After a few seconds holding each other, Jongup had to go. I left that place and I approached the girls. They saw my face of despondency, and said nothing. What could they say? Nothing. They are in the same situation as mine. I sat in the chair and watched the rest of the bands that came and sang. After everything was over, I got up and said goodbye to the girls. I would go home. I was sad about not being with Jongup a few more minutes. I want to drown my sorrow in the sheets of my bed.

I started walking feeling the wind swinging my hair. My bag swinging through my fingers and I looked at the sky. I want to be around him. I stopped in the street and looked at the streets with some people. Parents walked hand in hand with their children, a man helped an old lady cross the crosswalk and I could hear laughter coming out of the coffee at my side. Everything was monotonous as always, people were entertained in their lives while I was standing in the street thinking about him, only him, in Jongup.

I sighed meekly and pressed the strap of my bag. A van passed by me and parked in the parking lot near the park. I took two steps forward and stopped again, I knew this van. The door opened and there came out 6 people. A sad smile formed on my lips when I saw Jongup. The van was of BAP. They sat in some chairs that were near the park, ready for them and the staff put a table in front of them. It seems that they will sign autographs.

Some people gathered around them and started to form a queue. I passed quietly by them and stopped again. I had lost count of how many times I had stopped. My eyes looked at each of BAP and then my eyes lingered longer in Jongup. I saw a fan approaching him and he gave her a big smile making me feel proud of him. He loves to sing and be supported by the fans. I think all idols, love it.

"Oppa, can you sign here please?" A fan asked to Jongup, pointing to a white page of the little book that she had in her hands. Jongup nodded and picked up the notebook. "Oppa, can you write that you love me?" She asked and I saw Jongup’s cheeks blushing. He lifted his head slightly to look at the fan. My heart skipped a beat when he nodded, biting his lower lip a little. What was I thinking? Of course he loves his fans. I'm not the only one he loves, but then why was I disappointed?

"What’s your name?" He asked her in a whisper voice and she squealed with joy, bothering my ears. I continued seeing them and squeezed my wrist lightly. I could feel my weak heartbeat.

“Kim Hana.” She said tightening her hands in delight, and I sighed. What am I still doing here? It makes no sense. Jongup wrote something in her notebook.

"Here you go." He handed her the book and she bowed her head in acknowledgment. "One more thing." He said before she left. "I love all the babys, but I also have a person I really love, with all my heart." He tapped his hand on his left chest and my smile softened with his words. He was a sweetheart. How I was lucky enough to him fall for me?

"I know oppa. The babys know that you guys have your girlfriends." She said with a sincere smile on her lips and I blinked a few times. "We want our oppas to be happy." She looked at the notebook where Jongup signed and then looked at him. "I hope everything goes well with your girlfriend oppa. Annyeonghi gaseyo.” She waved at him and then at the other boys. I brought one hand to my lips and gave a small chuckle.

“Oh, ______-ah.” I heard my name and looked at the boys. They waved at me and I waved back. I looked at Jongup and he made ​​a heart with his fingers to me. How cute. My cheeks flushed and I looked at the floor causing my hair cover my cheeks. Then I lifted my face and waved for the second time to them, indicating that I was leaving. Zelo waved with both hands and I smiled. Oh, thank goodness that all the boys get along with me.

I started walking, feeling my heart lighter. It seems that the words of Jongup decreased a bit, my sadness. In mere minutes I got home. I opened the front door and closed it behind me. I walked slowly to my room and threw myself on the bed. I was tired, or should I say, I was lazy again. I looked at the drawer of the bedside table. I stretched my arm a bit and opened it, taking the book of the steps. It's a shame that only two more left. Will I see him crying? Will I ever hear him say that he’s crying because of me?

I turned up, put my head on the pillow and opened the book close to my nose. Ninth step, ninth step, here we go.

'Ninth step: Tell him you want to think a little about your relationship. Tell him you want a break.’

'P.S: This is only temporary. He definitely will cry because of you.'

I closed the book quickly and abruptly got up from the bed, resting my head on my window pane. I couldn’t do this to Jongup. Not after our shared words, and our unforgettable moments. If I say this, I will hurt him. Oh my God, what a dilemma my life is. What will I do? I opened the window and put my elbows on the sill. I looked outside and saw that from where I was, I could see BAP still giving autographs. Oh, should I even call him? I don’t know if I can.

I pulled the phone out of my pocket, unlocked it and looked for the name of Jongup in my contact list. I pressed the green button and approached the phone to my ear, swallowing countless times the saliva that formed in my mouth because of the nervousness. I saw them say goodbye to the fans and everyone entered the van, except Jongup. He stopped, took out the phone from his pocket and a big smile formed on his lips as he looked at the phone screen.

“Yeoboseyo, ______-ah.” He said in a cheerful voice and I already felt the tears wanting to fall from my eyes. Oh my God, I hate myself.

“Jong.. Jongup..” I said his name faintly. "I.. I want to think a bit about our relationship." I said almost in a breath and felt my heart sinking in the deep and dark waters of the sadness. I saw through the window his charming smile disappear.

"What do you mean?" He asked without realizing why I'm saying this. I know. I'm being so stupid and this is being so painful for me.

"I want to take a break in our relationship." I said a little louder and put a hand on my chest. I was feeling pain. Incredible as it seems, he did the same as me. He put a hand on his chest.

“Wh.. What?” He asked in a small voice and I held myself on the windowsill. My knees were weak.

“Mian. Just give me time. Please don’t talk to me anymore because I have to think about our relationship." I said and closed the window, taking my eyes off him. I hung up the call and slipped down the wall until I was sitting on the floor. I leaned my head on my knees.

“______. ______.” I heard my name being pronounced constant times from outside. I know it was Jongup. I know. I began sobbing and looked at the screen of my phone which had a picture of Jongup with a beautiful smile on his lips as wallpaper. Mian Jongup. Mian. I said constantly in my mind while some tears were falling from my cheeks and wetting the phone screen.

Ninth step:

He definitely will cry because of me.

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