“Appa you idiot!” Dara lightly punched her dad on the shoulders, trying to vent out her worried anger.

Her face looked pinched, her eyes glassy. Everyone would think that she was going to cry, but she didn't. It was an emotion she couldn't put a finger on. Sad? Scared? She finally got it. Worried.

As soon as she heard that her dad was hospitalized, she immediately dashed to the train station. She didn’t even tell Jaejoong and the others about her situation.

“Dara your words hurt more.” Her dad said as he pretended to whimper.

She just pouted at his childish act. How could he act this way when he made her feel so worried? When she heard the news, it was like hearing that the world was gonna end. She even looked like a mad woman in the train station, with face full of sweat and with hair tangled all over.

“Just don’t scare me like that anymore.” She finally let out a cry, hugging her father like she would see him no more.

Her parents couldn’t help but laugh at their beloved daughter. Even for the year that they were apart, she was still the same Dara.

“I promise.” He hugged her back. Together they felt the warmth of each other, signifying that they are still there and they would never leave each others side.

It turned out that his father fainted because of too much exhaustion. Because of his job and age, his body decided to almost give up.

“Let’s go then?” Dara’s mom suggested with a smile. Her lovely daughter and husband having the time of their life, it made her slightly jealous yet overly joyed.

He was already free to go for the hospital only asked of him to stay overnight. His condition wasn't anything to worry about. The doctor just advised him not to overwork himself.

“Thank you, Seunghyun.” She said to the man who was staying quiet all that time, watching the happy family from afar.

Though both of them felt awkward because of the past, she felt grateful because he was there to help her father. She didn't want to call him like how she used to call him before, because it felt unfair on his part. Maybe because she was the one who broke up with him so she felt that she didn't have the right to act close with him.

She thought she was doing the right thing, but listening to her calling him by his first name pained him deep inside. It's like his heart was shot by a huge arrow. Why does she need to call him so formally?

“It’s no problem.” He managed a smile, though he wanted to hug her so bad.

It’s only been a year yet she has become so beautiful. As beautiful as she was before, he never thought that she’d become even more.

Together with him, she and her family walked happily outside the hospital. He can’t help but smile at them for they were sweetly holding hands.

“I love you appa.” She said with utmost embarrassment that she wanted to hide in a hole but she felt like she had to say it. Her dad was undeniably growing older so he needed to know what she feels.

Her father looked at her surprisingly like someone just told him that there are real unicorns, but seeing the flushed face of his beloved daughter he couldn't help but smile sweetly at her. Just by those simple words, he had felt like the happiest man on Earth.

“My baby Dara, I lo---“ His words abruptly stopped when an awfully loud noise was heard.

The sound ripped through everyone's ears as if they were right next to a fireworks display, listening to it go off with no protection. The echo of the ear-splitting "BANG" sounded like.... a gun shot.

“No!” She heard her mother scream and that’s when she felt her father let go of her hand. She looked at him and was surprised to see blood gushing out from his head.

“A—Appa?” She shockingly asked, but then her father fell to the ground with bloodshot eyes. He looked like he was in such pain, it felt like she was the one experiencing it.

Not fully processing what's happening, she felt her whole body shake like a 6 magnitude earthquake. The warmth her father's hand gave her slowly became cold.

“Stop right there!” She could hear Seunghyun scream but everything seemed vague at the moment. It seemed like she was looking at her father through her camera lens, zoomed in all the way. Afraid to blink, she watched him give her a weak smile. With it she felt like a thousand needles were stabbed in her heart.

“Appa…” Her words started to fade, watching the blood stain the tiled floor. Right then she felt her vision go blurry, she could hear her mom’s scream of agony, yet she stood still watching her father close her eyes.

A dangerous pain overwhelmed her inside, feeling like her heart was ripped out, stomped on for a while, shoved back in, and then restarted with a mighty slap.

“Appa!” Her trembling body and voice called out yet there was no response. His father just layed there like he was sleeping only with blood on his head, staining his white shirt. With shaking hands, she took her father's hand and flinched at its coldness.

“Appa.” Her voice was quivering, trying to shake him awake but to no avail. A sudden dread slapped her in the face when she undeniably realized that this was really the end.

A flood of tears started to gush down her ashen pale cheeks dropping on her father's lifeless body. Hesitant at first, she reached out her hand and placed it on her father's cheeks wiping away the blood. She used to be scared of this red liquid but she didn't care at all. She cared of nothing but her father right now.

“APPA!!!!” She screamed out in both pain and abandonment, hugging his cold body tight staining the clothes she was wearing. She would never let go of him, never. Yet she felt her heart ache even more when she heard no sign of heart beat from him, not even her countless calls made him open his eyes. All she could do now is continue to hold him tight and foolishly hope to warm his body.

It was no use his eyes were tightly shut and his body became stiff and heavy. She called out for him again, but she hoped for nothing. There was no response at all.

“NO!!” She screamed. Right then, she felt a door open to a part of her life that she never knew existed. Shock, pain, and her very own death. She could just give up and die but then she felt the warmth of someone’s arms around her, hugging her tight and making her feel secured.

A familiar scent of fresh grass enveloped her nose and just then she knew who it was. She hugged him back trying to find comfort in his embrace. Her eyes grew misty, then one perfectly round drop edged down her numbed cheeks. Burying her head on his chest out of sorrow and pain, more salty droplets seeped from her eyes.

She looked weak, one thing she did not want to look. But this was it. Her father was gone and there was no changing that.

“TOP” She said through muffled voice.

Dara hates the scene she is seeing now. Everyone was wearing the awful color of black, but she can't blame them it's her father's funeral after all. Some were crying and some were just standing, probably counting the seconds until they can go home.

She was oblivious of what the preacher was saying for she was in a totally different word. She was thinking of how much things she wasn't able to do with him, and how much things she wanted to say yet failed to do so. Aside from the pain her heart was feeling there was also regret. But it's too late for that because her father was gone forever.

She even felt that the weather was mocking the death of her father for it wasn't raining at all. The sun was awfully bright and happy, the total opposite of what she was feeling.

*Appa why so soon?* She asked her father.

Throughout her life, she has always thought that her parents would still be alive to see her get married and have children. Then as fate would have it, they would peacefully close their eyes in the comforts of their warm bed, beside the family they have loved their whole life.

“Dara.” A familiar voice called out, holding her shaking hand and keeping it warm. Even that made her feel so comforted that it made her want to cry out more.

But she musn’t cry. Only did she cry at that time, but never again. For sure her father wouldn’t be happy looking at her so sad.

“Seunghyun.” She said, looking at the man beside her, his eyes warming her mourning self.

He gave out a small smile and squeezed her hand lightly, “Call me TOP.” He said. All she could do was give a small nod, then she leaned her head on his broad shoulder.

Everyone was crying, starting from her mom, his office mates, and friends. Their loud sobs echoed in her ears, making her want to cry with them.

But then, she felt the sound fade and replaced with BigBang’s music. Taking a glance at him, she knew that he noticed what she was feeling and kindly placed earphones in her ears.

“What about you sleep for the moment?” He suggested with his usual warm smile. She nodded in response and slowly closed her eyes.

“I’ll never forget you appa.” Dara mumbled, throwing a white rose on the disappearing coffin.

Pain still stubbornly stayed inside her yet as she glanced at her mother, she knew that she was feeling more. Hoping to give her comfort, she rubbed her mother's back, trying to soothe her pain. But she knew that nothing would make that happen.

Together they helplessly watched as the casket sank deeper in the ground. Tears threatened to drop from her eyes yet she forced it not to.

"Umma." She said, turning around to face her mother. She was already crying, the black eyeliner was staining her aged yet pretty face.

"Say goodbye to your father." Her mom said trying hard not to cry but she miserably failed. She can't help but gape at her.

How could she possibly say "goodbye" to her father? He was like her best friend.

"He was like a father to me." TOP cried beside her. She was surprised to see him as miserable as her. But she knew why he was like that. He was really close with her father before, like a father and son relationship.

He probably noticed her staring at him for he quickly wiped his tears and pushed her closer to the ground where her dad's coffin was going to be placed.

"Go." He said. He wasn't crying anymore but his eye brows were furrowed, his eyes were watery and you can tell that he was letting emotional pain engulf him.

Slowly she walked closer and looked down at her father's disapearing coffin. She opened but closed it firmly again. It was very hard to let out those words. It was just plain impossible.

But she knew that she needed to do it so she sniffled and said the two words that she has learned to hate.

.

.

.

"Goodbye, appa."