Seunghyun was the first to pull back from the kiss, his eyes opening immediately to see Dongwook’s reaction.  The older simply stared at him with a bit of disbelief laced into his expression but there was no indication of anything negative.  Seunghyun slid his hand from the back of the older’s head back down to his shoulder, right at the base of his neck, and looked at him in a way that indicated he needed to speak first.

“Why did you kiss me?” the older said it in a throaty whisper that gave away surprise.

“I don’t know,” the younger responded the same way the older had just a couple minutes ago.  The truth was he didn’t entirely know why but he had an idea it had to do with their closeness and conversation.  Still, he couldn’t explain the urge to lean forward and press his own lips against the full lips that still were only centimeters away.  But he had to give some kind of explanation just like he had expected he asked the same question just minutes before. 

With a deep breath he continued, “I keep feeling it.  Whatever it is we both felt that was different- it keeps happening.  I don’t know why or what it is but it keeps happening.  Like tonight- I napped on your shoulder and it was normal.  And it was normal at the bar in the beginning but then it wasn’t and you kissed me on the cheek and I don’t know why I acted angry because I wasn’t.”  He paused to take a breath because now that he had started talking he couldn’t stop, “That’s why I went to look for you.  After you left I felt really bad and I was sad that things were different.  Then when we got here and you went to the guest bedroom-”

Seunghyun looked down and took a few short breaths as his lip trembled.  

Dongwook could see how much that one action had hurt him and he instantly regretted it.  “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.  I just thought- I don’t know.  It felt awkward enough to be here after what had happened I didn’t think you would want me to sleep in the same bed as you.”

“But you always do.”

“But things were not like always.”

“I know and that’s why I felt bad.  Then, when you did that, I felt worse.  I almost wanted to cry but thought I was overreacting.”

The older shut his eyes as guilt washed over him.  The last thing he wanted was to make the situation worse because it had all started due to his impulsive actions.  If I had never kissed him, things would be the same as always. 

“Hyung, that’s why I need to- why I need to know why you kissed me.  And why I just kissed you.”

“Neither one of us really knows though, Seunghyun.”

“But how can things be normal if we don’t figure it out?”

“Do you think they will be even if we do?”

The younger looked down and fought back tears at the thought of things never being normal again. 

“Why does it really matter that we kissed each other?”

“Because it does!  We can’t have just kissed without reason!  And neither of us pulled away either time, hyung!  Things feel different, our joking turns into something more and then….It matters.  Don’t you want to understand what’s happening?”

“I do, but-” the older bit his lower lip and waited for the younger to finally look him in the eyes again.  After a minute of silence, Seunhyun finally brought his eyes up with a completely unreadable expression that was still full of intensity.  Maybe there were too many emotions mixed in or there was something entirely new behind those eyes but, either way, Dongwook didn’t know what to make of it.  Without knowing why it felt like a better choice than to try to come up with words, the older slid the palm of his hand over the younger’s cheek and closed the too-small gap between them for another kiss.

Seunghyun, completely caught off guard, was unresponsive at first but then let himself sink into the kiss.  It was slow and sweet, thin lips on full lips, ripe with genuine confusion and affection at the same time.  As he kissed him, Dongwook had no idea why he did it but he knew he didn’t want to stop.  Seunhyun shut his thoughts down because, for some reason, this kiss made him feel unfamiliar warmth and he didn’t want it to go away.  They kissed for a couple of minutes until they felt like they needed to catch their breath and finally broke apart, immediately searching each other’s eyes.

“Seunghyun, I didn’t know at first why I kissed you instead of talking but I do now.”

“Why?”

“We both want to understand what’s happening but we can’t if we keep ignoring things.  Or being unaware of their existence.”

“What do you mean?”

“Seunghyun-ah, you said it yourself- neither of us pulled away.  And we didn’t pull away this time either.  We don’t want to pull away.”

“We….we….”

“We want to kiss each other.  And that’s why things feel different now.”

 “Hyung, we can’t just want to kiss each other.”

“Then why do we keep doing it?  Why don’t we pull away?  If I kissed you again right now, would you let me?”

The younger looked down knowing full well that he would let him do it and that he would enjoy the warmth that came with the kiss.  But he couldn’t just accept it that simply. 

As if reading his mind, the older said softly, “Seunghyun-ah, don’t think this is easy for me.  We’ve been good friends for a long time and to suddenly have things be like this, it’s not easy.  Especially considering, well, that we’re both men.” 

The younger gave a small nod, unwilling to speak. 

“But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.  What did you feel right now?”

Seunghyun shook his head, cheeks streaking pink, because he didn’t want to say it. 

“Did you feel warmth go through your body?  Comfort?  Happiness?”

The younger finally looked into his hyung’s eyes because he had just confessed to feeling the exact same thing as him.  He nodded because he couldn’t seem to find his voice. 

“Me too.  That’s not something you feel if it isn’t-” he stopped short because he didn’t know exactly how to turn his thoughts into words.  In any case, the younger most likely was thinking the same thing.  They stayed in each other’s arms, eyes meeting briefly from time to time, for a few minutes before the younger finally sighed and rubbed his temples. 

He pulled himself out of his hyung's arms and stepped off the bed.  The older sat up in the bed but did not get up and turned to see the younger with his back turned to him, head looking toward the floor.  “Maybe, if we don’t talk for a while, it will go away.” 

Dongwook’s heart sank.  That was the last thing he wanted.  “Do you really think that will help?” 

The younger shrugged, “Hopefully.  I don’t know.  Maybe it will never be the same, just like you said, and we need to get used to the idea.  Maybe,” his voice cracked, “maybe we will just end up friendly co-workers after all.” 

The other’s eyes widened and, frantically, he went over to Seunghyun’s side of the bed bringing himself into a kneel.  He roughly grasped the younger’s shoulders and spun him around to face him, pulling him into a hug before he could react.  “No.  That’s not the answer.  We can’t just be-”  He couldn’t even bring himself to say it.

“Hyung, I-”

“This won’t work, you have to know that.  You have to know that we can’t just be friendly co-workers.  Could you be like that with me?”  He waited on bated breath for what felt like hours until a choked-up Seunghyun whimpered, “No.”

“Seunghyun-ah.  Sometimes the best way is the hardest.”

“What do you mean?”

The only way the older could properly answer the younger’s question was to cradle his head in his hands and press their lips together again hoping against all hope that Seunghyun wouldn’t pull away.   

A/N:  Hello everyone!  I know in my last author's note I said I would try to update more regularly and then I didn't update for about a month.  Well, as it turns out, I've been having computer issues so I was not able to access the chapters I had written.  Then I remembered I had an email backup of a few chapters and here we are!  I've also been significantly busier than I anticipated so that has also lessened the time I've had to write and update.  In any case, I will continue to update with the chapters I've been able to recover and find time to continue writing.  Thanks for your patience and support, it won't be an unfinished and forgotten story!  See you all with a new update soon, hopefully!  (^-^)