The wind led my tears, causing my tears wet my face more. The wind swung my hair and I shook my head. I wiped the tears that insisted on falling, with the sleeve of the sweater and sniffled. Oh God, what am I going to do now? People passed by me and looked at me, whispering something I couldn’t understand. What will I do now?

I turned my feet to the left side and sniffled again. I started walking to my house. I want to lock myself in my room and not see anyone. I don’t want to see the sunshine. I don’t want to see the stars because they remind me of Jongup. What will I do without him? I continued to walk absorbed in my thoughts, the pain was well etched in my heart. Suffer for love is so painful. I hate feeling like this. I stopped walking when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

“Yeoboseyo.” I replied almost voiceless. The tears began to fall again. Oh God, why the tears don’t stop? I know why they don’t stop, they don’t stop because I love Jongup and I lost him as a gust of wind.

"______-ah, what happened? Why Jongup is sad? Why he locked himself in the room?" The voice of Zelo came across the line, as fast as lightning. I felt the bitter taste of one of my tears and sighed.

"Zelo-ah, he rushed down and got it all wrong." I said in a melancholy voice, and tried not to sob but was being difficult. I looked at my front and saw that I was near my house. I started walking and when I stopped at the front door, I took the keys from the bag and opened it. "He broke up with me without even listening to everything I had to say." I threw the bag onto the couch and I approached the living room table. “I lost him Zelo-ah.” I started sobbing weakly. I felt my strength fading away through my fingers.

"Oh ______, don’t be like that. Everything will be solved." He said in a coaxing tone, trying to comfort me though he wasn’t on my side. Zelo is one of the people with whom I get along better. He’s like a younger brother to me. I help him whenever he needs but now it's the opposite. He’s helping me because I need to. "It’s better to come here to the dorm and talk to him calmly." He said in a low tone and I heard some noises in the background. It seems that he was no longer alone. "Come ______, I'm sure things will settle down. We will be waiting for you." This was the last thing he said before hanging up.

I landed the phone on the table and stared at the ceiling. Should I go to the dorm? Should I face Jongup and clarify the things? If I don’t clear the things, it will be worse for us. Things have to be resolved and we can’t accumulate them. My eyes prowled the room, until they stop in the desk drawer, where this morning I had put the book. With my hands shaking slightly, I opened the white drawer, and took the book slowly. I opened it and stopped on the page on which was written the fifth step. Should I read the fifth step knowing that I and Jongup are like this? I shrugged to myself and read the sentence of the fifth step.

'Fifth step: Tell him you are jealous of the other girls.'

I closed the book in a thud and put it in the drawer, closing it with force. Me? Jealousy? I'm not a jealous person, but wait there. Jealousy? Wait, is that... Does Jongup thought that because of.. Jealousy? Oh, it may be that. I got up from the couch a little more lively and left home with quiet steps. No use rushing me. I know that when Jongup wants to be alone, he locks himself in his room and not talk to anyone, so he should still be locked in the room.

I stopped at the bus stop and waited for one to arrive. The dorm is a bit far from my house and every time I want to go there, it has to be by bus or taxi, if I walk, it takes me an eternity. A bus stopped and I walked in, I sat down in the only seat that was free and leaned my head on the cold glass, hoping to get there soon.

My eyes saw the huge houses where the bus passed, the trees with flowers swaying in the wind and some parks with some children playing, until the bus stopped and I saw the dormitory of BAP. I stood in one leap and left the bus. My heart was beating a mile and my palms began to sweat. Oh God, my heart. I sighed a few times before knocking at the door. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and raised my fist, eventually knocking lightly on the door. I heard the sound of the door being opened and I opened my eyes.

“Hey.” Zelo greeted me, waving cutely, and I gave a small smile in response to his fulfillment. He opened the door wider, letting me enter. I walked into the living room and all the guys were watching TV, except Jongup. It was to be expected. I greeted them with a weak 'hello' and I looked around.

"Jongup is in his room?" I asked to everyone and looked at the television without actually see what was showing.

“Yeah, there.” Youngjae pointed to the hallway and I nodded slightly. I stepped away from them and went through some doors until I stopped at the last one.

"______, be careful with Jongup, he’s different from normal." Himchan said jokingly and I sighed. I knocked lightly on the door and heard only silence. I ran my hand across my forehead and knocked on the door again.

"Go away. I want to be alone." I heard the weak voice of Jongup and I bit my lower lip lightly. Jongup babojis. I put my hand on the doorknob and swirled it lightly, getting admired because the door was open. How he wants people to leave him alone if he leaves the door unlocked? Ah, babo. I took two steps and closed the door behind me. He was sitting on the bed, his back was turned to me, and he was with his chin resting on his knees. If we weren’t like this, I would have sat beside him and leaned my head on his shoulder.

“Jongup.” I said his name in a whisper and saw his body stiffen. I knew he wasn’t expecting me to come. "Jongup, I need to clarify the things because you thought wrong." I said, approaching him. He continued in the same position and looked out the window of his room.

"Everything is explained. I understood perfectly well." He said in a rude tone and I bit my lower lip for the second time. If he keeps talking like that to me, sooner or later, I'll cry.

"No, it isn’t. You got it all wrong." I said a little louder and closed my hands into fists.

"Just go away ______." He grunted and I sighed. I felt the warm blood running through my veins. I stood in front of him but he didn’t look at me.

"Are you stupid or you really like to suffer?" I said louder with high voice. This was the first time I spoke to him this way. "Are you some kind of masochist?" He looked away from the window and stared at my face. "You like watching people suffer?" I made another question and felt a tear running down my cheek. "You don’t know I only love you, and not that jerk?" I asked, my voice bitter. His eyes widened when he heard my confession and grabbed my wrist. "I just wanted to say that I gained a certainty, the certainty that I love you."

“______.” He said my name in a sad voice and I looked into his eyes. "I.. I don’t know what to say. I spoke without thinking." He pulled me gently causing me to sit in his lap. "When I saw you talking to him, I was jealous, and I didn’t think before speaking." He spoke in a whisper, and I covered my face in the crook of his neck. "Mian haeyo." He asked rocking me in his lap and some tears fell from my eyes, watering his beautiful and fragrant neck.

"You think I don’t get jealous when I see you smiling at girls?" I asked, raising my head a bit. I found this an appropriate time to do the fifth step. "You think I don’t get jealous when you show your body to them?” I made another question and he shook his head.

"I didn’t know you were jealous, ______." He looked at me in a cute way, and I sighed.

"Of course I'm jealous, after all, you are the person I love, and you are supposed to be just mine." I said a little flushed, and he wiped with his thumb, the remaining tears that were in the corners of my eyes.

"Mian, I promise I'll behave." He said with a small smile. Ah, my Jongup was back. "I'm sorry I made you cry, I was really a pabo." He said weakly and my cheek. "I don’t ever want to lose you ______, I felt my heart sinking and my life, no longer seemed to be the same." He blurted and I nodded, knowing what he was feeling. I felt the same. “I love you ______.” He whispered close to my ear and then rubbed his nose on mine, making a chuckle of joy came out of my vocal cords. I love you too Moon Jongup.

Fifth step:

The pain is dissipating at every minute I see his smile and my mind repeats over and over again what he had said. 'I love you.'

ahah! I ♥ you guys :)