Dearest Jinki

The SHINee concert is in a few days and my brother is excited as ever. He's making me go with him too and my parents are also "encouraging" me to go, just like how they're forcing me to go to Jeju Island in the holidays. I really want to stay and wait for you, but they've already bought the tickets and arranged everything. I can always visit you next time though, until then I'll patiently wait for you even though you never reply to my letters you big fat jerk.

On more positive news, my counselor says that I've been "opening up" a lot and that she will release me from the confines of her jail soon! Finally! Also, Sooyeon is coming back from Seoul for a short visit with her whole family! She emailed me and told me that she's doing well at the university there too. The tone of her message doesn't really sound excited though, I wonder if something's going on...

Oh well, I better not pry information from her. It's better if she tells me herself willingly, so then we can discuss it together.

Back to our previous topic... our first date started as a complete disaster didn't it?

Because I wanted to appeal to you as a 'lady' and not just a little girl, I had worn the highest heels I could find out. I also gave myself an intricate updo that made me look much more mature, although it pulled at my scalp. So, there I stood at our designated meeting place wearing a pale pink dress and admitedly shivering in the unexpected cold. You arrived a little after me, and although you had only been late by a few minutes I was so impatient that I inadvertently snapped at you.

For our date we went to a botanic garden, I had arranged it so that we would have a lovely time - but I hadn't taken into consideration many of the opposing factors. The weather was not playing out in our favor and although it wasn't raining (yet) it was tremendously windy. I had imagined that we would admire the flowers like grown-ups but of course that didn't happen. Being the easily distracted guy you are you had completely dismissed the flowers and was much more interested in the crossword on the garden pamphlet. "These roses are so pretty don't you"- "Four letters across, and the ultimate symbol of love! Thanks Hyerin," you interrupted as you excitedly filled it in. By then darkness had began to cover us, and I had completely reached my brink. "You're such an idiot, you never understand anything. I wish I didn't... I hate you!" I shouted as I sprinted away.

By the time I had realized my own stupidity I was out of breath and had gone miles. Sitting on a nearby bench a few tears escaped my eyes. "Jinki must hate me now for saying all those mean things," I murmured just as your black hoodie dropped on top of me. God wonders how you followed me all that way. "I couldn't hate you, no matter what," you said as you crouched down and took off my heels. "It must hurt just walking in these things," you added as you stood up and smiled. You let loose my hair, and the curls I had delicately ironed tumbled down. "Are you up for one last run?" you asked as you took my hand in yours.

That evening we ran all the way to the bus stop and then rode it to the arcade, of all places. Even though I was hesitant about the setting, playing "ice hockey", seeing how many baskets we could shoot and hitting the moles made me realize the most important thing. As long as I'm by your side, I'm happy. When you dropped me off at my house, my curly hair was a mess, I had no shoes on, and I was wearing an oversized men's hoodie with a chiffon dress (a forbidden pairing), but I was smiling. "See you at school," you gave me a pat on the head and began walking towards your house.

I'm no princess with my impatience and stubbornness, and you aren't a prince either, we both have our flaws. But if we're together it's just like a fairytale.

"Wait!" You turned around, startled and I ran to you. "... Even though I'm scared of losing all that we have now, I... I love you...”

As you already know, that was my first time ever confessing to a guy. Afterwards I felt really embarrassed! Why couldn't it be the other way round?!

By the way did you notice a difference with this letter? I wrote dearest instead of just dear... does it make me sound dainty? (NO SARCASTIC REPLIES, THANKS!)

Loving you,

Jang Hyerin