Responsible. Honorable. Appropriate. Intelligent.   

Reserved.

     Yes. Those are ALL KARA. I’d never been ashamed of it, and yet always had the pleasure of being overly aware of it because arrogant pricks like Ji Hoo enjoyed pointing it out….especially at awkward moments. Like this one.

     “OF ALL THE THINGS HE COULD HAVE—“  I stopped that thought for fear of what might come next.  “SO WHAT IF I’M RESERVED?” I thought defiantly. I stopped in the middle of the airport without realizing it.  I scoffed and rolled my eyes. I didn’t care if he thought that was wrong. “Who the hell does he think he is?! WHATEVER. BABO.” I felt a tap my shoulder.

     “Gwenchanayo?”  I turned my head to see an ajumma looking up at me with concern, and then I realized I had been standing in the middle of the airport talking to myself.

     “Ahhh. Neh! Gwenchanayo! Kamsahamnida ajumma!”  I smiled, attempting to reassure her (and myself) that I was okay. She patted me on the back pitifully and walked away.  I took a deep breath in and remembered my frustration for another moment.  

     “STUPID NAMJA. STUPID STUPID NAMJA. STUPID. NAMJA. STUPID….” I said out loud.

     “I can hear you, you know.”  The very person of my frustration interrupted my rant.

     I composed myself, put on a smile, and turned around quickly.   “As if I actually care what you think? It’s the truth. You should be able to hear and receive it gracefully, you know. That’s part of being an ADULT.”

     “Even when someone calls you stupid?” He asked intently, furrowing his brow, and tilting his head inquisitively.

     “Of course. Especially, in fact. Because there is generally ample reason for things to be said like that.” I replied assuredly.

     “Well then, I accept that I am stupid.” He smiled.  “A stupid, stupid, stupid namja. Stu—“ He repeated what I had said and then came closer to me. “And this stupid, stupid namja has a question for reserved and honorable Kara-issi.”

     I took a shallow breath in attempting to keep my emotions and nerves in check.  “As much as I would love to be able to answer this question of yours, I’m sorry I can’t. My plane is about to leave and I..”

     He interrupted me. “Well you see, that’s exactly what my question is about. I promise it won’t take long. And if you can answer my question assuredly, without hesitation, then you can leave. I won’t bother you anymore, and you’ll be free to board your flight and head back to the states.”  

    I distanced myself from him, a little curious, but sad. “That’s right, I thought. He’s just going to let you go. I knew this is how it would be. Nothing’s changed.”

“Why are you leaving?”

I swallowed nervously. Simple question; complicated answer.  As with all things involving humans, this one is far more complicated than I can even begin to explain…although, I should, right?

So allow me to do that.

     Let me take you all back, about  4 years ago.  To this very place; this airport.  It was just as busy then, as it is today. There were people rustling, talking with one another, running to catch their flights, I, however, was getting off mine. How I ended up in Korea is really not too complicated, to be honest with you.

      I was the *proud* owner of a Bachelors degree in English; happy and excited to begin being a productive career in the states, but shortly before I graduated, the economy took an awful turn….. so finding a job wasn’t as easy as I had been led to believe it would be. I worked for a few months as the assistant manager of a department store before deciding that I was wasting my time and education…and with student loan payments on the way, I would not be able to live well at all…

     A friend told me about teaching jobs in Korea. At first I dismissed the idea, but after some research and thought, I decided it would be worth it.  So, 3 months later, I found myself in Korea walking through crowds of people I didn’t know or couldn’t understand.  

     I remember when I met my contact from the teaching agency in the airport; his face was a welcome sight. I recognized him from the skype session we’d had, going over the intricacies of this change. He stood at the entrance to my gate, holding a sign my name on it.  “JJ!” I yelled excitedly.  He waved at me. I walked swiftly up to him and bowed. “Annyeonghaseo!”   He bowed as well. “I see you’ve been working on your Korean greeting! I’m impressed, Kara!” “Neh! Kamsahmnida, JJ!”  We both laughed. Seeing his familiar face made all the sadness of leaving seem distant.

     “Omo. It’s almost lunch time. How would you like to have some authentic Korean to start your journey off?” He asked smiling.

     “That sounds amazing, JJ! I could use something light, though. I’m still quite jetlagged.” 

      He nodded and helped me with my luggage. We walked outside and I remember taking in the sights and smells. Korea was truly a beautiful sight to behold. It gave  me a peace I hadn’t felt for a few weeks. We ate at a small restaurant close to the airport, and then took JJ’s car to the agency, where I met his boss and his co-workers.

     “We have high hopes that you will like it and do well here…” his boss’ voice trailed off.

     The rest of the afternoon was a blur. I’m sure it had to do with the jet lag, my surroundings.

     As we walked up the stairs of my apartment, I began to notice the differences in this place from the states; it made me homesick. JJ helped me get into my new apartment. He put the luggage on my bed. Said something about my roommate being off on holiday in Japan.

     As he began to say goodbye, he told me he’d be back in 2 days to take me to view the school I’d be teaching at. Teaching. Yes. That’s what I came to do….

     “I can’t wait to meet the kids!” I said excitedly.  JJ nodded. “I know that we had to move you up to 2^nd grade, but I think you will enjoy it.”  I had initially requested to teach Kindergarten, but I wanted to teach in Seoul, so I had compromised on a grade rise to be able to do that.  I nodded in agreement, said goodbye. JJ walked out, I locked the door, and turned to the small, empty apartment that I would living in for the next year or so.

     “That’s right,” I reminded myself “You’re only going to do this for about a year, and then you’ll be able to go back, find a job in the states with this experience, and go back to  your friends, your family....your life....”

At least. That’s what I planned....