Dear Jinki

I just found out who Onew is. Please let me just vanish from the face of this planet. I was watching Entertainment News since my brother wanted me to see this group he liked, SHINee (that’s how they’re spelt, not SHINy so don’t correct my English!) and when they came on I swear every muscle in my body tensed. There he was, the exact same guy whose shin I had severely bruised sitting in all his glory. I was near having a heart attack, but then I remembered he doesn’t know my name so his millions of fans can’t assassinate me. I am safe, for now but, how are you? Hopefully there isn’t some maniac evil twin out there trying you to get you (okay, I admit that judging by what he said Onew isn’t evil. He could be hiding his dark side though). …. Anyway, the interviewer asked them what sort of girls they like and he said that he met his “ideal girl” recently although she’s a little “peculiar”. I’m glad that has someone he likes; maybe she can distract him from eradicating me.

Hey, do you still remember Sooyeon? During our last year in Junior High you dated her. She had curly hair that was always tied up in a ponytail and large doll eyes. At the time you didn’t tell me, but nevertheless all the girls in our homeroom class swarmed around me and spilled the news that I wanted nothing to do with. I had never received that much attention from them, yet in my heart I felt lonely.

For the rest of the day I avoided you. While you waited for me so we could go home on your bike, I told my friends to tell you I had taken the bus.  You went down the road, and I stared at your back as it went further and further. It felt like I was suspended in mid-air as my heart lurched capriciously. Nothing seemed to have altered, yet every step I took on the way home, a tear slid down my face. I was really afraid to lose you, really afraid. The next day though, everything went back into place. I put on a smooth demeanor and I thought I had you fooled, but after English ended and everyone was heading to their next subject, you pulled be onto the balcony.

The chill of the air pricked my face and I could feel the goose bumps emerging from my skin. “What’s wrong?” you asked, concern absorbing your voice. Back then I didn’t know what exactly was upsetting me. I just didn’t want you to vanish from me. "Nothing,” I had replied as I averted eye contact with you. “You’ve been like this since yesterday,” you retorted, “You even had your friends lie to me.” Hearing the accusation you threw at me, anger released itself. “Well, you shouldn’t be worried about me; don’t you have a girlfriend for that?” We argued like that for another ten minutes, saying words we didn’t mean, despite fully knowing that class had already begun.

But then the words froze themselves as we saw the shards of ice, melting on each other’s cheek. Automatically we both looked up to see snow falling daintily down from the pale sky. Anger washed away just like that, and laughter erupted as we witnessed the start of a new season together.

Together we sat on the balcony, leaning against each other with your jacket draped across our legs. We were chatting about miniscule things that normally we had no care for. “I’m breaking up with Sooyeon,” you had suddenly announced. I looked at you wearily, “You don’t have to, I don’t mind at all. She’s a really nice girl from what I’ve heard.” Giving me  your signature stupid grin you replied, “Exactly, she deserves someone who actually likes her”. I whacked your head  then(I am sorry about that, I understand you must have lost quite a bit of brain cells from it), “Why did you date her if you don’t like her?” “Well, you said that you have someone you love, that Eric guy or something, and I just thought-” “Eric guy? You mean Eric from Shinhwa”. You weren’t into idol groups, but you certainly were no idiot, and as you realized what was happening I laughed wildly.

That was the only time I ever got to tease you. The rest of the time it was the opposite.

Oh, how I long for those days.

Love,

Jang Hyerin