I don't think I can take it. I've been at the arcade for who knows how long, and everywhere I turn, it seems as if Kai and Jeong are always in front of me. Are they trying to rub it in my face? Are they attempting to make me feel bad? That must be so. And if they truly are, then its ing working. 

My suspicions are confirmed when Kai catches me sneaking a peek at him, and winks.

Who in their ing right mind would do that? Though I've told him a thousand times I don't like him, it's pretty ing obvious that I ing do. And since he knows that I like him, why would he intentionally rub it in my face? That he and Jeong are a "thing"? I thought him and I were a "thing". Oh wait-- I know why he's pulling off all of this bullcrap.

Because he's simply an .

Being constantly reminded of that fact that it isn't me that he is holding, I sit in one of the retro red booths by the food area. If I go back to the arcade, I might puke. The night wasn't going so smoothly anyway. I lost my game card that was given to me by the school, so I had to go ahead and buy myself a new one with my own pocket money. Sunhi was off with her other friends. I'm starting to wonder if she likes them better than Mikyong and I.

Speaking of Mikyong, I haven't seen her since she left off for the bathroom. I'm about to get up again and look for her when she approaches me. 

"Hey Kim! There's a cool game over there. It's a two player game though, so I can't play it without you," she says with a cheeky grin.

I pout. "I don't wanna go back there, unnie."

Mikyong frowns and slides into the booth next to me. "Why not?"

"Well it's just-- I think Kai is trying to rub it in my face."

"Rub what in your face?"

"The fact that he and Jeong like each other!" I exasperatedly cry out.

Mikyong raises her eyebrows. "And how is he doing that?"

I give her one of my 'please-stop-asking-questions' death glares. She raises her eyebrows as she gets up and pulls me along with her. "Whatever. I'll see for myself. For now, let's go play that game. It's really fun!"

Time passes without warning and we're down to our last hour at the arcade. Mikyong and I ended up wasting all of our money on ticket games and that two-person shooter she was bugging me to play with her. It was a game based on a couple who goes to vacation at various places, and at every destination they're attacked by monsters. 

To be honest, we weren't that responsible with our money. Do you know how when you die, the game offers you another life, but you have to pay for it? We ended up doing that every time. When we ran out of money, we gathered our tickets and headed on over to the shop to redeem points and get prizes.

It took us a while to decide on something for the both of us, because we didn't have enough tickets to get more than one item. (I thought we had collected a lot of tickets, but I guess I was wrong.) We settled on a mini Bop-It! toy to play during the long hours of the bus ride.

Kai cuts ahead of us on the line. I'm about to yell but I let it slide because I see him holding a gigantic panda. It was a golden opportunity to . 

"Is that for yourself? I didn't take you as a person who liked silly things like that," I , poking him in the side.

He keeps his blank expression as he lays down his tickets and the over-sized panda on the counter. "It's for someone else."

My heart literally stopped beating for a second. I stiffen as my hands begin to sweat from being balled up.

"Mikyong," I called out, turning behind me. She wasn't paying attention. Intead her smile was being illuminated by the glow of her cell phone.

I'm about to burst into tears. I snatch her phone from her hands while looking at her with a frivolous expression. "I'm having a crisis here!" I harshly whisper.

Mikyong glances at Kai before looking back at me. "Just don't watch them. It'll make it hurt more."

For some reason, I want to watch them. I want to cry. Crying means people will care, so maybe he'll care about me if he sees me crying. If I watch them, I know I'll get hurt. But I want to anyway. I want to get hurt for some reason. I don't mind digging my own grave if it means looking at him. Maybe the pain will do me some good. Maybe it'll help me move on, or something.

I place the toy in her hands and push past the others, following Kai. I hear Mikyong call out to me, but I ignore it anyway. My brain tells me to stop, but my heart seems to have taken control of my entire being. 

The sight is bittersweet.

She's smiling like crazy. That sweet, innocent smile of her's seems to pierce my heart. I know that expression. It's the expression of someone who is lovestruck. I would know-- I've seen it take over my own lips from time to time. 

And then there was Kai. He has that same goofy face when he gave me the bracelet. But instead, he was giving his prize to Jeong. Why was he smiling like an idiot? He isn't allowed to smile like that with other girls. I thought I was the only one who could see him like that. He isn't playing this game fairly.

He never did. 

Everyone huddles around them like they're a pair of starcrossed celebrity lovers. They coo and holler as Kai wraps his arms around Jeong's neck and pulls her in for a tight hug. Her face is red. 

I don't even notice that I was crying until my tears block my vision. My mouth hangs open as I'm left speechless. Look at me. Please look at me and notice that I'm standing right here, being hurt by all of this.

When I can't handle it anymore, I turn around and run away to a secluded area. Not many students are around, so I can cry in peace. Fifteen minutes pass, and only a handful of friends ask me if I'm okay. Obviously not, idiots. I don't bother to reply to them, instead keeping my head down and remaining silent.

As I spot Sunhi, I leap out of my seat and run over to her, tackling her. She doesn't even notice that I've been crying until she gets a close look at my face. 

"Kim?!" she says, shaking my shoulders with a concerned expression. "What happened?" I try to form words, but only an unappealing choking sound comes out as I sob, tears gushing from my eyes. 

I don't remember when, but Mikyong finds us too. Keeping my head low, we walk to our bus in silence. Driving to the hotel, I remain quietly sobbing at my window. Nobody seemed to notice; which was both okay and not okay. I didn't like how no one seemed to care, but at the same time I felt glad that people weren't pestering me about my emotions.

We arrive at the hotel later than expected. Everyone is tired, so I get by without being asked any more questions. As we wait for the elevator, I can see in a nearby mirror that my eyes were puffy as . I looked like a trainwreck. If Kai were to see me now--

"Hold the elevator please!" someone calls out as the doors open. I'm too afraid to look back, because I recognize that voice. Kai and his friends fill the empty space around us. In the elevator an awkward atmosphere seems to cloud the small space.

"There's not enough room," Mikyong states once the door closes and we start moving. "The ugliest guy needs to get out."

I can tell she was talking about him, because they all laugh except for Kai.

"The shortest one should leave," Kai teased, raising an eyebrow at Mikyong's small figure.

The door opens to their destinated floor. As they file out I say, "The one who is a ing douchebag should leave."

Kai turns back to smirk in my direction. "Is it because I didn't get you anything?" I hear him smugly insult me, just before the doors close. My eyes brim with fresh tears as I turn around to face the wall. I bang my head, sliding down to the elevator floor and curl up. 

"Why did I even say that? I'm so dumb."

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