I'm Tired.
The Red StringL.Joe's POV
Several aching days later, I finally presented myself at the cafe in one piece. Surprised, my manager asked how I was doing, knowing that each time he called me, I didn't answer, nor did I try to. But I left that last part to myself and hid it with an excuse.
"Thought you died." He had said, laughing lightly at his own joke before shooing me off to my post. I faked a smile until he disappeared.
Little did he know, I really did die.
Not physically, of course, but there was nothing left inside of me, nothing but a heart that's lost its beat.
And if that's not dying, then what is?
To clarify, the only reason I returned to this place, was to leave for good.
I wanted to go to new places, to see new sights, to meet new people, to hear new voices, to think new thoughts, and to feel new feelings. But of course, I can't forget about someone like Chunji, no. I never could, not even if I tried.
But eventually, I'll remember him every once in awhile and feel absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing at all. Just a face, a bundle of memories, and a stranger's name to go with them.
"Where were you?" A slightly unfamiliar voice interupted my stream of consciousness, only strange now because I haven't heard it in awhile, but the pitch of his voice, the huff of his breath, and the sound of his tone made his identity obvious. It was no other than Chunji.
"Busy, that's all." I forced a wide grin at him, but it was broken, slightly twisted to compliment my misery. The features of the rest of my face didn't aid in fooling him either. My eyes were still wasted, barely managing to keep its own color, and my body was washed up, somewhat bruised from the small tantrums I threw out of anger, or frustration. To summarize, I appeared no where near 'okay'.
And that's why I didn't want to continue our conversation.
"Busy with what?" He responded before I could cut the conversation short, fixing his gaze of curious eyes on me.
it.
I grunted.
A subtile tension gradually engulfed the atmosphere around us, but it was hard to tell if it was coming from him, or from me. Although, the better option was the second one.
"Yah, L.Joe-yah." He started again after a short silence of my stubborn behavior.
I gave him a side glance, maintaining my posture that faced away from him.
Still no audible response from me.
"All right, fine. Give me the silent treatment, but at least hear me out."
At that instant, like a switch that was abruptly , fury consumed whatever was left inside of me, drawing out a side of me that I didn't even know existed.
My head turned to give him a provoking glare which resulted in him taking a step back from my outraged expression.
"You want me to listen?" I erupted first, drawing closer to the slightly frightened red-head, "That's what I've been doing. That's all I've been doing. But who gave you the right to tell me to listen when you never listened to me?"
"Wait--"
"SHUT UP. Chunji-yah, just... Shut. Up." I drew deep breaths in attempt to calm myself, taking my time to watch his expression waver from being either startled, or petrified. It was hard to tell with him. But the image of his fearful eyes calmed the harsh storm within me.
And so I drew another breath. "Listen,... It's just... I'm tired of listening to the words you say that only ends up hurting me in the end. I'm tired of watching you every chance I can possibly get only to end up getting little or no attention from you in return. I'm tired of thinking about how much you're better off being with your girlfriend than you will ever be with me. I'm tired of trying to talk to you when you wouldn't even listen to what I have to say. And I'm tired of feeling these stupid feelings for you knowing that you will never, in my life, become mine. I'm tired, Chunji-yah. I'm just really... tired."
After a moment of taking my words in, We stood there, thoughtless, motionless and most of all, speechless. But we watched each other, and I found his expression shifting, but it was, again, indefinite. But I knew one thing was for sure, there was a hint of regret somewhere lying in the depths of his eyes.
But regret for what?
His lips slightly parted, and I sensed his next action.
But I didn't want to stick around to witness it. I didn't want to become more broken than I already was.
Because there was nothing left to break of me.
So without another word, I swept away, turning around and abandoning the other boy.
There was no where that I wanted to be, except out of here. Anywhere but here.
So I continued on with my purpose, heading straight towards the manager's office.
Even though I will probably never hear what Chunji had to say, it's okay. It's okay because then I wouldn't have to feel anymore pain, because there was no more room left inside of me for it.
I was done with him, with this place, and with our fate.
And whether the Red String was real or not, I was going to test it.
If I managed to leave here for good, then it was a lie all along. And it'll be easier for me to let go of what I never had.
But if I am somehow prevented from doing so, then I have no other choice, but to believe in it's existence.
But until then, I will say goodbye to this place
Forever.
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*one more chapter guys. TT Thank you to everyone who subscribed and commented!! I read them all don't worry!! And I really appreciate them too! Each chapter is just getting shorter and shorter... poop.
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