The little round clock hung alone on my blank wall, ticking the same constant beat that it was forever loyal to. Its hands showed that half an hour had passed since a specific entity had removed my shoe rack from its original resting spot. I quietly stared down at the one guilty of the deed sleeping soundly with his long limbs stretched out on my couch, his head laying gently on my lap. My fingers brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes so that I could get a better look at his exquisite face. With his soft breath warming the skin of my thigh at a rhythm coincidently synchronous to the ticking of the clock, I felt as if my world was at its highest point. World hunger could end and peace could fall on every corner of the earth, and I wouldn't be as satisfied with life as I was now.

            I just wanted Hyesung to be alive. I just wanted him to keep breathing.

            "So... You're telling us Hyesung has started 'spiriting away'?"

            My head quickly snapped up to face the owner of the voice. I had nearly forgotten my two best friends and former group mates were sitting across from me since they had stayed silent for so long. Dongwan had his arms across his chest, his eyes still full of disbelief. Despite having a shoe rack thrown on him by an invisible force, he still had the stubborn will to doubt. I sighed in exhaustion; I had tried to convince him for the last thirty minutes, answering his unending questions, and my patience was running low.

            "For the hundredth time, yes," I said with a sigh.

            Dongwan narrowed his eyes at me. "And you're the only one he can touch? How convenient is that?" His tone was accusatory and I had the sudden urge to throw something at the cynical bastard.

            "He touched me, too. Not today, but before."

            It was Minwoo who had spoken, his voice low and grave. Thankfully, he had calmed down since his earlier episode and had returned to his normal state. Honestly, the way madness had possessed him and broke him down had scared me to my bones. Minwoo and Dongwan had already expressed how difficult it had been for them since Shinhwa's disbandment, but now I was starting to grasp the reality of their testimonies. A part of me was drowning in guilt and another part of me was frightened, seeing a friend who had been so strong in my memories collapse into a vulnerable mess.

            "He's gradually losing the ability to touch a lot of things. He can still touch larger objects, such as a door or a... shoe rack," I explained, briefly glancing at Dongwan who snorted at my remark. "When he tried to touch you, Minwoo... His body simply went through you."

            Shock registered on Minwoo's worn face. Dongwan took his hand as a gesture of condolence.

            "But he can still touch you?" Dongwan asked, his voice slightly irritated.

            "Yes," I answered, then quickly added, "but I don't understand why. I wish I could give you a reason, but I really can't."

            The three of us fell quiet, our minds working furiously to comprehend something that could not be understood.

            It was Minwoo who broke the silence. "Maybe it's because you loved him most."

            I looked up at him in surprise. "No," I said. "We all loved him a lot--"

            "But you loved him most, Eric. When he was alive, and even now." Minwoo's eyes held mine with genuine sincerity. "Don't get me wrong, I... We, all of us, loved Hyesung so much that losing him brought unbearable pain. But you and Hyesung always had this... connection. I think the six of us all knew that even within our bonds of brotherhood, you two were something even greater."

            I felt as if I had lost the ability to speak. They had always known... Even when Hyesung and I ourselves had not been so confident about our feelings for each other... The rest of them had always known...

            "Except Jinnie. I always thought maybe Jinnie loved Hyesung the most, even more than you, Eric."

            Both Minwoo and I were surprised to hear Dongwan's words.

            "What?" he snapped at our stunned faces. "Jinnie and Hyesung were always there for each other. To me, they were brothers tied by something even greater than blood. No offense, Eric, but I think Hyesung might've cared about Jinnie even more than you. He was like an actual mother to him, a mother he never had."

            "It's rare to hear you talking about Choongjae," Minwoo commented, astonished.

            "Well, all this 'Hyesung is alive again' business must have gotten to my sanity. My head doesn't want to believe it, but... hope is a serious ," Dongwan said with a dry laugh.

            "We need to tell them. Andy and Choongjae. They need to know that Hyesung is alive before..." Minwoo didn't dare finish his sentence but we all knew what he was about to say.

            Before Hyesung disappears again. As if he had never come back in the first place.

            "I know you think Jinnie's dead, Dongwan, but I really don't believe it. I refuse to believe it," Minwoo proclaimed. "I already have private detectives looking for him across the whole country. Even if we have to search the whole world, we will find him."

            I couldn't help but smile at Minwoo's determination. "We will find him," I assured him.

            Dongwan sighed deeply. Then he reached into his pocket to retrieve a pack of Marlboros.

            "You started smoking again?" I asked, unable to believe my eyes. The health freak Dongwan that I recalled with his giant bag of vitamins definitely did not match the man sitting in front of me, lighting up a cigarette to take a long drag.

            "Yeah, you want one?" he offered.

            "No... Smoking's bad for you," I murmured hypocritically.

            "Says the one whose house reeks of cheap liquor," Dongwan shot back, rolling his eyes.

            "But... why? You were so health-conscious."

            Dongwan exhaled a cloud of smoke before replying. "I wanted to live a longer life then. But at some point, I realized I didn't want to. That's when I lit up one of these ers and found out how much I'd missed 'em."

            "Oh," was all I could get out.

            "Anyway," he brushed off the matter quickly, "I really should tell you guys something."

            "What?" Minwoo and I said simultaneously.

            "But you have to promise not to get mad at me."

            "What?" Minwoo asked again with an eyebrow raised.

            "I know I said that Jinnie died... But that's not entirely true."

            "What do you mean it's not entirely true?" I pressed.

            Dongwan turned to Minwoo apologetically. "I saw Jinnie after he attempted suicide. He was in the hospital after he tried to overdose on sleeping pills."

            "What?! Why didn't you tell me?!" Minwoo yelled angrily.

            "I was trying to protect you!" Dongwan shouted back. "This was when your condition was extremely unstable and I was afraid of losing you, too. Jinnie was in a coma and the doctor said that he might never wake up. I thought that if you found out about Jinnie, you would snap."

            "Still! Dongwan, how could you make me believe that Jinnie was actually dead when he wasn't?!" Minwoo cried, his rage increasing.

            "Minwoo, I was planning on telling you when he woke up!" Dongwan tried to explain.

            "Wait, wait," I said, wanting to fully understand the situation. "Jinnie never woke up from his coma then?"

            "He... did..." Dongwan confessed brokenly.

            Minwoo's eyes turned dark as they glowered at him in utter fury. "THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME, YOU PIECE OF--"

            "I COULDN'T!" Dongwan cried, then rubbed his temples in frustration. "Andy made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone--"

            "ANDY'S IN ON THIS, TOO? YOU GUYS KEPT THIS A SECRET FROM ME ALL THIS TIME?!" Minwoo hollered. I saw a muscle on his forehead twitch and I was afraid that he was going to slip into one of his episodes again.

            "Minwoo! Stop yelling! Please!" Dongwan shouted, putting his hands up in a sign of surrender. To my relief, Minwoo did calm down; he bit down hard on his lower lip and looked as if he was going to cry instead. "I'm really sorry I lied, but there's a damn good reason why I did. If you see Choongjae... When you see what happened to him... You'll understand."

            Dongwan's words sent uncomfortable chills down my spine, paralyzing me. "W-What happened to him?" I asked the question I had been dreading to ask.

            Dongwan glanced at Minwoo who was also demanding an answer then sighed. "I could tell you, but I don't think you'll even believe me. Just see for yourself."

            "Where is he now?" I questioned.

            "Andy pulled a few strings and got Choongjae a new identity so that nobody could track him down, not to mention the fact that he hired the best doctors in the country to tend him. Seriously, Andy's so rich now--"

            "Where is Park Choongjae?" Minwoo spat out through gritted teeth, still clearly enraged and not in a mood to forgive.

            Dongwan sighed again. "He's at Yongin Hospital."

            "Yongin Hospital?" I asked, bewildered. Something clicked in my brain and I somehow managed to remember the name and its renown specialty. "But that's a--"

            "Yeah," Dongwan said, his lips stretched in a grim frown. He pressed the cigarette down on my table until the fire dimmed. I watched as the ashes danced dejectedly to the anxious beating of my heart. "Jinnie's been a patient at a mental institute for nearly four years. The doctors say he's never going to recover."

[A/N]: HI GUYS!!!!!!!!!! ITS BEEN SO LONG!!! I know I said I would update more often but I was working and had summer classes... TT I'm sorryyyy... I finally have some free time so I will work my off to at least finish this fanfic this summer! I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't that great... I've been so tired these days, I really hope you guys can understand D: And I'm seriously lacking inspiration... Need my dose of Shinhwa TT Anyway, still hope you guys liked it, I haven't had a chance to look over it so please pardon the mistakes >.< Anyway, I'll be back soon guys! Sooner than last time, anyway TT Please comment and upvote, it means the world to me and helps me keep writing! Thank you guys for supporting me... It's really amazing that people would read stuff from a crappy writer like me! Thank you AND I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!! <3 <3 <3