Wow. I don't know. I couldn't stop. But sadly i had to. Its kinda...Minorly deep. I guess since Sohee kept it in so long she had to let it out somewhere....here you go!

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ஐ◄███▓░SJ░▓███►ஐ.

♥Leeteuk
♥Ryeowook
♥Kibum
♥Heechul
♥Kangin
♥Yesung
♥Shindong
♥Hangeng
♥Donghae
♥Sungmin
♥Eunhyuk
♥Kyuhyun
♥Siwon

♥SOHEE!

“Are you geeking out again?” My Dad asked me.

“Why, yes father. I am!” I smiled brightly at him. He gazed down at me lovingly as I was sitting at the computer, looking at Super Junior pictures, stories, info - you know! - the good stuff.

When he was alive, father and I were tighter than the molecules in the air, like paint on a wall, red on a rose. He supported me in whatever I did. Even if it WAS almost being a total fan girl. I loved him so much. I can’t help but miss him. I feel an ache in my heart every time I think of him. Is this real? I looked side to side, all the corners of my old room. It was the same. Everything the same. Down to my fathers' crinkly crows feet, grey eyes. Nearly balding, black hair.

So…

Maybe, living with Eli and UKISS was just a dream?

I reached up and threw my arms around my dad’s neck, “I missed you so much, Appa! Why did you leave me? Why? Did I do something wrong?"

He patted my back gently, just like he used to, “No, my girl, it’s not you. It was all an accident. Please don’t blame yourself. I can see you've changed, Sohee Jin.” He looked at me and frowned. “Your eyes have changed the most.”

“What? How’s that Appa?” I wiped under my eyes, just in case of smeared eyeliner.

“They used to be so soft, kind, innocent, you could see the world and beyond. Now, they're like hard, black stones. No depth. No life. No happiness.”

My heart started to hurt, “Dad, years have passed. I’m a grown woman now. After you," I cringed, ”...left? I went off the deep end. I couldn’t trust anyone. After Eli-“

He cut in and smiled, “How is he? I know your staying with him now. And dare I say… he seems to have growing feelings for you SoSo.”

I grimaced, “Ew. Appa, Eli’s my FORMER best friend.”

He shrugged, “It doesn't look that way to me. You seem more... How should I say this? Your walls are down when you are with him. Maybe you need him?”

I sighed, “I can’t forgive him dad. It’s just not likely.”

Appa gave me another big, crushing hug, I returned it. He softly whispered into my ear, "Sohee Jin. Be nice to him please. And Soon, you’re going to meet a person who is going to help you greatly with healing your heart.”

I giggled a little, “Love is for fools, appa. I don’t believe in soul mates.”

“He’ll help you. And if he doesn't, you will still find a true friend, who you can trust," he smiled again and leaned down to kiss my forehead - like he used to do when I was little.

"Who, appa?" I was confused. A true friend? Even in this dream-come-true-land, that nagging voice was still trying to tell me something.

"Trust me SoSo. My girl... My beautiful, growing girl... It’s time for me to go now, Sohee. I’ll always be with you. Sarangheyo…” His voice faded a little at the end.

“What? I blinked and he was gone. My chest tightened and I ran down the stairs, searching every nook and cranny of my old house. I ran out back and collapsed under the big oak tree. I laid in the cool grass, letting it all out. If this was a dream, I wanted to die so that I could wake up. I hid this hurt for so many years, and it had to come out. I don't know how long it's been since I cried this hard.

I felt a hand my hair, and a female voice comforting me, I turned my head and saw a shadowed face. It was a girl, and she had a kind, calm smile. I opened my mouth to ask her who she was, but she stood up and waved goodbye - her smile looked sad. I tried to stand up and call to her, but she blew me a kiss and disappeared. Then a cold, hollow feeling started to build in my chest, but I heard Eli's voice.

“Sohee?” I heard Eli's soothing voice. I struggled to stand, trying to shake off the coldness that had settled in my bones..

“Eli? Eli where are you?” I waited for a reply.

“SoSo… Come on girl.” There it was again. My heart started racing. I didn’t want to be alone. I ran towards his voice. It was coming from his little house across the street. I opened the wooden gate and started towards the street, then immediately stopped. It was empty….then.

“Sohee? Sohee, honey, c’mon.” Xander?

“Noona? “ DongHo.

“Sohee. Lets go! “ Soohyun.

“...*sigh* Bali Sohee.” …has to be Kiseop.

I looked at the sky. That’s where they are coming from… God? Am I dead?

“Oh, sweetie…” Kevin.

“Aw, man, Sohee-noona. You can do it!” Kibum.

My head started pounding. It felt like my world was going to collapse. My head would explode. I can't have people care about me! I don’t want to let them in! I don’t want them to see me like this! I didn't want them to walk away, like that girl did - who was she?

“Sohee.” I realized I was down on my knees cradling my head in my hands. I peeked through my hair. Eli was standing by me, his inviting hand held out.

Did I want to take it?

“You don’t have to be alone anymore…”

I don’t. I was trembling as I reached out and took his hand. He held onto me tight. I looked up at his face…

There was none.

I screamed.

I shot straight up from laying down and heard this screaming.  All I could see was blinding white, so I shut my eyes.

Was that me?

“SOHEE! Please! Calm down! “

I grabbed my sides and panted. This feels like too much to bear - I can't breathe.

I heard the new voice again, “It’s going to be okay. Breathe into this. “

I saw a brown paper bag and hastily grabbed it - inhale, exhale.

It actually helped. I felt his hands set me down back on the bed.

Eli asked, “What’s wrong with her?”

“Panic attack. I've seen one of our guys do it once,” he stated calmly.

My heart tried to start racing again as I thought about my dream. He’s gone. He’s gone. Appa... And that girl! Tch, the nagging voice was at it again...

“What’s her name again?” He sweetly asked.

“Sohee,” Xander replied.

“Shh.. Sohee. It’s going to be fine. Open your pretty eyes. C’mon, Sohee.”

His voice is so soothing to me. Huh. Weird, I think I've heard it before... But I can’t place it. My eyelids felt heavy, but I managed to open them. It was blurry at first but there was a face, inches from mine.

Oh. My. ing. God. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

Kyuhyun smiled, “Are you okay?”

me. Twice. Flip me over. ! EMBARESSING! I felt my face turn a million shades of red.

I stuttered, ”H-how l-long was I out?”

Soohyun came over and bent down over the couch, “'Bout 15 minutes! Our doctor said you're fine. Some fall there Sohee. Kekeke...” Kibum smacked him in the back of his head, and he yelped. "Yah! What'd I do?"

“It was a good thing Kyuhyun was there and caught you! Or else you would have been…. ohm,” Kevin searched for the last word.

Xander finished for him, “Either dead or seriously hurt.”

“So I was just knocked out? “ I was disgusted with myself. I thought I was dying, at least with that whole…. break down. “That’s… really lame.”

Everyone started laughing at me - except Kyuhyun, who kept on staring at me.

Kyuhyun smiled brilliantly, “I’m glad you’re safe, though.”

Eli.

If I wasn’t so damn slow I would have saved her! Where the hell did Kyuhyun come from?

Who knows? He was just PSHOO! There!

That car really almost did hit her. There I was! That BABO girl! Didn’t your mom used to yell at you for doing that!? Always! I didn’t keep my promise to your dad. How can I take care you when you’re such a immature, act on a whim, type of woman?

I can't believe you. You held HIS hand when you were screaming. Yes, Sohee. You were screaming. Whispering “appa…”. He held your hand. I didn’t.  What's wrong with you? You don’t even know him!

AND WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH ME FOR BEING SO DAMN JEALOUS!?

Damn. He's not even as good looking as I am. Lightly pushing me away and telling me, "She needs air."

Tch. Lame. Look at her NOW.

What's his damage? Taking care of her - I saw you KYUHYUN, smiling at her at the airport. I know you’ve been asking our Maknae about her. Damn Maknaes, do they all stick together or what?

Pisses me off! I’m not even going to look at her!

I turned my head away from this... horrid sight of Kyuhyun cooing at her. Her turning red.  I have to admit, she’s cute when she does that.