Your's Pov:

"It is called Guidance Clinic. This psychiatric clinic provides consultation and treatment to people aged nineteen and below. It’s under the Institute of Mental Health. I have booked an appointment for you.” L.Joe said.

L.Joe passed me a sheet of paper. There was a map, a date and a time.

“This clinic nearby our school, so we will have no problem getting there after school. And this.” L.Joe passed me another sheet of paper. It was an official appointment letter issued by the clinic.

“We will need that to enter the clinic.” L.Joe said.

“Isn’t that place meant to be for children?” I asked as I looked at those papers.

“Aniyo, that’s the misconception that most people have. The clinic also accepts teenage patients, as long as you have the will to be cured. The age requirement is nineteen and below. And you are qualify. Araso?” L.Joe said.

I read the official appointment letter. The first appointment was on a Tuesday morning when we had school.

“No worries about that. We will be applying for an official leave from our school.” L.Joe told me.

“Official leave?” I replied.

“Well, on that day, we will both be ill. And we will ‘buy’ medical leaves from two doctors so that you can see another doctor, the psychiatrist. Isn’t that official enough?” L.Joe joked.

I laughed.

“And when the psychiatrist asks you to choose the next appointment date, give him a date that you and I can go together without missing any lesson. Araso?” L.Joe said.

I nodded.

“Great.” As he was about to leave, I stopped him. “Bwoh?”

“Look, L.Joe…” My eyes met his and I whispered, “Kamsahamnida. For everything.”

“Aigoo, you’re close to tears.” L.Joe took a step closer to me and tapped my head. “Come on, it’s nothing much, okay? Cool it.”

“I…”

“Hey Min Young.” He turned serious.

“You must understand, I am doing this because I wanna help you, araso? I want you to believe in yourself and others. Just that. We cannot be a couple. You cannot be my girlfriend. I have my reason. So, don’t you ever fall in love with me, araso?” L.Joe said.

. Damn. . Bastard. Idiot. Silly, damn, ing bastard idiot!

“I’ll never fall in love with you!” I yelled back at the top of my voice. “I’ll never love you! And you!”

I pointed at his chest, and then pounded his chest repeatedly.

“Don’t you fall in love with me! Don’t you turn back and tell me, ‘I love you!’ You hear me, Mr Lee Byunghun, L.Joe? You hear me? I, Lee Min Young , will never, ever fall in love with you, Mr Lee Byunghyun!”

“Relax Min Young, calm down,” L.Joe whispered.

“And you, L.Joe, you had better don’t fall in love with me, 'cause I’ll never love you!” I gave him a final punch before I stepped back. My heart was beating a lot faster and my body was jerking up and down uncontrollably.

“You cannot be my boyfriend! I have my reasons! Araso?! Don’t fall in love with me!” I said loudly to him as I turned and ran off. A few tears fell. And as I ran, I tore up the two sheets of paper that L.Joe had given me.

Of course L.Joe could not fall in love with me. I had this curse that could harm him. It was to save him! However, why did he still do all these things when he did not like me? I wondered if L.Joe did that to all the girls he knew, then told them that he did not like them. He must be that sort of person. A bastard who likes to see girls cry in front of him. A playboy.

I hate him!

I went home with my eyes still red. Chorong was reading a magazine on the sofa. When she saw me, she frowned, knowing that something had happened. I told her everything within 15 minutes.

“He ,” she said, sharing my exasperation. “He just . But L.Joe’s just so…nice, isn’t he? So romantic…so…nice.” Chorong said.

“Idiot. I hate him. I hate him!”

“You love L.Joe, Min Young. It’s the other way around.” Chorong said.

Her sentence sent me into a whirlpool of thoughts. I cried so hard when L.Joe said he could not fall in love with me. Was it because I liked him? I had not cried that much since omma’s death.

My handphone beeped. There was an incoming message. Chorong passed me the phone and said, “It has to be L.Joe.”

I opened the message and it was really from him.

“Mianhae, I am sorry if I say anything wrong…You will still come for the appointment, won’t you?”

I read the message aloud to Chorong. She beamed and exclaimed, “Replied him yes!”

I did not follow her advice. I replied, “Aniyo.”

“I’m not keen anymore,” I told Chorong. “I don’t wanna go out with an idiot.” I said.

“Aigoo, you’re going for the appointment, not going out with a date with L.Joe!”

I was still trying to control my tears. I should not cry in front of my best friend. I had always been the strong independent girl. I will not cry for a guy!

A new message came in.

“Let me fetch you on that day, araso?” 

I replied a “no” again. I had enough of this guy. Trying to help me? Or, maybe, L.Joe is just doing all this so that he can skip school! That bastard!

“Come on, relax and let’s look at it objectively. It’s very obvious, Min Young, that you’ve fallen in love with L.Joe. Why not just admit that, and we’ll have an easier time deciding on whether to go or not?” Chorong said, but I was not paying attention. I was looking at my phone, wondering whether L.Joe would reply or not.

When the reply did not come after 2 minutes, I digested Chorong’s words. It was clear. It was just too clear. Maybe I just dared not admit it. Finally, after fifteen minutes, I dropped my first tear. I wiped it off instantly. Chorong, somehow, had seen it.

“Cry it out, Min Young. Cry it out.” Chorong said.

A new message: “Only you can help yourself. come on, reply a yes…”

I replied a “no”.

“I know you’re going to the clinic because of him,” Chorong said.

“Aniyo, I am not!" I replied.

“Then,” Chorong whispered so soft that I had to read from her lips,

“Why are you not going anymore, after L.Joe said all that?” And she made sense.

A new message came in. “Vent your thoughts to others please…it’s the only way out.” 

I replied, “No,” and I looked at Chorong. I was lost for words. 

L.Joe replied, “Ease your illusions! let me help…”

“Understanding yourself is most important…”

I stared at those messages. Chorong was frowning, obviously curious about the messages that L.Joe had sent me.

I crossed my legs, then my arms. Then I threw my handphone onto the sofa and closed my eyes. My mind had dealt with too many emotional battles within a day: It needed a long rest.

I shrugged. I did not know what to tell Chorong, and I did not reply to L.Joe. I was caught at a crossroads, not knowing where to go. Chorong was quiet, eyeing me, as if waiting for me to say something. L.Joe sent 3 more messages in 5 minutes.

“You’ve gotta go for it!” 

“Only you…yourself can help yourself…”

Avoiding L.Joe was one of the toughest things to do in school.

He was everywhere. I tried not looking at him, but realised I could not. I wanted to see his expression: Was he angry, guilty or happy? Or, maybe, he was indifferent?

There was no change. His trademarked smile still lingered on his face. He still greeted teachers as if they were his best friends. He even tried to joke with me, but I did not laugh and he did not continue the conversation.

Finally, lunch break came and that was the most awkward moment as we always had our lunch together. I bought my own food and sat alone, wondering if he would still join me. One of my classmates sat beside me and I glared at her. She stared at me and walked off.

L.Joe was at the drinks stall. Will he buy me my drink? I eyed my food, trying to stop myself from looking at him. Then, a familiar deep voice: “Here’s your drink. Strawberry milk.” L.Joe said.

I looked up. There he was, L.Joe, sitting beside me. I just stared at him, dumbfounded. He smiled and then ate his food. I did the same thing. A few awkward minutes passed.

“I will pick you up next Tuesday morning. I have planned my application for an official break from the school.” L.Joe told me.

“Araso.” I replied.

Araso? What was I thinking? Chrong, help me. Chorong, I am mad. Chorong…

“Good. It’s been so long since I’ve seen the morning sun from an angle other than from the school on a weekday. I am so excited.” L.Joe said with his smile.

I nodded. I must have been crazy. I felt so much like overturning the table and giving him a tight slap on his face. Yet, I just sat there, agreeing and nodding to everything he said. It was like I had lost control of myself. I must have been mad. I must be!

“Great,” he said. “Did you received my messages yesterday?” L.Joe asked.

I nodded again.

“All of them? There’s a hidden message. Can you decode it?” L.Joe said.

I shrugged. What is he talking about?

“Have you deleted the messages?" He asked.

I nodded. If I said otherwise, he might get the idea that I had stored every messages that he sent me.

“Oh, araso,” he said and then continued with his food. 

“Read some of Dan Brown’s books. The Da Vinci Code, Deception Point and Angels & Demons. Most importantly, read Digital Fortress. It’s a novel about breaking codes.” He smiled and then suddenly laughed for no reason.

“However, reading them won’t help you break the code.” L.Joe continued.

Was that a joke? If so, it was just so not funny.

“Hidden message?” Chorong was saying, looking at the messages.

“Has he read The Da Vinci Code too many times?” Chorong said.

“Beats me.” I had written down all the messages on a sheet of paper.

“Maybe he is just trying to be funny. He’s always funny. But his jokes are not funny.” I said.

“Ne, maybe that’s why you like him.” Chorong said.

I ignored her and stared at all the messages again.

“Mianhae, I am sorry if I say anything wrong…you will still come for the appointment, won’t you? Let me fetch you on that day, araso? Only you can help yourself. come on, reply a yes… Vent your thoughts to others please…it’s the only way out. Ease your illusions! let me help Min Young… You’ve gotta go for it! Only you…yourself can help yourself… Understanding yourself is most important…”

Hidden message? Crap. But still, I spent an hour reading and rereading those messages. It did not make sense. If L.Joe had wanted to start a conversation, he should have thought of a better idea than saying that there was a hidden message in his messages. So silly.