« You’re leaving aren’t you ? »

I turned to him, surprised.

“What?!”

“I’m not an idiot. With all your goodbye attitudes and your guilty looks… What the use of feeling guilty if you’re leaving anyway?”

He seemed angry, what was understandable.

“Junsu told you?”

“No. Does Junsu know about that?!”

“Yoochun…” I start, but he cut me off.

“You were planning on leaving me without a word?”

That shut me up and I couldn’t answer him. Yes I was going to do exactly what he said, leave him behind without even a goodbye.

“Why?” he asked.

That the question I couldn’t answer. It’s not even that I couldn’t but more that I wasn’t able to answer. My whole body was freeze and I could only stare at the ground, not able to face Yoochun.

“Is it because of the fan issue? Or because you still feel insecure?”

My lack of response was starting to get on his nerves; he took a step towards me and looked me in the eye.

“Is there any more reason for you to want to break up with me?”

Silence.

« Why can’t you believe that we could be together? »

He had his face inches from mine now, and I was battling not to cry. My voice suddenly started working again.

« Because it’s an illusion, you’re an idol and… »

« Stop bringing that idol thing up ! » he snapped.

I stared at him surprised. I’ve never seen him so angry.

« I didn’t think that being an idol would be such a big deal for you ! I fell in love with you exactly because of the fact that you treated me like a normal guy ! Why, because I’m an idol, can’t I be able to really love someone ? »

« I’m not saying you can’t… But you have to realize that I’m only one more girl in your life… You’ll find someone better next time. »

« And if I didn’t ? »

« Then France is just ten hours flight away. »

He paused at my argument, then it was like the entire angry wave slide out of him and only the sadness stayed.

“So that’s it then… I wasn’t able to prove you that I really love you…”

“I don’t doubt that you love me.” I hissed.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t make you trust that our relationship was strong enough to overcome everything. You still think that all our differences will tear us apart.”

I didn’t answer. He was, on a way, right, but there was more than only that. Sometimes, one’s happiness doesn’t lie on being with the person you love at the moment. Sometimes what comes after, is the best for the person. Sometimes, passion is confused for love. Sometimes, the burn from the end of a passion is the incipient fire for real love. I’ll be the passion, and the future will tell who will be his love. Because sometimes the hardest things from life are the things more worth of doing.

Suddenly he hugged me tightly.

“Don’t go!”

My heart broke into a million of pieces. He, whispering that to me, so desperate and pleading, how could I be so heartless and not to give in to his request?  But I discovered at the moment, a part of me cold and objective. Something I didn’t taught myself capable of.  I detached myself, pushing him softly.

“I’m sorry but it’s too much for me. I can’t live like this, with all the hate from the fans.”

It was obviously a lie. But I knew that if he taught that I was leaving because of my fading love for him, he would let me go.

“You know that Cassiopeia offered her life to Neptune instead of her daughter’s, but in the end her love for her daughter wasn’t stronger than her will to live and she came back on her word. She wasn’t able to sacrifice herself for her own flesh and blood. I am Cassiopeia.”

I saw tears form in Yoochun’s eyes, but I continued anyway.

“If we keep on going, then one day you’ll have to choose between me and your music. And I don’t want to be the one to force you to choose. So I’m making that choice for you now.”

***

We were in bed. Yoochun sleeping face buried in his pillow. I was unable to sleep. It was my last night here; my flight was early the next morning. Despite our argument, Yoochun seemed to have accepted my decision and decided to spend the little time we had left together on good terms. But of course that big panda couldn’t manage to stay awake and fell asleep like a log. I watched him sleep, gently his hair. Unlike usual, Yoochun didn’t move, he stood still, his mouth slightly open and regular breathing. I wanted to be closer to him, I wanted to be glued to him, melt int