Hey guys, I'm back! As what I always say in every chapter I post, sorry for the late update again T____T

 

A lot really has happened. First the 7.2 magnitude then the typhoon yolanda. I have to say I was a bit traumatized. When the earthquake happened, I was still in bed and at first I thought it was a nightmare but then I saw the walls of my bedroom practically swaying. Thank God only minor damages occured but when I saw the tragedy that happened across Cebu, Bohol, etc. , I was deeply sad and at the same time shocked. So much tragic events in just a short matter of time :( Yet despite all the sadness, I know we Filipinos can overcome this. :)

 

So yeah, throughout the long break I had, I made a couple of revises to the story and since this one is quite long, I decided to cut this into two parts. I hope you guys enjoy this~I made a bit of twist on this base on the prompt morinomnom sent me :)

 

P.S I haven't actually proofread everything yet, I'm a bit sleepy so yeah~please forgive me for any grammatical errors~imma edit this as soon as I wake up from my nap :D

 

FROM: morinomnom

PAIRING:  EXO x Amber

RATING: PG

GENRE: full crack

PROMPT:  Where Amber spends her time inside the EXO dorm and being interrogated by the EXO members (Jongin's appearance on Pink Tape, Kyungsoo on "Goodbye Summer", Sehun as her ideal husband, etc.)

 

 

---

 

 

“PLEASE TAKE CARE OF US!”

 

 

“…Uh, what?”

 

 

ASDFGHJKL – Probably the appropriate term to describe a certain raven haired girl’s current feels;  not the typical giddy fangirl-ish ‘oppa-made-my-ovaries-go-bye-bye’ squeal but the ‘holy-friggin-bananas-what –shizznit-is-this?!’ type. Moments ago, Amber Josephine Liu was merrily prancing around the tropical island which happened to be her vacation spot, nothing but the sand between her toes and the comfort of the local’s delicacies (a.k.a HOTT MEN SOUTH KOREA HAS DEPRIVED HER FROM). The highly anticipated vacation-slash-escape from ‘crazytown’ Lee Sooman painstakingly promised finally came true, and she was more than ecstatic to get away from all the madness and nonstop whirlwind of activities. Needless to say, the excitement coursing through veins could no longer be contained as she was nowhere to be found the moment the CEO dismissed the meeting.

 

 

A nagging throb immediately brought her back to her current situation. She did recall thoughtlessly consuming three bottles of champagne and a box of salt water taffy. Aish, scumbag brain at its finest! Who knew dozing off for a few hours could lead her to a swirling nightmare slapped in a misfortune referred to as her reality. It wasn’t difficult to tell that she was definitely in fact awake and not dreaming. I mean, a towering giant practically heaving on her face like a deranged psycho accompanied by a rotting scent of samgyupsal breath and eleven minions crouching by the footboard; quite not hard to miss. She thought about screaming for bloody murder because dear Lord, crazy sasaengs have invaded her personal space and privacy but apparently it was far worse than rabid obsessed groupies. Far worse.

 

 

“Is she awake yet?” The tannest of them all muses, chin perched on top of the footboard as he motioned to poke a chopstick on the sleeping (now awake) beauty’s motionless leg only to have his hand slapped away by the magnae.

 

 

“Ithn’t it obviouth, dumbath.” Sehun, the supposed magnae, smacks Jongin upside his head, rolling his eyes indignantly at the other’s dramatic gasp.

 

 

“That hurt, you little !”

 

 

“Oh God…this is exactly the main reason why I left unannounced!” Amber groans inwardly, hiding beneath the confines of her plush comforter. “Why are you guys here anyway and more importantly, HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND ME?!” she mumbles, cursing profusely through the thick fabric covering her. 

 

 

“Well…technically, the old man sent us here.” At once, Amber whirls out from her concave, her face marred with venomous intent as she practically lashes out at the doll faced dancer.

 

 

“What?! How did he even know where---“

 

 

“We kind of…followed you here…”

 

 

“Why in the world would you do that?”

 

 

“Umm…because…”

 

 

“Coz we’re all super-duper friends and you love us, plus we know you’ll take really good care of us.”

 

 

Somehow, Jongdae’s attempt to ‘lighten up the situation’ only garnered him an ultimate face palm and a one way ticket to a week’s worth of migraine courtesy of Yifan’s freakishly huge manga hands.

 

 

“I’m giving you all ten seconds to explain this goddamned sorcery or I’m gonna---“

 

 

“Wait, don’t! Umm…Jongin has something to say.”

 

 

“What the fuu---oww!” The newly platinum blonde dancer was forcefully pushed out of the group’s huddle, attention all on him. Amber’s piercing bloodshot eyes sends him cowering through his spine, voice barely audible as he silently prays his hyungs would save his .

 

 

Amber was on the verge of tearing off her eyebrows. These were not the exotic men she was craving to be surrounded with.

 

 

“Out with it, Kkamjong or else I will manscape all of you with a duct tape!”

 

 

 “OkayokaywekindofboobytrappedthewholestudiotogetbackatChangminhyungbutitendedupintotalchaos becauseitwasn’thimwhooomff----” Unable to control himself, Joonmyeon gently shoves an apple inside the blabbering teen’s large mouth.

 

 

“What he’s really trying to say is that because of his uncontrollable delinquency and his very good timing was beyond impeccable---“

 

 

“Cut the fancy crap, Joonmyeon. Get to the point!”

 

 

“Jongin’s ingenious y trap landed a whole crew of back up dancers, stylists and Lee Sooman himself in the hospital! Now, we’ve all been exiled because they want nothing to do with us until further notice!” Her look of bewilderment encouraged the Korean leader to wallow up in his self-pity party as he openly wails.

 

 

“Dude, he’s practically your son! How can you not have any control over him?!”

 

 

“Because he’s Jongin that’s why!” He then proceeds to kneel before her, latching himself on her leg as if his life depended on it. “I have failed as their leader and father! We have nowhere else to go! Please don’t abandon us!”

 

 

Expecting sarcasm and embarrassed whines from the sobbing leader’s so called comrades, Amber’s vein nearly explodes as each kimchi and ching chong latched their selves on her petite frame. Well except for one ching chong who’s half English subtitles who’s currently darting strange looks at the display before him. The female rapper eyes him back, eyebrow quirked directly at him.

 

 

“I thought you were the ‘disciplinarian’, Yifan.”

 

 

“Oh please! He’s too busy plucking his unibrow to care!” Joonmyeon spats harshly at the offended fashionista.

 

 

“Why don’t you say that to my fist, hobbit!”

 

 

“You mean your freakishly huge manga hands?!”

 

 

“STOP! Jeez, why are you es even the leaders?” Amber shook her head disbelievingly at the mature adults before her. “Look, as much as I hate the fact that you guys are ruining my nearly non-existent personal me time, I’m gonna let you stay BUT under one condition. If any of you pull that stunt again in my bedroom, I will personally shove your up your asses!”

 

 

In complete sync, they all tackled her to the ground, engulfing her in their group hug. All except Yifan of course who refuses to chip a nail at their rambunctious exchange of embrace.

 

Amber wakes up in a jolt, darkness overflowing her sight. She sighs in relief, wiping the sweat from her forehead. Thank God! It was only a nightmare. Her merriment has yet again ceased to exist as a strong pair of milky white arms wrapped securely around her waist brought her back to the reality she thought was just a figment from her twisted dream.

 

 

“Noona, thtop hogging the blanket. The boogie man might kidnap me.”

 

 

My whole life is a lie! Why did she even agree to this? She had the perfect week envisioned so beautifully in her mind and it all shattered to pieces the moment she begrudgingly nodded in approval of her dormless hobae’s crashing in the week with her. Come to think of it, she rented a two bedroom villa, so why is she stuck rooming with all twelve of them? Damn it, why is her ability to resist aegyos so inevitable?! As if on cue, the resident wushu master laying on the make-shift futon below her bed squeals in delight, obviously lost in his Gucci-induced dreamland. Eyeing the plush alpaca stuffed animal placed on top of the nightstand, she immediately makes a grab for it and settles for flicking it hard on Zitao’s blissful face. Amber then feigns sleep as soon as the Chinese panda jerks awake, scanning his surroundings for the supposed culprit ruining his beauty sleep. He menacingly glares at the snoozing duizhang beside him as he throws a er punch square on his cucumber and facial cream covered face.

 

 

Amber stifles a giggle. Maybe this weekend might actually be fun!

 

“OMG HYUNG! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?!”

 

 

Daylight barely seething through the windows, Kyungsoo’s horrified shriek resonated throughout the room. Amber watches in amusement as Yifan dramatically enters the dining room, shoving himself between the half asleep magnae duo, evidently in no mood to talk about the obvious dilemma tarnished on his oh so beautiful face. From across, Zitao innocently chatters with Baekhyun, completely ignoring the fact that his precious walking credit card gege is sporting a cucumber sliced black eye his not-so-morning-self caused. Joonmyeon who just happens to waltz by the table, sniggers at the ugly blotch on Yifan’s face before settling beside a dazed unicorn. Just as the Canadian was about to dislodge the fruit bowl at the shorter male, the manliest man of the group saves the day with platters of food on his hands and to Amber’s absolute horror, he was---

 

 

“IS THAT MY DRESS YOU’RE WEARING?!”

 

 

“YOU HAVE A DRESS?!”

 

 

So maybe Amber wants to hunt down Lee Sooman’s for brainwashing the public with her tomboy image and neglecting the fact the she’s 200% female.

 

 

“Inconspicuously, I might have gone through your luggage,” Luhan hides behind the food platter at the sound of her knuckles crackling. “but I swear to God I had pure intentions about it. I went out to buy food since the fridge only had beer and dried mangoes and I didn’t want anyone recognizing me so I disguised myself.” Amber still looks unconvinced, eyes heavily screaming murder.  “In behalf of my childish group mates, I wanted to make up for the ruckus we’ve caused and might cause in the future. So in honour of your generosity and warm-hearted welcome, I took the liberty of cooking breakfast for everyone, especially you.”

 

 

Amber’s stomach immediately growled at the foreign aromatic scent of the dish laid out before them. Never has she seen such a mouth-watering feast in all her years as an idol. That definitely tugged her heart strings. Maybe these juveniles were capable of being gentlemen for once. She excitedly plunges a fork on the baked shellfish as she closes her eyes to savour the heavenly goodness. Apparently, nothing but the stainless metal reached her taste buds and the next thing she knew, LuMan was strangling the life out of Jongin.

 

 

“YOU ! HOW DARE YOU TAKE THE FIRST BITE FROM HER! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO LEARN HOW TO COOK THAT DISH?!”

 

 

“BUT HYUNG I WAS SOOOOOO  HUNGRY!”

 

 

Well, so much for the serene breakfast with the well-mannered gentlemen from asSEOULe city.

---

 

 

“Yah, Minseok-ah. What are you doing?”

 

 

After the fiasco meal time subsided – Luhan ended up literally tied down to a chair to prevent him from obliterating the infamous face of EXO, Jongin—surprisingly in the comforting arms of his dearly beloved best friend, and the rest casually lazing around the suite. Amber discreetly disappears from their line of vision and opts to hang out with the most normal member of the group who happens to be rummaging through his backpack.

 

 

“Trying to find my sunblock. I really want to go outside. Will you go out with me please?” His cutesy pout and glassy eyes easily manipulated the short-haired girl to fall right into his trap.

 

 

“Fine. I think I might lose my sanity if stay longer inside anyway.” Minseok beams as bright as the sun, his bubbling excitement radiating as he throws an arm around her shoulders. “Just let me grab my camera and lotion, and then we’re good to go.” He nods happily and went back to search for his lotion and essentials. She admired the childish glimmer on the elder’s features before heading to her room

 

 

“Where are you going?”

 

 

Amber jumps back in terror the moment she enters her room, but thank God it was only EXO-M’s lead dancer wrapped in duct tape.

 

 

“ASNJKAMN DEAR GOD, LUHAN! YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!” Luhan mutters an apology and is quickly forgiven as he seems to be temporarily handicapped by his own group mates. Seeing that he has calmed down from his previous outburst, Amber carefully tears the tape off his skin.

 

 

“So, where were you going anyway?” He motions at the professional camera hanging from her neck, wincing a bit as the tape rips a long stripe of his leg hair.

 

 

“To the beach.”

 

 

Once he was completely free, he lunges toward her, clasping both her hands between his larger ones.

 

 

“Please take me with you!” 

 

 

Amber stares thoughtfully as the twenty-two year old wrapped in a teenager’s body does a buing buing.

 

 

“How about no.”

 

 

“But why?! I’ll keep you company. I’ll even rub your feet and sing for you, plus I’m extremely handsome!”

 

 

“What the hell does that even have to do with---“

 

 

“AMBER, I’M READY TO GO TO THE BEACH NOW!”

 

 

“…”

 

 

“Did somebody say BEACH?”

 

 

Awesome…I’m officially the luckiest person in the whole wide world ermergherd *obvious sarcasm*

---

 

 

“Woahhhhhhh, this place is bursting with babes! Hot, curvaceous babes! Damn…”

 

 

“Keep it in your pants, Jongin.”

 

 

“Heeeeeeeeeey y ladies! The Chen master has arrived!"

 

 

“OMG what is this? Hell?! I’m too gorgeous to be tan!’

 

 

“Damn it! I should have used the waterproof eyeliner…”

 

 

“Amber noona, check out Thehunnie’th thandcathtle!!!”

 

 

“Such a cute little crab…hold still while uncle Luhan kills---OUCHHHHH! ASDFGHJKL HALP, MAD CRAB ON THE LOOSE!!!”

 

 

“Wait…this isn’t the bathroom. Why am I here again?”

 

 

“Hey guys, look what I can do!”

 

 

“Uh oh, medic or anyone please. HOLY CRAMPS I’M GONNA DROWN! I’M TOO YOUNG AND RICH TO DIE WAAAAAAAH—oh wait, I’m just near the shore…oh…umm…never mind…”

 

 

“Now, who shall be my first victim…AHAH!”

 

 

“GET BACK HERE PARK CHANYEOL YOU ING GIANT! I’LL BEAT YOU WITH MY ING STICK—OH GOD THAT SOUNDS SO WRONG! YEAH YOU BETTER RUN! YOU JUST SHOVED SAND ON THE WRONG PERSON’S ONE OF A KIND GUCCI SWIMMING TRUNKS!”

 

 

If only the fluffy baozi didn’t scream his excitement regarding their secret escapade, the grumpy 92 liner wouldn’t have been obligated to bring the rest of her guests with them. It wasn’t really a matter of obligation. Why am I such a er for cuteness? There is nothing cute about grown men! Well maybe except for Minseok and maybe—OH GOD WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END?! Their jejune nature irks her to the point that her left eye twitches in sheer irritation.

 

 

“I sense your distress signal.”

 

 

“SHISUS, WHY ARE YOU S SUCH CREEPERS?!” The alleged distressed female holds her heart in place, other hand smacks the fat juicy couture straw hat from the foreigner’s dark champagne hair. “Jeez, isn’t it a bit too late for Halloween? What? Scared of people finding out you’re a gay vampire who shimmers like glitter under the sun?”

 

 

Yifan scoffs unmanly like, adjusting the large sunhat on his head. His entire get up was quite entertaining that Amber could just ridicule him forever. His out-dated appearance almost resembles Barnabas Collins’ daylight-visit-to-collinsport attire except for the fact that he doesn’t have pasty white skin, wreck-it-ralph like fists protrude from the sleeves of his overcoat instead of knifelike claws and most certainly, bloodthirsty bloodsuckers do not stare longingly at a certain tanned person's , hoping to devour something that isn’t exactly their blood—

 

 

“Ewww that was way too much info, dude. I definitely didn’t need to hear that!” Amber cringes in disgust as Yifan deliberately kicks sand on her feet and she definitely doesn’t miss the pink tinge spreading across his cheeks.

 

 

“Shut up!”

 

 

“OMG you’re not even denying it! You are so whip, man.”

 

 

Before Yifan was even about to comeback with a smartass retort, a shrill screech catches both their attentions as a whimpering Jongdae crawls forlornly towards them.

 

 

“Jongdae, what—HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?! Did a cow sit on it or what?”

 

 

Apparently, he had a matching black eye with Yifan only his was on both eyes and his sharp cheekbones were slightly bruised. Talk about ultimate smack down. Poor Jongdae…

 

 

“I saw this pretty foreign Asian girl all by herself, and being the smooth Casanova that I’m obviously am, I went up to her and introduced myself.” Yifan nearly gags at the dansheen meosheen’s self-boasting.

 

 

“Let me guess, she was actually a crazy sasaeng who attempted to you but then her overly jealous brute of a boyfriend mistook you for a sicko so he beat the crap out of you.”

 

 

“Even worse! This chick didn’t even recognize who I actually was! I know my engeurish skills are super ty but I’m pretty sure all I said was ‘Hello, my name’s Jongdae Kim a.k.a Chen from EXO’  and boom, she friggin’ punched me and dislocated my !”

 

 

“Are you sure that’s the only thing you did and didn’t actually harass her with your troll face?”

 

 

“Excuse you, my face is a national treasure! Anyway, I might have actually complimented that we had the same chest size BUT WAIT, that isn’t the worse of the worst. It turned out that my mysterious femme fatale was actually a dude!”

 

 

“Wow, I’m surprised you’re still alive.”

 

 

“Well, actually I’m about to hit the floor—whoops.” In an instant, the world renowned troll of the century collapses from the blows he suffered and luckily for him, he lands right on top of a sunbathing Zitao.

 

 

Poor Jongdae…

 

 

But thank goodness for Huang Zitao; always there when s need him and always there to beat the living out of them.

 

 

 So maybe Amber actually enjoyed their presence after all…sort of.

 

 

---

 End of Part 1

 

Kyaaaaaaaaaa what do you think? >.< asjkfnks

 

by the way, credits to the original owner of that twitter post regarding the 'EXO is just a ching chong group'! I love your genius! XD

 

Oh yeah, here's a bit of preview for the 2nd part:

 

 

"Bananas are an excellent source of potassium."

 

 

"You're pretty."

 

 

"Gurl, don't act like I don't know!"

 

 

"Pffft, they only reason I watched this movie was because of her ."

 

XDDD