I trudged across the grass, coming to a stop in the center of the field to look around at the stadium surrounding me. The place where Junsu played his first, big soccer game. I told him I couldn't go because of my shift and he'd been disappointed. However, I remember seeing his face when he saw me in the front row, holding up a sign with “GO JUNSU! #12” painted across it. He'd laughed so hard he'd about tripped over his own feet.

He'd won that game for his whole team. He'd shoot across that field and score goals like no tomorrow. After the game was won, he'd hopped up onto the wall, clung to the railing and I gave him the biggest hug I could. Of course, people thought I was Kim Junsu's girlfriend after that for a short time, rumors I immediately stomped down.

I wanted to go back to that. When things were less complicated between us and we only loved each other as friends. Of course, Junsu never loved me as a friend apparently. I wanted to go back to when he hid it from me and I hadn't the slightest clue. Those times were the best, when I actually could smile.

It was also the same field that pretty much ended his athletic career. In a collision with a piece of player, he'd torn cartilage and both ACLs. After the game, I had to be subdued by security for trying to kill the son of a who ran into him. Junsu's dream was to be an pro athlete. He worked out and practiced for hours. I accompanied him whenever I could. And his dream was ruined, just like that. Now, he was coaching soccer, the next best thing. He loved kids. That and soccer went perfect together.

“Hey.” I turned to see Junsu standing at the entrance to the field, a soccer ball under one arm. “What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” I said.

He approached me slowly, eyes cautious. “How'd you know I'd be here?”

“Junho told me. Said you've been here a lot. Didn't know they had soccer this late in the year...”

“Alright, Detective...” Junsu sighed and dropped the ball in the grass. “You can cut the interrogation. I'm practicing for myself.”

“Why?”

“There's a men's league that's really good, tryouts are in the spring. I figured if I practiced up now...” He paused and looked at me. “I could maybe get another shot.”

I smiled—which I saw by his face, surprised him—and said, “that's good you're doing this. You'll get on the team.”

He snorted a laugh and played around with the ball at his feet. “We'll see,” he said and looked up at me. “Why are you here?”

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and met his eyes. “I came to apologize for the way I acted. It was completely selfish and awkward and...I am very sorry” Junsu's feet played around with the ball a little more, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “And if you're not going to forgive me, I respect that.”

“Why are you talking so formal?” he asked. “You're not like that. You're supposed to punch me and tell me to 'man-up'.”

A sad smile came to my lips and I shook my head. “I'm trying to get my life back on track, Junsu. You're the one thing that's left. The most important.”

“You family should be most important.”

“I talked to them and things are on the mend,” I said and his eyes widened in surprise. “But I couldn't deal with my family problems if I didn't have you. I couldn't have survived anything if I hadn't had you. I don't want to go on without having you, Junsu. I'm trying not to be selfish, but I guess...I am. I'm just asking you to forgive me.”

“You're really serious.” It wasn't a question. His foot rolled the ball back and forth as a silence stretched between us. Finally, his head rose and he said, “I'll forgive you if...” He took a step back, ready to kick the ball, “you help me practice.” Swinging his leg, the ball went flying clear across the field, bouncing across the grass before rolling away.

I turned my attention from the ball back to Junsu. “Its below freezing,” I stated bluntly.

Junsu crossed his arms and set his hip out, an attempt at an imitation of me. “Man up, sweetheart.” A lousy attempt at mimicking my voice.

I glared at him before it broke into a smile. He grinned back and by that look, I knew he was truthful. I jogged after the ball and he started trotting beside me, calling me slow and out of shape before I shoved him and he stumbled, tumbling into the grass. Hysterical laughter ensued as I trudged over to the ball, gasping for air and kicking it to him as he picked himself off the ground, his classic laugh echoing off the stadium seats.

We “practiced” until the sky had grown long dark and our labored breathing was puffs of white underneath the bright, buzzing lights. The cold air stung at my throat, but once I had a steaming cup of coffee in hand, everything was right with the world.

“So how many more days do you have off?” Junsu asked as we sat at a table by the window.

I was looking across the street, studying the spot where I'd last seen UKnow. “I go back tomorrow,” I answered and took a sip of coffee, tearing my eyes from the cold outside.

Junsu nodded and I could feel his leg bouncing underneath the table. “What are you going to do when you go back?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well...” He paused uncertainly and ran a hand through his light hair; blonde suited him, surprisingly. “You're going to be alone, until Changmin wakes up. What are you going to do?”

“Do stuff by myself,” I replied with a shrug. “Its not that complicated.”

“I worry about you though.”

“I'll be fine, Junsu,” I said with a roll of my eyes. “I can handle whatever gets thrown at me; its fine.”

Junsu opened his mouth again, but my phone started buzzing on the table top. I picked up and immediately answered, seeing it was Chief. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” answered Chief. “Quite the opposite. Shim's waking up.”

My heart leaped into my mouth, hindering me of speech and causing me to hang up without another word. “Changmin's waking up,” I explained, already out of my chair. Junsu followed after me.



We hurried down the hallway until reaching Changmin's door. Chief was standing by one wall, but my eyes were on Changmin. His eyes were still closed, but the ventilator had been replaced with a less extreme source of oxygen. A good sign. I approached the side of his bed.

“He's been in and out,” Chief said as I scooted a chair over. “The doctor sounded positive.”

I slipped my hand into his, leaning my head against my other arm. “Hey, Changmin,” I said.

But there was no response. I sighed and scratched at my head. “How coherent was he earlier?” I asked Chief.

“Not very,” was the reply. “But they're still hopeful.”

Chief left the precinct and I felt Junsu's hand rest on my shoulder. “Hey, he's gonna be fine.”

“With my luck, I doubt it,” I said, keeping my eyes plastered to Changmin's face. “The longer he stays like this, the worse its going to be.”

Junsu didn't say anymore, but his hand stayed on my shoulder. A silent form of encouragement. It seemed like hours past with me muttering comments to Changmin, while Junsu stayed beside me. The beeping and hissing of machines was causing me to become lethargic and I laid my head on my arm, resting my eyes for a few short moments.

At first, I thought it was a dream. But then it happened again. A steady amount of pressure on my hand.

I jerked my head up. “Changmin?” I said, leaning towards his ear. “Changmin, can you hear me?” Another squeeze. “Junsu. Junsu, he can hear me. Changmin, come on. Wake up for me.”

Eyelids lifted. Slowly, agonizingly so. He took in a deep breath, one that grated and shook. His eyes went to me and I couldn't hide the smile. “Hey,” I greeted.

His breathing was still shallow, rickety. “Jin...” he managed to gasp out before I shushed him.

“Everything's okay,” I said, managing a reassuring smile.

“UKnow...”

“Don't worry about that now,” I said. “You just need to rest.”

“You okay?”

I managed another smile. “I'm fine. Let's worry about you.”

Changmin stayed conscious; his breathing shaky, and by the look on his face, painful. Eventually that was fixed, but it was harrowing to watch him in so much pain. Because of me.

Chief gave me an extra day off and, for once, I was grateful for it. Junsu and I spent the night again. Changmin didn't talk, but I'd talk to him as best I could, try to keep things positive(which was not my forte). He was given something to help him sleep, which I was leery of—afraid he wouldn't wake up again. A worry that kept me up most of the night.

That, and K. Our argument, her so called “advice”, and the fact that maybe she would be able to find something kept my eyes pried open most of the night. I knew what I had done was foul, but desperation got the better of me. It was only for intel, I kept telling myself. K could find whatever I couldn't and she'd be quick about it. Changmin would chew me out if he knew I'd “lowered” by standards to asking K. He was the only one on my side that knew about our alliance and he wasn't pleased. He played by the book more than I did and me getting assistance from someone who didn't exactly follow what was legal made him edgy.

Relief washed over me when morning came and Changmin awoke. The smile on my face was impossible to hinder. Perhaps life was making a one-eighty for me. Changmin was going to be okay and Junsu and I were on steadier ground. After it seemed like everything was slipping, I'd regained a firm grasp again. However, I should have known from experience that nothing ever lasted long.