Honestly, I didn't know how much more I could do last.

Things between Junsu and I were awkward, nothing compared to what they once were. I'd really ed up.

I'd slept for over twelve hours, awakened by a set of nightmares that I stifled so Junsu didn't think he had to come to my aid. We ate in silence that next morning and that was enough. Though I'd begged him to stay earlier, I pleaded with him to leave after we had finished.

He'd been reluctant—probably because he worried about my mental health—but still was more than willing to get out of there. So all I had was Min to keep me company in that quiet apartment. A week of that echoing silence was overbearing in itself; I had no idea what I was going to do for a whole ing week.

Three days went by and I, honestly, thought I was going to shoot myself. No humor intended. I actually grabbed my off-duty gun and put it to my head once. Maybe twice. But I knew Changmin would be upset if I killed myself after he tried his hardest to live. Junsu might have been upset too. And what would have happened to Min? I would have scarred the poor thing.

The visits to Changmin's room were long and dragging, but they were better than staying in my desolate apartment. At least, there was another human being to talk to. Even if he didn't respond. But I dumped my heart out on Changmin, more than I ever had on him—or even Junsu. It was in that moment, when I told him I regretted staying so far away from my family, that I came up with a small resolution to my seemingly destructive problem.

I had to go see my dad.

He was the last remaining solid entity I had in life—no matter how long I'd ignored him, I knew he'd have me back. He had always been my rock, apart from Junsu, and I was ready to take advantage of that too. He was understanding, wise, patient; everything my mother and brother weren't. I hoped I didn't see either of them, but at the same time...I kinda did.

Why—I didn't know. However, I'd worry about that bridge when I crossed it.

It was about an hour and a half drive from Seoul to Gongju, my hometown. A trip that gave me plenty of time to concoct a whole conversation in my head, what I would say to my father and explain my absence for two years. However, after I stepped out of the car and stared at the house I'd spent the majority of my years in, my mind went blank.

It'd been over five years since I'd set foot in that house, and at the sight of it, a feeling of nostalgia overcame me. The memories of my brother and I climbing the tree in the backyard—where I shoved him off and he broke his arm. The kitchen window at the front of the house where I would often stare through in a daydream while Mom attempted to teach me how to cook and bake. The living room where my brother and I would run to on Christmas morning to open gifts. The driveway where my brother and I had our final brawl and I screamed at my mother that I hated her and everything she'd ever tried to do for me in my life.

I exhaled loudly and made my way up the steps to the front door. After knocking, I waited with hands shoved into pockets against the early winter chill, hoping no one was home. The car was gone, maybe I was in luck. However, the curtain at the door pulled aside slightly and the door opened to reveal my father standing there with a look of bewilderment.

“Jin Ae?” he asked, as though it were an impossible thought.

A small smile curved my lips. “Hi, Dad.”

The bewilderment turned to that of relief and I was enveloped in a strong embrace, one I'd missed terribly. He pulled away and I could see teary eyes behind his glasses. “Come in, come in,” he said, leading me into the house.

It was just like I remembered, nothing had really changed. I'd expected mother to go on an interior decorating spree or something like that. It smelled the same too. Constant smells of something fresh baked.

“I was just making tea,” Dad said. “Would you like some?”

“Sure.”

He gestured to the table. “Sit, sit.” I ped my coat and hung it on the rack that I'd claimed for myself years ago before joining him at the table. “So, how have things been?” He slid a cup of tea over to me.

“Alright,” I answered, blowing at the liquid. “How have things been here?”

“Just fine,” said Dad. “A little lonely though.” I kept my eyes on my tea, knowing his were studying my face. “What brought you back?” he finally asked.

I put the cup down and sighed. “My partner was shot a couple days ago. It was...a wake up call to say the least.”

“I'm sorry, Jin Ae.”

“He's still alive,” I said, “but there's the matter of waiting for him to wake up and...it was the kick the face I needed to realize you can't take things for granted.”

Dad nodded in agreement. “Again, my condolences. I hope he heals fast.”

“Same here.”

Taking the topic to a lighter area, Dad went on, “how's Junsu? I haven't heard from him in about a month.”

It wasn't an exactly lighter topic, but he didn't know that. “He's okay.” Then, I arched an eyebrow. “You haven't heard from him in a month?”

Dad nodded and smiled. “He likes to call us and see how we are. He was part of the family. Ate enough of our food to be considered a part anyway.”

I chuckled, knowing Junsu spent a majority of our time after school at our house. His excuse was my mother cooked better than his, but I knew the real answer now. That thought made my smile smolder into a frown.

“I always thought you two would become something,” said Dad, making me shift uncomfortably. “But you're too independent, I know.” I saw the smile before he took a drink.

“I'm never getting married,” I said. “Too much effort.”

“I always appreciated that about you. I didn't have to scare teenage boys.”

“I did it enough myself,” I said.

“That you did,” he chuckled.

“How's Mom?” I asked, seeing as she wasn't there.

“She's well,” Dad said. “She's out getting groceries now.” I nodded and fell into silence, sipping at the tea. “You're not going to ask how—”

“No,” I replied shortly, averting eyes again.

“He's getting married.” Apparently, he was going to talk about my brother whether I wanted to or not.

“Good for him,” I grumbled.

“She's a sweet girl,” Dad went on. “And she's mentioned that she wants to meet you before they get married.”

“Why?” I asked sharply. “Hasn't my name been tarnished in this house?”

“Jin Ae...” Dad chided, giving me a look.

“Sorry,” I sighed and took another drink.

My father sighed and sat back in his chair, giving me another study-over. “You've changed,” he said. “Mellowed. Your pride isn't as pungent as it was before.”

I snorted. “Thanks.”

Dad smiled, but then his aging face turned serious. “I was hoping to talk to you soon,” he said. “Because...” He paused and assessed me again. “Your father contacted us about a month ago.”

My hand gripped the cup and I looked up into Dad's face slowly. “He did?”

Dad nodded. “He said he wasn't going to contact you if you didn't want to speak with him. Really, he only wanted to make sure that you were living a good life, made something of yourself. I assured him you had.”

I swallowed. “Did he say anything about my mother?”

“I asked and he said he'd never seen anything of her since she'd left.” I remained silent and Dad leaned forward in his chair. “I'm not telling you what to do,” he said, “but I would suggest that maybe—someday—while you're feeling this openness, you might consider meeting him.”

“I will,” I replied hoarsely. “I—”

The door opened and the both of us turned towards the kitchen doorway. My mother came shuffling in, a grocery bag in one arm and—to my dismay—my brother followed after her with his own burden of groceries.

“Chin Ho,” my mother called. “Did you—” She turned and at the sight of me, her eyes widened. “J—Jin Ae.” My brother's attention turned to me and his dark eyes narrowed dangerously. “What are you doing here?”

“She came to see us, dear,” my dad answered.

“I should get going,” I said, getting up from my seat. I looked at Dad who was giving me a pleading look. “I'll consider the offer,” I said, meaning talking to my biological father.

And I quickly walked by my mother and brother to escape.

When the sound of the door closing was non-existent, I knew hewas following. I opened the door to my car, but his hands shoved against it, slamming it shut.

“What are you doing here?” he growled.

“Jaejoong,” I said, keeping my voice even, “leave it alone.”

“No,” he said, voice just as even as mine as he invaded my space. “Not only do you come back here, but you just leave and don't say a word to Mom! Do you know how that hurts her?”

“She doesn't care,” I snarled. “Neither do you. I came to see Dad, not you.”

“I told you not to come back.”

“Its been five years, Jaejoong!” I snapped. “Can't you just let it go.”

“No!” he shouted back. “You went against our parents wishes, never were thankful for what they gave you; you dishonored them! You're a disgrace—”

“Jaejoong, that's enough,” our father's voice boomed from the porch. “Leave her alone.”

Without a word, Jaejoong backed away from me, dark eyes sending me a thousand insults that he couldn't utter. I gave him one final look before getting into the car and tearing out of the driveway.

I swiped at my eyes and slammed by hand into the dash. “Stupid, bastard,” I hissed. I was trying to make amends. His and Mom's appearance startled me and him...God, I hated Jaejoong sometimes.

But I was trying to make amends. [i]So try a little ing harder![/i]

At the next available location, I turned the car around and headed back to the house. My pride was grouching at me to turn around, that what I was going to do wasn't worth it and I was better off by myself. However, I knew what I had came for and was certain on finishing what I started. It was time to change and make amends, not wallow in a past that couldn't be changed.

Getting out of the car, I marched up to the door and walked in without forewarning. The slamming of the front door announced my entrance and walking into the kitchen, my parents were staring at me with a look of surprise. Jaejoong's bewilderment turned to hatred in a millisecond.

I bowed and looked at my mother. “I want to apologize for all of my behavior in the past; I've been extremely foolish and unthankful for what you've done for me.” My voice was cracking and I swallowed to get the words out. “I want you to know that I [i]am[/i] thankful for everything you've done.” My eyes traveled to my brother who was standing with his arms crossed, not looking swayed. “I came her to fix things, but I didn't do a very good job...” I looked to my mother again and felt my eyes b. “I really am sorry.”

The house fell silent as the four of us stood there, quietly waiting for something to ensue. Slowly, my mother got up from the table and approached me. I braced myself as came to a stop in front of me. The last few times we'd seen each other had not been kind and I wondered if that moment would be any different. She looked into my eyes, but the usual hardened expression she wore had broken and there was an openness there that I had never seen before.

She opened her arms to me, tears quickly falling from her eyes. “Welcome home,” she said.

I was amazed, in a way. Relief washed through me and I hugged her tightly, holding back my own tears as she cried. “I should be the one that's sorry,” she said into my ear. “I pushed you too far...”

“Its okay,” I said, pulling away to smile at her. “We're all okay.”

She gave me a watery smile and turned to my brother who hadn't moved. “Jaejoong?”

His eyes drifted from us to the floor, the muscles in his jaw tightening. Mom's face fell in disappointment and she turned back to me. “He'll come around,” she whispered, conjuring up another smile.

I returned it, but was doubtful of her statement. Jaejoong could be just as prideful as I was. My father got up from the table and I reached out to give him a hug as well.

“All under one roof again,” he said, squeezing my shoulder. “You're staying for supper, right?”

I chuckled. “Only if you want me.”

“Of course,” Mom exclaimed. “You look like you could put on a few more pounds anyway.” She pinched my cheek which I leaned away from with a groan. “Jaejoong, is Mina coming?”

“No,” my brother answered shortly. “She has to work.”

“Oh, goodness...” Mom sighed. “When you two get married, I hope she won't have to work so much.” She began bustling around the kitchen. “Tell you sister about your future wife and maybe she'll let us in on her man.”

I snorted as I sat at the table. “No man, Mom. Sorry.”

“Jin Ae...” she tisked. “You're not getting any younger. Soon enough you're going to be living all alone with twenty cats and no children.”

“I already have one cat. Just nineteen more to go.” Mom shot me a look which was answered with a cheeky smile.

“You'll find the right man,” she said. “He'll come along and sweep you right off your feet and I'll finally have grandchildren.”

“Jaejoong can give you grandchildren,” I said, glancing over at him as she sat at the table. “His would be better looking anyway.”

Mom turned, pointing her spatula at me. “You will get married and you will have children.”

“Mom...” I groaned, feeling like a fourteen year old again.

“Darling, what did I say about directing our children's lives after they moved out?” Dad asked and I bit my lip to hide the grin.

She sighed as she stirred over the oven-top. “I'm sorry. I just don't want you to be lonely.”

“I am perfectly happy single,” I said.

Mom suddenly turned around, spry for her old age and grinned. “What about Junsu? He's perfect! ”

Slowly, I began to slide down my chair, wanting to disappear from the rest of the world.

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