I looked out the window to the bus. It was all trees. We were already on our way to the city and about to go sightseeing. It was an excruciating six hours in the coach bus knowing that Jeong and Kai weren't on my bus. I couldn't watch them. I could only imagine what was happening while I wasn't there. Where they sitting together? They were probably getting all cozy with each other, knowing that I wasn't there to observe them. I didn't even notice that I was crushing Mikyong's hand until she slapped me on the cheek.

"I said 'ouch'!" she scolded me, yanking her hand away from mine. "Sorry," I muttered, pulling up the hood to my sweater. It would only take a few more minutes until we parked, and I could observe them. I was already having second thoughts about the trip.

As we filed across the parking lot, I searched the group for Jeong. Sure enough she was wearing the earrings. With a frown I pulled down my sleeve to conceal my bracelet. Suddenly, Kai popped up behind her, arms encircling her waist as she plucked his cap from his head and placed it on her own.

If I could feel how it would be like to have my heart ripped out, chewed up, spit out, stomped on, and then burned, then I guess this is how it would feel like. Sunhi pulled me away from the sight after following my eyes. "Just don't look," she advised. But I shook my head, tugging myself from her grip. "How can I not look? I mean-- he likes her and... it's hard to look at him, but at the same time I don't want to look away," I choke.

My attention to them is severed as we start the tour. In the midst of our sightseeing, Mikyong taps my shoulder, giggling softly.

"What is it?" I ask, looking down at her.

She grinned, pointing somewhere in the distance. "See that guy over there?" she asked. I followed her gaze, nodding.

"I kinda like him."

Slowly, I began to grin. "Oh," I cooed while waggling my eyebrows. "He doesn't seem like your type though," I add.

A frown quickly makes an appearance on her lips. "He's not. But I don't know. He's different."

I grabbed her arm, dragging us closer to him. "Lucky for you, I recognize him. He's in one of my classes I think." I clear my throat before calling out "Sangchol!" Feeling grateful that I remembered his name as he turned around to respond, I waved. He steps towards us as we approach. "Hey Kim. You guys having fun?" he asked us, raising his eyebrows. I nodded, Mikyong smiling quietly at my side. "Yeah! The areas that we're touring are really pretty," I respond.

I nudge Mikyong's arm in an attempt to get her to say something. She shakes her head at me with pursed lips.

"Hey," Sangchol interrupts. "your name is Mikyong, right?" he points. She nodded. "I remember you. You're always hyperactive at lunch so it's hard to miss." A goofy grin crossed his lips as he chuckled, raising his eyebrows once more. Mikyong pouted, raising her hands to pound his back with her fist. "Oh, shut up! I'm not always like that," she huffed.

"Sang. I can call you that, right?" I ask him, and he nods. "Sangchol is kinda long. Hey, take care of Mikyong for me? I'm going to go find someone. I'll be back in a few," I say, my eyes meeting Mikyongs'. She gives me a wide eyed stare as she bared her teeth, but I was already walking away.

At least this was going well for her. Lucky.

Sitting down in boredom, I look up at the sound of footsteps. Everyone else was busy talking and taking pictures while I was just sitting here alone. It was surprising that anyone would come check up on me. 

More surprising, it was Kai.

"You look like a bum," he stated, sitting down next to me and crossing his legs pretzel style. His stance occupies most of the bench, so I'm pushed to the edge. Sighing to myself, I angle my body so I can sit more comfortably. "Thanks," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be with Jeong and them? They're waiting for you."

He turns to look at me, a hand on his chin. "Yeah. But you looked kinda lonely and I felt sorry for you. So I came here," he explained. Kai picks up a leaf and rips it up, throwing the shreds at my face with a childish grin. I reach over to hit him on the head but he grabs my wrist and yanks me towards him.

I'm literally inches from his face. I can even feel his breath on my nose.

I am freaking out.

Before neither of us can say or do anything, he lets go of my arm. "Don't get too ahead of yourself," he cooed, winking as he got up and walked back to his group. I remained flustered on the bench. I pressed my knees to my chest and I attempted to get the redness out of my cheeks by kneading them with my palms.

You see? He's not fair. He makes me feel special and like I'm the only one he cares about, but then he treats me like I'm nothing right after. He' a flirt and he doesn't realize it, which makes things worse. Hurting someone unintentionally is pretty low, if you ask me. Don't you see me right there when your all over Jeong, Kai? Don't you realize that she doesn't love you the same way I do? I hope Jeong realizes that being with Kai wasn't easy. I learned that the hard way.

I get up from the bench because it was time to head back to the buses. Riding back to the hotel, Sang and Mikyong sit together so I sit alone. In the hotel, we discuss about what the arcade would be like.

I ended up changing my outfit three times before feeling satisfied. I wanted to look cute, but I didn't want it to seem like I was trying too hard. Isn't it funny how far a girl goes for the guy she likes? Sometimes it's so pointless because guys don't care about all the makeup and stuff. They only want what's real. Don't they get that even the ugly girls want to feel beautiful too? It was nice to impress others from time to time. There was no need to make us feel bad for ourselves.

I stood in the mirror, looking myself up and down. I didn't like my body. My hips were too wide. My thigh gap looks weird. My forehead looks like it has a weird bump just above my eyebrows. My hair gets ugly in the back and I can't fix it. My shoulders were too broad like a man's, and they were slumped from sitting down at the computer all of the time. I was just plain average. 

Of course Kai likes Jeong. She was much more prettier and fair than I was. I was just some sickly insecure little brat who desperately wanted a guy she was obsessed about to love her. Jeong was everything I wasn't. I probably didn't even have one quality that he would like about myself.

"Kai's gonna think I'm ugly," I finally say out loud. Mikyong comes out of the bathroom with her hairdryer, a frown on her face. "Don't say that," she shouted over the noise. "Don't sell yourself short just because of him."

"I can't help it," I say once she's shut the dryer off. "I just want him to compliment me once. Is that so bad? I just want him to approve of me once. Once. He's never told me that I'm pretty, or that I sing good, or that I'm a nice person. It ." Mikyong comes behind me and wraps her hands around my waist, looking at me through the mirror. "I think you're all of those things. What you really are is what matters, and not what he thinks of you, okay?" she said.

With a sigh, I nod. "Okay."