Tiffany’s POV

I stared at the window watching my neighbors in the streets.  I cannot remember the last time the streets around the village got this crowded, but it was refreshing  and painful at the same time to see the smiles on others’ faces as they dance and sing along to a tune I have never heard of. 

It must be nice to live a life full of no worries, and doubts. Just pure happiness and freedom.

You not need to worry what others have to say, you just have to be you.

No pressure, just pure comfort.

Simply because you were not born to impress everyone.

But unfortunately, I do not have that kind of life

Oh how I wish I was that brave.

Sadly, I am not.

Oh yes I am a coward.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not really proud of it, yet there’s really nothing I can do about it.

When your parents are popular in town, and your treated differently in a good way at school and people look up to you a lot. 

You will know what I feel.

The pressure,

The worries,

The doubts,

The expectations, 

The judgmental eyes,

It all eats you up.

And all your life you feel like just living up to their expectations, so afraid to let them down.

Maybe that’s why I’ve never been really purely happy, because I am holding majority of myself back.

So afraid to let those people be disappointed and let them see my flaws, weaknesses and insecurities.

How I wished I lived a different life.

We passed by Mr. and Mrs. Carley’s house, and I watch in amazement as two kids held hands as they skipped with joy accompanied by a loud laugh. They look so cute. And carefree, it must be nice.

“We’re here.” Taecyeon informed of me putting me out of my reverie.

“Thanks for the ride.” I said as he opened the door of the car to let me out.

“Always welcome.” And he smiled as he walked me to the front door.

Then it got me into thinking again.

About what happened earlier.

I feel bad, but I don’t know how to fix this mess I created.

I broke up with him hoping things could go back to normal, yet I found myself in a new set of confusion 
and regret.

“So is it a yes or no?.……. Tiffany? Tiffany.” I suddenly heard him talking. That’s when I realized we were already standing at my front door. And I obviously wasn’t listening to him. 

“I’m sorry what?” I said confused.

“Yes or no?” He looked hopeful.

“Huh? Yes or no what?” And I heard him sigh.

“So you really weren’t listening. I was hoping I could take you out for dinner this Friday.”

“Owwwwe.”

He scoffed. “So is it a yes or no?”

I thought through it for a couple of seconds. Should I or should I not?

“I don’t know, I---“ I wasn’t able to finish when the door suddenly flung opened.

“Tiffany. You’re here already.” Welcomed my dad with squinted eyes towards the person beside me.

“Hi Dad.” And I gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Hello, your home early. But why is this person here?”

“He offered to drive me home dad.”

“Honey, next time you don’t feel like taking your car with you, give me or our driver a call so you won’t have to be taken home by any random people. Especially this man right here that I don’t like..” My dad stated frankly and I saw Taecyeon gulped and I would have laugh out loud yet I feel like it would be totally out of place so I held back.

“Okay dad, I’m gonna go upstairs now. Thanks for the ride again Taec.” I took a final glance at him and proceeded upstairs. 

I did not hear clearly what he and dad conversed but I heard random stuttering followed by a noise of someone running uncoordinatedly and a car speeding off.

And I am guessing dad did his usual words of warnings as he always did to every guy who visits me.

It must be funny seeing that particular moment, but I am thankful dad knows all too well when I do not like the guy and how he makes them ran out in a matter of seconds.

I lie on my bed facing the ceiling, trying to absorb all the things happening lately.

Oh life…

Why is it so hard to differentiate?

 Between 

What you think you feel,

And what you really feel.

...........................................................................................................................................

oh hey i'm back.

i wrote these chapter months ago, i guess i forgot and did not have any time to post it.

but here it goes. try to get this stuff going, tho i can't promise bcoz school starts again in monday. 

Happy new year readers..