18.
I believe in you.Your's Pov:
I fought my compulsion and stood up.
“Make sure you get the trophy. Make sure you get it.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The rehearsal went by smoothly.
Our teachers decided to add a special program on the day of the play. They wanted every one of us to dedicate a message to L.Joe on stage. Many of my classmates instantlycomposed a message. I sat in a corner and thought of what to say on the actual day. Then I borrowed a pen from Chunji and slowly, I penned my message.
The play was scheduled for next Monday, four days after L.Joe’s surgery. I kept on wondering whether I would be smiling or crying on that day. After we were done with writing our messages, I went off to the hospital again. L.Joe had one more week left, and I was going to make full use of that one week.
L.Joe was reading a magazine when I reached his ward. He smiled upon my entrance. But his smile seemed to be too wide, too forced. Something was wrong. I sat beside him and said nothing. I did not know what to say. He had always been the one starting the conversation. Not me.
“I’m going for the surgery on Thursday, 2 p.m. September 20.” He said.
“Ara, I know.”
“Curse me.”
I nearly dropped myself onto the floor. Butterflies flew around in my empty stomach and mytongue stuck out without my control. What did he just say? Curse him!?
“Curse me. Say I’ll never wake up from my operation. Say I’ll be in coma forever after my surgery.” L.Joe said indifferently.
I balled my hand into a fist. How can he play with my curse like that! I could hear the loud and fast thumping of my heart.
“It’s not a joke. It’s not a funny matter. Don’t mess around with my curse.” I said.
“You don’t have a curse and I’m going to prove it to you. I’m going to wake up on Thursday night, a living proof that your so-called curse is a mental illness called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Chorong is one good example that you’re suffering from a mental illness.” L.Joe said.
“You’ll-” I stopped. I was going to say the word “die”, but I managed to hold back in time.
“Don’t.” I whispered. As I discovered my curse a long time ago, I had realised by now that the only way to prevent me from cursing anyone in a quarrel is by walking away. Without saying anything further, I dashed for the exit.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
L.Joe’s mother called me a few hours later. Her voice was hoarse and choky. I was sitting at the cafeteria of the hospital, gazing at every single person who bought anything from the fruits stall.
“L.Joe decided not to have the operation.” She was saying. Every time she called me, it was always bad news. How I hoped I had not picked up any of her calls. “He said the reason is because of you. Wae? What happened?”
I wanted so much to explain over the phone, but it would take a long time. “Leave it to me. I’ll go talk to him now.” I said,
I puffed on two cigarettes outside the hospital, mustered all my courage, then went to the ward again.
~
As I predicted, L.Joe’s mother was inside the ward, talking to L.Joe. L.Joe was chewing on an unpeeled apple. “Ah, here comes the expert in apple-peeling.” L.Joe said,
L.Joe’s omma was expressionless. She glared at me for a while, sighed loudly and went out of the ward. I was alone with L.Joe again. He was still biting his apple. “My omma doesn’t really know how to peel an apple. So I have it unpeeled.”
I was lost for words. Sometimes, I wondered if everything had been a plot. How could he still be so jovial when he knew he was dying soon?
“Go for the surgery.” I advised.
“Curse me.”
“Go for the surg-”
“Curse me. You can do it. Curse me, and I’ll go for it.”
What could I say? It was like him asking me to kill him. But if I don’t curse him, and he doesn’t undergo the surgery, the percentage of his survival is zero. But if I curse him…
“I’m going to wake up. Trust me. I’m going to prove to you that your curses are nothing but mind games. I’m going to prove to you that. Come one, curse me. If not I’ve only got a few more months to live.” L.Joe said.
You’ll die with my curse! My curses are curses, not some simple mental illness! I said with my tears holding back.
I was put in the most difficult position in my life. I thought hard. Both decisions would leave me on a losing end. I felt like running around the ward now, shouting and screaming at the top of my voice.
“You don’t around with my curse.” I said softly and took out my pack of cigarattes, but it was empty. Throwing it to a side, I whipped out my lighter and tossed it away as well. I was really desperate for a puff of tobacco now.
“Will you really wake up?” I asked. What a stupid question. I had lost control of myself. My lips were shaking and really, I felt like jumping onto L.Joe and slapping his face for a million times.
“Ne.”
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. I did not let out my breath, staying in that position for a long period of time. When I finally exhaled, I began to say something.
“Then you bastard, you ing bastard, you’re not going to wake up once you undergo the surgery. You’re going to get into a deep coma, and then your body will be cemented like some fish in the market.” I said that.
I just cursed L.Joe to death.
Oh, you, Lee Min Young.
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