It was the morning after and I felt worthless. Pain ached my body. i knew marks were left and they were going to stay for awhile. It disappointed me that we couldn't even get our relationship straight before letting this happen. I inhaled and wrapped myself up as I head to the shower for deep cleansing. 

 

 

As I finished, I walked out to meet Junho who's about to enter the fogged bathroom. He didn't have any expression on his face. It returned cold and unreadable. Did he not feel anything after last night? I'm here struggling to understand what went on and if there was anything between us, but he just seemed careless through it all. He didn't even look at me, but passed by.

 

 

 

----

 

We were now back to Seoul after 2 weeks. Neither of us spoke of what happened. Our life was back to the norm of ignorance subtracting annoyance. We resided in silence as our arguments lessened. Although that was the case, he stopped bringing Mira around during the two weeks. It built hope in me that may be we might have a chance to mend our love life.

 

 

I spoke too soon.

 

 

I heard the front door open and I wore a smile to approach it, but found Junho playfully fondle with Mira's hand. I had the air knocked out of me. So much for having hope. He seemed more surprised to see me which made me confused. Was he trying to hide his affairs all over again? Was he trying to hide them to fool me after what happened between us that night? Was he acting considerate to fool me after everything? Lately, although we didn't speak much, he was there to help me around the house and he even reduced his time out to be home in the stillness. Yes, I believe I was fooled.

 

 

 

(2 month later)

 

"Thank you, Dr. Kim." I bowed and left the clinic.

 

I flipped through the "What A Mother-to-Be Needs to Know" pamphlet. 

 

All the side effects were slowly creeping upon me. I've gained weight, but it's not visible to know I'm pregnant yet. I was excited, yet nervous.

 

I came home to Junho on the phone with Mira. It started to kill me all over again. Did this worthless man mean so much to be that I was willing to die like this?

 

----

It was a furious night. We argued over or marriage and I pleaded him to sign the divorce papers. He was pushing my limit of affairs. Although I kept seeing the light of the lovable Junho I dated for 4 years, he wasn't himself anymore. I pulled myself together to truly believe and accept that the Junho I dated and wanted to marry was long gone.

 

"I told you I wasn't going to sign them! I don't want our parents to feel burden about our lives!" He yelled at me.

 

"Well, I'm embarrassed living like this! My husband continues to have affairs while I'm here turning a blind-eye!" I cried my tears out.

 

He let out a disgusting, sarcastic laugh. " Why don't you trying having your own affairs? It's not as bad as you think."

 

Hurtful. It hurts so much to hear him say that. "I-I thought you loved me?" I searched his eyes for the truth. "That night.....that night-" I was stupid to mention it, but it left my mouth anyways. I saw his eyes soften and then turn into stone again.

 

"That night meant nothing. The reason I gave into you was because my parents are desperate for a grandchild. I had to make a move. HA. We were set up on the trip. My mother told me the plan over the phone. I, of course wouldn't want to disappoint them. It seems you bought my actions?"

 

 

I palmed my mouth, crying for the first time this much in front of a man that I thought I meant so much to.

 

"I don't know if you having affairs is more shameful or me being the stupid one to stick around for the past two years more shameful! YOU TELL ME WHICH ONE IS WORSE!"

 

"You're shameful! How dare you speak so lowly of your husband!"

 

For the first time ever, I slapped him across the face. "How can you speak so highly of yourself when your a husband who can't even lead his wife and soon-to-be family?" I spoke calmly through my wet tears.

 

"Are-are..you-you really pregnant?" His voice turned down.

 

I walked away. I couldn't deal with him. It was too stressful and I knew the baby shouldn't be out through this.

 

----

 

I've grown colder. My love for Junho no longer could be found. His refusal to sign the documents for divorce led me to do something else. I confronted 

the elders and asked for forgiveness.

The presence of both mothers and fathers in my living room was overwhelming, but I had to act upon the situation to save myself.

 

"Mother, father, mother-in-law, and father-in-law, I'm sorry. I don't want to continue this marriage with Junho any longer."

 

They all gasped and turned towards each other with disbelief.

 

"Forgive me, but I just can't."

 

"Can we ask why?" Father-in-law asked carefully with worry.

 

"Please provide us with a reason. You can't just leave." My mother followed.

 

I didn't want to reveal Junho's affairs for I believe it's his own story to tell.

 

"I believe it's better for Junho to tell on behalf of his part." I held back tears.

 

Caught like a deer in the headlights, Junho pops the door open with Mira. I looked away cause I couldn't bare the sight. Junho didn't need to explain anything now.