*Flashback*

'Kwonchan, can you go into Dahye's desk and fetch me the file of model photos?'

'Sure.'

Yukwon found the file but something else caught his eye. 

My yearbook? Why is it here?

'Kwonchan? What's taking you so long?'

'Oh right, sorry...'

'You saw it, right? The yearbook...'

Yukwon nodded. 'How do you-?..'

'Go and open it.'

Yukwon had opened it to find a bunch of letters addressed to him being used as bookmarks. The pages bookmarked were those with photos of Jieun and photos of Yukwon and you together. He stared at them for a while, his hands trembling. He raised his hand to his mouth in disbelief,

'I'm awful, aren't I?...' he said quietly

'They're adressed to you. Maybe it's about time you read them?' said Ayumi softly

Yukwon shut the book and put it back on the desk. 

'No. I'll read them when she wants me to'

*End of Flashback*

However, curiosity got the better of him and later on, Yukwon slipped back into his office to find them. He wanted to know what feelings and emotions had gone through your mind when he left. He wanted to know what his stupid decision had done to you. Maybe then would he know how to make it up to you. 

Then he remembered that you knew about Jieun and you still didn't want to reunite with him.

But in the back of his mind, he hoped that you didn't know the whole story and that that was the reason why you still hated him.

And of course, this was all true. 

When he retured to the office, he was surprised to see someone at your desk. He watched the figure intently, wondering if it was you. The outline of the figure's legs was slim, just like yours. It made sense that you would come back to the office to pick up the yearbook so he kept hidden but when the figure began walking to his desk, he frowned. 

Why would Dahye snoop into my desk?

You wouldn't. And Yukwon knew this. 

He got up from his hiding place, going to make a big entrance. Perhaps he would catch a burgular and then Peter would give him a pay rise or something. God, I could do with a bit of extra cash right now. I can't imagine how mom's doing right now.

He entered the studio taking care not to slam the door. He walked over to the figure that was standing facing away from him. It was no doubt his girlfriend. He knew the outline of her upper body better than anyone else and he knew what she was attempting to do.

Now that he was alone in his apartment after furiously driving his silent and sheepish girlfriend home, Yukwon carefully opened the first letter. His head told him to wait for you to show them to him but in his heart, he knew you'd ever willingly do it. If he was to change the relatioship between the two of you, he'd have to man up and grow a pair of balls. There were 7 letters in total, each one dated and in pristine condition. They had all been written, enveloped, adressed and then locked away. None were ever sent. Yukwon assumed that those that had been sent never found their way back to you. He wondered what sort of messages were written in those letters that he'd never be able to recieve. 

July 2010

Dear Yukwon,

How are you? I hope you're well. I haven't seen you for a week now, have you gone on holiday?

I wo't go to your house to find you since Jonghyun said you weren't home at all. Are you okay? Is there something wrong? I hope you know that you can tell me anything and I will always listen. Even if I'm not your girlfriend, I will always be there for you as a friend. 

I don't want to cry over you because I'm sure you have your reasons but I want a proper explanation. What happened between us? We were fine until my birthday... Please tell me.

I love you.

Dahye xxx

December 2010

Dear Yukwon, 

Merry Christmas! <3 I hope you and your family are doing well. Please give my love to your mom and dad from us. Did you eat well? Have you been healthy in the cold weather? Remember to wrap up warmly! I know we are no longer associated but please tell me you are okay. I'm worried...

I've been spending lots of time with our friends trying to forget you but I can't. You're my best friend. Why did you disappear after leaving me? What is it that made you go?

I gave in and visited your house by the way. Someone else lives there now and the ahjumma said she didn't know who you were. Why is that? Yukwon, I'm scared. Please tell me you're safe. That's all that matters to me. 

Lots of love, Dahye x

March 2011

Dear Yukwon, 

Everyone's calling me crazy, Yukwon, but I'm not mad. I know my name and I know where I live. I haven't lost my memory and I'm still An Dahye. They all want me to get help. Nari's been begging me to see someone who will 'help' me but nothing is going to work. Just let me know you're safe and well and I will be reassured. I'm desperate now.

I haven't gone back to university for a few weeks now so they might throw me out. It's strange. Sometimes when I'm on a lunch break, I'll find myself outside the architecture classroom and it feels as though you'll be in there waiting for me to arrive. You'll smile when you see me and we'd go off together to eat lunch, just the two of us. Just like the old times.

Please let me see you just once. Then I will leave you alone. I know you hate me so I will stop pestering you after this. I ca die happy if you show yourself once more. The last time I ever see you cannot be the time you walked away from me.

Love you always, Dahye

April 2011

Dear Yukwon,

It's Oh Nari, remember me? (I'm Jonghyun's girlfriend and Dahye's best friend). I disguised this as a letter from Dahye in the hopes that one day you'll be able to read this. She'll kill me if she finds out about this letter but it's a risk I'm going to take. There are some things you just need to know.

2 weeks ago, Dahye went missing. Jonghyun and I went searching for her as did Heeyoung and Ahreum. Eventually we found her by the bridge. Her shoes were off and she was standing on the railings crying and threatening to jump. The image of her is still fresh in my mind. I get nightmares just thinking about it. Why are you doing this to her? Why can't you call her? She doesn't even know if you're dead or alive.

She also refuses to eat because of you. She believes she isn't good enough for anyone anymore so she's begun starving herself to be thinner. It's ridiculous as you know full well that Dahye is the slimmest one out of all our friends. You always told her you loved healthy girls and somehow she's got the idea in her head that not eating is healthy. Even if you won't come back to her, please show up and get her to eat. I don't know how much longer I can cope with this.

Dahye's a living, walking, talking time bomb. I don't know when she'll next try to commit suicide again.

From, Nari.

July 2011

Dear Yukwon, 

It's been a year now and I've finally gotten help. I have to see a psychiatrist twice a week and a mental health counselor once a week. I also see a doctor about my eating every 3 months. Why am I even telling you this? I must disgust you. How can I be so weak? How can I be so ill? No wonder you hate me. You must have known this was coming all along. I can see why you cleared off when you did.

I've been told to forgive and forget you. I don't know if I can forgive you just yet. I want to know why you left first. As for forgetting, they make it sound easy. How can I forget the boy that has been with me almost all my life? When I fell as a little girl, you were the first to run and help me up. When I did badly in tests, you were the first to cheer me up. When boys turned me down, you comforted me and told me I was too good for them anyway. How can I forget the boy that was always there for me? How can I just forget and throw away that part of my heart?

Was it easy for you to? I hope it's just as had for you to forget as it is for me too.

Love Dahye.

October 2011

Dear Yukwon, 

I tried to erase you from my memory, I really did. I threw away everything but these letters, my photo album and the necklace. You told me that necklace was given to your mom by your dad so I will never get rid of something so precious. It's my good luck charm, you know. As for these letters, I put all my emotions into them. I can't simply throw them out, not now. 

I often wonder, what are you doing now? Do you have a new girlfriend? Are you studying diligently? Is your mom well?

I shouldn't want to know but I can't stop myself.

Love from Dahye.

January 2012

Yukwon, 

I'm letting you go. I don't want to see you ever again. In fact, I can't think of anything I'd hate more. I'd rather be boiled alive than have to be i your presence again.

You've caused me these troubles that I'll always have to live with whilst you escaped unscathed. I starved myself for you. I cried for you. I almost died for you. I know it is mainly my fault- if I wasn't so weak to start with then you wouldn't have affected me so much. Did you ever realise how much you meant to me?

Are you happy? You've hurt me more than anyone in this lifetime ever will. Even if I get jilted at my own wedding, it probably won't hurt as much as this. Do you know why?

Because the man I'll be engaged to won't be you. I will never love that guy as much as I loved you. I hate you so much but you're irreplacable. I'm broken and the only one who has the glue to fix me is you. Why does it have to be you? 

I trusted you with everything I had but you kicked it to the ground. I will no longer try and see you again. I will do what they asked me to to the best of my ability. I will try to forget you but I will not forgive you. 

Dahye.

Yukwon held the letters in his hands. Even after him leaving you, you had written a letter saying 'Merry Christmas', wishing him and his family good health. It astounded him that despite hurting you so much, you still had the heart to write good fortunes for him.

He began to cry as he re-read the letter from March 2011, knowing that a month later you would try to end your life. He felt guilty as he read Nari's letter to him again.

Eventually we found her by the bridge... 

Her shoes were off and she was standing on the railings crying and threatening to jump...

Why are you doing this to her? Why can't you call her?

Dahye's a living, walking, talking time bomb. I don't know when she'll next try to commit suicide again.

Yukwon sat in the corner of his large, modern living room with his head in his hands. The clock hands ticked away but the silence was deafening. He wished the ground would swallow him up whole. He wasn't sure how he'd be able to face you after reading about your troubles. 

God, what have I done to her?

He tried to get up to get a drink from the kitchen but his legs gave way and he crashed back to the floor, smashing a nearby picture frame in the process. 

I... I ruined her...

He lifted up the frame, taking care not to cut himself. He saw the photo was of him and Jieun and he threw it across the room in anguish, screaming as he did so.

'Jung Jiwon, I hate you and your father! Go to hell!'