The next morning, I try to convince myself to get my together, but that doesn't change the fact that I feel like utter crap. Everyone thinks that I'm selfish and that I just want Kai for myself, and they all think I'm a stupid, crazy, delusional, and hopeless girl who's obsessed with him. I may be stupid, crazy, delusional, hopeless, and maybe just a little obsessed, but any girl would be if she was in love. They never think about how I feel. You know how I feel? Take a guess.

And here's a little hint for you. Think about the fact that I've been in love with Kai for nearly four years. Think about how he's told me that I'm ugly, and that I , and I'm not funny, and I'm not smart. Think about how he always toys with my feelings and then just shatters my heart like it's nothing the next day. And think about how he just plainly doesn't love me too. Wouldn't that ? Wouldn't you cry too? 

That's why I was so upset when Jeong came into the picture. It was hard enough trying to get his attention when I was there. All she has to do is walk past him and Kai will follow her like a puppy that's attracted to a piece of bacon. 

I lean my head against the glass of the tour bus, sighing slowly. Just thinking about everything was a little painful. I don't know why I can't just get over him. There's something about him that makes him irresistable. Maybe it's the way he can sweet talk a girl, or maybe it's the way he can stare into your eyes without shying away or faultering. I can't explain it in words. Sometimes you can't share things because you don't know how.

It's dangerous. Being with him, I mean. Because if I let myself dream even the slightest bit, he'll see it and let reality hit me in the face like a flying brick. That's why I need to make this game stop. But I just don't know how.

We arrive at the amusement park in an hour. The park is in a different state than where the hotel is apparently, which is why it took so long. I don't talk to Mikyong because she's busy conversing with Sangchol, so the whole bus ride consisted of me glossing over my feels and replaying clips from yesterday. I should've predicted that such an act would be expected from him last night. I should've been more careful.

"Don't let last night get to you," Sunhi told me, resting a hand on my shoulder with a gentle smile. "we're at the amusement park today! You need to chill out and have some fun. It's not everyday we're allowed to walk around the park without supervision. We can go on any ride we want!" She gave me a final squeeze before letting go and running off to her other group of friends. Slowly, a smile curls my lips because I know she's right. Maybe I can't shake the heavy weight on my chest that's been pinning me down this whole trip, but I can at least try to lighten the load.

I find Mikyung and Sang and join them. I know it might seem like a move to them, but what else was I supposed to do? I didn't want to hang out with Sunhi's friends, and I didn't quite know anyone else. There was no way I was going to join Kai and Jeong's group. That'd be like forcing myself into a bear trap.

After a while I realized I had forgotten all about the problems Kai were giving me. I was having fun. Sang actually convinced me to ride a rollercoaster- which was crazy because I was always too scared to ride one. But I honestly have to thank Sang. The park consisted mainly of rollercoasters, and if I didn't conquer my fear of them then I would've been having an even more miserable time.

Sangchol actually isn't that bad of a guy. To be honest I thought he was weird at first, but judging a book by it's cover isn't exactly a wise thing to do. It turns out he likes the same music as I do. He even reads manga! And the best part about that is that he doesn't just read action manga, but he reads romance too! And it says a lot about a guy who reads romance stories. You have to give him props for that.

He's a great guy. Mikyong was lucky this time, unlike me.

We sat down for a few minutes, deciding to take a break. I was exhausted, my feet felt like they were going to fall off, my thigh muscles felt like someone set them on fire, but at the same time I had the hugest smile on my face. I haven't had this much fun in a long time. I was always too busy worrying about school or boys or my social life instead of relaxing and enjoying my time while I can. It's hard to let loose when all you've been is uptight.

Sometimes I sit down and just ask why. Why do all of these problems constantly hit me? Why am I always so conflicted and confused? I remember Sunhi said to me, "the bad things happen to the good people." The universe has a funny way of doing things I guess.

In the midst of the conversation, Mikyong nudged me in my side. I set my smoothie down and turn my attention to her. "What is it?" I asked, whispering it to her ear. Discreetly, her eyes motioned to the left.

Following her direction, I could see Kai and Jeong's group. They weren't too far away, just on the other side of the court. It looked like they were taking a break too.

"Look, I just wanted you to know that they were there," Mikyong explained. "You shouldn't look too long. I don't want you getting hurt again."

"I know, I know," I silenced her, pressing my index finger to her lip. "But why would they sit here? There are other places to sit--"

"Kimmy. You're over thinking things again--"

"I'm not," I conclude. "I know Kai. He's trying to get me jealous. Goddammit, I knew that I shouldn't have trash talked him in the elevator last night--"

My voice stops as I watch them. Kai obviously saw us staring. He let out a laugh, slinging an arm around Jeong's shoulder and pulling her closer to him. Jeong, oblivious to his secret intentions, goes along with it by giggling and plucking the cap he's wearing off his head and onto her own. I cringe, feeling a puking sensation starting to arise from my stomach. I take another sip from my smoothie in a feeble attempt to calm my nerves.

"Okay," Mikyong slowly began. "Maybe you're right. Maybe he is just trying to piss you off." She stares at me for a brief moment before continuing. "And it's obviously working. Okay. Ah..." She trailed off, still keeping her eyes on them.

He's honestly just pissing me off at this point. How could I fall for such an immature and stupid guy?

"I know what we need to do," I reply, slowly smiling. I pick up my cup and turn it, mixing the smoothie inside. "We-- I, need to get back at him."

Mikyong pursed her lips as she gave me a cautious look. 

"Sorry, I'll need to borrow Sangchol for a bit." I get up from my place at the table before she can respond.