Chapter 28

“Master, Miss Kyuhyun is here,” Minseok called to Hangeng as he led the pale boy into the guest room.

It was the night before they arrived back in the capital and the Emperor along with his vast entourage were staying in one of the many estates he owned that were spread around the countryside surrounding the great city.

Kyuhyun knew that this would be the last chances for him to freely speak to Hangeng for a long time. The prince hadn’t sought him out, had practically avoided him, since their conversation the night before they left the plains. Kyuhyun had kept his distance, hoping that the other would come to him and say that he would accept his demand but the elder never did.

So now he came to Hangeng, hoping, though sinking feeling in his stomach was near extinguishing it.

Minseok quickly left, shutting the doors and no doubt guarding the entrance to secure their privacy. Hangeng looked pleasantly surprised to see him, but than seeing Kyuhyun’s expression, he grimaced, leaving a small frown upon his face. He then got up, his face transforming into a forced smile.

“We will be in the capital tomorrow and I will ask Imperial Father for your hand very soon.” Hangeng wrapped his arms around the younger man, embracing him through the tension that seemed to fill the air.

Kyuhyun felt saddened yet unsurprised by the avoidance. “Can you promise me?” He asked as he moved out of his lover’s arms but within reaching distance.

“Can you really refuse an Imperial decree?” Hangeng’s face was solemn, both seeming to know what the other would say but enacting out the conversation anyway.

“Even if you have permission, no one can force me to marry you.” Kyuhyun’s face was serious. “I would rather become a nun or take poison then be forced against my will to do anything.”

“I really don’t understand you. Why are you not willing to marry me? You say you love me, yet you also say you would rather kill yourself than marry me?” Hangeng’s eyes were filled with confusion and sadness.

“It’s not that I won’t marry you, it’s just that I don’t want you to go after the throne.”

“I don’t understand how the two matters are related,” Hangeng sighed as Kyuhyun closed his eyes in disappointment.

Kyuhyun steeled himself as he started to explain, stopping himself from yelling in frustration that Hangeng would never be Emperor so he shouldn’t risk himself. “The fight for the throne is dangerous. If you win, you are the most powerful person in the land.” He paused as he remembered his History teacher droning on about the Nine Lord’s War, Kangxi’s throne and the various princes who would fall into ruin because of it. “If you lose, at best you will be like First Prince, lock in your palace for the rest of your life, in solitary confinement. At worst,” he struggled to word everything he remembered befalling the Eighth Prince after Fourth Prince became Emperor, “at worst, you could lose your position, your friends, your dignity and your life.” He stared fiercely at the surprised Eighth Prince, “Are you prepared to lose your life for the throne?”

Hangeng smiled sadly, “If I lose, I will accept what will happen next.” Looking just as hard as Kyuhyun he said, “After all these year of hard work, do you not think I had these doubts, these thoughts. I experienced them all and I am determined. I made my peace with whatever will happen and I am following my decision through to the end. Compared with the Crown Prince I have a better chance. Even if I had no chance I would still try.”

Even though he knew he was fighting a losing battle Kyuhyun continued, his tone pleading, “Why can you not be like Fifth Prince? He is also a very intelligent man. He is considered just as knowledgeable as you but he doesn’t not get involved.”

Hangeng didn’t remained silent, his face turned away. Kyuhyun felt like crying at that moment. He could see so clearly what would happen yet here he was fighting against it as hard as he could but the man he was trying to save didn’t want saving. He knew he couldn’t stay so he made to leave. As he neared the exit, Hangeng called out.

“Stop! What if I could make you Empress?”

“I never thought of being Empress.”

“If you are willing to threaten to die so you don’t have to marry me, why are you willing to risk dying with me?”

“I’m afraid,” Kyuhyun whispered though it was just loud enough for Hangeng to catch before the other disappeared through the wooden doors.

**

Kyuhyun should have been happier, Jinki had sneaked over while he wasn’t no duty to see his friends since they had recently returned from the North. The youngest was happy when he arrived but both he and Ryeowook had noticed the subdued mood of the oldest.

“Are you alright, ge?” Ryeowook asked gently, Jinki looking on worriedly.

“I just read a story, it was so sad and the characters so tragic.”

“Which story, ge?” Jinki smiled lightly, “You should tell us of it.”

“Have you heard the story of the Butterfly Lovers?”

Jinki grinned more widely now, pleased with himself for knowing something. The story was a popular opera as well as told verbally, in songs and poems also. “It is about lovers who cannot be together. Eventually they both die and turn into butterflies.” His smile fell as he noticed his Ge’s face.

“If you love someone and the time you have together is limited, would you still want to be with him regardless?”

Ryeowook grinned happily at the thought, “It is rare for two people to fall in love.”

“That’s true. I would rather have one day with a person I love than a whole lifetime with someone I dislike,” Jinki agreed easily. He would be happy if the person he was married off to was kind to him.

“It’s like that,” Kyuhyun stilled seemed distracted as Ryeowook added.

“Who knows how long we will have with the person we love,” His tone was wistful and had a tinge of longing in it. If Kyuhyun had been more focussed he would have noticed the look of intense melancholy that overtook the younger’s face for less than a second. “Gege, it’s just a story.”

“I obviously thought too much about it,” Kyuhyun chuckled for his audience as he let Jinki lead Ryeowook off into another conversation. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to listen carefully.

“Is it true that they would risk a lifetime of pain for only a day with the person they love? They think love is enough to sustain them? I have had the same thoughts yet I come to a different outcome. If I choose the Eighth Prince I will have over 10 years by his side. Is my hesitance because I don’t love him enough? Is my love really that weak?”

**

Kyuhyun avoided Hangeng’s sad and inquiring gaze every time the elder was called to see his father as his mind twisted and turned, he argued with himself and tried to work out what exactly he was thinking.

He didn’t know how to come to terms with his own fear.

**

The Emperor was in a good mood as the Autumn headed towards Winter. He decided to call a few of his sons to spend the afternoon with him, a beautiful day had appeared and the Emperor wanted to take advantage. Hangeng and Sungmin were invited, as well as Siwon and Changmin. Yoochun, who had turned into his father’s shadow since his first fall from grace, was ever present, as well as a few of the other princes.

“Why is Imperial Father in such a good mood today?” Yesung inquired, their father had just left to put on another layer of clothing at the insistence of Leeteuk as the weather became cooler in the afternoon.

“Imperial Father has a thousand worries a day, of course he needs a day to unwind,” Changmin laughed as he stole some fruit that was being served to Sungmin causing the younger to frown playfully at him.

“Well it’s not like you ever have any worries,” Yesung replied, offended at his younger brother’s laughter, always on the defensive, plus Changmin always managed to get away with the most scandalous behaviour.

Changmin smirked, Yesung was always fun to wind up and his carefree attitude to everything was one of the best ways to annoy the elder. One point for him.

“It’s rare that so many of us are gathered together, we should enjoy ourselves fully,” Yoochun smiled, looking up from watching a game of Go between Siwon and Hangeng.  The two of them were at a standstill it seemed.

Yoochun offered to play Hangeng in the next game as Siwon excused himself, going to talk to his father as the Emperor re-entered the pavilion. As he passed Kyuhyun, giving him a heated stare, the younger felt a blush rise to his cheeks and his breath caught. He hadn’t talked to the prince since before they left for Mongolia though Siwon had sent another present upon his arrival home. Ryeowook had accepted it unknowingly otherwise it would have been sent back much like the bird’s nest had been. The exquisite glass bottle was beautifully painted and Kyuhyun loved it though he had no intention of admitting it. He planned to send it back as discretely as possible whenever he got the chance. It’s not like he could openly send a package to a prince – he wasn’t allowed to have any relationships when he was a palace maid! He didn’t want to imagine Leeteuk’s fury and disapproval if anything was discovered, let alone if Kangin found out.

As he turned back to watching the game of Go, which was now played by Hangeng and Yoochun, he caught Sungmin frowning at him. Hangeng was looking at the board though his stare was despairing and his forehead was creased. He determinedly avoided everyone’s eyes for the rest of the day.

**

Heechul attended Hangeng every day, they danced around each other silently as the elder handed his husband a paintbrush for his calligraphy. Heechul knew that Hangeng had never been truly happy, always so restrained and put together. He wished he could make the other man smile and laugh like he knew others were able to but it seemed that he didn’t possess the ability, that hidden quality that others held.

So he did everything that he himself could do. Normally that was enough.

But recently even spending the day with Kibum didn’t pierce the melancholy that surrounded the Eighth Prince.

“I spoke with my father. He said that you would always be his son-in-law and to count on him.”

“You did not need to do that Heechul,” Hangeng sighed as finished the character.

“Why? It is a given that I would do this for you.”

“You have done enough. You should return to the person I married all those years ago. Back then I could concentrate.” Hangeng was dismissive, distracted, his careless words hurting Heechul more than harsh words ever could.

“I would do whatever, as long as you wanted me to,” Heechul spoke more weakly, his voice attracting his husband’s attention at last. A weak effort to reassure his wife came in the form of a distracted kiss though Heechul could tell the other’s heart and thoughts weren’t anywhere near. He took small comfort in his husband’s warm embrace while he could.

He knew who his husband really wanted and needed and it cut him to his core.

**

The snow was thick on the ground when Kyuhyun next met with Hangeng. The winter was approaching in full force. Kyuhyun smiled slightly as he imagined the Christmas celebrations which were being thrown on the other side of the world around about this time. He would occasionally try to guess what the date would be on the Grecian calendar, the calendar that would one day be adopted all over the world.

The lake was half frozen in front of him as he stood on the wooden dock waiting for the prince. The meeting had been arranged, deep in the gardens, far from where anyone would walk for pleasure in this weather, so unlikely to be interrupted.

He heard the steady footfall behind him and turned to see Hangeng’s stern countenance. Kyuhyun spoke before the other could greet him, he desperately wanted this meeting to be over. He already knew the outcome, the continuous rehashing was hurting them both and he wanted this to end now. Now before he torn himself any further into shreds.

“Once more I’ll ask, can you fulfil my request?”

A few days ago Mi had visited him, once again through his mother-in-law, the Consort Sooyeon.

“My Lord Hangeng sent me. He wants to know if you’ll marry him.”

“He sent you?” Kyuhyun remembered the shock he had felt that Hangeng had swooped so low as to use his brother.

“Even Heechul wants me to ask you.” Mi had smiled sadly but supportively. “Heechul thinks that our Lord needs you…” He had looked deeply into Kyuhyun’s eyes, so gently and lovingly. His voice was soft as he asked, “Do you like him? You know that he would treat you well. And that we could meet each other as often as we liked if we were on the same estate.”

“You have no objections?” Kyuhyun hadn’t been able to hold the elder’s gaze and had turned to stare at his rapidly cooling tea.

“You know that I am indifferent to these matters, besides what prince does not have many wives? Many wives and many children are the sign of good fortune. If you truly like him, do not worry about the trivial things.”

“If it was that Captain… if it was he who was taking another wife?”

Mi’s voice had broken as he had replied, “I don’t know.”

Sending Mi had helped clear up any doubts, though not in the way Hangeng obviously had hoped. Talking to his elder brother had calmed his raging emotions and cleared his mind. He knew what he would do, this shouldn’t have dragged on so long and it definitely shouldn’t have included Mi.

Kyuhyun shook as he stared into the eyes on the man that he knew he loved, even if that love wasn’t sorry enough, it was still love. They could have had so much, if only Kyuhyun could fight fate and history.

“Tell me. I want you to say it. I want this to be over.”

Hangeng’s face was ashen and Kyuhyun wished he could kiss away the misery that was etched on to that brow but he couldn’t. This was over. This was the end. He panicked as grasped Kyuhyun’s arms, pressing frantic bruises into his skin.

“Why must you make me choose? I don’t understand. Why? Why force me to choose between two things I could have simultaneously?”

Hangeng clung as hard as he could. The reality of losing Kyuhyun was finally in front of him and there was no way he could sink back into denial. This was it. His composure was breaking for the first time in years and his control was slipping through his fingertips.

“Yes or no? Just say it.”

Kyuhyun’s face became a mask of coldness, he had to keep strong and follow through. This had to happen, Hangeng had to say it. Otherwise they would both clutch a tendril of hope and that hope had to be crushed to prevent both hearts breaking further.

A silent “No” passed Hangeng’s lips. A mere breath, but enough for Kyuhyun to see, to hear and to acknowledge. Hangeng’s grip on Kyuhyun’s forearm slipped and the elder’s arms hung uselessly by his sides.

Both stood in silence, staring at each other as they realised that there was no way to salvage what they had. They couldn’t go any further. There was no happy ending for them.

“Beware of the Fourth Prince.”

Hangeng blinked in confusion. Already discomposed, he wasn’t prepared, yet at the same time he had always been prepared.

“And watch out for Lee Sunho, Hwang Yoonseok, Jang Woohyuk and No Minwoo. Be more cautious with your dealings with them.”

A heavy pause fell between them before Kyuhyun struck the final blow. “From now on, we are nothing to each other.”

“Kyuhyun!”

“I am a person afraid of death, not worth holding on to.”

He turned and fled into the snow, leaving a frozen Hangeng to gaze at his retreating form, his insides feeling as icy as his skin.

**

Kyuhyun was huddled in the snow, sobbing as he collapsed against a tree when he felt a presence over him. Looking up he scowled as he saw the man who couldn’t help but want to blame yet who he knew was currently blameless. You could hardly get mad at someone’s future actions that were partly justifiable.

He barely felt the other man that was there pull him up and brush the snow off of him. His body stiff, the muscle cramped and his skin as cold as the snow that was covering him.

“Kyuhyun, are you alright?” Changmin’s voice was surprisingly gentle, his soft leather gloves just as gently brushing his beneath his swollen eyes to remove the heavy tears.

Kyuhyun didn’t say a word as he let himself fall against his closest friend. The warm that enveloped him nearly made him forget the elder prince that was watching him closely.

“Let me take you back,” Changmin squeezed the other boy, reassurance and love emanating from him.

“Stop. You can’t carry a palace maid in this state back. Think of what would be said. Nothing good would come of that.” Siwon spoke for the first time as he saw his brother make to pick up the still crying servant.

Changmin nodded grimly as he imagined the malicious gossip that could spring forth. “I will go get help, you stay here with Kyuhyun.” The younger prince was gone, passing the boy to the elder before either of them could protest.

Kyuhyun ignored the prince as he focused on the pain that was piercing his chest. But he still stood there, clutching Siwon’s arm as the taller watched him, his face inscrutable.

“You shouldn’t cry anymore.” Siwon finally spoke after a long silence. Kyuhyun looked up with sad eyes. “If you wish to cry, you should do so in the comfort of your room. That way you can cry as much as you want without hurting yourself… or being a nuisance to others.” Kyuhyun felt anger replace his some of his sadness and he pushed the elder away from him as fiercely as he could.

Rage boiled through him as he collapsed into the snow bank that was next to the path. Heartbreak was forgotten as he started to pick up snow throwing it at the prince, who he could swear had a slight smirk on his face, which was hidden by the clock which had been pulled up to block the balls of snow that were being lobbied at him.

He stopped when he heard a group running towards them. Changmin rounded the bend with a gaggle of eunuchs and a stretcher.

“Why are you on the ground?!” was the exclamation he heard before he was lifted quickly by the Thirteenth Prince and deposited on his transportation.

He threw the last fistful of snow at the Fourth Prince as he was carried away by the concerned servants.

He didn’t hear the next exchange between the two brothers. Siwon’s quiet reply of “Anger suits him better than listless crying,” would have surprised him greatly.

**

Kyuhyun was prescribed bed rest after the day in the snow. The Imperial Physician had said that it was lucky the cold didn’t damage his lungs. The cold had weaken him and he was happy to spend time away from the court and any news of Hangeng. But even hiding in his quarters Ryeowook had managed to slip in some gossip. “The Eighth Prince is ill, he has a cold and hasn’t attended court for several days.”

Kyuhyun wondered if Hangeng had caught the cold in the snow much like he had caught his. He wondered if Hangeng had sat in it, unable to move much like he had. Or whether he had a simple chill. He tried to stop these thoughts, after all, Hangeng was nothing to him now.

He wasn’t prepared for the day Sungmin came storming into his calm courtyard. The snow having settled and the warm winter sun peeking out allowing Kyuhyun the courage to sit outside and try and soak up the tepid rays.

“Do you have no heart? Are you that cold and cruel? How could you treat someone like that?” Sungmin’s tone was venomous. His rage palpable and thrumming through the air. Kyuhyun felt fear in his heart as Sungmin dragged him up and spat words in his face. “Why did you do it? Loving and losing someone is worse than never knowing love! Are you just a flirtatious vixen or do you actually have an excuse for your behaviour?”  

“I don’t have to speak to you! Let go of me. It hurts.” Kyuhyun tried to demand as Sungmin shook him in anger. He tried twisting out of the other’s hold but he was breathless already. His lungs struggling to grasp oxygen, and his head feeling light.

“You still feel pain? Good. Then at least you can feel some of what you inflict on others.” Sungmin’s eyes were flashing dangerously and Kyuhyun had no idea how to escape. He wished he had the power to scream but he could only weakly protest. “I have seen the way other princes look at you. How many of my other brothers have you cast under your spell? Do you have any compassion or are you just a mean hearted son of a desperate for power? What did you want from him? What did you gain by breaking his heart? You are going to tell me the truth!”

“Shut up! Let me go! I won’t let you speak to me like this. Let me go!”

“Fourteenth Brother,” A voice that both recognised filled the courtyard and both stilled. Neither would be able to explain this scene, both relying on each other but anger at each other just as present. Kyuhyun turned his face away, preferring to stare at the floor, leaving Sungmin to turn to his two older brothers.

“Looks like the two of you are putting on some kind of show. We obviously turned up at exactly the right time,” Changmin’s nonchalant tone followed Siwon’s forceful one.

“Fourteenth Brother,” Siwon’s voice was calm and unaffected, “we just came from visiting Mother. She misses you, so if you have nothing to do, you should go and visit her.” The order was clear, even if it was presented as a quiet suggestion.

Sungmin nodded stiffly before leaning into the still trembling Kyuhyun, whispering so as to not let his heated words reach the other two. “In a few days, I’ll visit you again.”

Kyuhyun shivered as Sungmin stalked out of the courtyard and he collapsed on to the beach he had been sitting on previously. Changmin was by his side in less than a moment.

“What was that?” Changmin demanded, his true self showing. He could not trust anyone other than his Fourth Brother to see how he acted around Kyuhyun. Fear of being reprimanded for their close relationship would not bother Changmin if it only affected him, but if Kyuhyun was subject to rumours or a scandal because of him, Changmin didn’t know how he could live with the guilt. Kyuhyun was his one true friend and he cherished that.

Kyuhyun raised his head and spoke, his voice carrying an undercurrent of discomfort, “Greetings Fourth Prince, Thirteenth Prince.”

“What was that, Kyuhyun?” Changmin refused to allow Kyuhyun to distance himself by erecting a wall of protocol. Siwon moved nearer but still stayed a few paces away from the friends.

Tears sprung to Kyuhyun’s eyes as fear remained strong within him. Sorrow, at the pain Hangeng must be in because of him, filled him.

“It’s okay. I won’t ask.” Changmin shushed as he rocked the other boy in his arms.

“If Fourteenth Brother is putting you in a spot. You can speak out. We can help you.” Siwon spoke up as he sat down opposite the other two.

“It’s nothing. Just a small argument. You know how we have fought continuously since we met. We have never agreed about anything. It’ll resolve itself in a couple of days.” Kyuhyun pushed Changmin away gently and sat up, strength and worry of being found out making him strong in the face of these two princes. He wiped his face and forced his eyes to stop leaking.

“If you don’t want to tell, we won’t press you. But if you have a problem don’t keep it bottled up and know that if you ever need us, we will help you.” Changmin glanced at his elder brother who nodded his agreement.

Kyuhyun smiled at them both for the first time as he regarded their serious expressions. He knew that he could trust these men to a certain degree. He didn’t know why the Fourth Prince was so interested in him but at that moment he was happy for that cold man’s reassuring gaze.

But he also knew that he could never tell them of his relationship with Eighth Prince. While they might not care so much now, though they would be shocked, and Fourth Prince might be angry for a while, later, when the current rift widened and deepened, Kyuhyun might find himself shunned. And that was a future he could not bear.

“Thank you for helping me the other day, thank you for visiting me and thank you for any help you will give me in the future.” Kyuhyun bowed his head at both princes, glad that they looked on him so kindly. It was a blessing and a support that he was grateful for, even if they wouldn’t ever know why.

**

A/N:

So this took longer to update than it should have *gives up* My work pattern has been manic the last couple of weeks. And this was actually pretty much finished since last week and I meant to update last weekend but life happened. I am actually visiting my mum right now hence the time to update ^^ I hope you guys aren’t too mad at my haphazard updating schedule (what schedule? There is no schedule!), I really don’t mean to be so erratic.  I’ll try to update within a week or two. I don’t want to be months between updates again.

I haven’t proof read or even read this so if it makes no sense… well just tell me so I can go bang my head against a wall and then come back to fix it xP

Love you all <3

Happy Easter!