14.
I believe in you.Your's Pov:
Sometimes, it is so hard to say just three words. I smelled the rich aroma of L.Joe’s coffee. The scent was overbearing. L.Joe was sitting beside me, taking another sip of his coffee. I stirred my diet coke with my straw and yawned.
He still sat beside me in class as per his routine, and I did not oppose him. And at lunch break now, we had our lunch in silence. L.Joe did not buy my drink; instead I bought his for him. Yet he just passed me the money without saying a word.
Through the corner of my eye, I could see that he had finished his coffee and was coughing as if coffee would create phlegm. On the contrary, my diet coke was still full. There were still about ten more minutes before we had to head back to class.
Come on, Min Young, said it!
I turned to L.Joe. Stunned, he returned my look. His hair was dishevelled and his eyes were bloodshot. Despite downing the whole cup of coffee, his lips still looked dry. “You look pale.” I suddenly said and instantly regretted it.
“Is it?” L.Joe twisted his neck. “Lack of sleep. Been thinking…”
I wanted so much to crack a joke so that he would regain the redness on his cheeks. But I did not. I must say it now, or never.
Come on, be brave, just three words!
“Hey.” I muttered, softer this time. I did not want others to hear me.
“Hey.” L.Joe replied. That idiot. Can’t he see that I’m struggling to say something to him?
“Hey.” I said again.
“Hey.”
“Hey, hey.”
“Can I…” he stopped.
“Wait.” I felt as if this conversation was going nowhere. “I-”
“Hold your-”
“Love-”
“Hand?”
“You.”
When we both finished our sentences, L.Joe head dropped on the table slowly, creating a loud “bang”. His body began to sway towards me. I leaned forward to hold his shoulder, trying to break his fall but he was too heavy. He went tumbling onto the ground and all I could do was to lessen the impact of the fall.
His eyes were closed and his cheeks were drained of colour. I shook his shoulders violently. Bewildered students crowded around us, whispering yet doing nothing.
“L.Joe!” I was shaking him, but he gave no response. “L.Joe!”
A teacher came, dispersed the students and sent L.Joe to the hospital.
And I went along with the ambulance, my heart beating so fast that I could have had a heart attack anytime.
L.Joe’s omma was a beautiful woman – it was obvious now where L.Joe’s striking featureshad come from. She sat in the waiting room, muttering things that I could not understand.
I was with Chunji and L.Joe’s other friends, all waiting anxiously as he was wheeled into the ward. Chunji was trying to console all of us, and he was the one that introduced us as classmates of L.Joe to his omma.
The wait was over in about fifteen minutes. The doctor came out and talked to L.Joe’s omma for a while. He was not smiling, nor was he frowning. When he finished, the nurse spoke to L.Joe’s mother as the doctor went off.
We went forward. I was trying to discern something from L.Joe’s omma’s expression. She seemed relieved.
“L.Joe’s fine. Thanks a lot for all your concern. He just fainted due to stress over his studies. And he’s not fit to see anyone now. Come back another day, alright?” L.Joe’s omma told us after the nurse had left.
Everyone left but I stayed. I could sense that something was wrong. L.Joe’s mother did not seem worried when talking to us. What left me dumbfounded was why L.Joe should be hospitalised when he was merely under too much stress.
I entered the ward. L.Joe’s omma’s eyes were red-shot. She had been crying. When she saw me, she cupped her eyes for a while before opening them.
“Didn’t I ask you all to go back home first?” she said, a bit impatiently.
“Can I talk to you?” I asked.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Instead of talking at the hospital’s cafeteria, we went to the park.
L.Joe’s omma was a reserved lady. Throughout the whole journey, she said nothing. When we reached the park, we sat beside an old man. The old man was wearing a patient’s uniform, and he kept smiling at me as if he knew me.
“It’s not just over-stress, right?” I asked.
“It is.”
“Being hospitalised for over-stress? Not waking up till now simply because he’s under too much stress? I’ve-”
“Please don’t act as if you know L.Joe very well. You’re just his classmate, a friend, or whatever. Please, I don’t want to start a quarrel or whatever. When I said over-stress, it’s over-stress. What more can I say?”
“But-”
“He’s just under too much stress. If you don’t believe me, fine with that. I’m going back to my office. I don’t want to be over-stressed myself.” With that, she went off, leaving me alone with the old man.
“Young lady,” the old man suddenly asked. “Are you just his classmate, a friend?”
He must have been eavesdropping on our conversation. However, I saw no harm in telling him the truth, so I said, “I believe I’m more than that.” I said.
“Alright then, love him while you can. In love, there’s only love or don’t love. Since you love him, do it now.” The old man said.
Why do all old people say the same thing? For a nanosecond, I wondered if he was my long-lost dead Grandfather or not.
Suddenly, it all made sense. It all made so much sense that I bought a pack of cigarettes and lighted one before going back to the ward.
“I wanna help you. To see you smile.”
“I want to do something meaningful while I can.”
L.Joe had said that before. To do something meaningful while he could. I shivered at that thought. I really hoped that it would not be what I had expected.
I walked up the stairs with my head spinning. The cigarette had made me giddy. L.Joe had awakened when I reached the ward. He was smiling.
“Hey.” I said.
He just nodded weakly, and pointed to the flask of water beside him. I poured him water. “I like coffee better.” He smiled.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I said. I was biting my lips, taking deep breaths. I could hear every single beat of my heart, and it was so fast that I was unable to count.
“You know?” L.Joe mouthed.
“Your omma told me all about it.”
“Aniyo, can't be. I asked her not to tell anyone. She promised.”
“How can a matter like this be kept a secret?” I said. I realised I was smiling. Gosh. “So, how many months more do you have?” I suddenly asked, and then whispered very, very softly,
“.”
L.Joe was avoiding my gaze.
Please, say I’m wrong, say you don’t understand what I mean… please. Please, jebalyo.
It was a long wait. My hands were clutched and I felt the shape of my lips: I was smiling. , I’m ing insane. I’m smiling. I’m smiling. I’m smiling!
Then he did the most astonishing feat I had ever seen in my life. He ed his shirt and I was shocked to saw a deep scar on his chest.
"“One more year, to be exact if I don’t have the operation within this few months.”
.
“Aniyo...Can’t be…” I was shaking and smiling at the same time. “Can’t be… not now… not now! Can’t be!”
How could everything come at this time? Just when I realised I had feelings for L.Joe, he had to say that he was dying soon? How could this be happening?
Andwae!
L.Joe grabbed my hand. “Cool down-”
“What disease do you have?” I whispered. I was taking three deep breaths a second.
“Bwoh…?”
“I thought you knew-”
“I lied.” I said that so softly that I wondered if I had said anything. I stood up and looked out of the window. I could see a slight reflection of myself from the glass window. My eyes were half-closed, red with tears streaming down fast. I was jerking hard, as if there was an earthquake.
“Heart failure.
“Isn’t there a cure for it?”
“Unless I undergo..."
“Surgery?”
“Ye, but the percentage for undergoing the surgery is only.... fifteen percent..."
“Fifteen? One five, fifteen?”
“Ye.”
I ran my fingers through my hair. Wae… why is this happening!? Wae!?
“Aniyo, no…” I was whispering. I stared at the reflection again. I was smiling yet shaking my head.
“No, no, no, you’re lying. Oh, , you’re lying.” I took out my lighter and ignited it. Then I put it out and ignited it again. I hauled out the pack of cigarettes from my pocket and played with the cover.
“Min Young, don’t be like this-”
“Stop playing with me, L.Joe, stop playing with me.” I let out a sigh and dropped the lighter onto the ground. “Stop playing with my feelings. Love, leave, love, leave, love, leave. Stop it all.” I said.
“You’ve got to calm down, Min Young. We can-”
“ you.” I cursed. Suddenly I felt guilty. I was scolding a guy who was going to die. What the heck am I doing? “-” I stopped. I rushed to the door and ran out.
Oh, gosh, oh gosh. Gosh. What a ing complicated life I’m living.
~ ~
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