My ears were ringing, my head almost about to split open. My limbs flailed about as if trying to swim on dry land as I reached out for something that would drag me out of the waves of throbbing. My senses heightened as I opened my eyes and suddenly, I was hit with the familiar stench of sweat, alcohol, and leftover Chinese food.

            “Ugh,” I groaned, attempting to get up from the ground. What had happened the night before? I tried to remember, but my head started to scream out in pain. The six of us had arrived at Andy’s luxurious apartment and had drank our body weight as we laughed and talked of the past. Actually, I had drank my body weight. Dongwan and Minwoo had refrained from excessive alcohol consumption in preparation for the concert. Jinnie had fallen asleep like a child in Hyesung’s lap – he surely lived up to his nickname “baby bird” – and Andy had been the one to humor my drunk self, only taking small sips of beer when I insisted on companionship. I had gone overboard, intoxicated by overwhelming bliss more than anything else, and now I found myself stranded in a strange place. This was definitely not Andy’s apartment.

            Where was I?

            Except a significant part of me, a portion concealed very deeply within, knew this place only too well.

            I knew exactly where I was. But it still didn’t make any sense.

            A firm hand grabbed my arm and pulled me up. “Junghyuk, hurry up! You know what day it is right?” a familiar voice nearly shouted into my ear. The teenage boy was standing over me with his arms crossed, his youthful face wearing a disapproving scowl. His lean body was dressed in nothing but his underwear. Actually, not his underwear, but mine. We all knew a country kid from a small town couldn’t own any Calvin Klein boxers.

            M-Minwoo? Surely, it couldn’t be anyone else. But this was definitely not the Minwoo I had rehearsed with yesterday.

            He was so… young.

            Something didn’t click, but I decided to go along with it. “W-What day is it?”

            “Are you serious?” the wrinkleless Minwoo snapped in irritation. He shook his head, the sunlight hitting his intense blue highlights. “We don’t have time for this. Get in the kitchen now before he’s back.”

            “Who’s back?” I murmured almost inaudibly, afraid that I would get scolded again. Quietly, I trailed behind my friend in obedience.

            “Finally, you’re up.” I jumped when I heard the voice. It was none other than Jinnie, but this Jinnie was so different. His face was radiant, nearly glowing with the power of youth, and his voice was underlined with humorous mischief. After seeing him in the mental institute, I had never thought I would witness my dongseng filled with the joyful air of carelessness that had once fueled him like fire.

            “Jin ah,” I called out his name with tears nearly overflowing from my eyes.

            “Why are you looking at me like that?” Jinnie asked, feeling awkward under my glossy gaze. “Are you still drunk from last night?”

            “Shut up,” I said with a small laugh. All I wanted to do was skip over and drag him into a tight embrace, but I controlled myself. How amazing it was to see Jinnie like this again…

            “I told you to get ice cream cake!” I glanced over to an upset Andy. The fearless maknae, scolding his hyung with a pout on his baby face.

            Dongwan rubbed the back of his head, slightly embarrassed about his mistake, but shameless anyway. “Sorry, I forgot.”

            Andy rolled his eyes, but he seemed to get over it fairly quickly. It had always been this way with the six of us. We would bicker, we would fight, we would sometimes even draw blood… But that didn’t change the fact that we were friends at the end of the day.

            Actually, more than friends for some of us…

            Speaking of which, I noticed that one person was missing.

            “Where’s Hyesung?” I asked, almost on instinct. I felt empty without him even in this alternate universe where everything seemed picture perfect.

            The four of them looked at me funny as if I was missing something obvious. “Are you serious?” Minwoo snapped.

            Jinnie touched my forehead with the back of his hand, pretending to test my temperature. “He’s not sick. I’m telling you, he’s still drunk.”

            It annoyed me that none of them were actually answering my question. Then Andy brought forth a boxed cake from the local bakery and a bundle of red from underneath the dining table.

            Dongwan took the bouquet of roses from the maknae when the youngest was busy preparing the candles. “It’s your funeral day,” the young, extremely handsome boy commented with a wink as he passed the flowers to me. The corners of his eyes were smooth, unaware of all the wrinkles that would frame them in the future.

            I received the bouquet with shaking hands. Of course, I remembered. How could I forget?

            “I can’t believe you actually got him a hundred roses,” Junjin chuckled, shaking his head. “Hyesungie hyung is going to kill you.”

            “Hey, I asked him what he wanted for his birthday. It’s his fault.” I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mouth. They were actually the words I had spoken that day. It was as if this was just a prerecorded scene that was playing and as if everything was already scripted for us to say.

            “I’m pretty sure he was kidding about the roses. And I’m pretty sure he’s going to kick your ,” Dongwan said. His tone was almost too serious.

            “Hyesung kick my ? Please. Let him try,” I snorted.

            Minwoo laughed. “If you and Hyesung get into a fight, my bet is on Hyesung.”

            “What?!” I cried in disbelief.

            “Me, too,” Andy agreed to my horror.

            “Me, three,” Jinnie nodded.

            I crossed my arms in defiance. “Let’s wait until Hyesung gets home. Then you’ll see who the real victor is. Where is the bastard anyway?”

            “He should be back soon—” Andy started, but his sentence was cut short by the rattling of keys followed by the loud sound of the front door opening.

            I already knew who it was, but I still held my breath as he approached us.

            As he walked into the kitchen, dragging full bags of groceries and snacks, he took in the sight of us, standing with a simple cake decorated with a single candle. His eyes quickly shifted to the bundle of crimson roses in my hand and then to my face.

            I did a double take. His eyes were still sparkling, unworn and unsullied by years of overworking himself. His hair, straight and jet black, glistened under the kitchen lights, and his face—oh, the pretty little face I adored to no end—was that of a child’s, slightly rounder than I remembered with his cute baby fat and complete with skin so perfectly white and smooth. His thin pale lips curled into a glorious smile.

            “Happy birthday, Hyesung!”

            I was so immersed in his beauty that I had missed my chance to shout out with the rest. Hyesung gasped in surprise. “Guys, you didn’t have to!”

            “Of course, we need to celebrate Hyesungie hyung’s birthday,” Jinnie exclaimed as he went over to give his hyung a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

            “When did you guys even have the time to buy a cake? Our schedule’s been packed all week,” Hyesung asked, still grinning from ear to ear.

            “Manager hyung got it,” Andy informed.

            “Yeah, we’re not really celebrating your birthday. We just wanted to eat the cake,” Minwoo teased. Hyesung punched him on the shoulder.

            “Well, make a wish and blow out the candle before the wax melts!” Dongwan rushed.

            “We gotta sing the song first!” Andy shouted in panic the moment Hyesung in his breath to blow out the flame.

            “Right, right!” Minwoo chimed. It was so us to be this chaotic. Even a simple birthday celebration became hectic when it came to us. In a way, it was our magic. “One, two, three—”

            We all sang in unison, Minwoo harmonizing and Dongwan flaunting an adlib here and there. Jinnie copied Dongwan’s singing, making everyone laugh. In what seemed like an eternity, our birthday song was done and we turned to Hyesung.

            “My wish is that the six of us will always be together, healthy and laughing like this forever,” Hyesung said out loud, smiling at each and every one of us.

            “Until death do us part,” Minwoo agreed.

            “Even beyond death.” Hyesung’s words sent shivers down my spine. “I would follow any one of you to hell.”

            “At least we won’t have to pay for heating,” Jinnie joked, lightening the atmosphere. We all cracked up in laughter, unafraid of death, unafraid of the future.

            Fearless of what was to come. Because we had each other.

            And with that, Hyesung made his wish and blew out his candle.

***

            I awoke with a start, cold sweat dripping down my brow. Surprisingly, I found Hyesung, his face much more mature and thinner, watching over me. It was undeniable that his appearance had changed over the years, but in no way had his beauty been damaged by time.

            “Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?” he asked worriedly.

            “No,” I replied. And it wasn’t a lie. It had been far from a nightmare. What I had dreamt had been merely a memory that had resurfaced after rusting in the back of my mind for so long. “It was a good dream.”

            “What did you dream about?” Hyesung asked, curiosity displayed so cutely on his face.

            “You,” I said teasingly although it was true. He rolled his eyes, but the subtle pinkness of his cheeks gave him away. I looked around my surroundings and everything was as I remembered it: the six of us stretched out on mattresses in Andy’s living room, encircled by empty bottles of soju and beer. Choongjae was still positioned like a cub in Hyesung’s lap and the other three were cuddled together, their limbs entangled in a messy but comfortable way. I had fallen asleep at the edge with one arm hovering over the wooden floor and the other reaching out rather desperately to my lover. “Did you have a good time last night?”

            A tense wave of sadness flashed across his angelic face, but it was gone so fast that I wondered if I had imagined it. “It was amazing, talking with Minwoo, Dongwan, and Andy… Too bad you and Jinnie fell asleep so quickly,” he gave me a convincing smile. “Do you remember anything?”

            I hesitated. Most of it was a blur, but I remembered much joyous laughter. Then they had placed me in bed in my sorry state. Someone—was it Dongwan or Minwoo?—had voiced his worry for the upcoming concert. I had nearly passed out, but my hazy memory still recollected their words:

            “I can’t believe we’re actually having the concert in a few hours,” I heard Andy softly murmur. “Do you think everything will be alright?”

            None of them replied right away. They all knew that Andy was referring to more than just the reunion concert. “I don’t know,” Dongwan finally said. “The last years have been brutal. But now that Hyesung’s here, I feel like everything will be okay.”

            “Don’t… Don’t say that.” Even in my dazed state, I was surprised to hear my lover’s voice crack so agonizingly. “You guys don’t need me.”

            “Of course we need you!” I was thankful to hear Minwoo protest in my stead. I could hear the hurt and panic underlining his words. “How could you even say that, Hyesung? Do you even understand how difficult it has been for the rest of us after you died? We simply can’t live without you.”

            “Minwoo yah…”

            But Minwoo was far from done. “Did you know I’ve had multiple panic attacks since you’ve been gone? I’ve been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. Even Dongwan goes to a therapist on a regular basis. How about Jinnie who’s become almost unrecognizable? He’s been plagued with suicidal thoughts and he shunned himself from the world in a mental asylum. And Andy… I haven’t heard from him for so many years—”

            “Sorry, hyung…” Andy apologized immediately.

            “No, don’t apologize, Andy. That’s what I’m trying to say! None of us were okay without you. We need you, Hyesung. How can you not see that?”

            “You guys don’t need me,” Hyesung repeated himself, his tone soft and gentle. “Believe me, I want to stay. I want to be here and attend your weddings. Cry with you guys when your children are born. I want to stay here and drink with you guys, laugh with you guys, share every important moment… I want to grow old with you all.

            “Believe me… I want it, too,” his words were strained and I could tell that he was forcing back tears at this point. “But you guys don’t need me. What you truly needed was to be reunited, to come together. When it was the six of us in Eric’s apartment… At the concert rehearsal, and even now… I think I’m starting to understand the real reason why I’ve been brought back here, alive again to the five of you.”

            “But Hyesung—”

            “I love you all. I can’t express that enough,” Hyesung continued. “And although I’ve died, although I might not be in the same world… I think our bond and the love that we’ve shared will transcend life and death.”

            They sat in silence, absorbing everything. If anyone wanted to object, nobody said anything.

            “W-What about Eric?”

            It was Dongwan who had broken the quiet.

            I heard Hyesung sigh deeply. Was it out of sadness? Or was it regret? “He’ll be okay. That’s what I’ve been telling myself… and with the rest of you supporting him, I believe it.”

            “He’s been incomplete without you. He might really lose it if you disappear again…”

            “Please… Please take care of him… I don’t think I have much time left—”

            “Eric ah?”

            I startled out of my trance. Hyesung cocked his head at me, observing me carefully.

            “Sorry. Hangover,” I lied. “I don’t remember much from last night. I had a lot to drink.”

            “I know,” Hyesung scowled, pouting his lips. “Are you going to be okay for the concert?”

            No… I’m not going to be okay. I’ll never be okay without you.

            “Yeah. I think I’ll be okay.”

            “Good, good,” he smiled brightly at me. It took all my strength to smile back.

            An alarm sounded, the artificial chirping of birds, and Minwoo moaned in his sleep. “Five more minutes—” he mumbled.

            Hyesung patted the shorter man’s head. “Get up sleepy head. You have a concert to run.”

            “Uggggh,” with a strange sound, Minwoo slowly got up from the mattress. He kicked Dongwan’s arm as he rubbed his eyes. “Get up, Dongwan. Get up, Andy.”

            “Is it morning already?” Dongwan muttered as he awoke obediently.

            “Yes. Choongjae yah, time to get up, sweetie,” Hyesung softly shook Choongjae and the younger man slowly stirred from his sleep.

            When everyone was up, the race to the bathroom started. Only Hyesung and I weren’t in any hurry to get washed up. We sat in silence, our hands almost touching as our legs remained stretched out on the mattress. My skin tingled as it felt the heat radiating from his skin. All the serenity in the world seemed to be contained in our single perfect moment, this memory that we belonged in together.

            “I’ll miss you,” I muttered. It broke everything within me to utter those words. It hurt so much, like salt against an open wound, but I wanted to say it. I wanted him to hear it before it was too late.

            Hyesung stared back at me with widened eyes, not sure if his ears had heard correctly. I took my chance to entwine my fingers with his and give him a quick kiss on the lips.

            I’ll miss you so much my heart might split open.

            “Start getting ready, you two,” Minwoo ordered with a toothbrush between his teeth. “We only have thirty minutes to get there.”

            We both nodded and I helped my lover up to his feet. Something tugged at my chest as I took in the view of his angelic face, a feeling too agonizing to be happiness and too tranquil to be sadness. I was floating on the surface of a calm sea of sorrow, facing up at the sky reddened by the serene sunset. I was almost still, but no longer petrified—the gentle waves carried me so slowly that it was almost unnoticeable.

            But I was moving, inching my way closer to the shore. I held tightly onto the delicate hand in mine, the velvet petals of a single rose, the only rose I ever knew. I felt the metallic band around his ring finger, an eternal promise that he was mine. When something this beautiful, this something called Shin Hyesung, touched your life and blessed every corner of your existence with his absolute perfection, it was more than impossible to let go.

            Still, in the midst of it all, I had been moving. The new memories we wrote, the ecstasy of our love, even the bloody tears we shared together… His return had caused a ripple in my perishing life, stirring the still waters and willing the dead to move once more.

            And now, here I was, not only accepting our untimely destiny, but telling him I would miss him because I wanted him to understand that letting him go did not mean in any way that I was giving up on what we had.

            “I love you.”

            I was letting him go because I was secure. Unlike the miserable days before his return, I was secure; I knew from the bottom of my heart that our love had been—and still was—so real. There were no doubts clouding my judgment, no reason to second-guess.

            Because our love was so beautifully, painstakingly, perfectly real.

            It didn’t matter what separated us. Not even death.

            “I would say I love you, too, but you already know,” he replied shyly.

            I smiled. “I still want to hear it though.”

            He suddenly leaned towards me so that our faces were only inches away. He whispered in my ear, “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you, Mun Junghyuk. Don’t you forget it.”

            Startled by his forwardness, I remained speechless. Taking his chance, Hyesung pecked my cheek and turned to escape from my presence.

            “Yah! Where are you going?” I called after him as he darted away.

            “I’m going to use the bathroom before you!” he cried, whirling around briefly to stick his tongue out at me. He quickly passed a dazed Dongwan who was ruffling his wet hair with a towel and went straight for the bathroom.

            The door locked and I couldn’t help but chuckle at how adorable he was. When I realized an impatient Minwoo had been observing us and was shooting me a death glare from afar, I finally got ready to confront the day.

***

            My heart was pounding and the two cups of coffee on the way to the concert hall definitely didn’t help. My hands were shaking beyond control, soaked in cold sweat. Was I this nervous before Shinhwa’s first ever performance?

            “Hey, remember when we were teenagers? We were in those gold uniforms for The Resolver?” I asked my lover who stood across from me as my makeup was being perfected. I winced when my movement caused the eye liner to poke my eye.

            “Stay still, idiot,” Hyesung warned, but it was obvious he was holding back laughter. “Of course, I remember. I’m cringing just thinking about our hairstyles.”

            “I know right,” I mumbled, trying not to move my face muscles. “And the baggy pants. We thought we were so cool.”

            “Our egos were off the table when we were young, huh?” Hyesung agreed, grinning as he reminisced. “Time really humbles you. You start to realize your place in the world… That you might be a star, but you are only one of the countless stretched across the entire sky.”

            “Yeah.” I started nodding and stopped when the pencil stabbed my lid again. “What’s important is not that you’re recognized by many, but that you’re special to the few you find special. Love is only complete when it’s given and received.”

            “You sound like an old man, Mun Junghyuk,” Hyesung giggled. “Even though you still act like a child.”

            “I’m only childish around you,” I muttered.

            Hyesung looked away and pretended not to hear me. “A-Are you nervous?”

            “Yeah,” I replied honestly. There was no point in lying when he already knew the truth. “I feel like I’m going to hurl.”

            “You’ll be fine. You’ve always been,” Hyesung comforted me gently.

            “I… I don’t know.”

            “Hey.” He took a step closer to grab my trembling hands. His finger grazed the ring around my fourth. “We’re all here for you. I’m here, I’ll always be.”

            To others, those were nothing but lies. But I understood. Even with the fragments of my heart that he held in his hands, I believed.

            Because what we had was real. Nothing would change that.

            “Starting in fifteen!” I heard a man announce. The makeup artist hastened to complete her final touches.

            “Are you okay?” I asked him.

            He smiled, his lips curled in such a serene way. “I’ve been ready. All this time. Everything is finally falling into place.”

            I wanted to ask him about what his words meant, but I was cut off by the entrance of the other members. All four of them were ready, their faces ghastly and frames shaking in anxiety, but they were complete with their spotless white suits and neatly groomed hair. We all looked quite different like this, all prepped up for the stage. It made me reminisce about our olden days.

            “Are you two ready?” Minwoo asked with a big grin on his face. He was definitely the most excited about this concert and, with the amount of effort he had put into this event, no one could blame him.

            “Hardly,” I commented, but gave everyone a smile. “Let’s do this.”

            That made Hyesung’s face light up. “Shinhwa San on three?”

            We stretched out our arms so that six hands met in the middle. This feeling was so nostalgic that suddenly, my turning stomach felt more at ease.

            “One, two, three—”

            “SHINHWA SAN!”

***

            The concert began with the sound of falling rain and sad violin. As the introduction melody came to an end, the six of us were carried on stage by seats that slowly fell down from the ceiling. With a heavy chest, I began uttering the words to my rap, “What you gonna do? What I gotta do…”

            The screaming from the ocean of orange lights was deafening. All the seats were completely filled as the news articles had promised. I couldn’t see any of their faces because of the darkness, but the moment I saw the orange color flooding the entire hall, I wanted to thank every single soul cheering us on even after our long hiatus.

            These people were those who wanted the six of us to stay together. These people were those who could wait on us for years because they believed in us. They yearned for Shinhwa to exist as a six as much as any of the members did. We were surely blessed with their faith.

            Then the murmurings started as fans began to recognize that Hyesung was amongst us. I could only imagine the exchanges of whispers:

            “Is that Shin Hyesung?”

            “Is that someone who looks like him? A replacement?”

            “Was his death fake? Is he actually alive?”

            “Is that a hologram? Or are we all just delusional? Is this a trick?”

            My rap was done and I passed the baton to Minwoo who sang his part with ease. He was undoubtedly the most professional musician out of the group at our current state. The song flowed on to the chorus and the audience perked up their ears, trying to decipher a specific voice… The voice of a man who was supposed to be dead.

            The chorus ended too quickly and suddenly, it was Jinnie rapping. The man actually took my breath away. The six of us knew that he was recovering quickly, but he was still unwell, his mind still damaged after years of constant suffering. However, he did not miss a beat despite his condition and performed on par with the others. There was really no doubt that the man was born to be on stage.

            We entered the second verse and Dongwan began singing with his eyes shut, drenched in the emotions of the song. Or perhaps he was just nervous, being on stage again. The thrill of acting on camera and singing on stage were completely different and I caught a glimpse of his tightly gripped mic shaking within his grasp.

            Dongwan finished his lines well without mistake. The chorus began again, our voices blending in unison. I glanced at Hyesung who was so deeply immersed in singing that he seemed oblivious to the atmosphere. I felt hot under the stares of hundreds and it wasn’t even me who they were scrutinizing. Everyone within the hall held their breaths, their hands folded together in prayer for the impossible.

            It was finally time. Hyesung held up his mic to sing his verse.

            “I will wait for you on your way back home…”

            The crowd erupted, some even giving each other hugs of joy as they cried out loud. It was a miracle how each and every one remembered his voice as if he had never left our side. Just with a single verse, his identity had been revealed and verified.

            Hyesung seemed startled by the noise, but he continued on, his voice gaining strength with every measure. When we chimed in along with him, we melted into one, our hopes and dreams coming true the same instant. The six of us sang, the six of us danced, the six of us pushed forward when everyone thought it would be impossible.

            No, it would have been foolish to say that we were the same as all those years ago. Our bodies ached, our voices strained, we were already sweating and out of breath. The fact that we were older, the fact that we had been ripped to shreds and were slowly putting ourselves together, made this moment all the more perfect.

            T.O.P ended with its signature move, and my eyes stung with tears as I stood in front of all these people with my arms stretched out and my head bent back to face the sky. Everyone was cheering and clapping and adrenaline made my head swirl as my lungs gasped for air. None of us said a word, overwhelmed by this moment that would soon become nothing but a memory.

            But memories were so important. Memories made you who you were and, sometimes, if you believed hard enough, they would come back to life. Hyesung had taught me that.

            Already, the band was starting to play the next song. During our planning, we had decided to not include any segments of mere talking. It was untraditional of our concerts, but there was really not much to say. It was like meeting a family member after long years of separation. There were too many questions that had no answers. All we wanted to do was to soak in the presence of our fans and of our reunion.

            The concert went on, nothing going amiss. Hyesung went to the side of the stage to perform while sitting on a stool as he had done the day before during the rehearsal. Many fans chose to gawk at him, wide-eyed, rather than to give the rest of us any attention. I was also at fault and nearly tripped during my routine, trying to sneak one glance at him. He really looked like an angel, his pretty face glistening under the lights, his brows furrowed together as he poured out his soul for every piece.

            After the fourth song, the stage went dim and we hurried off to change our outfits.

            “We’re on fire!” Minwoo exclaimed in joy.

            Andy laughed. “Yeah, we still got it.”

            “I bumped into Jinnie for I’m Your Man… I’m so sorry,” Dongwan confessed.

            To our surprise, Junjin gave Dongwan a small smile and gently touched his back. “It’s okay,” he muttered, astounding us all.

            When the shock died down, I turned to Hyesung who was struggling with his shoe laces. I kneeled down to help him. “How are you doing?”

            “Great would be an understatement.” His face looked radiant. “You guys looked so cool, I felt like a proud mother watching her kids all grown up.”

            I chuckled as I finished tying the strings and got up to wrapped my arms around him. “We’re already halfway through. Are you ready to sing your song?”

            “Yeah,” he said as he looked up at me shyly. “It’s actually a song I wrote for you…”

            “R-Really?” My shock must have been evident on my face because his cheeks flushed red. Was Hyesung actually the bigger romantic of us two?

            “I mean, it was a couple of years ago. I just thought of you one day and I pieced the lyrics together.”

            “I never knew! I’m so excited to hear it now!” I cried, elated.

            “Don’t get too excited!” Hyesung protested. “I don’t want to let you down.”

            At his words, I kissed him, full on the lips. I pulled his hair, not caring about messing it up, as I leaned in to deepen the kiss. Our tongues collided only for a brief moment before we heard someone yell, “Back on in one minute!”

            We both withdrew instantly, slightly out of breath and regretting our shortage of time.

            “You never let me down, Hyesung. You never have and you never will,” I stated, looking at him squarely in the eyes.

            He smiled at me and embraced my body so that I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. “I love you so much,” he whispered in my ear. I felt him trembling in my arms as he uttered the words.

            “I love you, too,” I replied, drawing him closer.

            “Eric ah?”

            “Hmm?”

            “I-I…” His voice cracked and my heart tightly constricted. “I-I’ll miss you, too.”

            I bit down on my lower lip to keep myself from crying.

            “Where’s Shin Hyesung and Mun Junghyuk?!” someone questioned in panic.

            “We better get going,” Hyesung said as he brushed away his tears. “Let’s go.”

            When my legs refused to move on their own, he grabbed my hand and dragged me up. It was as though he had pulled me out of the dark sea. Before I knew it, we had both reached the shore and I stood in front of the orange ocean again with a mic in my hand.

***

            My body moved on its own for the remainder of the songs because my mind was too preoccupied with four words that repeatedly echoed throughout my entire being.

            “I’ll miss you, too.”

            He had known all along. Now I understood so well..

            Why he had returned. Why he had been resurrected from the dead.

            And why he had to go back.

            Our last song had been Once In A Lifetime. Only seconds after the instrumentals died down and the hall sounded with applause did I realize that we were done.

            Done with all except one song.

            The lights dimmed and the five of us went to the side of the platform as Hyesung got up from his seat. Nothing moved nor made a sound as he walked down the aisle until he reached the center of the vast stage.

            Every single pair of eyes was on him. He took a long intake of breath and then nodded at the band director, signaling that he was ready.

            Only the piano sounded. It was a simple tune, each note sending shivers down my spine.

            I held my breath when he parted his lips to sing.

            “Now we say our last farewells.”

            Those words alone hit me like a crashing wave. I didn’t have the will to contain it anymore and tears rained down my cheeks.

            “Take this smile in place of our regrets.

            Our memories stained with our tears

            Make each step away from you so heavy.

            But still, I leave you only to be your past.”

            I placed a hand on my mouth to keep from making a sound as I began to sob.

            “The same sad day passes by,

            Yet at the end of all our memories,

            We fill up today again.”

            Andy tightly grabbed my hand. It was not for the sake of comforting me, but so that he himself would not shatter. His eyes were red and his face was scrunched up as the pain hit him hard.

            “If we loved each other, there should be nothing to fear

            But defending our love was always frightening.

            Our defeated hearts, our fallen hopes

            Will leave behind many bitter nights.”

            I realized that he must have written this song more than a decade ago when I had come out to my members that I was dating an actress. At the time, I had believed that it was impossible for the two of us to have an actual relationship. The news had been plastered on every headline and I could only imagine the agony my lover had gone through, keeping up a foolproof pretense that he was happy for me.

            We had taken so many detours to get to where we were now. If I had known our time together would be so short…

            “The same sad day passes by,

            Yet at the end of all our memories,

            We fill up today again.”

            Dongwan had his arms wrapped around Jinnie, perhaps detaining him from running to Hyesung. Minwoo’s entire frame was shuddering, his hands balled up into shaking fists.

            It was not just the six of us. The entire hall understood the meaning behind the lyrics and silently shed their tears in mourning.

            “When we come across the memories

            We wrote together with my hand in yours,

            Our minds may be plagued

            With promises left unfulfilled.

            But even so—”

            The piano stopped. I could only hear the sound of his breathing. He closed his eyes, his tears splattering on the floor. He tightly held his mic with both hands, drawing it closer to his lips.

            “I will always remember your face.

            I leave you today, but come find me

            Through the memories breathing in our hearts.”

            He turned towards me and gave me a sad smile. Realizing that this would be the final time we would ever see each other’s face, I forced my lips to smile back through the tears.

            “Live on in the sweet remembrance of us.”

            With that, his being started to fade into an unnerving opaque and slowly, so slowly that there was enough time for my shattered heart to break into even smaller pieces, his body shimmered, decomposing into dust. Until the end, I watched him, my tragic smile never wavering from its place. He finally exhaled deeply, free from the chains of this world so that he could extend his wings and fly off into the unknown.

            The mic that had once been in his hands thudded to the ground at the loss of its owner, and all traces of the man I loved crumbled into nothing. The taste on my tongue was so bittersweet.

            He was gone. Shin Hyesung was gone.

[A/N]: Hey, guys! So... I think I owe another apology... I wanted to finish this chapter at least a month ago, but I started working and living the adult life really doesn't give you spare time! How awesome it would be to write fanfics for a living, right? Haha >< Anyway, I can't believe this story is coming to an end!!! As I promised, there is an Epilogue which will be the last chapter to this story... So back to what I was saying about living the adult life... I finished this fanfic this morning (I started writing at like 4am) and that's always unfortunate because my writing is even more flawed when I'm running on lack of sleep... So please pardon my mistakes! Also, I REALLY, REALLY HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS FANFIC. It's been a magical adventure writing this... And the support you guys have been giving me has been mind-blowing!!! I really appreciate every single comment, every single upvote, even every single view this fanfic has gotten. I never believed in my writing, but you guys are actually giving me hope <3 I love you guys and I hope this ending wasn't too... sad. This was the ending I had in mind when I started this fic so it was kind of heartbreaking when all of you wanted Hyesung to stay alive QQ (Sowie) Anywho, THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN. You guys are so damn cute :3 Stay beautiful until next time we meet again~~~