"Are you sure you want this song?" Jongdae asked in disbelief as he shifts his eyes back and forth between Kwangmin and the printed lyrics in his hand.

     "Yes, I'm sure. Don't underestimate my singing abilities." Kwangmin retorted before focusing on his phone.

     Jongdae let out a sigh. They've been in the music room in the univeristy for fifteen minutes and all Kwangmin did was check his phone every two minutes. "Are we going to practice this song or are you just going to stare at your phone all day?" Jongdae said, now slightly annoyed. It's almost ten, he still has to prepare before he meets Xiumin.

     "Fine. let's do this, jeez." Kwangmin put his phone in his pocket. 'Just because you have a date with Xiumin later.' He thought, a small smirk forming on his lips. It immediately turned into a bright smile when Jongdae turned to face him.

     "Let's start with the chorus..." Jongdae instructed.

     FIfteen minutes later, Jongdae is in the middle of explaining something to Kwangmin when the latter's phone beeped. 

     "Wait, I'll just read this." Kwangmin said after pulling out his phone. Jongdae observed how Kwangmin's lips curved into a smirk as he read whatever message he just received. An uneasy feeling filled him. 

     When Kwangmin looked at him again, the smirk was replaced with a birght smile, almost as if he'd just imagined the smirk earlier.

     "Done!" Kwangmin exclaimed. "Could you sing the chorus part again. for the last time, then you can go."

     "Fine." Jongdae quickly agreed, intent on ending this sooner.

     Very early this morning, Xiumin received a message from Chen. The message contained the time and place where they will meet. Hence, here he is now, trudging the the snowy road that leads to Seoul Nation University on a cold Sunday morning. He left his car at the annex studio's parking lot and walked his way to the said meeting place.

     He reached the building and immediately went to the second floor where the music rooms are located. Xiumin realized that he's visiting this part of the university frequently. A student is at the front desk and Xiumin learned from him that since the start of the College Symphony rehearsals, the music rooms are available even on Sundays so students can practice.

     There is a fair number of students lined up on the side, waiting for their turn to use the rooms. He wonders if one of them are Chen. Each students is allowed only an hour. Xiumin fished out his phone and typed a message.

              'I'm here, where are you?' He sent it to Chen and seconds later, he recieved a reply.

              'Room W215'

     Xiumin bid the student goodbye then went to find the room. He noticed that all the doors are closed and there's a glass in the upper middle, allowing the person outside to see who or what's happening inside. He could hear the faint sounds of different instruments as he passed by each room.

     He finally reached the last door and he was able to stop himself before he could look through the glass. With his head hung low, he gripped the door handle and opened it slightly.

     Then Xiumin heard Chen's voice, he is singing. He expected to hear a violin playing but it was Chen's voice that he heard. He smiled to himself. 'He really has an amazing voice.' Xiumin thought. Without holding back, he threw the door wide open and looked up.

     His jaw dropped at the sight and confusion became evident in his face.

     What is Jongae doing here with his step-brother?

     Jongdae abruptly stopped singing when he noticed that Kwangmin's attention isn't on him anymore. It's on something -or someone?- behind him. He quickly turned around and he saw Xiumin standing by the door, his brows scrunched in confusion.

     "Xiumin, what are you doing here?" He asked, shocked. He could feel his body trembling. He looked back at Kwangmin who's smirking like a madman. "You... what did you do?" He accused and the smirk on his step-brother's face deepened.

     "Look at you two, have you seen your reactions? There's only one word to describe it... priceless." Kwangmin said then he turned to Xiumin. "I warned you about Jongdae, Minseok-ssi, but you didn't listen. I wonder if you'll still want to be his friend if -ah let me rephrase that, I wonder if you'll still like Jongdae if you find out what a cheat and liar he is."

     "I'm not!" Jongdae glared at him.

     Kwangmin's piercing eyes shifted to him. "Oh really Jongdae?... Or should I say Chen? Anyway, I think I should leave you two to your business. Just hurry up, you only have less then thirty minutes to use this room." Kwangmin picked up his bag, and then went out in a heartbeat.

     Jongdae doesn't know how long he must've stood there before he slowly faced Xiumin. The moment he saw the latter's face, he immediately knew the big mistake he had made. Xiumin's face is void of emotions but grim.

     "Xiumin, I-"

     "Are you really Chen?"

     "Please I ca-"

     "Answer my question."

     Jongdae immediately shut his mouth. Xiumin, his voice sounded so cold and his gaze was so sharp, Jongdae felt as if it could cut through him like a knife. 

     "Yes."

     Xiumin let out a shaky breath as he ran his fingers throughhis hair, his mind in a state of disbelief. "You... liar. You made a fool out of me." He spat.

     Jongdae flinched at the painful words. He could feel his eyes brim with tears but he tried to hold it back and remained silent. Still he didn't take his eyes off Xiumin, no matter how it pains him to see those eyes filled with disdain.

     "Just one good reason Kim Jongdae... or Chen whatever your name is. Tell me one good reason why you did this."

     "I was afraid." He said hoarsely.

     "Afraid of what?" Xiumin asked, slightly pissed at Jongdae's answer. It wasn't a really good of a reason, and Jongdae knew this as well.

     "I was afraid that you'd look at me differently."

     "And you thought that lying to me would prevent that from happening?"

     Jongdae didn't answer. There's a deafening silence and heavy tension fills the air. "But you know what? You're right. I see you so differently now, Jongdae."

     "Xiumin, please, I swear I was going to tell you soon."

     "You think that after all these I'd still believe you?"

     "I know you won't and I know you wont forgive me but I really am sorry. But Xiumin please..." Jongdae said, his eyes pleading. "You don't understand."

     "Then make me understand!" Xiumin shouted. "Make me understand, Jongdae, tell me the truth!"

     Jongdae looked away and inhaled deeply. He isn't ready to tell Xiumin even after what happened. He too is shocked with what is happening. He knew Kwangmin was up to something and this was it. Xiumin deserved to know the truth (but not like this) but Jongdae, he can't tell it yet. He's not ready.

     "I'm sorry, I can't tell you right now." He said then looked up to meet Xiumin's penetrating gaze.

     "Fine." Xiumin said cooly and Jongdae was taken aback. "But don't even talk to me again. Don't expect that I'll talk to you as well." He said then abruptly left.

     When the door slammed close, Jongdae finally let the tears fall. It cascaded down his cheeks the same way a wave of emotions washed through him. He lost another important person in his life again. Xiumin isn't supposed to know the truth this way. If Kwangmin had not interfered... but how did he even find out?

     No, he shouldn't put the blame on others. This was all his fault. He lied, pretended, and worst, he did not explain things clearly to Xiumin. Jongdae knew Xiumin would never forgive him. He would never look at Jongdae the same way again. All because he was a coward.

     He quickly gathered his things and left the music room. Jongdae doesn't know where to go. He doesn't want to go home yet, he doesn't want to see Kwangmin. Jongdae fears he might do something that he'll regret again later. He also doesn't want to go to the cafe, for surely, Jungsoo would notice that something is bothering him.

     As Jongdae aimlessly trudged the snowy streets of Seoul, he very much wished he had his violin. In times like these, his violin is his only outlet. When he plays it, it was as if he's talking with his parents. He feels so close to them whenever he glides the bow over the strings.

     He stopped in his tracks and looked up, the morning sun hits his eyes but he didn't flinch. He could see the smoke coming out of his nose and mouth as he exhaled. He feels so cold and lonely. Jongdae wants to see his parents. He wants to go where they are. And with that in mind, he resumed his steps, intent on reaching his destination; where his parents are.

     It's past three in the afternoon and XIumin hasn't eaten anything yet since this morning. It amuses him how he's not feeling hungry when eating is almost his hobby. Xiumin stared blankly at the empty live room in front of him; his mind busy with the things that happend earlier that day.

     To say that Xiumin was shocked about that revelation is an understatement. Jongdae is Chen. He's still batlling with himself if he should accept this fact. He was really surprised, but most of all really hurt. Very much hurt. To think that he trusted Jongdae everything about Chen. To have believed that Jongdae had helped him in finding Chen. To have recieved advises and words of encouragement from him whenever he fails to find Chen. Only to discover later that the Chen he is looking for was right infront of him. That it was Chen's who's giving him those advises, that it was Chen himself who helped him.

     Xiumin felt that Chen played with him, played with his trust and with his feelings.

     He is angry, surprisingly not at Jongdae, but at himself. He believed so easily, gave away his trust without second thought. He let himself fall for Jongdae so easily and now, now he's hurt. How can Jongdae do this?

     No, that's not the question.

     How come he didn't see this coming? And how come he let himself fall for someone like Jongdae?

     Xiumin wanted to get angry at Jongdae but for some reasons, he cannot. His mind want to but his heart won't. Despite what Jongdae had done, he still likes the man. 

     No, it isn't just like. But Xiumin is also convincing himself that it isn't love when it truth, it really is.

     He felt his stomach grumble and realized that he really needs to eat now. Sluggishly, he stood up from the swivel chair and gathered his things before putting on his coat. He doesn't have any intentions on going to the cafe but his feet took him there.

     "Oh, you're here!" The man at the counter (Donghae, his nametag read) exclaimed when he saw him. "Where's Jongae? I wasn't expecting for your date to end so early. Did you send him home?"

     Xiumin frowned. "We weren't together." He said dryly. "There's no date, at least not anymore."

     Donghae obviously got confused. "But Jongdae said... Did something happen?"

     "Why don't you ask him?" He said indifferently. "Can I place my order now?" From that moment, Donghae's warm and friendly smiles and gaze vanished. His gaze wasn't a glare now but it wasn't a 'safe' look neither.

     Xiumin went out of the shop, holding his take out with one hand and still feeling Donghae's boring stares at the back of his head.

   It's late in the evening when Jongdae arrived home. He' still in a downcast mood and Kwangmin siting there in the living room didn't help either. If possible, his mood got worse. Intent on ignoring his step-brother's existence, he quickly walked to the direction of the stairs.

     But Kwangmin wouldn't let him go so easily. When he passed by beside him, Kwangmin grabbed his arm.

     "Let me go." Jongdae growled, looking at him.

     "How was your date, Jongdae? Was it fun? Memorable? Oh wait!" He exclaimed, as if suddenly remembering something. "Was there even a date after xiumin found out what a liar you are?"

     And that was the last straw. Without further thinking, he grabbed Kwangmin's collar, dragged him up before he pushed him against the wall. Kwangmin winced in pain.

     "What the is your problem with me Kwangmin? What did I do, for you to treat me like this?" He spat, seething with anger.

     Kwangmin pushed Jongdae from him and he stumbled a few steps back. He looked at Jongdae with the same amount of hatred in his eyes. "You want to know why I hate you so much?" He scoffed. "You exist! That's why!"

    "Ever since you came into my life, people always compare me to you. They always say you're the best, that you can play any instrument, that I should be more like you, and I hate you for it!

     I hate how you can do thing I can't! I hate it that you have a mother and I don't. When I met Aunt Wei, I thought I finally had one but there was you. Her attention is always divided. I hate it when she teaches you violin pieces and I can't join because I don't even know how to hold it properly.

   And most of all I hate you because you killed her!"

     Jongdae was horror struck.

     'You killed her!'

     His step-brother's words echoed in his mind. All the memories he managed to push at the back of his mind came flooding to the front like a broken water dam. The recital, the traffic lights, his excitement, the car and the loud beeping sound, followed by a warm embrace caging his body, shielding him from something dangerous.

     'You killed her!'

     Jongdae let out a gasp and stepped back. Kwangmin is right. It was his fault. If he had not run across the street. If he wasn't so stubborn. If he had listen to his Mama Wei, then she wouldn't have died. It was his fault. Eveything is his fault.

     'I killed her.'

     His own words now echoed in his mind.

     "I wish you were the one who died." Kwangmin's lips moved. "You took her away from me, you took my mother away from me, that's why I'm taking everything away from you! You don't deserve to be happy!"

     None of Kwangmin's words registered in Jongdae's mind. He wallowed himself in guilt and remorse. It was all his fault. Why his mother died. Why Kwangmin hates him so much. Why he's suffereing right now. Why he was such a coward.

     Jongdae was pulled out from his thoughts when he felt two strongs arms pushed him back. Kwangmin is pushing him, sending him out the door.

     "You don't deserve to live here!" he was shoved out on the foyer. "Go away! I hate you, I hope you disappear!" And the door slammed close on Jongdae's face.

     The harsh winter night breeze hit his face and Jongdae shivered. He is staring at the big music box in front of him and he could hear a song playing in his mind. Redemption. The word swayed with the tune. It was the only thing Jongdae needed right now. But he knows that everything's past redemption.

     Lost in his own thoughts, Jongdae allowed his feet to take him somewhere. Somewhere far from here, from this guilt and pain. Something kept on vibrating in his pocket but he ignored it.

     "Has Jongdae arrived yet?" Donghae asked as he peered from the back counter when he heard the bell of the glass doors chimed.

    "No sign of him." Jongwoon replied from the cashier.

     Donghae shook his head, feeling troubled and uneasy. "Jungsoo hyung is going to get frantic about this."

     The cafe's manager is away for two days now and oblvious to Jongdae's sudden absence in the shop since Sunday. It's four in a  cold Tuesday afernoon. To Donghae and Jongwoon's wonder, it's not only Jungsoo and Jongdae's absence that intrigues them but also one of their regular customers -Kim Minseok.

     Come to think of it, the last time the producer was here was also last Sunday/

     'Something must have really happened.'

     Donghae hastily pulled out his phone from his pocket and glanced at the screen. Still no message from Jongdae. He tried calling but he knew the younger would never answer.

     Jongdae had stopped answering phone calls five years ago.

     But there is one person Donghae knew would -Jungsoo. He quickly dialled the familiar number and it only took him two rings before the older's voice passed from the receiver to his ears.

     'Donghae, why did you call, something came up?

     'No, nothing, everything's fine here in the shop.'

     'Good, how's Jongdae? How did his date go, did he tell you? He isn't answering my messages.'

     'Ummm about Jongae..." Donghae hesitated, and slightly regretted his action. He should have waited for Jungsoo to come back before telling him. 

     But then, this is Jongdae that's concerned, Jugsoo deserves to know. "He hasn't been around since Sunday, and surprisingly, Minseok too. I was wondering if something happened."

    There was a heavy silence and Donghae could clearly visualize Jungsoo's (very) worried face; his eyebrows meeting in the middle of his forehead, his eyes narrowing on a certain object, and his lips forming a thin line.

     Another minute passed by. "Hyung?" Donghae spoke. He heard Jungsoo clear his throat.

     "I'll drop by Jongdae's house later."

     "But aren't you an a-"

     The line ended.

eniize26: Hey guys sorry for not updating soon -___-  I was busy spazzing over GROWL omggggg I think I died when I watched their MV last week. anyways, doubleupdate done!! Tell me what you think! :))