When the bell for the last period rang and I was once again ignored by Baekhyun, I was desperate for someone to talk to. I had officially eliminated Luhan from the list, for I didn’t want to involve him in this matter at all. Soojin was off the list as well, being Baekhyun’s love interest. I had a feeling that she confided in him about matters that I never knew about, and I feared that she might take it upon herself to try and mend our friendship. That would only make things worse.

I needed someone to vex my anger at, someone who would hear me yell and scream without comment and someone whom I could trust as a confidant. Someone who I knew, but wasn’t too close to; someone who cared about Baekhyun like I did.

There was only one name I could think of: Park Chanyeol.

I marched straight into the music wing, brushing past people who ambled slowly down the hallways as they chatted with their friends. I still turned a lot of heads as I walked, but a whole day of receiving such treatment had taught me to ignore them and keep to my goals.

I burst through the door, slamming it open with such ferocity that I had never felt in me before. I felt angry, frustrated and confused. I expected to be greeted by an empty room as the bell had just rung (it would take some time for him to get here) but was surprised to find him sitting on the chair by the window, holding a guitar and softly singing a song that I recognised to be his favourite.

He looked up at my dramatic entrance and opened his mouth to say something. I held my hand up before he could utter a word.

“Before you say anything, could you do a favour, Chanyeol? Just this once, I want you to stay quiet and let me talk.”

Chanyeol shut his mouth, looking concerned. He set the guitar down at his side, gently, like how one would handle a delicate child, and nodded at me. “Go ahead.”

I took a deep breath.

“What the hell is wrong with Baekhyun? I have no idea why he’s behaving so strangely today. I mean, I didn’t even do anything wrong to him! Why is he so furious with me? You know, he wouldn’t even talk to me for the whole day! The whole day! Do you know how aggravating it is when someone deliberately ignores you when you talk? It makes you feel hurt; it makes you feel guilty. And I have no idea why I feel that way because I never did anything wrong in the first place!”

I dropped onto the chair next to Chanyeol, breathing heavily, eased of the burden that had been weighing down my shoulders and constricting my chest. I tilted my head back towards the ceiling, trying to calm my fast-beating heart and my pounding head. I felt something cold press itself against my cheek, and when I turned my head, I found Chanyeol smiling softly at me, holding a carton of banana milk.

“It’ll help calm you,” he explained. I gingerly took it.

He gave me a few minutes to sip my drink and generally cool down. The both of us fell into a companionable silence, me staring into space while he leaned forwards in his seat, absorbed in his thoughts. This change from his usual loud and upbeat attitude was strange to me, and I found myself glancing at him from time to time to reassure myself that this was the Chanyeol I knew. But then again, Chanyeol’s interactions with me had always been in the presence of Baekhyun. Perhaps he was a different guy when they weren’t together. Perhaps, beneath all that endless energy and enthusiasm, lies a thoughtful and caring guy who was mindful of his words.

“Okay, I’m ready,” I said, when the silence had become too foreign to me. “What is it that you wanted to talk about?”

Chanyeol smiled, setting the guitar upright on its stand. “Ironically, you already gave me a head start with that tirade.”

I raised my brows. “You want to talk about Baekhyun?”

“And you,” he added. “I want to talk about Baekhyun and you.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but he stopped me with a quick raise of his hand. “I let you have the chance to talk. Can you give me a chance to do the same now?” he asked with a kind smile.

I nodded my assent.

“Alright then. Why not we just go through his like a question and answer session. Are the rumours true?”

“You mean the one about Luhan and me? No.”

“Are you sure?” Chanyeol asked, staring intensely into my eyes. He was trying to make me uncomfortable so that I would tell him the truth. It sort of worked.

“To my understanding, it was just to celebrate,” I muttered, avoiding his eyes. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure myself. Luhan and I weren’t together, that’s for sure, but I still didn’t know which category my time spent with him yesterday fell into. Soojin had made me doubt what I had thought was a simple celebration. Was she right on the fact that Luhan had intended it as a date instead?

“Do you like Luhan?”

I hesitated to answer. “What has this got to do with anything?” I finally asked, trying to skirt around the topic.

“Simple. Because Baekhyun’s probably mad at you because of that.”

I stared at him incredulously. “Mad at me? He knows! Heck, he’s the one who’s been trying to set me up with him.”

Chanyeol thoughtfully turned the guitar pick he had in his hand over his fingers for a few times. “I think he’s starting to regret that.”

“Regret?” I asked, confused. “He’s the one who offered to do it. I didn’t ask him to. He was so eager to let me have my happy ending with Luhan just as he has his with Soojin.”

“Well,” Chanyeol said slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I don’t think he thinks his happy ending is with Soojin now.”

“So what? He wants to dump her?”

“He’s confused. He doesn’t know what he wants.”

“Well then he should learn to make up his mind!” I huffed, annoyed. “Girls are not something you can pick up and throw away. We have feelings.”

“I know,” Chanyeol said gently, trying to placate me. “That’s exactly why Baekhyun hasn’t acted or done anything yet. He’s led Soojin on too far. There’s no going back. I’ve seen how she looks at him; it’s the love-sick puppy dog look that he used to give her.”

“Used to?”

“I think the truth finally sank in now.”

“What truth?”

Chanyeol sighed. “That’s for him to tell you. But you’re a smart girl. I bet you can figure it out before he even says anything. It has a lot to do with how he’s been acting lately, how he’s always discontented whenever Luhan’s involved.”

The answer was already at the tip of my tongue, but I daren’t even think about it. I was afraid that if I did, everything that I had been holding together, everything that I had kept locked up, might burst out.

I looked away.

“Do you like Luhan?” Chanyeol asked again, returning to the very topic that I had tried so hard to skirt around.

“I do,” I replied automatically.

“Now,” Chanyeol said, emphasizing the word. “Do you like him now?”

Do I? Of course I did. But his smiles no longer sent butterflies circling in my stomach. His sweet gestures no longer made me feel the heat creep up to my cheeks. His touch no longer felt special.

But Baekhyun’s did.

“Look Yoora, I’m just trying to be a good friend to the both of you. I hate seeing Baekhyun so distraught and moody during practice and you this upset. I didn’t want to intervene in this, but I feel like I really have to say something. So please,” he reached out and gently placed a hand on my shoulder, “think about it, okay?”

He got up. “I should go,” he said, glancing at his watch. He smiled and lightly patted my head. “See you again tomorrow.”

The door closed behind him as he left, leaving me alone in this dreaded music room filled with so much memories.

I decided it was time for me to look for Baekhyun, to extract a confession from the boy himself. I had to know why he’d been behaving strangely since this past week, why his smiles never quite reached his eyes and why the light in his eyes had dimmed into a muted glow.

He might be avoiding me, but we were friends since childhood; I knew all his little secret hiding places and personal sanctuaries. I shoved my hands deep in my pockets as I walked, trying to come up with the right words to say to him once I’ve confronted him. Should I be angry and resentful or gentle and placating?

Baekhyun and I hadn’t been to the river for a long time, and I highly suspected that he had taken refuge in the very place now. I recalled, with a painful ache in my chest, how we used to love the river, how we always went there together. I really hoped he wouldn’t brush me off again.

When I arrived, the sun was almost setting, casting the waters with an orange glow that spread throughout the whole river. I walked down the gravel path that we always took to get to ‘our’ spot, watching the people pass by me alone or with their dates. My bag swung on my shoulder as I walked, hitting my leg with every step I took. I gripped the strap. I was suddenly very nervous.

I had reached our spot, and right now, I stood motionless, rooted to the ground.

Baekhyun wasn’t alone; he was with Soojin.

He was holding her in his arms as she embraced him tightly, fingers clutching his shirt. Baekhyun faced away from me, but I could see his profile, the line of his mouth and his closed eyes. I saw his mouth move to say something so Soojin and she laughed happily.

I felt my heart shatter into pieces, crushed and thrown into the river. The ground was giving away underneath me, about to swallow me into oblivion. I had never felt so crushed, felt a pain so great, that I felt like wrenching my heart out.

A bit my lip to keep the tear from escaping down my cheek and swiftly turned away from the sight. I took a deep breath, walked a few steps, and then raced back home, my tears falling freely down my eyes.

The truth that I had been denying for so long was sinking in now, rooting itself into my very being and leaving no chance of trying to deny it again.

I was in love with my best friend, Byun Baekhyun.