Even if I landed in the U.S, my heart stayed in Seoul. My head was spinning, my chest was heavy, my face was wet and I felt like dying. Do you know how it feels like to lose loved ones? To know that there’d be no one else to replace them, no one else to remotely remind you of them… I really thought that Chaerin was one of a kind.

She’s cute and y, serious and childish and humble yet confident at the same time. But now, she’s like all the other robots out there, emotionless, heartless and dead. Just because they breathe doesn’t mean that they’re alive. That girl has been by my side for years and now without her, life seemed empty. I could hear the girls sobbing behind me, but they’d have the comfort they deserve. I don’t deserve comfort. I let Chaerin go.

The watch on my wrist will become my next most prized possession. I will change for the good of my fellow humans left, but I know I will never be the same anymore. TOP called out to me. Something about staying to figure what to do next.

I screamed back, “Leave me alone! I need to think!” My hand met an empty trash can as I threw it down and I gripped my hair. The abandoned neighborhood looked lonelier and suddenly, it hit me even harder: the fact that I let Chaerin slip from my fingers. I headed back to the group where I saw the girls still crying. Seungri went to me and held out his hand.

“How you feeling?” He asked.

My reply came instantly: “Broken.” He frowned and kicked at the ground.

“You know Chaerin did what she could-“

“I’m not mad at Chae.” I said and continued, “I’m mad at myself.”

“Why?” He asked, looking surprised.

I smiled bitterly, “I should’ve gone in there with her. We could’ve stopped Spike.”

Seungri held onto my shoulder and shook me gently, “Jiyong. We could’ve lost you both and I know Chaerin would try to dodge that as much as possible. Which is why she went alone. She almost made it, but she knows that we can stop them. CL is strong.” He said and his eyes showed hope, “We’ll get her back. So…don’t be so heartbroken.”

I scoffed, “Just…let me think.  I’m adjusting.” I said.

I walked back up the building, my body mine and one thing in mind: To obey Spike. He was proud that I scared away those humans. But I was disappointed in myself for not going through with the mission. My mind is in the right place now. I promised him to capture every one of them. Spike seemed to favor me, which made me happy. However…I felt empty inside. What else did I need? You need your family. I froze and looked around.

“Who’s there?!” I called. No one replied. No one should be here in the first place. I’m cleaning the fifth floor up. I unsheathed my gun and held it out.

Put that away. That voice sounded like… Yeah, you’re on the right track.

“Holy . I’m going insane. I’m just hearing myself?!” I closed my eyes and gripped my hair but ‘I’ replied back:

You’re not insane. I’m just the rebel part of you. The part that was smart enough to fight Spike’s urges.

“Impossible.” I snapped, “I obey Spike.”

No. A majority of me obeys Spike. The smart part rebels.

I tried to argue, “My mind-“

But she retorted back: This is my mind. You may have my body, but your thoughts are purely from a programmed chip. You are not a person.

I slapped my hands against my thighs, “I really am going crazy.”

Trust me darling. You haven’t been near crazy yet. I could almost feel a smirk curving on the opposing part of my head. I tapped my head and groaned. Holy crap, this is so crazy. I had to tell Spike. Don’t! She screamed.

I wrinkled my brows, “What?”

Do not tell Spike. He can’t get inside our head-therefore, he’ll just kill us. I bit my lip. I couldn’t die. But…Spike is the Leader…Don’t. Because this chip will power down anyway.

“Power down?”

She scoffed: Even though you’re in control of my body, my mind is still strong enough to bust this chip. So when I do-I’ll be free. The best part is that since you can’t tell anyone, I have all the time in the world. This damn rebellious side is cocky as Hell. Suddenly, it felt like something jabbed my brain and I flinched. I’m not cocky. I’m confident. I hate this argument with myself. Shut up for a minute.

Shut up? I can’t shut up. Minds constantly think. They can’t shut up. “Ugh. I need to focus and clean up.” I mumbled to myself and checked the damage. This floor was burnt in one place only, if I had some right material or machinery, I could patch it up. Hmm… Maybe I should just tell Spike about the damage.

I took pictures with the ear piece I had on and pulled up the screen, writing out the damage as well. I walked up the steps and paused for a second, suddenly remembering something. To be honest…until I was given the mission to attack those humans…I don’t remember a lot. All I know is that I obey Spike. But I’ve been on these steps-more than once. I remember crouching here, shooting robots. But…that’s not right. I work alongside robots. I fight on their side. I hurried back up the steps, opening the door to the tenth floor. Robots backed up for me and Spike spoke, “CL. How’s the damage down there?”

“Luckily sir, only one section of the fifth floor was destroyed. I guess it was the section with iron swords since nothing else exploded, but we can make more swords right away.” I didn’t smile for him, but I almost spoke out.

Tell him he’s an . She growled.

Spike nodded and stood, taking a hold of my hair. I blinked…I’m blonde? He sighed and made a clicking noise. He was disappointed. I stiffened and held my arms behind my back, “Sir?”

“Let’s get this drastic hair color fixed, shall we CL?”

I nodded and she spoke again: Black hair. You have to get black.

I replied, “May I get black hair sir?” He nodded his head and gestured for someone to come forward.

“Give my finest soldier what she wants.”

He spoke a curt, “Yes sir.” And placed a helmet over my head, transparent green glass covering my long hair. “Black, CL?”

I hesitated before nodding again, “Black as night.” I whispered.

She chuckled: This is gonna be fun. I bit my lip as my hair went wet and waited a second before the helmet was removed.

“Check it out.” His dead voice spoke and offered a mirror. I took it and touched my face. My hair was jet black, just as I wanted it, my face was narrow and pale and my eyes were shaped like almonds, but that wasn’t what I was interested in. The rebellious me said I’m not an actual person. Do Spike’s minions…have electronic blue eyes? “Ok?”

I pulled away and nodded, “Thank you.” I breathed and straightened myself.

“CL, go get rest. Your room is down on the seventh floor. With the other soldiers.” I couldn’t help but gulp and nod obediently.

You can’t let anyone know you’re different. Especially since people might be suspicious of me. Lee Chaerin has a good rep for being rebellious. For being strong minded. Don’t let your guard down, or we both go down. Get it?  I blinked but made no move to show her I understood. “Sir?”

“Yes?”

I blinked, “Was I a good soldier before?”

He hesitated before replying, “Of course. But you always trained in a uh…secluded team. I’ve always kept my eye on you. You were a special solder, Lee Chaerin.” I got out of there before I let him think any longer.

Nice going hot shot. She snapped. We don’t know what he’ll do now. Keep a low. Got it?

I gritted my teeth, “Sorry. This body doesn’t like to rest.”

Are you kidding? That body has travelled hundreds of miles and sleeps up to five hours a day! All it wants is rest!