15.
I believe in you.Your's Pov:
I had lit my fifth cigarette when I decided to think logically. I was sitting on one of the many benches in the park, glaring at every single person walking by. I had a giddy spell by my third stick, but somehow, I just wanted to smoke more.
Heart failure? Death? I had never expected such issues to rub shoulders with me. It had always been the least of my worries. For the past few years, I had always been worried only about the words that I said. The curse I have been carrying. And somewhere out there, someone close to me had been battling an enemy called heart failure and fleeing from an adversary named death. Somewhere out there, a person has been smiling for twenty-four hours a day even though he was next to the gates of hell?
I blew the smoke out of my lungs through my nose, somewhat like a dragon. What could I do? What could I do to make him feel better? I was at my wits’ end, trapped in a nest of confusion. My tears had not stopped streaming since I dashed out of the ward. I had two missed calls traced to L.Joe’s hand-phone. I did not call back. I merely messaged him a “Give me time”. I
knew I would lose control if I heard his voice.
What must I do now?
I flicked the cigarette away and knew there was no way I could find the answer here. I headed home. I might not have Chorong anymore, but I had a new chat mate.
Fortunately, my grandmother was still awake when I reached home. It was six-thirty in the evening. She was sitting on the sofa, just like what Chorong used to do.
She was massaging her legs while watching the news. I sat down next to her.
This is my grandmother? Suddenly, I was hit by a tinge of guilt. We seldom talked, for I had Chorong as a companion. But who did she have to confide in? Who did she approach when she was depressed? I have always been beside her, yet I lived in my own little world, ignoring the very same old lady who was sitting in front of me.
I gently pushed her hand away and rubbed at her leg. She smiled and passed me the ointment. “Wah, minnie ahh, so good today?” she said.
I shrugged. What kind of life had I been living for the past few years? A life of escape? A life of rebellion? Against this whole world?
I said nothing as I continued to massage. When a droplet of water splashed on my grandmother’s leg, I realised I was crying again. I dared not look up.
“Tell me what happened.” My grandmother said.
I recalled the days I spent with Chorong. I would sit here, chatting with Chorong while my grandmother would greet us and retreat to her room. L.Joe changed everything. He chased away my imaginary friend and brought me closer to my grandmother.
I told my grandmother everything about L.Joe. I told her how he smiled in every situation,how he always kept his temper. I told her about the first day that he held my hand, and how he helped me thus far. I told her everything, from my curse to Chorong. And finally, I told her that L.Joe was dying. And I told her of how much I love him.
“I love L.Joe.” I repeated the sentence, as if it would help. “I love him a lot.”
My grandmother did not interrupt me at all. She just nodded and occasionally patted me onmy shoulder. Her eyes held contact with mine as I mouthed every word. At times she would smile when I mentioned something funny that L.Joe did. Sometimes a frown would appear on her face when I raked up sad memories.
“What do you intend to do?”
I was at a loss for words. Here I was, trying to get an answer to that question. Yet there she was, posing me that question. I shook my head. “What can I do?” I whispered.
“You want me to tell you a story?” Grandma asked.
I did nothing. I continued staring at the floor, counting the drops of tears that had escaped from my eyes.
“I’ve never told anyone about the story of your grandfather and me.” She grabbed my shoulders and held me straight up. I was amazed by her strength. “Be strong and listen to my story. Because this story is all about courage. That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?”
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