10 - Her Free Pass

There was silence on the table. Dara blinked and looked at Seung Hyun with so much intensity that he almost wished the ground would swallow him whole. Jiyong choked on his drink when he heard Dara ask the golden question.

“Aren’t you going to say something Choi Seung Hyun?” Dara’s stare grew more intense.

Uh Oh. She called him with his full name. That means she’s mighty pissed.

“I...the thing is...I...I....” Seung Hyun stuttered, barely even forming a sentence.

“What?” Dara slammed the table and stood up, leaning forward, closer to Seung Hyun. He fell back and shrank on his chair, just looking into her angry eyes.

“Just tell the truth. Tell them that you don’t have that kind of feelings for me. That we’re just purely platonic.” Dara commanded with a grim voice. Her eyes were like daggers piercing right through Seung Hyun.

Seung Hyun closed his eyes and took a deep breath. It’s now or never. He better tell the truth now or he’d just lose all his chances. It’s already out anyway. He wanted this moment of revelation to be full of romance, he dreamt of sweeping Dara off her feet with a grand gesture before confessing his feelings so Dara would be left with no choice but to say yes. But things just don’t work out the way we want them to be.

“If I did that Park...then that would mean I’d be telling a lie...I don’t have just feelings for you...I’m in love with you.” Seung Hyun opened his eyes and looked at Dara with so much sincerity that she knew right away that he was telling the truth.

Dara sank back on her chair and took slow deep breaths as if she was drowning. She grabbed her bottled water and took a few gulps off of it. Silence enveloped the table. All three were looking at her, waiting for her reaction.

“No you’re not in love with me. You can’t be...” Dara whispered. Jiyong looked at Dara’s reaction, trying to read whether or not she’s happy with Seung Hyun’s confession. He couldn’t understand the feeling he was having because deep inside him, he is wishing that somehow she’d reject Seung Hyun’s confession and dumped him.

“Believe me...I’ve told myself that a million times but I still end up being in love with you...” Seung Hyun spoke in resolve. He knew exactly how Dara is feeling.

Denial...Pure and utter hopeless denial...

He’s been on that stage a thousand times before. He tried to deny his feelings for her but it never worked. At the end of the day, he’s still in love with her.

“We do loudest burping contest together...you see me drool and snore on our classes...I tell you disgusting things about me like not washing my hair for days sometimes...I wear geeky glasses...my fashion sense is despicable...I eat like a pig!!! You can’t possibly be in love with me!!!” Dara protested.

Seung Hyun chuckled at the irony of it all.

“Those are exactly the things that made me fall in love with you Park...you don’t pretend...you don’t care about how you look nor act...you’re just you...and you still end up being the most beautiful girl in my eyes...” Seung Hyun confessed, finally having this urge to reveal his feelings.

Jiyong looked at Kiko who was looking down on her lap, her hands fiddling together, her eyes closed. She looked like she wanted to shut her ears and escape this whole scene. She looked helpless. He felt bad for her.

“Are you freaking out of your mind? We’re best friends!? You can’t love me that way! It’ll just ruin everything!!!” Dara raised her voice, slamming the table with her hands.

“Don’t you think I don’t know that by now?” Seung Hyun raised his voice in frustration. And when Seung Hyun looked at Dara, she saw the desperation and struggle in his eyes. He sighed heavily. Silence fell across the table once again. The students from around the table started listening to their conversation.

“Why do you think I kept my feelings for you all this time?” Seung Hyun asked.

“You shouldn’t be with me...you should be with Kiko...she’s perfect...”

“I’m not in love with her, I’m in love with you.” Seung Hyun cut her off fiercely.

Kiko flinched. She knew that Seung Hyun doesn’t love her...but she didn’t have to hear it out loud. She didn’t have to...she didn’t realize that hearing it from his mouth hurt too much.

“Do you have any idea how this makes me feel? This makes me feel stupid...everybody knows...Kiko knows...even your good for nothing friend knows...but I don’t. I feel betrayed.” Dara said in a low voice and then she finally stood up.

“Whatever. I’m not having any of this bull.” She grabbed her bag and walked away.

*****

Dara skipped all her classes for the entire day. She wandered aimlessly in the campus. She wanted to waste time in her safe place, the cherry blossom tree near the lagoon but the sudden thought of Jiyong invading her safe place made her change her mind.

Seung Hyun can’t love her. He just can’t. Kiko would be crushed. Her best friend would be devastated.

Kiko her best friend...her selfless loveable best friend...

She knows how besotted her best friend is with Seung Hyun...

And the idea that Seung Hyun is in love with her made Dara feel like she betrayed Kiko. She felt guilty.

How could she not know it all this time? Is she that oblivious? Was he too discreet in showing his feelings or did Dara just choose to ignore the signs?

She can’t like Seung Hyun back. Aside from the fact that she had friend-zoned Seung Hyun all this while, she can’t hurt Kiko. She knows that Kiko still loves him.

Dara bought a random ticket for a film showing of the University’s Film Department and went inside without bothering to look on the title of the movie. She sat on the farthest and looked at the movie screen without really watching it.

She didn’t realize that someone already sat beside her half an hour ago. She couldn’t help but feel the guilt because of unknowingly hurting Kiko.

A heavy sigh escaped her lips. She had no clue what was going on in the movie.

All of a sudden, a bucket of popcorn appeared in front of her. She looked at the popcorn and then looked at the person beside her. A frown appeared across her face when she saw Jiyong smiling lazily at her.