Confession
...
It's harder than you think

 Tess was standing at the window in the living room, letting the sheer white curtains cover her as she watched the rain fall outside.
She had slipped into this place, where she was now, with these people. She'd hardly had the chance to think of the past, let alone fight with the pain left behind.

But right now, as she stood there with the sounds of a joyful family behind her, the memories came to the fore front of her mind. She'd had defenses before, left bare as she was now she began to choke on the emotion welling up inside.

She shook her head with a sigh.
Sadness could smother a person, she knew, but try as she might it wouldn't leave her.

She felt his presence behind her and her breath caught. The curtains shifted and a warm hand wiped away traces of tears she didn't even realize she'd shed. Tess turned slightly to face him and the sounds of bickering siblings faded around them.

His eyes were watching her intently, they were almost fathomless in depth, she thought not for the first time.
Drawn to him like no other, fear crept up into her. It must have shown in her eyes because he shook his head and pulled her closer, tucking a strand of stray hair behind her left ear.

He never spoke, never took his eyes from her face. He just stood there with her. The silent support shook her.
When she trembled he smiled and pulled her into an embrace.

She cried then, like never before. Gripping tightly the back of his shirt.
Neither noticed when the two girls left the apartment on silent feet.

~o0o~

Crystal poked Yoojung and pointed with her chin at Jaejoong.
He sat across from them on the floor of the living room holding a piece of the jigsaw puzzle they were working on, but his gaze was on the girl staring out the window.
 Yoojung giggled and the two looked at each other with smiles on their faces. They watched as he dropped the puzzle piece and walked over to Tess.

"What do you think about that?" Crystal asked pushing her dongsaeng  with her shoulder.

"It was clearly only a matter of time." Yoojung said haughtily. "I saw it coming, since the hospital."

"You did not." Crystal argued with a laugh.

"I did too!"  Yoojung stuck out her tongue. "Just because you didn't see it..."

They stopped talking at the first sound of despair coming from their new friend.
Shooting each other worried looks they stood without a sound and grabbed their coats and umbrella.

"Want to go to the store?" Crystal asked when they stepped out into the hall. Yoojung nodded and they left their friend in the trust of their brothers warm comfort.

~o0o~

Connection
...
The bonds we make,
and the bonds we break
forever stay with us

Some time later, after the tears had ran out, Tess sat back beside Jaejoong on the floor, their backs against the window, holding hands.

"I was married." she said quietly. Jaejoong's breath caught but he listened without saying anything, gripping her hand tighter.

"We were dating during high school. It was a tumultuous relationship, always breaking up and getting back together. Then I got pregnant."

Sadness permeated through her softly spoken words and he even found tears gathering in his own eyes.

"We married and had a beautiful, high spirited daughter. I was happy, we were really happy, but then he died. A car accident with a drunk driver."

When he heard that a pain zinged through his chest and he held her tighter, feeling horrible on his own.

"I raised Sara on my own. For seven years, it wasn't an easy job, but I loved her more than anything else in this world. Then, about a year and a half ago, my mother took Sara for an outing. It was raining, like today."

Tess swallowed as a few more tears found their way to the surface. Jaejoong felt her trembling and held her close to his chest, running a hand up and down her arm in comfort.

"They died. The car spun out and fell off into a flooded ravine. I haven't ... I haven't been able to even think of it without wanting to follow them. Everyday I have to fight myself to stay alive, to stay sane. I loved them Jaejoong-ssi. I loved them and they all died!"

Tess began to sob once more and he gathered her up, enfolding her in his arms completely. He kissed the top of her head as his own tears dripped into her hair.

"It's ok."  

"It's ok for you to live Tess. I promise." He said quietly, knowing she could hear him.

"It's all right for you to live."

Tess could only cry harder at the words she'd been waiting for since the first funeral.
She wrapped her arms around his middle and held on to him. Here was someone special, an angel that had plucked her from the dark abyss.
His words washing over her in warmth, she took a shuddering breath. "Thank you Jaejoong-ah. Thank you."

~o0o~

Goodbye
...
The saddest word in the human language is the farewell,
because goodbye could mean forever

The last three days passed too quickly for the group.
Standing at the far left of the gate in which Yoojung and Jaejoong were to board their plane, the four huddled together with tears and hugs.

Yoojung was crying loudly, clinging first to her sister, then Tess.

"I'm going to miss you so much."

Tess gave her a firm hug. "I will miss you too." Tess said with silent tears falling from her eyes. Crystal was dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. Jaejoong stood quietly, watching them from behind a pair of large sunglasses.

"Why can't you come to Korea too?" Yoojung asked for the hundredth time that day.

Tess smiled sadly. "I can't Yoojung-ah. Not right now. I have a lot to do here. Maybe in a few months or so, I'll be able to come to Korea and bug you."

"I'll hold you to that Eonni." the girl said wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She and Crystal walked towards the line of people going through security, leaving Tess and Jaejoong to their goodbye.

Tess looked at him and smiled. He returned it, but it seemed a bit forced, a bit sad.

"How long do you stay before going back to Japan?"

Jaejoong took a step forward and fidgeted. "A few days. There's a lot to do." he said quietly.
Tess nodded and patted his arm.

"Don't worry."

Jaejoong looked at her for a long time. She couldn't see his eyes behind the tinted lenses, but she understood.
She smiled at him brightly, no hint of the sadness she felt showing.

"I'm glad we can stay friends Jaejoong-ah. Even from an ocean away."

He stood there for a moment more, showing no expression, standing perfectly still.

Then he moved, gripping the handle of his suitcase he slung his duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Bye Tess. I hope to see you again. Take care." With that he turned and walked away.

Crystal came to stand beside her with a slight worried look in her eyes. They watched as the siblings went through security and disappeared into the boarding gate.

Then Crystal turned and pulled the silently crying Tess into a hug, her own tears falling to the tile floor.
"It won't be forever. We'll see them again." she whispered.

Tess wound up moving in with Crystal by the end of that next week.
They both felt utterly lonely with out Yoojung around, and Crystal thought it was ridiculous for her to be spending so much on a hotel when she had a perfectly good room she could rent.

Tess got a job at the diner she'd ate at when she first arrived in Vancouver, and some days she worked at the florist down the block. She was able to move on from the past thanks to Jaejoong, but that brought forth a new pain as well.

They had barely enough time to get to know one another, but there had been something.
All in all Tess realized it was a futile effort for a relationship.

Jaejoong was an idol in Korea and Japan. In all of Asia he was known, his face the main in many young girls dreams.
To be with him would risk his career, something he loved dearly.

Tess had no desire for the spot light either, and on top of that they would hardly ever see one another. That as well as the fact she had been married before and had had a child. In America something like that didn't really matter, but she knew that in Korea it was looked down upon strongly.

Jaejoong had spoken of how lonely an idols life was due to their popularity. It made her feel badly for him, and ultimately for herself even though she knew better. She was a few years older than him as well. The odds were stacked against them.

There was no room for someone like Tess in his life. She had too much in her past to let it become public knowledge. Jaejoong agreed to be friends in light of all these things, but there was an underlaying pain in his voice when they spoke of it.

It hurt that he had found some one who resonated with him so well, and they couldn't be together. Making him begin to hate his fame.

When that happened he knew they couldn't be. Tess would never forgive herself knowing his thoughts and he didn't want to resent all he had worked so hard for.

This was the only way for them. It was the way of the world.
A harsh truth they seemed to have to learn everyday. 
 

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A/N: I hope the story is interesting. It was when I had a dream about it, but that's different when you put it to paper, or in this case the pc. Drop me a comment and tell me what you think!