Chapter Ten - Monster

The mansion was quiet.

No more laughter, no more singing, just -

No more Jongdae.

But Yifan should be glad of that, right? It was what he wanted anyway, what he decided.

"Master, please, wait, you don't understand-"

"You are not allowed to talk, Kim Junmyeon." Yifan glared at Junmyeon and the butler shut his mouth at that.

Jongdae was on the floor, eyes watery and wide, his face was showing one of shock as he looked at Yifan's angry face.

Yifan stared steely at the boy. "Didn't you hear what I said. I said get out of my mansion."

Jongdae tried to stand up as he tried to talk. "You don't understand - let me explain - Yifan -"

"Don't call me that! I never allowed anyone to call me that! You are supposed to call me master, do you hear me?! And now you're just going to come in my life and ing ruin everything!"

Jongdae was shocked and scared, pitiful eyes looking at Yifan. That look made Yifan want to just give up with his anger and - no. He shouldn't do that.

"Master Yifan. The piano room is already locked. The key is thrown away - as you ordered." Junmyeon's calm and curt voice rang through the room and Yifan turned his head to look at him.

There he was, suit buttoned up and standing straight with his hands on his sides. A perfect butler image.

But he was looking straight at the window, and not at him just like before.

"Okay. You may go back now."

Junmyeon stiffly bowed and was about to turn.

"Wait." Junmyeon stopped. "Jongdae -"

"He's already been out of this mansion ever since yesterday, Master." Junmyeon snapped. "There's no need to ask about it again. You should know since you wanted him out." Then he continued walking.

Yifan should be angry at Junmyeon for answering him like that, but he found out that he could not.

Maybe because he was guilty for ushering Jongdae away.

So he just shook his head and looked at Junmyeon's retreating figure before he continued staring out the window.

"I'm giving you exactly five hours to get out of here, before I -" Before he what? Yifan didn't know if he could continue what he was about to say.

"Master!"

"Stay quiet or you'll be going with him!" Yifan's rage was about to get out of control.

He glared hard at Jongdae again.

Half of Yifan's mind was shouting a stop to all of this, maybe he just didn't understand anything. Let Jongdae explain.

But his other half was screaming for him to go on, because this was what Jongdae deserved for being a -

"Monster."

Yifan closed his eyes shut as he placed his fist on his forehead, trying so hard not to remember that moment, that dreadful moment -

To say Jongdae was surprised would be an understatement. Hell, Yifan couldn't even believe what he just said.

Jongdae was looking petrified, his eyes now red with tears falling freely and beautifully from his cheeks, unable to move as he just stared at Yifan upon hearing what he said.

Yifan heard Junmyeon's low gasp and saw his wide eyes, but Yifan was far too angry to care.

He didn't want this so why did Jongdae give it to him.

Or if it wasn't him, then it might have been his mother or something.

"You're a monster, Jongdae. I don't even know why I let you in. You're one of those people who give curses - one of those people I despise -"

Yifan, Yifan! You can still turn this around and stop this -

"And I was such an idiot to just let you in."

It seemed like everything shattered.

Yifan, you don't really mean anything you said. Stop before it all gets worse -

"I never allow monsters to stay here. So it's best if you go away before I do anything rash." He ended it that way.

His heart clenched at what he said that day.

He closed his eyes even more, if that was possible. He could feel a headache coming. He grunted.

He was thinking too much.

He wasn’t supposed to think about it anymore.

But no, his mind was betraying him, and as his eyes were closed all he could see was Jongdae.

As he tried to cover his ears all he could hear was Jongdae’s laughter.

As he tried to not feel anything all he could feel was Jongdae’s warm touch, a soft tingle on his skin.

And he tried so hard to shake thoughts away.

He wasn’t supposed to be guilty.

Sleep that night didn’t even bother to come to him, leaving him all awake, pondering over that day.

Still he ended up in an uncomfortable sleep.

To hear him say that was heartwrenching.

Jongdae was looking down; tears were now falling freely from his eyes. It seemed harder to breathe now, and the floor seemed to swirl into one in his vision.

Everything was blurry.

He didn’t even notice that his tear drops were leaving big marks on the floor.

“Jongdae –“ He could hear Junmyeon’s calm but concerned voice, and on his peripheral vision, he could see Junmyeon lending his hand to help him up.

He didn’t take it, though.

Instead, he stood up on his own two feet, eyes downcast and breathing ragged because of crying and heartbroken because he didn’t even let me explain.

His feet were wobbly, but he tried his best to stand still.

“I – I will.” Was all he said, and he knew the two of them understood that. He could even hear Junmyeon gasp.

Yifan still remained unmoving, looking down at him as if he were something to be really hated.

He bowed though, and this left Yifan surprised, but he hid it immediately in his expression.

“T-thank you for – for letting me stay for a w-while. I –“ It was even harder to talk. “I’d like to tell you I’m-“ Just breathe, Jongdae. Breathe. “I’m grateful I got to meet the two of you.”

Everything was silent.

Jongdae laughed, and it seemed like the saddest laugh Yifan ever heard.

It was hearbreaking.

Jongdae’s shoulders were shaking as he said “So – I guess this is goodbye, then?”

Yifan didn’t answer.

Jongdae started to move his two feet. Walk towards the door.

Come on, come on. The door is so near, don’t break down now.

He didn’t know why, but deep inside Jongdae’s heart, he was still hoping that Yifan didn’t mean it, and change his mind and let him stay.

Jongdae was still going to wholeheartedly forgive him anyway.

His hands were on the door knob and he gripped on it tight.

Waiting for something.

Please. Please Yifan. Please say something.

But Yifan remained unmoving.

So with a sniffle and a shaky sigh, Jongdae opened the door and made his way downstairs.

The stairs were creaking, as if protesting from Jongdae leaving.

Yifan. It’s still not over. Please just say something it’s still not too late.

Is it?

But no, Yifan didn’t come down except Junmyeon, catching up to him and holding his sleeve.

“Jongdae, wait. We can still explain this. You can still explain this. He just didn’t understand anything. You-“

Jongdae laughed again, and tears were not stopping. “No, no it’s okay, hyung.”

“Jongdae, I’ll be here, you’re going to be okay here-“

“It’s okay.” Breathe in. “I’m okay.” Breathe out, albeit shakily. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to be okay.”

Then he opened the main door and ran to the woods, as far as his feet could take him, blocking out the voice of Junmyeon as he shouted Jongdae’s name.

Yifan watched as Jongdae stumbled but still stood up and kept running. It seemed harder to breathe for him now. His breathing was ragged. And his vision seemed blurry.

And why were his cheeks wet?

He looked down and why was the floor wet?

He touched his cheeks. Oh no.

Why was he crying?

He wasn’t supposed to cry when it wasn’t because of Yixing.

So did he just cry because of Jongdae?