News of my dating Luhan travelled fast. I doubted that Luhan was the culprit of the spreading rumours, for he wanted to keep our relationship to ourselves as much as I did. He did, however, contribute to the heat of it by suddenly taking it upon him to walk me to and fro from school every day, regardless of my protests. It didn’t help that he kept reaching for my hand either.

“Everyone knows anyway,” he told me when I voiced my protests. “So why not we just be frank and affirm everyone’s suspicions? Besides, it’ll make things clear to other hopefuls that you’re my girl.”

I couldn’t think of an argument for that.

Luhan had introduced me to his circle of friends (all seniors) but only in passing. As I was the bearer of the title that so many girls had been coveting for, Luhan was wise enough to keep me from having any contact with his various fangirls. I was glad that he decided to separate me from his social life, for I highly doubted that I could endure more than a few minutes of an awkward attempt at a conversation by his senior friends.

Sehun had grown increasingly close to me. He admitted that he found me to be the only suitable candidate to be his beloved Hyung’s girlfriend, and that it was he who pestered Luhan into confessing. He also took great pride in annoying Luhan to the brink of insanity, often tagging along with us to the rooftop (he somehow figured out that it was where Luhan and I usually meet) or on our dates, despite Luhan’s not-so-subtle hints that he wanted us to be left alone.

On the other hand, while Sehun had grown to become a very close friend, Baekhyun was constantly distancing himself from me. We didn’t talk; he would turn away when he saw me in the hallways. In fact, I got a warmer response from his present girlfriend than I ever did from him.

“I knew it! I knew it!” was her greeting when she saw me in the hallways the first day Luhan and I became an official couple. She rushed towards me and latched onto my arm, dragging me into the empty fire escape to wrangle a confession out of me.

I looked into the face of the girl who was the love of my best friend and forced down that painful wrench in my heart. She was beautiful and kind, and most of all, she loved him back. She was his perfect match, and I supposed fate had decided so the day he set eyes on her. What would she say if she found out that I wasn’t entirely sure of my feelings for Luhan, but was certain that my heart belonged to Baekhyun?

I supposed there was no choice but to go forward with my decisions. I told her the story, revealing little titbits that I didn’t think would be too harmful, keeping to myself every portion that involved Baekhyun to save another broken heart. I made the story sound as if it was I alone who made the decision to go after Luhan, to make him fall for me as I had for him. I didn’t tell her that Baekhyun was my secret coach as I had been his, and I certainly didn’t tell her that my feelings had diverted towards him sometime within the timeline of our partnership.

It was at the tip of my tongue to ask about Baekhyun, but seeing that he was so obstinate at avoiding me and hearing his name coming from would send those tiny needles pricking into my heart again, I refrained from even referencing him.

And so, nursing an obviously broken heart over Baekhyun while desperately trying to unearth and revive the feelings I once had for Luhan, I let my life proceed once again. The void in my heart after the loss of my best friend made me feel empty, pieces of me shattering like glass every passing day when he wasn’t by my side. Although I kept a fairly happy exterior at school, I’ll admit that I cried every single night, wishing for my phone to ring and him to call my name again.

The first time I bumped into Baekhyun after a whole week of having him ignore me was, coincidentally, at the dance studio. I had been invited there to witness firsthand Luhan’s routine for another dance show he’d be performing in.

It was a less intense choreography than what he usually crafted, but it showcased his skills nonetheless. I noticed that he was trying extra hard to control his movements, perhaps as an effort to achieve the same effect as Yixing’s when they danced together. Nevertheless, I still gave him a warm response once he was done.

“Good?” he asked, panting as he dropped onto the ground in front of me.

“Good,” I said with a smile, giving him a thumbs up. I handed him a bottle which he quickly chugged down.

“It’s different than the usual,” I commented.

 “Maybe it’s because life’s different now,” he said, smiling that gentle smile I realised he had reserved just for me.

I smiled at him, but didn’t respond. He had no idea how much my life had changed, yet in a completely different way than what he meant.

He set down the bottle and shifted closer, sitting directly across from me with our knees almost touching. He leaned forwards and propped his chin up with his elbow resting on his lap. “How’re things? No one’s bothering you, right?”

Luhan was aware of the mixed reaction towards our relationship. I didn’t know how his friends treated him but he did know that I sometimes ran into a few difficulties with his most devoted fans. It never got too out of hand though; our school wasn’t known for violence. Other than that, people treated me fine. In fact, I dare say I’d gotten recognition for being Luhan’s girlfriend.

“The week was peaceful,” I replied. “But I did hear some rumours floating around that Kris’ fan club has gotten a significant increase in the amount of members.”

Luhan chuckled. “He’s gonna kill me for leaving him high and dry.”

“It’s your fault for going off the market,” I joked.

“And I don’t regret it a single bit,” he chirped happily. He reached out and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. “You’re pretty when you smile, you know,” he said softly.

A cough interrupted us.

Baekhyun was standing at the door with an unfathomable expression in his eyes. His posture looked stiff, and for some reason, I gulped. I had no idea how long he’d been standing there, but it looked like he heard the conversation between Luhan and me. My heart skipped a beat.

“Sunbae,” he said, his voice tight. “Ms Jung wants to see you in the teacher’s lounge.”

Luhan blinked and stood up. “Oh, OK. Come on, Yoora.” He reached down to give me a hand when Baekhyun interrupted.

“Alone,” he emphasized, glaring darkly at Luhan’s hand.

Luhan didn’t seem to notice. He gave me an apologetic smile. “I’ll see you later than. Wait for me in the courtyard.” He was about to reach out for me when Baekhyun interrupted again.

“You have to be quick, Sunbae. She said it’s urgent.”

I could see the annoyance flicker in Luhan’s eyes, whether it was directed at Baekhyun or the teacher whom he played herald for, I had no idea. He brushed my cheek lightly with his fingers before walking away, past Baekhyun and out of the studio.

For a moment, tension lingered between us. Baekhyun averted his gaze from me, as if refusing to acknowledge me, but didn’t leave as I expected him to. I slowly picked up my bag and started towards the door.

“It’s nice to finally talk to you again, Baek,” I said acidly as I brushed past him. The wound that he inflicted upon my heart had opened up again when I saw him. I was angry at him, but I didn’t know if that anger was a response towards the cold shoulder he’d been giving me or the fact that he had failed to acknowledge me as a best friend when he didn’t tell me about what happened between him and Soojin. No matter how much it would hurt, I still believed that he was the one who should have told me, instead of his oblivious and kindred girlfriend who knew nothing about the tension between us.

He shocked me by encircling his fingers around my wrist.

“Can I talk to you?” he begged, making me freeze in my step. I didn’t need to see the look in his face; his voice was enough to convince me. The tone he spoke in made my heart break. It was the tone he would use when he wanted something, wanted it so badly that he couldn’t bear to be refused. “Please,” he added in a whisper.

I turned around slowly, making sure to disguise the pain in my eyes when I looked at him. I didn’t realise he looked this haggard. There was nothing wrong his appearance, but something about him looked unkempt, dishevelled. It was his eyes, I realised. They looked empty and wild, supporting the same eye bags I once endeavoured to hide. And then there were also his cheeks, both sunken and gaunt.

I kept my tone cold when I answered him. “Where?”

Baekhyun didn’t reply, but pulled my wrist and started walking. I bit back a cry of surprise, feeling the rapid beating of my heart as I became all too aware of his touch. Baekhyun didn’t seem inclined to speak to me before we reached our destination, so I took the opportunity to study him from behind.

This past week of not seeing him had made me realise how much I actually missed him, how much I yearned to live in the past again. It was true that I saw him in class every day, but Baekhyun was careful with his planning; he never came into class until the last possible second and was the first to leave whenever the bell rung. The first two days, I tried to get his attention. The following days, I learned to ignore him.

I realised that Baekhyun was making his way out of the building, albeit via an unfamiliar route that was deserted from other students. Conveniently, we had all the time in the world today, seeing that lunch was extended due to a reunion celebration that the teachers were having for a returning colleague. I followed Baekhyun’s steps silently, wondering where on earth he wanted to take me.

I finally got my answer when he led me down the cobblestone path, through the stone arch that led to the lake. His fingers dropped from my wrist then and I watched silently as he ran them in frustration through his hair, turning his back on me as he gazed at the lake. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and hugged my body, trying to encase my heart in what layer of feeble protection that I could barely afford to offer.

After a full five minutes of watching him stare at the lake, I spoke up. “Baek, if you have nothing to say then I’ll –”

“Don’t,” Baekhyun said, cutting me off. He whirled around and I could see that his lip was trembling, trying to suppress some brand of emotion that I didn’t understand. “Don’t go anywhere.”

He took a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair again before dropping it weakly to his side. Slowly, he took a step closer to me.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “For acting like a jerk, for not talking to you, for everything –I’m sorry.”

The thickness of his voice and the intensity of his eyes made me step back. I spoke to him in a taut voice. “If that’s all you want to say then –”

“I LOVE YOU!”

I paused in my sentence as my eyes widened and my jaw dropped. Baekhyun was panting, as if uttering the three words had drained all his strength, all his will. He was looking at me through those beautifully dark eyes of his with an expression that made my heart break.

I tried to keep my voice from trembling as I responded. “Baekhyun, you look tired. You should go rest, pull yourself together. You’ll think straight then.”

“I’m thinking straight now!” he insisted. “I’m not lying, Yoora,” he added more quietly. “I really am in love with you.”

“You don’t. You love Soojin –”

“I don’t love her,” he said fiercely. “I just liked her. It was a simple high school infatuation; it comes quickly, but goes just as fast. I was dumb enough to let it blind me, but now, I realise that all I ever needed –all I ever wanted –was you.”

I stood there, frozen and shocked.

“When I fainted at Kyungsoo’s confectionary, the first thing I saw when I woke up was you. I had no idea why, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful you looked. I dismissed it at first, thinking that my head wasn’t right after being knocked on the floor so hard. But then Jongin came in, all calm and confident as if he owned the place. He talked to you as if he was sure that you would go out with him. I realised it then and there that I didn’t like it; I didn’t like the idea of another guy taking you out on dates.

“When I got back home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the look on your face when I yelled at you. I realised that I had hurt you, and I hated the feeling. I just had to make you forgive me, but the next day at school, I found that I couldn’t look at you because I was so scared. And when you actually did forgive me, you have no idea how relieved I felt, as if some kind of weight had finally been removed from my shoulders.”

He had started pacing, back and forth, back and forth. “It occurred to me that I might like you, but I quickly squelched the thought. “I don’t like her. I like Soojin.” But even then I only half believed myself.

“Soojin on the other hand, was becoming more and more attached to me. I spent my time with her: I walked her home, to class and sometimes saw her for lunch. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

He suddenly jerked into a stop, whirling around to face me again. “The day Luhan asked you to that dance competition right in front of me, I thought my heart was going to fall out there and then. It was so obvious that he liked you. I wanted to scream at you for not realising it. But then, I didn’t want you to know either, because then, you might finally confess to him, and I can’t even bear to imagine that.”

“If what you’re saying is true,” I said, my voice wavering, “then why are you with Soojin now?”

The colour in Baekhyun’s eyes darkened, and I could clearly see the pain in them. “Because,” he said, his voice a quiet whisper, “I thought you were in love with him. I thought that dating Soojin is the only way I can stop myself from falling deeper and deeper in love with you.”

I closed my eyes, trying to suppress my tears. This was all too much to take in.

“I thought I could handle it, seeing you and Luhan together. The day when the rumours started spreading, I realised I was wrong. I couldn’t take even listening to fragments of it. I thought of Soojin’s confession as a way out, an escape route. I used to like her; maybe she would make me forget you and set my feelings straight again.

“And then,” he threw up his hands, a desperate gesture to show his aggravation, “the rumours turned out to be true. You have no idea how my heart shattered seeing you two together, looking like the perfect couple. I wanted to rip Luhan away from you, lock him up somewhere so he couldn’t come anywhere near you.”

“You think you’re the only one who’s hurt?” I said when I finally found my voice. It trembled with every word. “How do you think I felt? You were acting as if we were strangers! You didn’t even tell me that you and Soojin were a couple; I had to hear it from her! Do you even realise how much that hurts?”

Baekhyun’s eyes, previously downcast from guilt, darted up to look at me. I realised that tears were streaming down my cheeks. “I fall asleep crying every night because I was stupid enough to fall for you!” I screamed at him, jabbing at his chest.

Baekhyun’s eyes turned soft. He reached out to gently wipe my tears away. “Hey, hey, don’t –”

“No,” I said, swiping his hands away, taking a step back. “Don’t touch me.” The guilt, the pain that showed clearly in his eyes made me falter. I had to close my eyes to continue. “You have Soojin; I have Luhan.”

“Yoora –” he started, voice cracking with grief.

“It’s too late, Baek,” I muttered, taking a step back. “Too late.”

I whirled around in my heels and started to sprint towards the school. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t block out those agonised cries of his:

“Yoora, I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry! Please... please don’t leave me like this!”

He choked at the end of his words, and I knew that he, like me, was crying as we parted.

A/N: The long awaited chapter has arrived!

A lot of you had asked about Baekhyun's strange behavior in the past chapters and this chapter explains it all. Also, if you noticed, the title of this story was actually drawn from Baekhyun's confession, when he finally realized that all he ever wanted was Yoora. 

Anyway thanks for reading and please comment!