A/N: MIANHE FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES! >.< I JUST HAD A VACATION OFF FROM WORK AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME WHERE I COULD WRITE A LOT FREELY :) I HOPE YOU'RE STILL SUPPORTING THE FIC LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO. I KNOW SOME OF YOU WOULD ASK WHY DO I PUT DRAMA HERE, DON'T WORRY, THERE ARE A LOT OF CHEESY AND FUNNY MOMENTS WITH YOONYUL BUT THIS IS JUST THE STORY BEHIND WHY YURI IS ACTING LIKE THAT TOWARDS OUR YOONA. AFTER THIS CHAPTER, OUR YOONA WILL BE BACK AND GOOD THINGS MAY HAPPEN SO PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR MORE. BUT FOR NOW PLEASE BEAR WITH ME, I'M NOT REALLY GOOD IN WRITING ANGST AND DRAMA BECAUSE I ENJOY WRITING FLUFF MORE BUT IT IS NEEDED IN THE STORY SO MIANHE ^^ 

ENJOY!

Yuri POV:

You’re such a coward, Kwon Yuri!

Why did you walk away from her?!

Why did you hurt the person who matters to you?

Stupid!

Stupid!

Stupid!

...

...

...

“YES! I AM STUPID! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!” I cried as i slumped down near the big old tree. I rest my head on its trunk. This tree has been my rock these days. I get so confused with my feelings right now. I know what i did with Yoona is unforgivable. It’s just that i still couldn’t forget the thing that she did to me before and i got scared that it will happen again.

I’m a coward.

Yoona deserves better.

**

Flashback:

My friendship with Yoona began when we were still trainees. She saved me from the pranksters, Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and Jessica. They used to bully me by acting like a sunbae and forced me to use honorifics on them. When Yoona saw how those three treated me, she shouted at them like she’s the oldest. Later that incident, i found out that she’s younger than me and even younger than those three!

She just laughed it off with how mad i am at her for shouting at the unnies. But then i found out that those three were her friends and she said, she couldn’t take what they’re doing to me. That was the moment where she promised that she’ll protect me always.

That is how our friendship began.

Soon , Yoona and I became inseparable. Fans think that “YoonYul” started because we looked alike. Yes, it’s part of that but little did they know, YoonYul started way back into our trainee days. Our friends, co-trainees and our coaches would call us, YoonYul because we are always together and wherever the other went, the other will follow. If you tease one, the other one will punch you immediately. Nobody mess with us, because we got each other’s backs. It’s like we’re magnets.

Yoona and i has a different relationship from our other friends. We hug and kiss each other more than the usual best friends would do. We held each other’s hands like we’re afraid to let go of each other. Yoona would always back hug me but not the others. People may see this as too intimate but not for us. It is our definition of normal.

But one day changed everything...

It all happened when i saw Yoona at the cafeteria of SM Building that served for the trainees. Instead of seeing her in the usual spot that she chose for us, which is at the farthest end of the cafeteria, i saw her sitting with a group of girls whom i heard from rumors, were all lesbians.

I wanted to come to their table and ask Yoona to sit with me but being the new one at the company, i decided to let Yoona be and maybe she’ll come to sit with me. But she never did.

She never did.

Hours, came to days and days came to weeks. Every single day, i tried to talk to Yoona but she always brushed me off or chose to avoid me. I always waited for her but she’s always busy or she’s with other people. I want to know what’s wrong, why sudden change?  but she’s pushing me away. She’s my best friend and i’m hers so i deserve to know.

But instead, she chose her new friends over me.

**

When i was walking to the music room, i heard Yoona and her friends, talking. I hide behind the door and listen to them talking.

“So, Yoona, how was the experience on your new life? Cool, huh?” a voice said.

“Uuhh...i don’t know. I-i’m not sure if i’m up for that kind of stuff.” Yoona said.

What are they talking about?

“Listen, Yoong. We’ve been there, too. We experienced what you’re experiencing right now. Trust us, it will pass.” The other voice said.

“B-but...”

“No buts, Yoona. Unless, you already like someone.” The voice said mischievously.

“Maybe that new girl that you’re always with.” The other voice said.

“You mean the dark skinned girl?” the voice asked.

“Her name is Yuri.” Yoona said sternly. “And don’t talk nonsense things about her, okay? Or you’ll never debut as an idol if i tell the Head what you’ve been hiding.”

“Not if i tell about you first.” The voice warned.

“Don’t you know that i’m a better actress than you? I can make him believe into lies in a snap.” Yoona smirked.

I think i had enough of these and i need to find answers from Yoona now. So i manned up and knocked.

“Y-Yoong?” I asked.

I saw the three of them in front of each other and i can see that they’re surprised to see me.

“Y-Yul?” Yoona gasped.

The two just smirked and looked at me.

“Nice to finally meet you, Yuri. You’re actually beautiful up close.” One of the girls said.

“Leave Yuri alone, Nana.” Yoona said sternly.

“Fine, c’mon Hyorin. Yoona is being her uptight self again.” Nana said and they leave us alone.

I looked at Yoona who sat on a piano bench. I watched her as she played with the ivories.

“Yoong?” I mumbled.

She stopped on her tracks and looked at me.

“Yul.” She replied.

“W-what was that all about?” i asked cautiously. I’m too scared to ask her what’s going on because i don’t like confrontations.

“It’s none of your business.”

“It is my business because I’m your best friend!” I shouted as it echoed all over the room.

She stared at me and started to grab her bag to walk away.

“Is that it? After you became my best friend, you leave me hanging here?” i asked as Yoona stopped on her tracks.

“What did i do wrong to deserve this, Yoong? Am i that of a loser that after you saved me from Soo, Hyo and Sica’s pranks to become my friend, you just act as if you don’t know me? Do you know how much it hurts that your only friend refused to be your friend anymore.” I cried.

She’s the only girl best friend that i have and yet, she chose to ignore me.

“Am i that bad person that everybody chose to leave me? Do you know how much it hurts? Am i that ugly? That untalented? That....”

“STOP THAT!” Yoona yelled. “Stop that, Yul! You’re not ugly, you’re not untalented, and you’re not a bad person! You’re opposite from that!”

“Then, why are you avoiding me?! Why did you choose them over me? Your best friend?!”

“Because you wouldn’t understand!”

I stopped. What i wouldn’t understand?

“W-What?” i asked.

“N-nothing.” She mumbled.

“Yoong.”

...

...

“Yoong? Please tell me, i want to know. You’re my only friend.” I pleaded as i wiped my tears.

“Y-you wouldn’t understand.” She whispered.

That’s it. I decided to walk away but suddenly her voice stopped me.

“I’m a lesbian.”

I stopped and turned around.

“W-what?” I gasped.

“I’m a lesbian, Yul. I like girls. The reason why i became friends with Nana and Hyorin is because i think they could understand me and because they’re like me.” Yoona said as she looked down.

I just did what i knew best. I hugged her.

“Don’t say that they’re the only one who could understand you, Yoong. I’m here. I don’t care if you’re lesbian or not, i’m your friend. I should be there for you, not them. I’m sorry.”

“No, Yul, I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t come to them, i shouldn’t hurt you and leave you like that. I’m a bad best friend. I’m sorry...i’m sorry...i’m sorry.”

I pulled away from her and wiped the tears from our eyes.

“Let’s just forget everything that happened. Let’s start again, okay?” i smiled which she nodded.

“I’m glad that you understand me , Yul.” She smiled.

“Of course, you’re still the same Yoona. No matter what your preference is, it doesn’t change the way i look at you.”

“Thank you.”

It’s true. I accepted Yoona for the way she is and i think that it made our friendship even stronger because we became honest with each other. She still hangs around with Hyorin and Nana because they can understand Yoona in that kind of situation. I tried to be that person for Yoona but Yoona said that i’m different from them, so i let her be as long as i could be with my best friend.

Time passed by quickly and we debuted as 9-girl group called, So Nyuh Shi Dei. I never thought that all nine of us will be so close because all of us has different personalities but we clicked, it’s as if i gained 7 more best friends.

I am completely happy.

The company decided to bring us together to live under one roof. It was fun and a bit sad to be living independently because all of us were young and naive about living alone but we got each other, so it’s okay.

We finally feel that we’re becoming known in the business because our schedules were starting to pile up. We all got individual schedules and we feel like we’re doing really well, especially Yoona.

She got busier and busier because she landed a role in a drama and i’m absolutely happy for her. I always make sure that i get to watch her drama everyday or i visited her on the set. She needs to feel that i’m supporting her.

**

But as the day passed by while living in the dorm, in one of the dinners that we had, that was the first time that the girls were hesitant about something. I sighed because i don’t want this kind of feeling.

“C’mon, spill it out.” I said frankly.

“Well, uuhhmm, Yul?” Tiffany asked.

“Nae?”

“Well, you’re Yoona’s best friend and...” I stiffened when i heard about Yoona. Of course i know what they’re talking about. Yoona and i decided to keep it a secret and if the girls ask about it, we have to be honest.

“Is Yoona lesbian?” Taeyeon asked as the girls gasped at the bluntness of our kid leader. There’s no turning back and i just nod.

“Okay.” They shrugged and went back on eating.

Just like that, they were the secret keeper of Im Yoona’s little secret.

**

Years passed by and all of us became huge. We got busier and busier until we hardly see each other. We only keep in touch through texts or calls or if we get lucky, a midnight snack where we would catch up from each other’s activities before going to bed.

Yoona and I were roommates; we’re comfortable with each other even though i know her preference. I didn’t mind it because we’ve been friends for a very long time. We used to take off clothes like it’s a normal thing, we sleep on each other’s bed and talk a lot until we fell asleep. This is what best friends do right?

But one night, it got weirder.

As i was taking off my shirt which i normally do after a long day at the gym, i saw Yoona staring at me. I shrugged it off and went to remove my pants. I looked back at her again and saw that she’s still staring at me. So i asked her,

“What?”

Yoona came to her senses and went back to the book that she’s been reading to hide her blushing face. I look at myself on the mirror. Modesty aside, but i got to say that my days at the gym really paid off. The company even the fans coined me as in-charge of the iness for the group and i have to live at the expectation that is why i’m working so hard.

Did Yoona like it? Maybe yes because of the way she stares.

I blushed at the thought.

After that incident, things got weirder and weirder with Yoona. She would text me more than the usual by asking me mundane things like,

“What did you eat for lunch?”

“Does the guys from 2PM are your ideal type?”

“What do you think about the weather today?”

I tried to ignore it maybe it’s one of her pranks but everyday she gets weirder. She would leave roses on my bed when i wake up, she would prepare me breakfast but not the other girls, she would always back-hug me or held my hand every time she gets a chance.

I would be a hypocrite if i didn’t say that didn’t like it. Of course i like it. Guys show their affection towards me because I’m y or they think that I’m gorgeous. But with Yoona, she would always smile and compliment me when i don’t have make up on or i just woke up.

I tried to ask her about it and i was even more surprised when she said,

“I can’t help it, Yul. You just get prettier and prettier every day.” She smirked.

And every day, i started to fall for her. Really, really, deep.

The girls would always notice this.

**

“So you got another bouquet from Yoona?” Sooyoung asked as she pointed out the roses that i got.

“Yeah.”

“You’re falling for her, aren’t you?” Hyoyeon asked and i shrugged.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to assume things. When i ask her about it she just changes the subject or just compliments me again. It’s very confusing.”

“It’s obvious that she likes you, Yul. She showered you things that a friend wouldn’t normally do for you.” Sooyoung sighed. “If you’re hesitating what the public might say, don’t be. We got your back and Yoona will protect you.”

“I don’t care what people might think. They can hate us for all i care. I deserve to be love by someone, right?” i asked.

That’s true. I stop caring for what might other people think because i know i have a great team to support me, my family, friends, my members, our fans and even Yoona.

So, after realizing that i love her, i tried to reciprocate the things that she gave to me. I send her flowers, too. Leave sticky notes on her things, sometimes if i have extra time, i cook food for her.

It’s simple, it’s like we’re together without even saying that we’re together.

The only thing that is left is the three words.

**

“Hey Yul!” Jessica called me.

“Yeah?”

“Taeng’s show is on now.”

It’s our ritual to watch one member’s TV show when we have free time as a sign of support for them. As i was sitting comfortably between Sooyoung and Jessica, I read Yoona’s text:

‘I’ll be home late, don’t wait up for me. You still have an early schedule for tomorrow.’

I replied:

‘No! >.< I couldn’t sleep without you TT^TT ‘

While waiting for her to reply, i turned my head back to the TV. It’s WinWin Show with ShinYoung unnie, Wooyoung from 2PM and Taeyeon. Their guest for tonight is Goo Hye Sun sunbae.

We laughed along at the show and amazed how beautiful woman Hye Sun-sshi is. She’s very talented and very intelligent and i couldn’t help but be awed.

“So, now, it’s time for our favourite part, who do you think Hye Sun-sshi’s special person for tonight?” ShinYoung asked her fellow MCs.

“Maybe, Lee Min Ho? Because they starred in the drama.” Taeyeon wondered.

“Yeah but the guest that we have tonight is very special for Hye Sun-sshi.” Wooyoung said.

“Why?” Shinyoung unnie asked.

“Well, this person is very special to Hye Sun-sshi because this person has her heart!”

“Her heart?!” the two gasped.

“Yes! This one is her ideal type.” Wooyoung nodded.

“Oh i wanna see who’s this important person in Hye Sun-sshi’s life!” Taeyeon spazzed.

“Okay, let’s all welcome...

...

...

...

....

 SNSD Yoona!”

GASP!

Y-Yoona?!

“W-woah! She knew Hye Sun-sunbae? How come i don’t know this?” Sooyoung said. “Hey, Yul do you know about this?”

“N-no.”

I tried not believe what i’m seeing right now. Being in the business for this long, i know when to believe or not.

I watched as Yoona made her way to Hye Sun-sunbae. Based from the way Hye Sun-sunbae’s smile, it seems like they known each other for a very long time. The way Yoona’s eyes sparkle is like the way she smiled whenever she’s genuinely happy. The way they hugged each other is like the way Yoona hugged me.

So it’s true.

“So, Yoona-sshi, we didn’t know that you know Hye Sun-sshi. Did you know about this, Taeyeon-sshi?” Wooyoung asked.

“Aniyo. I don’t know about this.” Taeyeon smiled. “We’ll talk about this when we get home, Yoona.” She teased as the audience laughed but we all know that the kid-leader means business.

“Ne, unnie.” Yoona smirked but she knew that her unnie is serious.

“So, Hye Sun-sshi, when did you and Yoona met?” Shinyoung asked.

Hye Sun sunbae smiled and said, “Well, Yoona and i know each other for a very long time. We met at the awards show where she won her first award. Since then, we’ve been calling or texting each other regularly. Our common friends would tease us that we’re like a couple because of how regularly we talk to each other and we never ran out of things to talk about.”

Really? How come i didn’t know that?

“Wow, so you probably know a lot of things about Yoona?” Wooyoung asked which Hye Sun nodded.

“Yes, she told me that i probably know everything about her that nobody else can because she told me everything.” The sunbae smiled at Yoona which Yoona returned with a bigger smile.

My heart started to constrict. I thought i’m her best friend. Yoona told me that same line before. She said that nobody knows her like I do.

But i was wrong, so dead wrong.

“Hye Sun told us that your ideal type is Yoona, is this true?” Shinyoung unnie asked and it made the two blushed. The camera panned to Taeyeon and i can feel that she’s trying to mask the annoyance that she has right now. She’s as clueless as us.

Hye Sun-sunbae giggled and said, “Y-yeah. Well, who will not consider Yoona as their ideal girl, right? If i uhhm, become  man, Y-Yoona will be my ideal girl for sure.”

I noticed the shy smile and the stuttering of her voice.

Could it be...?

“How about you, Yoona-sshi? Whose your ideal girl?” Shinyoung unnie asked.

I saw Yoona glimpsed at Taeyeon and immediately looked down. Then, she answered,

“Hye Sun-sshi.” She smiled shyly and we all gasped.

“What the ! Don’t believe it Yul! Maybe the show is scripted. We know that Yoona likes you very much.” Sooyoung tried to coax me.

“Are you stupid? It’s scripted but the answers are not! We’ve been on that show and Taengoo even said so! I don’t know what’s on Yoona’s mind but she’s obviously hurting our Yul!” Jessica reasoned as she defended her close friend.

“Jessie, calm down.” Tiffany said as she tried to calm down her lover.

“How can i calm down when our sister is hurting our other sister?!” Jessica yelled.

“Jess, let’s talk this one out when Taengoo and Yoona come back.” Sunny reasoned.

The girls looked at my reaction and i just stared at the TV, not hearing the questions around me from the girls, even the sound of the TV. All i heard was my heart and my mind screaming at me, ‘She lied to you! She lied!’

I remembered the night when we cuddled up in her bed, she utter those words, to me:

“You know, if i’m a guy, you would be my ideal girl.” She grinned.

“Oh God! Please think of a better cheesy line than that!” I giggled as she tickled me. After a round of tickle fight, she hugged me on the waist as i put my head on her chest.

“It’s true, Yul. You’re my ideal girl.” She whispered and i couldn’t help but blush.

“I..uuhh...i need to get some fresh air.” My voice wavered as i tried to appear tough. I don’t want them to see me that i’m affected with this. I don’t have any right to get jealous, right? Yoona and I were just best friends.

I’m just her best friend.

I ignored the call of my members and decided to walk out of the dorm and decided to take my bike. I just roam around the city night life of Seoul with my bike to relax myself. I went to Han River, just to watch the water change its color. It calms me. It calms my confused and hurting heart. After few hours of staring at the Han River while listening to my favourite songs on my Ipod, i decided to come back home.

As i was walking at the parking lot to park my mountain bike, i saw Yoona by her car, talking with Nana and Hyorin. I crouch to hide behind the car near them.

“So we saw your appearance at the WinWin show.” Nana smirked.

“Yeah, are you that desperate, Yoona?” Hyorin sneered.

What? What are they talking about?

Good thing that i could see Yoona’s face while i’m facing Hyorin and Nana’s back. I could see the regret on her face.

“Really? What are you trying to do? Do you really want to go back to her? We thought that we went through this already?” Nana said exasperatedly.

“I know, i just want to see her one last time before i finally end things with her.” Yoona mumbled as she looked down.

“We heard that line over and over again, Yoona.” Hyorin sighed.

“I know but i finally ended with her this time.” Yoona looked up trying to convince the two.

What?! Ended? What’s going on?

I moved closer to hear more of what they’re talking about. I want to know more about Yoona.

All the things that she’s been hiding from me.

Even though it hurts.

It really hurts.

“Why am i not convinced? We all know how much you still love Hye Sun. The reason why you agree to be the guest on that show is because you’re still hoping to be with her again.” Nana scoffed.

“I...” Yoona tried to say.

“No matter what we do, you still love her. Even if we told you to move on, you still can’t.” Hyorin said.

“Even Yuri can’t help you move on.” Nana said as i gasped when i heard my name.

W-what?!

I saw Yoona looked up at her friends and stiffened upon hearing my name.

“Y-Yuri...she...” she uttered.

“We thought that the idea of making Yuri fall in love with you will help you move on from Hye Sun but i guess our plan didn’t work.” Nana sighed.

What? T-They used me? Yoona used me to move on from Hye Sun?

Yoona used me?

The last person whom i trusted the most used me?

The girl i fell in love with used me?

Just to move on from her past?

I held onto my chest when i feel it constricts. I felt tears fall down from my eyes. I never thought that heartache is this hurtful. I don’t think i could take any more pain.

I stood up from behind the car and i looked up as i heard Yoona gasped.

“Y-Yuri?” she stuttered.

Hyorin and Nana turned around and saw me. They gasped as well.

“Well..uhh...i think we better go, Nana.” Hyorin mumbled and the two dashed to their car and drove away.

Yoona and I just stared at each other. I have a lot of questions in my mind but i can’t find my voice because of the hurt that i’m feeling right now.

“Y-Yul...” Yoona said again as she walked slowly towards me. I remained glued to my spot as my brain kept shouting at me, ‘walk away from that liar! Walk away from her! She didn’t love you! She just hurt you over and over again!’

When Yoona reached in front of me, i did what my heart has been telling me to do.

SLAP!

Never in my life that I would imagine doing that thing to another person, was I never raised by my parents that way. They thought me that a hand is supposed to be used for loving someone and not hurting them. But as i remembered the things that i heard tonight, i don’t know what came up to me. I was hurt.

I am really hurt.

“W-Why?” I stammered as tears fall down in my face. I watch as Yoona kept her head down in shame while holding her red cheeks. “Why, Yoona? Why did you hurt me again? You do keep on hurting me again. I tried to believe you but everything is just a lie. Why Yoona? Why?”

“Yul..let me explain.” She pleaded.

“What?! What more lies that i have to hear? Do you know how much of a fool i am?! Do you know...”

I was surprised when Yoona hugged me tightly. I tried to pull away but her grasp is so strong. She’s not Him Yoona for nothing.

“Mianhe, Yul..Mianhe...I never meant to hurt you, i’m not thinking properly...” Yoona cried.

We stayed like that for a while until i whispered, “Please let me go, Yoong.” And she hesitantly let me go but she held my hand tightly.

“Yul, i know that you’ll never forgive me after this but let me explain, please?” she begged which i nodded.

I am risking my heart again.

But i need to know even if it hurts.

“Well, you heard Nana and Hyorin. It’s true that Hye Sun and i are...you know...together. W-we’ve been together for a very long time now. We just decided to keep it a secret because we know that its for the best.” She started.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend!” I blurted out.

“I...it didn’t occur to me to say it to you.” She whispered.

I laughed. I laughed as tears profusely came down on my face. It’s funny because i trust Yoona with all my life but she doesn’t trust me enough.

She didn’t trust me enough.

“Yul...” she mumbled.

“It’s funny that you didn’t trust me enough. It’s funny because i laid everything to you. I tell you everything but you, you never did.” I wept.

“Yul...”

“Please, Yoong, tell me everything now. I want to cry it all out. Please if you want to hurt me now, please tell me everything.”  I pleaded. “What more do i have to know? That you used me because you can’t move on from her?”

“I...uhh...I’m sorry. It’s just that, it hurts so much when she told me we’re over. Hyorin and Nana told me that i must show Hye Sun that i can do better without her so they suggest that if i tried to woo you, Hye Sun might see what she’s been missing. I was not thinking properly so i just...”

“Agree with them? God, Yoong! I’m your best friend! Why did you do that to me?!”

“I’m sorry, i’m so blinded with my love for her i didn’t even think...”

“You’re so selfish, Yoong! How could you do that to your best friend! You stupid...stupid...stupid!” I pounced her with my fist because i want her to feel what I’m feeling now. She hurts me so bad and i’m surprised with myself because i could still take it in.

“I know i’m stupid and selfish. I wanted to tell the truth to you because i couldn’t bear hurting you.” She said as i scoffed. “Especially that as the day passes, i realize how wonderful you are and i couldn’t help but fall in love with you.”

“Stop saying that! Don’t hurt me more than i am right now. I might believe you.” I whimpered.

“It’s true, Yul! I was so wrapped up with Hye Sun, thinking that she’s enough for me and i didn’t realize that you’re the person i’ve been searching for.” She said as she pulled me into her arms again. I don’t have the strength anymore so i just let her be.

“I know that you’ll never forgive me but please, i’d rather die than existing without you in my life. That’s why i’m selfish and kept it from you. But those times with you were so refreshing that i want to keep doing it for the rest of my life. That’s when i...”

“No, please don’t say it.” I mumbled. I’m too exhausted from crying, from hurting, from everything.

“Yul...”

“No, Yoong. Please, i have enough for tonight. Please stop.”

We were quiet for a while and i decided to pull away because if not, i might hurt myself again.

“Yoong...” I pleaded.

I looked into those beautiful doe eyed that i fell in love with. It hurts so much looking at her now. It’s like i don’t know her anymore.

“I’m sorry, Yul.” She begged.

“I..i don’t know if i can. Not know. Please let me cry for a while.” I said as i walk away from her.

**

Weeks gone by and the girls knew what happened. Even though that we’re in a same group, what Yoona did to me was unforgivable. The girls tried to understand her but she needs to give them to forgive her. She didn’t just hurt me, she hurt our sisters as well.

I decided to live with my brother for a while i’m doing my obligations as SNSD and my individual schedule. I remained professional with her but i avoided her as much as possible. I know that this affect the girls so much but i couldn’t help but be amazed that we’re too good to hide it.

Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that there’s nine of us that’s why the real problem of our group is securely hidden.

 I told my oppa what happened and as much as he wants to hate Yoona for what done, he can’t. Yoona is like a sister to him. So, he bears the nights where i cried for Yoona and for what she done. I don’t know if i can move on and love other person than her.

I love Yoona too much and it’s killing me inside.

**

One night as i was looking for the spare key to my oppa’s house in my bag, i saw Yoona in front of the door with a bottle of alcohol in her hand.

“Y-Yul!” she staggered towards me. She’s drunk to her wits. I caught her when she almost tripped by a rock and she held into me.

“Yoong, why are you drunk?” i asked.

“I miss you, Yul and i don’t know what to do! “

“Yoona, stop doing this.”

“Please, Yul come back to the dorm.”

“Yoong...” i sighed.

Good thing i finally found the key to open the door and led Yoona inside. I sat her on the couch and grab the bottle away from her to hide it to the kitchen. When i came back to the living room, i saw her already fast asleep. I removed her shoes and get some blanket from my oppa’s guest room. Good thing that oppa will not be home tonight.

As i was draping the blanket around her, i heard Yoona mumbled,

“Mianhe, Yul. Mianhe.”

My heart constricts again as i look at her beautiful face. Even in her dreams, she’s apologising once again. She never stopped and i know how sincere she is.

Maybe it’s time to forgive her.

But i think it will take a very long time.

**

After few more days and persuading from the girls, i went back to the dorm. I know that my decision is too harsh because i’m hurting myself for being with Yoona again. But i can’t go on like this. If Yoona is the selfish one, i am not. So, for the sake of our group i’m doing this.

I made myself clear with Yoona that i’m doing this for the girls, not for her. I told her that we may be roommates again but that doesn’t mean that i already forgave her. That part may take a bit longer to happen.

Maybe i spoke too soon because since the day that i came back to the dorm, Yoona would shower me things like before and its as if the night of our confrontation didn’t happen. I would refuse her flowers and gestures but she’s as stubborn as i am so i just gave up and let her be.

Days went by and i didn’t notice that my hatred and disappointment turn into something good again. Yoona is the person who hurts me the most and yet, she made me feel like i’m the most special girl in the world.

I could feel her sincerity with her apology. She never fail to shower me what she really feel about me while i continue to be cautious because i’m afraid that i get myself hurt once again.

So, we always ended up with the Push and Pull relationship.

I push her away but she always pull me towards her.

I want to stop myself from loving her.

But i can’t.

I am falling so hard.

-End of Flashback-

Im Yoona, i’m sorry. I love you but i’m not so sure with myself. I hope you could understand why i’m doing this. I’m still scared, i’m still afraid that what if everything was just a lie?

If you really love me, you’ll stay with me and wait for me patiently.

I love you but i don’t know if i deserve your love.

TBC.

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A/N: PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THE CHAPTER. IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS, PLEASE LET ME KNOW :)