, keeps me having to do a retake every time. Ugh, I didn’t even get a bit of napping done between schedules either. 

“Unnie, you’re home.”

“Yes, I’m back.” That voice lifted my soul. It was Hyunnie’s melodious voice. Her voice, the one that can ask for the phone number of the other person with a much more melodious voice.

“Unnie, I’m sorry.” She told me. I heard a crack in me.

“What are you talking about?”

“Jonghyun ssi, he told me not to give his phone number to you…” Hyunnie slurred her voice. Another cracked was heard within me. Keep calm Yoona, keep calm. But I couldn’t. I think it was because of the day I had, compounded with the fact that I waited weeks to hear a confirmation, but now…everything was falling.

“YAH, what do you mean he wont give his number to me?”

“That was what he told me, not to give his phone number to you.” Seohyun replied in earnest, truly living up to her nickname.

“W..Well, do you have his number?” I asked as I’m still in a state of shock.

“Yes……”

“WTH then?! Give me his number, ima give him a piece of my mind.” Unable to hold in my frustration, I yelled at maknae.

“Noo unnie. That’d be disrespecting him.” Hyunnie was cowering in front of me now. But I’ve lost my senses, I couldn’t stop myself.

“Aren’t you being disrespectful towards me by rejecting your unnie?”

“Umm…unnie, please don’t do this.” Someone, please stop me. I don’t have the power to do it, I don’t want to see maknae like this. Someone, please stop me.

“Yoona, stop it, calm down. Look at what you’re doing so Hyun.” Sunnie interject as something was about to heat up. I turned to Sunnie immediately, still filled with rage. But the look she was giving me, I couldn’t look straight at her. It was as if I was an ugly beast fearing to see my reflection in Sunnie’s eyes, I turned away immediately as my rage dispersed. When I turned towards Hyunnie, I realized what I’ve done. I…I’m sorry Hyunnie, I’m so sorry.

We ate dinner. I filled up the seeming cracks that formed within me with food, and it worked. It wasn’t a big deal like I said, because he was a nobody. So what if he has that voice, so what if he makes a fool out of himself when I watch the show, makes me laugh even though I’m not the intended target. It’s fine, I’m fine. He’s out of my mind the moment I overshadow his presence in me with food. Oh the glorious food, you will never let me down.

I guess the food I used to fill the cracks that broke inside me got digested, so I’m turning irritable again. Is it him? No, no, it’s the whole day, today was just a bad day. I tried to take my mind off by watching TV, but no matter how funny and random these variety shows were, I couldn’t truly laugh. At most, I let out a smirk, as if I was someone cynically guessed the correct ending to ruin the movie for myself. I was up till late, all the other unnies entered the dorm one at a time after they finished their schedules. They each ate and immediately went to bed. They must have worn themselves out. 'I should go too, I have a busy schedule tomorrow.' With that sentence, I urged myself off the sofa and headed toward my room. On my way there, something, someone seemed to have halted me in my step right outside of Hyun’s room. 

‘Am I actually going to do this?’ I thought to myself. I forced myself forward with my feet, but it didn’t seem to listen. Instead, the limb that moved was my arm, going towards Hyunnie’s door. But instead of knocking like I had though my body would do, my body rested the hand on the doorknob and turned it. The rest of the way, I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know if this was really me who was committing the act. But here I am, laying in my room with my phone held above my face, with his phone number in hand. My thumb was on the call button, but unlike the unconsciously movements I had before, I held myself back with thoughts of implications and fears. Before long, before I knew it, my eyelids closed themselves and I fell to my slumber. I guess, I was more tired than I had originally though.

---

The next several days were awkward for me; mainly because everyone, besides maknae, teased me with the fact that Jonghyun had rejected me. I HAVE HIS PHONE NUMBER RIGHT HEREEEEE. But of course I couldn’t tell them about my crime, so I had to grit my teeth and claim that it didn’t bother me. But the more they teased and the more I hid from the fact, the more this turned out to be factual. This is, truly, frustrating!!!!!!!! I made it through another day of teasing, it had decreased and everybody had started to tease Hyunnie about the new episodes instead, so sorry Hyunnie, but you saved me. 

I continued to watch WGM of course, because the show wasn’t about him, and regardless whether I see him or not, I wanted to watch it to support my maknae here. Again, I reiterate, if Yong seobang does anything bad to my maknae, I’d turn him into stew. I guess, one of the main reasons why this annoying guy is in my mind is because of this lullaby I listen to every night. I tried to cut myself from it, but I realized that without it, I couldn’t wake up in serenity. I was more irritable, more flaccid if I didn’t sleep to him. I mean, to his voice. This voice of his, truly, is…annoying!!!

I couldn’t hold myself back after a few weeks. So I sent him a text message. With that, I attempted to wipe him completely off my mind.

I stopped myself from searching things regard him first. Anything regarding CN Blue altogether. But since the maknae is married to one, she often talks about their interactions, and relay the stuff she searched about the group. My maknae, your tell in love is slipping. Then again, she haven’t fallen in love before so she probably didn’t know she needed a tell in the first place. 

This bugger, seems like he’s rather unavoidable. I feel bad for myself, I want to forget him at the second attempt. But well not forget, but maybe just leave him aside, just a small part in me, because I still need his voice every night. I want to leave him at some unimportant part that I don’t care for. Because regardless of how I feel about him, and by that I mean THE JERK REJECTED ME SO I HATE HIM, all I want from him is a song. Just a complete soothing lullaby, so I can wake up with a smile on my face, ready to face the day.

This week in the month of August is the perfect example of why I need a good night sleep for the next day. On the 21, SNSD have to attend the SMTown Concert with other labelmates. Afterward, aside from all the individual schedules which are light week, we have to perform in Japan for our Showcase on the 25, several showcases to be exact, as well as interviews. And the immediate day after, we have to perform on Mezamashi Live. This workload from these events, if I am to neglect my sleep, I wouldn’t be able to perform. I would have been irritable to the fans that will come out just to see our shows. And I would have let my family down. So me having energy is a must, so sleep is a must. And for me to get the best possible sleep, I’ll have to rely on this. Annoying. Guy. Right. Here. Not him, but rather his voice. That’s right, I don’t need to think about him…I’ll just imagine an ice cream cone singing this song to me. It’ll work. I’m sure it will.

---

Today is the Korean Music Wave in Incheon. Another heavy day to get through. It’s not so bad because we are just one of the several performers that will be having the stage, so the load isn’t that straining to us. But for me, especially, it’s rather bad. I think as long as I can avoid that frustrating rat head, it’ll be a good day for me. Then again, I hope the weather turns out to be real bad, please start raining again, and drench the rat so he’d know his place. Kekeke.

“I’m going over the CN Blue group to practice.” Seohyun suddenly said.

“Why?” Tae unnie asked.

“Because we haven’t practice much.”

“Eh. But isn’t Yong seobang missing at the moment?”

“Yes, he has to do a show, unfortunately. That’s why I’ll practice with Jonghyun oppa.”

That got my attention. But nope, I don’t care. I don’t need to see him. No, it’s more like I don’t want to see him.

“Go do well.” I told Hyunnie as she leaves our dressing room. I hope he trips while the stage is wet. Wait…what is happening to me? Do I really hate him? Why? I don’t see a logical reason why I have to hate the guy. He’s not the first to reject me, why do I have to hold this over his head? I haven’t even met once him in real life, why did I assume he’s a bad person and began hating him? Forget this. Forget the song. After today, I will no longer need it to go to sleep. I was uncomfortable with the thing in the first place, I’ll just rid of it and it’ll not matter. When I get back to the dorm, I will delete the song from my ipod, and that will be that. I hope this day ends quickly, because I’m about to sever the single string I have for relating to him. After today, he will be Lee Jonghyun of CN Blue, Yong seobang’s donsaeng, CN Blue guitarist and vocalist, and that will be that. I will no longer associate him with any lingering attachment, after today, he will just be a person. Not the rat head that frustrated me, but a person who will be nothing to me. Come and end this quick, today, for I need not this rat tomorrow.

Unnies decided to pay the CN Blue boys a visit, under the pretense of picking up Hyunnie for a photo shoot. Well, not pretense because we had to do it, it was me that said I didn’t want to walk there under the pretense that I need to save some energy.

“Why, how did you waste your energy?”

 “Just, go without me. I want to…I’ll just go to the photo room first, ok?”

“Sure, we’ll meet you there.”

I just didn’t want to meet him, but I didn’t want to say it to my unnies. I don’t know what will happen if this frustration welds up.

 

What are you doing to me Yong seobang!? My heart nearly gave out when you opened the door and entered the dressing room. Luckily for you that your dongsaengs didn’t follow you, else I’d hate you for the rest of your life for making me blow my cap. Alright Yoona, act your usual normal self. Hehe, let’s tease Hyunnie.

“Let’s tease Hyunnie, Sooyoung.”

She understood me. We began slamming out hands together as we screamed out ‘You two look good together’ when they two began talking to each other. Lucky for me Yong seobang is smart, so he dragged Hyunnie to their dressing room to avoid further embarrassment. It would have been bad for me if one of the blue boys, specifically, the rat, comes to call on his brother.

 

We continued to try and tease the couple. Honestly, I truly think they were cute together. Yong seobang always tries his best to make Hyunnie feel at ease, even go as far as to let her take the lead in some role, such as cooking even though he had more experience. He’s not a sleaze bag either, he doesn’t try to go for as much skinship as possible because he actually respects her, even covering her up when he taught her pool. But he’s still has his childish antics, I hope she can rub a bit of her serious demeanor off onto him some day. Hyun too, she has gotten comfortable around him, more so with any of the oppas that knew her from way back when. One strong evidence of this is her giving him a massage, something I’ve never seen her do before with any guy that’s near her age, during the kimchi episode. Ugh the kimchi episode…that frustrating rat was on the episode too. Let’s just forget about it and go tease the YongSeo couple.

After they finished their set, singing “Run Devil Run” and “Love Light,” they returned back stage. There, me, Tae unnie, Hyo unnie, and Sunnie were curling our fingers when the two came backstage. I saw the reaction coming from Hyunnie, she was red all over. She actually ran away from us under the pretense that she had to go change. And we pretty much stunned Yong seobang, because he couldn’t say a single word even with his mouth opened.

“Ah, I haven’t formally introduced the members of our band members.” Yong seobang said after he snapped out of his daze and returned to us. His sentence sent me into a bewildered mode.

“No, some of us met Junshin chingu already.” Tae unnie spoke out. Good job unnie, let them leave.

“I..uhh, I have to go get some water.” I tried to excuse myself.

“Wait,” Hyo unnie spoke up, “Yoona, you haven’t talked to the boys yet, right?”

“Uhh…” I stuttered.

“I don’t think Sunny have met them either. Same with Tiffany, she only saw Junshin chingu.” Hyo unnie spoke again.

“Eh, all of us aren’t here. Let’s do it all later when all nine of us and the four of them are together.” Sunnie said. God, I love you Sunnie.

“Hm, that’s right. hwaighting guys. We’ll be cheering for you.” Yong seobang said as he begins his leave.

“Whew…..” I let out a big sigh as I dropped my head. I avoided him again, that’s good. Let’s do my best for today, and get rid of the remnant of him that’s in me tonight. Yes, tomorrow, he won’t have me as a home. I let out a smile as I looked up from the previous sigh.

“So Nyu Shi Dae, hwaiting.” Jonghyun lifted his head after he bowed to cheer us on. And as he lifts his head, he let out a big smile and walked by us, following Yong seobang. I heard two other people who said the same thing, but at this moment in time, I was already frozen. WHAT THE IS UP WITH THAT SMILE?!?!!!!! NO No no, stop cracking, stop it, don’t you dare break Yoona, don’t you dare. It’s only a smile coupled with that voice, that’s all this rat is to you, Yoona. There are much handsome oppas than him. There are much paler skin oppas than him, there are much more oppas with much solemn voice than him. There are way more oppas that can give better smiles than him, and there are far cuter celebrities with dimples. Calm yourself woman, you saw his smiling faces before on WGM, it should not have this big of an impact on you. QUIT breaking apart!

“YOONAA!!” a voice called out to me and snapped me out of my daze. Hyo unnie was rocking my body back and forth. “What happened to you?”

“…” But I could do nothing but continued to try to stop myself from breaking internally.

“Yah, Yoona, you ok?” she asked me again.

“U…um…Yea. I was…”

“Yes?”

“A cold breeze caught me off guard, is all.” I gulped. “I..uh, didn’t think it’d be this cold wearing this outfit.”

“What? Did you forget we practiced maybe five hours ago with raincoats on?”

“Yeah, yeah…forgot.”

“Let’s get ready guys. Fany, Yuri, and Hyunnie will come for us after they’ve changed.” Tae unnie commanded us. We all nodded in unison. After lifting my head up, I couldn’t help but to look in the direction where the CN Blue boys headed toward before straightening myself out for the performance ahead.

Our performance went off without a hitch. I didn’t do a bad job, if I could say so about myself. It was rather an intense act, mainly due to the weather and it’s night time, but we did everything well. This is a good thing. I found out that I can replace his evil presence within me if I keep myself busy. I should continue to keep myself busy throughout the night, and I’ll be able to do so again tomorrow. A better job tomorrow, because I won’t have his voice to reminisce about. We finished “Run Devil Run” and I was the first to return to back stage. I saw them, all four of the CN Blue boys waiting at the entrance hall to the dressing room. I immediately turned left, avoided them before even meeting up with them, pretending someone was calling for me. I hid for a few minutes, to see why they were standing there. As it turns out, for each of us SNSD member, they were shouting “Right now…it’s SNSD’s time!” and bowing to each member while clapping. He’s right there, with his embarrassed smile as he was doing it. Yong seobang, I know this was your idea…I’m hating you so much right now. Sure it’s cute, and sure I think it’s cute because you wanted to do it for your wife, but why are you so inconsiderate to other people? What happens if we don’t like it? Have you thought of that? Never mind, I bet the only thing in his choding mind is Hyunnie. I decided to go right after Hyunnie, thinking they’d paid attention to her while I slip in from behind. But even as Yong seobang was chatting, this considerate quartet didn’t miss me and they bowed and congratulated me too. Why do they have to be so nice! As they did, I let out my alligator laugh and eyed only at the interaction between Yong seobang and Hyunnie. I didn’t spare a glance to the pale-faced-dimple-smile-with-a-nicer-haircut-than-before kid beside him. Nope, I did not notice a thing. I stopped myself from receiving another crack. Yay me. Good job me.

 

The after party for the completion of the Korean Music Wave was rather fun up until now. The event was successful with a huge turn out even in the relentless cold of the night, irregardless of the earlier rain also. Everybody was busy making rounds greeting each other, which include us SNSD girls. We get to meet up with SG Wannabee sunbaes, who have been in the industry far longer than we have, and because they rarely do appearances, meeting up with them is a once in a long while chance. Then we meet up with our labelmates, Shinee and SuJu, for a casual chat up. Of course there were a few that teased Hyunnie to join up with her husband’s group rather staying with us. Speaking of CN Blue, they were greeting with a lot of the groups here. They recently debuted so it was exptected that they need to get acquainted with their sunbaes in the industry. Sunbaes…We’re their sunbaes too! Crap, they will come this way to greet us! That annoying kid! Wait, they’re coming this way! Wait one more second, there are only three of them here. The kid, he isn’t here.

“Hi, SNSD sumbaenims, we’re CN Blue.” Yonghwa said as they boys bowed before us. Each of the members diligently introduced themselves to us, and we in turn, did the same act.

“Hey hey, you’re already married into the family, don’t be so formal.” Tae unnie jest with Yong seobang after we finished with the pleasantries.

“No no, it’s still rather difficult for us to do that.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Yah, Yong seobang, aren’t you the one who always tell Hyunnie to speak in banmal?” Sooyoung unnie also joined in the fray.

“Such a hypocrite, hehe.” Sunnie slapped him a comment.

“I just can’t of course. It’s not that…but you guys are still sunbaes to us, so we can’t address you normally as I address Seohyun.” Try as you might, Yong seobang, my unnies are beasts.

“Che, just do it, ya brat.” Hyo unnie said informally, us girls let out a laugh.

“I’ll try, but no promises.” Yet he remained adamant and replied formally.

"By the way, where is Jonghyun oppa, oppa?” Hyunnie saw a chance to save Yong seobang.

“Kyaaa, did you hear her? She called him oppa like it was nothing.” I also joined in the fray to tease the cute couple.

“So casual!” Sunny remarked. I got to say, Sunny just know when to hit it hard.

“Yes, it was!” Fany unnie laughed and played the tease me and Sooyoung unnie did earlier.

“Heh.” Yonghwa let out a cute smirk. I guess the teasing makes him more happy than embarrassed.

“Hyungsoonim, hyung left to prepare something for us.” Jungshin chingu joined in the conversation.

“WAHH! He called her hyungsoonimmmm! So official!” It’s over for you Yong seobang, this is what you get for setting me up earlier with your line up.

“Jungshin chingu, don’t forget to call her that every time you meet up with her.” Tae unnie followed, and Jungshin chingu lifts his hand up in the form of a fist and his thumb sticking out as he smirks.

“So cuteee!” Wahahaha, Yuri unnie joined in too.

“But back to Jonghyun ssi, he’ll be back?” Boo Jessica unnie, don’t let him off easy.

“Yes, I don’t know what he’ll do, but he said he’ll serve us something.” Yong seobang seemed thankful as he faced her.

“I wonder what it is.” Curiously took over all of us as Tae unnie asked her question aloud.

“I can guess what it is, but I don’t know if he brought enough for everybody.” He replied.

“Oh, are you speaking about the ice cream, hyung?” Minhyuk asked yong seobang.

“Really? That ice cream?” The thought struck Jungshin chingu too.

“Yes, it’s probably that. That’s the only thing he would be secretive about.” Yong seobang said unwaveringly.

“Is it good?” I asked. My mouth was already watery.

“Why would he serve that to us in this weather?” Jessica the Ice Queen asked. But it’s ice cream unnie.

“Hmm, yea, it’s too cold.” Fanny unnie had the same idea. But it’s ice cream unnie!

“But that’s the only thing I can think of.” Better be not lying to me Yong seobang.

“Is it good?” I asked again.

“I really can’t tell you. But if your taste buds are like ours, you’ll be on your knees begging for more.” Yong seobang said proudly. We were pretty amazed that the sentence could escaped his mouth.

“Really?” I asked while jumping with joy. But suddenly, the thought hit me.

“Amazing! I want to try.” Hyunnie also joined in too, even though she’s not much for diary products, unless they were goguma flavored dairy products or healthy dairy products.

The girls continued to talk to the CN Blue boys, while I stopped talking because I was rather conflicted. I want to eat ice cream, but I don’t want to see him. I realized he is one of the few that can break me, reason being he frustrated me, so I didn’t want to see him. If I see him, I might not be able to contain this raging frustration that has been building up, and I might blow my gasket when I see him.

“I’m going to the car. I need to get a warm coat.” I said to excuse myself. Lame reason I know, but I had to get out before he gets in.

“Why? There’s yours right there on the chair.” Darn it Sunnie, why’d you have to be so observant?

“Um…I need a thicker one, I might be coming down with something.” Ugh, this kid is making me into a liar.

“Ok, you won’t have any ice cream then?” Tae unnie asked in disbelief.

I REALLY WANT TO EAT ICE CREAM!! No no, contain yourself Yoona, rememeber, he already cracked you, you won’t be able to hold yourself in if you see him.

“No…It might truly give me a flu in my condition.” Another lie came out of me.

“Hm, ok Yoong unnie, take care.” Hyunnie, please…save some ice cream for me…please.

I walked towards the door to exit the place, since I have to get out quick. Only an hour to go before I can get home. That song, I’ll erase it immediately, and he’ll be replaced by something else. As I grabbed the doorknob to open it, the door flung toward the hall, and he was standing in front me. CRACK. No! Don’t! Hold it in, Yoona, do it! Tried as I might, clenching my fists, I immediately closed my eyes, and shuddered at the sight of Jonghyun with a cart before me.

“Yoona ssi,” His voice resonated in my ear. “Can you please move?”

I slowly opened my eyes, I didn’t want to fully see him, I wish I can’t see him. So I, in turn, changed my expression from having to close my eyes to glaring at him, my fists still clenched tight. Nothing. NO cracks. I hear nothing within me breaking. It worked, it worked. Haha. I internally sighed a sigh of relief as I moved to the side of the doorway, letting him pushes the cart to enter. I didn’t want to look at his face when he entered, so I lowered me sight, aiming it at the cart as he pushes it in. It was truly ice cream. Light blue in color, with deeper shade of blue pearls randomly distributed on it in small bowls. There were a lot of bowls, so it seems he did have enough for everyone present.

‘Why did I choose to look at that?!!!’ I yelled at myself. That looks so delicious. No Yoona, leave, leave now. Don’t you dare be tempted by this. This is bait from that glass cracking master, do not be a fish that bites it.

“Sunbaes, this is a token of appreciation from CN Blue for allowing us the pleasure to be amongst you guys for this event.” His voice traveled throughout the room.

I was so heavily conflicted that I remained motionless and I didn’t notice the blue boys were going back and forth from the cart to hand out the ice cream to the other groups. Immediately right after, everything became silence. This silence was rather scary because the groups were so noisy interacting with each other before, but on the other hand, it helped me escape my momentary pause. As I turned away from what seems to be delicious ice cream to the door way, the silence was blown away from a bunch of happy sighs and then blown into full frontal assault on CN Blue members.

“That was delicious…”

“Too…delicious.”

“No NO way. Calling this delicious is an understatement.”

“I agreed with that.”

“What is in this thing…I…”

“I didn’t even know I had completed my portion.”

“Yah! Give me more!”

“No no, I finished this first, give me the extras.”

“Jonghyun, What did you do to this!?”

“This is too good, Sunbae, how could he make something like this?”

“Yea, this must have come from some specialized dairy producer.”

“Jonghyun, more!!!”

“Where did you guys get this?”

“Where?!”

“Tell me!”

These were the few lines that I could hear over the ruckus from every group, ranging from SG Wannabe sunbaes, U-KISS members, Afterschool, even Son Dambi ssi were making. Of course, the SNSD girls were included, excluding me, that is. Is it really that good? I looked towards the few bowls that were left on the cart, my saliva have been conjured up again.

“Yah, you had two already. Let me have that.”

“Jonghyun, do you have anymore?”

“Sorry sunbae, this was all I brought.”

“Jonghyun, tell me where I can get this.”

“It’s no good, sunbae, he doesn’t even tell us.”

“Yes, we even stole his phone to look for the phone numbers.”

“But that’s between you guys. We’re his sunbae.”

“Ohh that’s right, respect us, you hoobae, tell us.”

“Tell me you hoobae, tell meeeee…!”

Everybody was kidding around as they tried to get an idea of where he had gotten the ice cream from. I…want…some. NO Yoona, leave now. Don’t be tempted! I couldn’t do it. It was too fascinating. How could ice cream be such a diplomatic item that essentially united everybody to attack Lee Jonghyun all at once? This is something I dreamt of, Ice Cream that can control the world. I scooted over the Hyunnie.

“Hyunnie, is it good?” I asked in a hushed tone.

“Unnie! You haven’t had any?!” This girl, she yelled out that statement, and everybody turned my way. This is embarrassing. I’ve performed before thousands of watching eyes before, but these 30 something people here were giving looks that makes me cowered.

“Really?” Tae unnie asked in disbelief.

“The queen of ice cream hasn’t had a taste?” Doojoon of Beast asked.

“Ohh, is there more? She needs to eat this and tell us where it came from.” Taeocyeon oppa said with some remnant of ice cream on his cheeks.

“How so?” G.O. asked.

“Well, her favorite food is ice cream. That means she might have an idea where to get this specific type.” Tae unnie clarified Taeocyeon oppa’s comment.

“Ohh that’s a good idea.” G.O. nodded. I guess they weren’t kidding around when they said they wanted to know where that annoying kid got the ice cream.

“Yea it is, considering Lee Jonghyun is keeping his mouth tighter than a prison gate.” Kevin of U-KISS also joined in the fray of pushing the ice cream onto me.

Everybody laughed at the comment about him. Seeing him flustered with embarrassment like this is rather cute. CRACK. Oh no. I strained my eyes to glare when I look at him, clenched my fists, and the cracking stopped. So, this is the method to stopping myself. I can face him now. I can do it no problem. As long as I can hold in this boiling frustration in, I can face this person with that voice, Lee Jonghyun.

“Here, this is the last one.” Hyunnie handed the bowl of blue ice cream to me.

“Tell me if you know where I can get this.” Seems like everybody thought I was the only person that could save the world or something.

“Tell us, you mean.” G.O got side stabbed by Sooyoung unnie’s elbow.

“Yea, don’t be selfish.” More chimed in.

I looked down at the bowl that was resting in my hands that were lying on my lap. I didn’t want to eat it…but I WANT TO EAT IT SO BAD!! I was in deep thought when a hand clap woke me.

“Oh that’s right, unnie might be coming down with something.” WHY?! SEO JOOHYUN SSI! WAIIII?! I thought you’d understand me at least!

“Hm, that’s right, she’s been saying she’s feeling cold all night.” Hyo unnie, et tu?!!

“Yea, eating ice cream will make her feel worse.” No NO, definitely not. I want to eat it so bad.

They reached for the ice cream that was in front of me.

‘OVER MY DEAD BODY!’ I yelled out internally as I immediately grabbed the plastic mini spoon that was in the bowl, and dig in. I’m pretty sure I stunned everybody at that moment, because there was not a single meep could be heard in the room. I finished it in an instant. It was too small a portion, for someone like me.

“Wah, did you guys time that?” Jungshin chingu remarked.

“That might be the world fastest ice cream eating time in the world.” Sunnie followed.

“Is she silent from a brain freeze?” Are they mocking me right now? Oww, it did hurt for a bit. That shook me amongst the jesting comments made.

“Yah, NO!”

Everybody was laughing at me. Jonghyun reached his hands towards me asking for the bowl in hand, I glared back at him, containing myself, and handed the bowl over to him.

“How was it?” He asked as he looked directly at me. No matter how much I glared, I couldn’t fight in a direct confrontation with those eyes within that face that could make that smile so I turned away.

“It was too good to be called delicious.” I said in a roundabout way.

“I’m glad…that 'you' like it.” He replied simply. I looked up right at him. Crack. He had on the softest smile I’ve ever seen him made. CRACK crack. In all the WGM scenes that I’ve seen him in, I’ve never seen such a sweet smile coming from him. Crack CRACK CrAcKK. Is he looking through me, through all the glasses I’ve set up?

Boom!

 

 

 

He became the first person to shatter one of my defenses.