When I was younger, my mother often told me that what made life beautiful was its constant ability to give and take away. It was an endless cycle that no one could escape from, but according to my mother, it was something to be embraced. Life made sure every soul understood what it meant to be both powerful and vulnerable. That, my mother claimed to be the greatest thrill and wonder of living.

            "We don't have time, Eric."

            It was strange though. I didn't appreciate life's humor of "giving and taking away". In fact, I found it sick and revolting. Of course, life didn't have to bring Hyesung back. Some might think I'm extremely ungrateful for my attitude. I should be on my knees in praise for being able to see my dead lover once more. I really should be.

            Except it never gave me the chance.

            When Hyesung miraculously before my eyes, I was on my way to end my life. Before I saw him again, all I felt was pain and agony, the intense desire to escape reality. Then his presence struck me with a hurricane of emotions: happiness, confusion, sadness, passion. Most of all, yearning. Yearning to be alive to be with him once again.

            If life wasn't such a .

            How could it think that right now was the perfect time to slowly take back the one person who had planted hope in me once more? How could life be so cruel to give me the one person I love most just to take him back again so soon? Hyesung was a ticking time bomb, merely sand slipping through my fingers.

            Soon he would be gone. Again.

            "We don't have time, Eric."

            He was right, as he always was. We didn't have time. Just like five years ago, except this time I knew it would happen. In brute honesty, I would rather not know that the end of our time together was approaching near than this.

            And here I was, holding him in my arms as his cold skin gradually melted into thin air. I knew it was only time until I would no longer be able to touch him. I wanted to die rather than to know what was to come. And yet, I held him closer, only able to endure the piercing pain in my heart because, right now, he was here with his heart beating against mine.

            "I love you, Hyesung," I murmured. They were the only words that could escape my mouth at the moment.

            I felt his soft breath on my neck. "I love you, too, Eric," he replied, his voice strained.

            I sighed heavily and it took all my strength to hold back the tears.

            "I'm sorry," I heard him mumble lowly.

            I took a sharp intake of breath. "Don't."

            There was a brief pause of silence before he continued, "I'm always causing you pain..."

            "Stop," I said.

            Of course, the bastard didn't listen. "I'm sorry, Eric... I don't even know what I'm doing here," he started to ramble. "I'm just causing you more grief... I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have even come back--"

            "Stop!" I commanded, unable to hear any more. I grabbed him by the shoulders so I could meet him in the eyes. My heart seemed to break at how his lovely brown hues were glistening with tears. "Hyesung, do you even know what I was doing right before you appeared in front of my apartment?"

            He shook his head hesitantly.

            "I was on my way to the roof of the building."

            His eyes widened, perhaps already sensing the direction of my answer. "Why?" he asked anyway.

            "I was going to jump off. Hyesung, I was on my way to kill myself."

            "Eric!" he gasped in dismay. "That's terrible, you know you should never succumb to suicide--"

            "Just listen!" I shushed him quickly. "I only lived on after you died because I promised you I would. I wasn't really living at all. I gave up everything and blamed you for it. It was stupid and foolish, but I really believed you were at fault. After you died, you took my life along with you."

            "Eric ah..."

            I looked away from him and forced a laugh. "I'm really an idiot. The fact that you're going to leave me again so soon is tearing my heart into pieces... Yet I've never felt happier than now when I get to hold you in my arms and hear you say that you love me..."

            His hands climbed up to my face so that his cold fingers could wipe away my tears. He then kissed me with trembling lips and clung onto me as if he was holding on for his dear life. I kissed him back, my tongue tasting his salty tears, my arms embracing him as if he was mine and mine alone.

           "Please don't go..." I whispered, a desperate plea that was destined to go unanswered.

            "I won't if you don't want me to," he lied as if he could help it. He gave me a small smile and my soul gave in, believing in his unbelievable words, hoping in the impossible.

            Because his smile was a miracle in itself.

            We kissed again and kissed as if the world was ending. In a way, it was. Hyesung was my world, and with his presence dissolving, my world was evaporating as well. As our tongues danced, I thought of how much I truly loved him and how much his existence really meant to me. Perhaps the reason why love was deemed so dangerous was this.

            Love made me insane. Love made me want to die. Love made me want to live.

            Hyesung... I love you so much that it hurts...

            As my fingers slid beneath his shirt, I noticed how icy his skin was. It was as if he was made of snow, perfectly innocent and pure. I kissed his neck and heard him moan, a sound that made my heart tense with joy. He placed his hands around my neck and tugged me closer so that I could feel his lovely breath.

            I wanted to feel it forever. His breath, his heartbeat. His everything.

            Our moment was suddenly interrupted by the loud ringing of the doorbell. For a second, I wanted to ignore it, but Hyesung had already gotten up from his seat and was making sure his shirt and hair were neatly in place. When I groaned with annoyance, he laughed softly and smoothed out my messy hair.

            "They're here," Hyesung declared, and my mind quickly moved back into focus.

            I had texted Minwoo a couple hours ago--a few minutes after Hyesung had shown me that his finger could no longer touch small objects like a cell phone--with a brief message: "We don't have much time." He had quickly replied that he would be back at my place as soon as possible and bring Dongwan along with him even if he had to drug him to do so. And Minwoo truly was a man of his words because I could hear Dongwan audibly bickering with him on the other side of my apartment door.

            "Why the hell are we back, Minwoo? The guy's a total maniac, thinking Hyesung's alive and ," he was basically shouting, that .

            I quickly glanced at Hyesung who was rolling his eyes before opening the door. Subconsciously, I put my fists up to guard myself in case of another attack.

            "Calm down, I'm not going to punch you," Dongwan said with his arms crossed as soon as he saw me. "I'm only here because Minwoo forced me into it."

            "And I will buy you dinner at that expensive restaurant tonight for your cooperation," Minwoo commented with a sigh. "Anyway, Eric, what's going on? What do you mean 'we don't have much time'? Your message seriously scared the out of me!"

            "Okay, okay. Come in first or my neighbors will hear you," I replied, stepping aside so that they could enter my house. Dongwan gave me a hard glare as he hesitantly took his shoes off.

            "So this is the crap hole you've been hiding in the last few years?" Dongwan murmured as he looked around.

            I narrowed my eyes at the insult. "It's not even that bad," I mumbled in defense of my tiny apartment.

            "Hyesung? Are you here?" Minwoo cried out.

            Dongwan glared at me again. "Look what you did. You made Minwoo crazy."

            "He's not crazy," I snapped. "As I'm sure Minwoo has told you, Hyesung is alive."

            "No, Eric," Dongwan shot back. "He's dead. I saw his dead body at the funeral."

            "Yeah, so did I," I answered. "But he's back from the dead. I don't know how, but--"

            "Hyesung! Hyesung!" Minwoo shouted even louder into empty space. I saw Hyesung standing behind him, looking stunned.

            "Hyesung, what's wrong?" I asked quickly as I walked to his side.

            Hyesung backed away from Minwoo with eyes widened in fear and shock. "E-Eric... I can't touch him... I can't touch Minwoo..."

            "But you just--" I started then grabbed his hand instead of finishing my sentence. He flinched from my sudden force and I quickly let go. "I can touch you, so why--"

            "What?" Minwoo whirled around to look at me. "Are you saying that he can't touch me? But he did... He definitely did! I felt him! I..." His eyes darted about rapidly as his mind began racing. "Why can't he touch me?! You said you can touch him, why can't I?!"

            I took a step back from him, sensing a hint of madness. "Look, Minwoo... That's why I texted you. Hyesung can't touch smaller objects anymore. That's why he couldn't pick up when you called me. His finger went through my cell phone," I hurriedly explained.

            "But why? Why can't he touch me?!" Minwoo shouted, his face slowly turning red. "You said that you can touch him! Why can't I?! I love him just as much as you do! I cared for him just as much as you did when he was alive! Why? WHY?!"

            I had seen Minwoo break down the first time we had been reunited, but this episode was something else. I saw the veins popping out of his temples and I was worried his small body was going to burst into flames. I felt someone pushing me aside roughly to run to his aid.

            "Minwoo yah," Dongwan said as he wrapped his arms around his friend. Minwoo fell to his knees with tears running down his cheeks. "Minwoo yah, listen to me. You're going to be okay. Calm down, alright? I'm going to take you home and you'll be alright."

            "But... But Hyesung..." Minwoo mumbled, his whole body trembling.

            "Hyesung loved you when he was alive. But he's gone now. And we came to terms with that, remember? It took a long time, but we got passed that, right?" Dongwan told him softly as if Minwoo was a young child.

            Minwoo took a deep breath and nodded.

            "Good, good. Now we're going to go home where you're going to rest, okay?"

            "Okay," Minwoo agreed in a shaky voice.

            Only when Dongwan helped Minwoo stand up and the two started heading towards my door did it register in my brain that they were leaving. "Wait..." I called after them, my voice faltering.

            Dongwan turned to look back at me. "Eric, just drop it. Do you see how Minwoo is right now? Things used to be even worse after you left. For all four of us. You abandoned us because of one member. You will never understand how hard it was. And don't even pretend to feel sympathetic because you'll never know how much pain you put us through."

            I stayed rooted to the ground, listening to his words.

            "Andy and I snapped out of it the quickest after we got so tired of your bull. But Minwoo and... and Jinnie... They believed in you. They continued to believe that you would come back and lead them. Perhaps I had a speck of hope left, too, until Jinnie disappeared... Then Minwoo really lost it. I was really worried for him, but he started recovering. It was difficult and long, but he started behaving normally again and he even went back on track with his music career."

            I wanted to say something, but I found my throat too dry.

            "What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to try to repay your debts towards us. You'll never be able to pay them anyway even if you slaved away for the rest of your life. Just don't hurt us anymore. Don't contact any of us. Especially Minwoo because I will seriously hurt you if you do."

            I found myself unable to move. I felt as if the entire world was weighing itself on my shoulders.

            "Wait!" This time, it was Hyesung who cried out after them. He ran to get in front of them and stretched out his arms to block them from moving further. However, Dongwan and Minwoo walked through him as if he wasn't there at all.

            Hyesung gasped and fell to the ground. I tried to run to his side, but I still found it impossible to move.

            "No... No!" Hyesung shouted, but it was already too late as they had put on their shoes and were opening the door to leave. Hyesung threw himself at the door and swiftly put his arm between the door and the frame before the door closed behind them.

            The spell cast upon me was broken when I heard Hyesung scream. My legs found themselves pumping hastily as I sprinted to my lover in a flash. "Hyesung!" I cried his name as I pushed the door open with all my strength. "What the hell are you doing, you idiot.."

            I gently touched his arm where it had been injured from the door closing on it, making him wince in pain. "You idiot!" I scolded him repeatedly as I gathered him in my arms.

            "What... What was that?" I heard someone ask in disbelief.

            I looked up to see Dongwan gaping at me.

            "What... You're saying Hyesung... Between door..." his words splattered out in confusion and shock.

            "It's Hyesung," Minwoo whispered beside him. "It really is Hyesung..."

            Hyesung gave me a bright smile when he heard their words. He quickly got up and slammed the door on Dongwan's face. Then he opened it again to reveal Dongwan's mouth hanging open.

            "What... was... that... a... ghost...?" Dongwan said aghast.

            Hyesung laughed out loud. Minwoo's lips curved into a grin, a sign that his heart was starting to believe again.

            I was too busy observing the stunned look on Dongwan's face that I didn't realize that Hyesung was trying to lift a huge wooden shoe rack. The slender man somehow found the strength to hold it up and carry it towards the entrance.

            Dongwan seemed to be too bewildered to dodge when Hyesung dropped the shoe rack on him. When he went down with my collection of sneakers and dress shoes crashing onto him along with the wooden frame of the shelf, Hyesung collapsed onto the ground beside me, his whole energy source having elapsed.

            "That's for making me think Jinnie committed suicide for a split second, you bastard," he mumbled under his breath with a smirk before fainting onto my lap.

[A/N]: Hey guys! Finally back with a new chapter! I had big plans for this chapter then when I wrote it, it all went to moosh TT I still hope you guys enjoyed it though! I think my writing skills are getting worse and worse haha. I didn't get to re-read it yet (it's 9 am here and I still didn't get sleep lol) so this chap is probably filled with mistakes (like usual lol) so please ignore haha~ Anyway, I just wanted to get going with the storyline. And if you guys were wondering why I'm not updating the other fics, it's cause I want to finish this one up before summer ends. Believe it or not, this fic is more or less half way through (only a few more chaps to go! or so I think lol) so I want to end this one before I finish up the rest (which are much further from the end). Hope you guys are doing wonderful and please continue to comment and upvote! It really means a lot to me <3 And I will be back soon! Gyahhhhh! Good night, guys!!! *collapses into hibernation mode*