It wasn’t something Sungmin could control. The feelings he had in his heart. If he could stop it, he would have. But he couldn’t… not at all… but why him? Why did he have to fall in love with someone he knew was too far for him to reach? Why allow this man to break his heart many times, and yet still love him as much? Simply because…

“Til now, the time without you in my life was full of darkness (without you baby) …
But ever since I've met you, my life's been like a dream (baby)…”

As Super Junior peformed “Miracle” on stage during Super Show 3, Sungmin can’t help but gaze at Yesung as he started to sing. Yes, life couldn’t get better, as Yesung sang, everything around Sungmin seemed to have vanished, and all he could see was the man he loved under the spotlight, the man with the most beautiful voice.

But then, it shattered. Right at that moment.

Yes, a peck on the cheek, from Ryeowook to Yesung. Nothing more, but the beautiful silence around Sungmin shattered into pieces as he witnessed that kiss. Fanservice, Sungmin told himself, as he hears the piercing screams that followed after the act of intimacy between the cute Yewook pairing. And it wasn’t like as though it was the first time happening, but still… the pain Sungmin could feel in his heart never felt any better. His heart was back to being empty, as the unrequited love in him was slowly eating him alive.

“Hyung~ why the sad face?”

Kyuhyun had given Sungmin a surprise bear hug from behind. The screams went louder as the fans witness another favourite pairing moment. Kyumin. Sungmin flash a cute smile to Kyuhyun, trying to mask the heartbreaking moment he just had moments ago. Lifting Kyuhyun up, Sungmin used his strength and piggy backed Kyuhyun across the platform. The screams couldn’t get any louder. To them it might be Sungmin being sweet to Kyuhyun, but to Sungmin, it was his way of concentrating himself on the task of not dropping Kyuhyun, so as to ignore the screams that could be heard at the other side of the stage as Yesung planted a kiss back on Ryeowook’s cheek. To ignore the sound of his heart crashing into pieces again. It hurt so much…

Yet he just did not notice a pair of solemn eyes, following his every move.

Yesung could feel his heart skip a beat as he saw Sungmin’s smile. Watching the Kyumin couple, Yesung felt like someone just drilled a knife straight into his heart, and as though it wasn’t enough, still twisting it cold-bloodedly. He could not understand why he was feeling like that. Wasn’t he in love with Ryeowook? Yesung thought as he returned a peck to Ryeowook’s cheek. And he felt… nothing. Were his feelings changing?... Even though his past confession to Ryeowook failed, he was sure his feelings will not change. Even though he knew he never could have Ryeowook, who was dating the lovely Henry, Yesung was sure his feelings for Ryeowook will stay the same. But why is he feeling this way towards Sungmin? What is happening to him? Yesung shook the thought out of his mind, as he got ready to sing the next song.

“But seeing you so happy next to another person…
Is exhausting, now…”

As Yesung sang those words, he couldn’t help but be remembered of the Kyumin piggyback moment that happened a while back. Without thinking, Yesung took a peek at Sungmin. Sungmin looked beautiful from where Yesung was looking at him. And Sungmin seemed to be really into the song, singing with all his heart as his eyes were filled with sadness. Yesung cant help but feel that Sungmin was singing it to someone specifically. And he wasn’t wrong.

“ARGH!! Finally can catch up on some sleep~” Heechul yawned as he shifted comfortably in his seat in the van. Sungmin, however, shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Why did he have to end up sitting beside Yesung on the way home? He should have gotten onto the van earlier before all the seats were taken up, Sungmin cursed to himself. Yesung found himself unable to look at Sungmin, and had taken a great interest staring at the back of ShinDong’s head. As the vehicle started its journey back to the dorm, one by one the members fell asleep. Eunhyuk laid his head on Donghae’s shoulder, snoring quite loudly. Donghae had his head against Eunhyuk’s, sleeping like an angel. Kyuhyun was lying on Shindong’s lap, while Heechul kept his hat low as he laid back on the seat. Leeteuk used his hand to support his head on the armrest, Ryeowook curled up into a ball in his seat. Shiwon just folded his arms, head looking down, eyes closed. Even when he is sleeping he has to have a handsome image.

Yesung stared around. Looks like he was the only one awake, as he turned towards Sungmin, who had his head against the window, eyes closed. Yesung admire the man before him. Sungmin looked so peaceful as he slept, the little cute snore Sungmin made, Yesung wondered why he never seen how beautiful Sungmin really was.

Then he saw it. That single tear that escaped Sungmin’s closed eyes.

Why is he crying? Yesung reached out to wipe away that tear with his thumb. His hand accidentally knocking out the earphone Sungmin had on. Yesung slowly and carefully lifted up the earphone that had fallen on Sungmin’s lap, and placed it in his ear.

“Even now when I look at you my heart hurts...

 Even if it’s for a moment…

I try hard not to let my tears fall…”

“Press the reset…

Press press the reset…

I’m looking at you…

Only you…

Press the reset…

Press press the reset…

You, I can’t forget you…

Press the reset…

Press press the reset…

How am I to let go of the person who’s standing in front of me…”

Does Sungmin have someone he loves? Most likely it is Kyuhyun… Yesung thought bitterly. He did not want to admit it, but deep down, he wished that that guy could be him… ARGH! What is wrong with him again?? How could he think that?! I love Ryeowook… Not Sungmin… I love Ryeowook… Not Sungmin… Yesung chanted to himself till he fell asleep.

“YAH!!!! WAKE UP! WE’VE REACHED!” Sungmin was jerked awake by the rough shaking from Donghae. “OK OK!” Sungmin snapped, annoyed by the way he was woken up. He would have preferred just a gentle pat. “And wake that turtle, will yah?” Donghae pointed to Yesung who was sleeping soundly. Sungmin gulped and realized. Why was Yesung listening to my music from my earphone? He pondered. Sungmin took back his earphone from Yesung, and gently shook him awake. “Ye…Yesung? We reached the dorms already. Get up.” Yesung stirred, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He was taken aback by Sungmin’s face that was flushed red. “Yah, Minnie are you ok? Why are you all red?” Yesung raised his hand to touch Sungmin’s forehead, who shunned the hand like it could kill him with a single touch. “I… I am ok! Just too tired.” Sungmin mumbled as he stumbled out of the van, leaving Yesung by himself. Why is Sungmin acting so weirdly?

“I AM USING THE SHOWER FIRST!!!!” Heechul announced loudly as he stepped into the dorm. “Donghae! Up the stairs now!” Leeteuk snapped at the fishy who was clutching Eunhyuk’s arm tightly. “But I want to sleep in Eunhyuk’s room tonight!!” he whined. Eunhyuk calmed the little fish down and promised him that they can do it some other day, but not tonight. “FINE… then I am gonna shower first!!” Donghae squealed as he ran past Heechul and headed up the stairs. “HEY I SAID I WAS GOING TO FIRST!!!!” Heechul shrieked as he ran after the boy. Shiwon shook his head, embarrassed by s’ childishness, and followed Leeteuk up to the higher level dorms. Sungmin headed into the kitchen. He needed to eat something to get his mind off the feelings his heart was burning him with. He opened the fridge. Chocolate pudding. Yes. Sungmin finally smiled a genuine smile for that night, as he reached into the drawers for a spoon.

Yesung had just stepped into the dorm, his mind still imprinted with the flushed face of Sungmin. He spotted Ryeowook, who was sitting on the couch and busy texting into the phone, probably to Henry, Yesung guessed. “Hey Wookie, did something happen to Sungmin? He is becoming weirder these few days…” Yesung asked as he took off his shoes and placed them neatly beside all the shoes that were kicked off lazily by the other members. Ryeowook mentally slapped himself on his forehead. Yesung. Are you seriously so blind towards Sungmin? Ryeowook sighed.

Yesung plopped down on the couch beside Ryeowook. “Hyung, you are becoming weird these few days too.” Ryeowook started, “and I think that the reason why you and Sungmin are acting weird is the same too.” Yesung raised an eyebrow, “huh?” Ryeowook felt like knocking on Yesung’s head, questioning if there was a brain in there. “You have… something for Sungmin, right?” Yesung fell from the couch to the floor when he heard Ryeowook’s words. “WH…WHAT?!” Yesung flustered. Wait, why is he flustered? “OH COME ON! Are you seriously that blind to even yourself?!” Ryeowook groaned. “No… no I am not!! Ryeowook how can you say that?! You know I love you!” Yesung climb back onto the couch, and grabbed Ryeowook’s hand.

The sudden sound in the living room scared Yesung out of his wits. To Yesung, it sounded like a bomb just landed in the 11^th dorm floor. He turned his head towards the sound, and felt his blood turn cold.

“Sung… Sungmin?”

Picking up the spoon from the floor, Sungmin’s shocked expression was still hung on his face. His hand tightened around the spoon, trembling slightly. Changing it into an awkward smile, he stammered, “Need…need a new…spo…spoon” before dashing back into the kitchen.

He needed to hide. Hide his tears. Sungmin clutched his chest tightly, the pain was unbearable. It was too much in one night. Sungmin felt like he could die… Sungmin wished that he didn’t step out of the kitchen just now, he wished he didn’t have to hear those words said by the man he loved…those words that Sungmin wanted Yesung to say to him, only him.

To Sungmin, not anyone else…

TBC...