“For once I have thought of leaving him for my own depression. But that wouldn’t make some sense at all. “  - Lee Hyuk Jae

I have always wondered about that guy…. I decided to temporarily name him Hyun. I don’t know. Hyun is a pretty random name, and a mystery too. Cause , I really don’t have no idea on where I got the name Hyun. Since , I have still no idea on what the person’s name is, Hyun shall be temporary.

It’s a part of HyukJae’s life that remains a mystery to me, until now. Usually, when people would ask what I don’t know about HyukJae, I would answer “nothing”. But now, that I have remembered this curious incident in the park, I would now answer “HyukJae’s past” .

Now that I think of it, I have no idea on Hyukkie have been, experienced, and wanted before we were SM Entertainment trainees. The first memory was on his 2^nd audition, when he was accepted. I discreetly laughed at him, for his terribly hilarious rap/sing medley.

Then the rest was meeting for the first time, in dance practice with Yunho and Jaejoong, being together with Junsu as bestfriends. Happy faces of knowing that we were going to be at the same group , and we would be debuting soon, crying at awards night because of too much happiness, I remember him crying to his sleep after calling his parents and this ‘Hyun’ guy , thanking them for the support, and HyukJae and me slowly falling for each other and confessing our love for each other. Coming right after each other, respectively.

I guess it’s a shame to say, that I , Lee Donghae , Lee HyukJae’s lover, only knows barely half of his whole life. As I have the guts to say that I am a part of him , and he is a part of me. That’s really something not to be proud of. How can one, say that he is a part of his lover, when he barely knows the life story of the latter ? That’s right…. You can’t.

I am planning on making it up to him , for not being interested. No, ‘not being interested’ is not the right phrase. Maybe, not having the time to learn more about his past. Yea… that will do. I am planning on making it up to him, for not having the time to learn more about his past, by having a picnic in that particular park where I met Hyun. Maybe tell him more about mine, but that will not be necessary . He sees right through me as I’m an open book. Each and every weird action that is totally alien to his usual sightings on me, he asks “What’s wrong?” and I would always answer. “Uh..nothing…it’s nothing.”

I guess the habit of saying that doubtful sentence, is very much the reason that he obviously reads me like an open book. After replying with that, he would usually give me a look that says ‘Yea right’ and comes closer to me and rubs my back with a very comforting “I know there’s something bothering you , we can talk about it if you want to , I’m free anytime, it’s up to you. And you know, talking about it makes it better.”

There was this one incident, when I really missed my father, as it is my birthday, and it’s the first one without him. The night before, I was sniffling very silently , but his keen hearing made it a little more audible. The next morning, there were no traces of me crying except for the slightly damp pillow that I used. My face was back to normal. My eyes were not swollen anymore, my used to be red nose was already back to normal.

But since, I am a lazy bum, and I always let HyukJae do all the fixing in the bed. I do not force him, as he is used to doing it in his own house , and he is willing to do it for me. We talked about how I miss my dear father for 4 hours or so, skipping breakfast. I know how breakfast and all kind of meals are very important to Hyukkie, but he still talked to me about it , to relieve my feeling of grief. While he had to suffer a slight tummy ache because of skipping his ‘never skipped’ breakfast meal.

I know that skipping breakfast is not usually something a person would suffer, and usually people would be willing to skip it for some duel in StarCraft with another player in some distant islands. I bet all of you know that person, but how much I force, yes. Force, Hyukkie to leave the problem to myself and go eat his precious breakfast to avoid his terrible tummy aches that rarely happens, and if it does, it’s really terrible. But he insisted even if he ‘did’ suffer from a 2 hour tummy ache, curling up in a ball in the middle of my bed.

SAID REASON: My bed was comfier .

REAL REASON (told to me a few months after our confession) : He always wanted my scent and wanted me to stay there, but I can’t because of a very urgent schedule. A half a million dollar interview along with Sungmin and Leeteuk. Oh, and he added that my bed was really comfier than his.

It wasn’t any problem now, because he placed his bed in the storage room , and shared my bed. It didn’t bother me, at all . But, I’m really sad that if we get some misunderstanding, or a fight, I usually get really angry and over-reacting, and he doesn’t want to make it worse, so he just sleeps in the couch outside our room.

Something I really need to change. Anger management is what I really need. Or else I’ll be having another note from Hyukkie and a whole day without him. And a higher risk of having a beaten up Hyuk again. I wouldn’t want that. Literally .

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“Yoboseyo ?”I asked as I pressed the ‘answer’ button on my phone.

“Hyuk-ah.” The man on the phone said.

“Uh, neh. This is Hyuk. Who are you ?”

“Tomoyuki”

“ Yuki ?!”

“Deh.”

“Omo ! Why is it an unregistered number? Have you changed it ?”

“Yeh.”

“Why are you answering in one word answers ?”

“Because I wanted to tell you something.”

“What is it ?”

“Make sure, whatever happens, you will never forget about my never ending love for you . Kay ?”

“Err…. Sure. Why did you suddenly ask that? It’s a bit awkward you know “

“Because, I know that you and Donghae posses a very special love. But, if he ever hurts you . Don’t hesitate to come to me alright ?”

“Uh, okay , sure. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Yes, he knows better than hurting you . But just in case. If it ever happens. Don’t forget me okay ?”

“Kay Tomoyuki.”

*BAM!*

“Aaahhhh !!!!” I heard a faint sound of screaming that sounded exactly like Yuki.

“YUKI ?! WHAT’S HAPPENING ?!”

“Bye…Hyukkie , my love…”

“Huh ? What’s happening ?! *sob*”

“Bye.”

#####BEEEEEEEEP######

----- recorded 22:45 PM 09/09/09

To : Lee Eunhyuk

From: Tomoyuki

Asking you to come to me if ever he hurts you , would be pointless because by then, I wouldn’t be living.

But.

Whenever he does. A person, similar to me shall take action on YOU. I don’t want to do this. But I’m going to have to . If he ever does.

---- received 22:50 PM 09/09/09

FLASH NEWS!

A guy dies in a car accident, because of a broken brake. Last night at around 22:00 PM – 23:00PM .Using a Starex van, with the plate code HYU 678. We have found his Official Driver’s License.

Age 25 .

Lives in Gangnam-gu , Seoul .

Tomoyuki Natsume.

----Reported 5:00 AM 09/10/09

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Hi Guys. Weird way of writing today. 1,338 words, excluding this part. What do you think of this ? I only want to update about what are going around in their minds. And all of that. Comment and Subscribe . =D