chapter eleven; 

                  doyoon's pov

» The kitchen is filled with the clatter of chop sticks and small conversation, like summer plans and asking how the day went. Suddenly, Jamie points her chopsticks and me and makes a face as she chewed.

"How's life as an idol?" All eyes turn to me and I glance at Lisa who slurps up a noodle before diverting her attention towards me.

"Ah, tiring," I managed to say. Being an idol, having the spotlight on you was normal but I felt cold and uncomfortable with their attention. "There's a lot of work involved but I guess that's how you achieve things, right? Hard word," I finished, nodding confidently.

"You know, the other Doyoon wanted to be an actor," Jamie continues and I hear Lisa groan from the other side of the table. It was true, I had always wanted to be an actor. But something about performing music made me happy so I decided to change routes. "I wonder if he ever followed through," Jamie thinks aloud when a sudden thump goes off under the table. "Ow!" She glares at Lisa who ignores the look, continuing her dinner as she hummed.

Another silence hung in the air. I caught Bella whispering something to Lisa who shrugs and forks a broccoli into , chewing slowly. I had a feeling it wasn't always this awkward during  dinner.

Mrs. Kwang cleared there throat and perked up. "So, what will you kids be doing after?"

The four of us shrugged, the sound of clattering chopsticks filling up the air again. I shift my feet, chewing the noodles slowly. "The noodles taste great, Mrs. Kwang," I complimented, getting a wide smile in return. "It's been a while since I've ate homemade food."

Mrs. Kwang swoons, pouting. "You poor thing. You can come over any time you'd like." I smiled back. If Lisa's father wasn't a big fan of me, at least I was getting points from Mrs. Kwang.

"Oh! I have an idea for what to do after!" Bella exclaims, looking at us excitedly. "We could go to the gas station and get some Slurpee's!"

Lisa laughs. "That's your brilliant idea?"

"Do you have anything better?" She replies, pouting.

"Let's go to the zoo!" Jordan exclaims. We all look at him and blink as he grins, happy with his suggestion.

"What kind of zoo is open at this hour, dork?" Bella shoots, giving him an annoyed look. "Do you want to go with gas station or Mr. Zoo over here, Lisa?" Bella mutters and Lisa shakes her head, laughing. She looks over to me, eyes bright. "What do you think, Doyoon?"

"Um, I think the gas station seems more realistic," I answers, chuckling.

Jordan wrinkles his nose, making a face. Bella laughs, patting him on the back. "You can go to the zoo yourself if you'd like, Jordan." The table laughed, Jordan grumbling under his breath as we finished dinner.

Once her parents were done dinner, they made their way upstairs, saying that they'd be in their room if we needed anything and to come back before ten when we went out. I thanked them for dinner again, as did Bella and Jordan as they made their way up. I finished my dinner clean, eating every noodle on my plate before getting up and placing it in the sink where Lisa stood, cleaning the dishes.

I smile cheekily at her, and she smirks at me. "Did you like the dinner?"  I nod, leaning against the table as she washed the dishes.

A sudden shout comes from the living room and  we both glanced up to see Jordan covering Bella's mouth, yelling at her in hushed voices. Bella frowns, biting down on his hand which gets another yelp from Jordan. Lisa laughs, shaking her head. "The two act like an old married couple."

I give a weak smile. If only she knew Jordan had a crush on her! I wondered if he was going to confess tonight. Would I be a bad person if I stopped him from doing so? Probably.  

"Doyoon-ah?" I snap out of my thoughts and look around the empty kitchen. I follow the sound and find Lisa slipping on her cardigan with Bella and Jordan standing by the door. She glances up as I approach them, smiling again. I really did love her smile a lot. "We're going now!"

"Let's go then!" I exclaim as Jordan swings open the door.

»  "You know what place I haven't went to recently?" Lisa shouts out as we walked back from the gas station with our drinks. Not waiting for a reply, she continues. "The park!"

I laughed, ruffling her hair. "What's so cool about the park?"

She stares at me. "Are you joking? The park is where a kid can be a kid again," she states, shrugging. She faces Bella and excitedly laughs. "Do you remember when Maria did that thing - "

" - and then Victoria had to help her with the…" Bella continued before the two bursted out in a fit of laughter with Lisa clutching at Bella's sleeve to stay stable.

I look over to Jordan for an idea but he takes another sip from his slurpee, his lips turning blue. He shakes his head, shrugging. "Girl talk. I wouldn't bother. It's been a year and I still haven't figured it out."

I laughed, leaving the two girls behind the their talk. "I don’t think the sugar rush is helping."

"It's helping me." He looks over to me and grins. He drops his head and whispers, "it's giving me the rush to confess."

Right. So he was going to confess tonight. "Well, are you sure you want to do it tonight?"

He frowns, scoffing. "Why do you ask?"

"Well…" My voice trails off. "The mood is so light right now. If she was to decline then wouldn't it set and awkward atmosphere?"  

He considers this. "I guess…"

"And what a shame it would be if you messed up such an event!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air. "You should wait and practice more. Make it perfect, you know?" I sling an arm over him as he slowly nods. Good, I had delayed the confession. I was stalling to buy more time till I figure out what to do. "I'm only looking out for you, Jordan-ah."

"What are you two talking about?" Lisa bounces up next to me, linking her arm through mine. I'm surprised by the gesture but quickly cover it over with a smile.

"Nothing special," I answered, shrugged. Nothing special indeed.

"Well, if it's nothing special, you can tell us!" She exclaims, looking at us with wide eyes. I can feel Bella and Jordan eyeing us - one out of amusement and one out of jealousy. I had to admit, I kind of liked Jordan feeling jealous. Maybe it was enough for him to reconsider his crush.

"Yah, Jordan, come on. I'll race you to the park. If you win, I'll give you 5, 000 won."

"5, 000?" Jordan pulls his eyes away from us and the two run off. I silently thank Bella for distracting Jordan so I got some spare time with Lisa - alone.

"You know what, Doyoon?" Lisa starts, burrowing her eyebrows. "It that you're an idol."

I laugh. "Why is that?"

"Because since you're an idol, you can't hang out with us. Since you're an official member now, due to the ruling of Sabrina Kwang, it won't be the same without you around." She shivers, the cool summer evening getting to her as she cuddles into my side.

I smile at her even though I'm looking at the top of her head. "We can still hang out. Just probably not every day." I frowned, pouting my lips. "Tell you what! I hear that some of my sunbaes from Pledis need a young girl to be in their MV. I can talk to them and maybe - "

She makes a face and looks over to me. "No offence but I'd rather stay out of the whole idol idea. The whole fame thing isn't cut out for me." She shakes her head. "We bumped into a girl at the Seventeen fan meeting and she was giving us trouble."

I paused, thinking. "Why don't you come to the next 17tv uStream then?" I suggest.

She perks up. "Really?"

"Yeah, I can introduce you to the members and show you around." She lets out an excited squel and claps her hand. I immediately miss her arm that was looped through mine. "But, ah, my manager doesn't like it when I bring too many people in so..."

She nods, understanding. "Bella and Jordan will understand."

We continue walking to the park in silence, the sun beginning to set. "So, I still don't know who this twin of mine is," I pointed out, wanting to know how she felt.

"He's a part of the past, that's all," she replies, shrugging. She eyes the ground, kicking a rock as she slides her hands into her pockets. "No matter how similar you guys may be, he's made of memories where as you and I are making them." She looks over to me and smiles. "You're different."

I laughed shyly. "It's almost as if you like me better than the old Doyoon that you knew. Why is that?"

"Easy, because you're not him."   

I stare at her for a moment before sighing, running a hand through my hair. If now was the time to tell her the truth, this was it. "Listen, Lisa, you should know that the Doyoon that you knew is the same - "

"Lisa! Doyoon!" We both turn and see Jordan waving at us from on top of the hill before they reached the park.. Great. Right when I had the confidence to tell her the truth, they had to show up. "Hurry up, you're both so slow!"

"In a minute!" She shouts back before she turns around to me and smiles. "What was it that you were going to say?"

"Nothing," I say, gulping down my words. Sadly, the confidence in me had faded. She nods slowly as the two from before shout out again.

"Lisa! Hyung!" Jordan calls out. Bella is standing next to him, her arms on her waist, shaking her head.

"Coming!" Lisa exclaims, taking another slurp from her slurpee before throwing it out in the trash. "Come on, Doyoon-ah. You don't like being called slow, do you?" She asks before grasping onto my hand and tugging me towards the park.

 AUTHOR'S NOTES 
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