Twenty Nine

Soul Searching

"Jessica," Kahi called as she knocked on her door. "The chairman is calling you."

Tired. Jessica was simply in the verge of exploding; if what she was doing wasn't going to affect how her paternal grandparents' views on her relationship with Tiffany, she wouldn't this up. But there was a point to her sacrifices. If she could simply prove to everyone that her girlfriend made her a better person, she would go back to the easy, comfortable life she used to lead.

She looked up to Kahi with a soft smile on her face, but her secretary knew her long enough to notice the dark circles that built around her boss's eyes, which she found a bit pitiful given the age of the girl - her boss was exhausted. After the success on their retail launch, their team, being led by Jessica, took on a bigger project on having to deal with the the marketing on their new two-tower building that was residential and commercial since the bottom part would be a mall. It was a big project, but Jessica wanted it; her team supported it so here they were always pushing to meet expectations that the board had set for them. They felt good about it, but there was concern that built since their boss was still a student. Even though she showed a lot of success, she was bound to burn herself out. And seeing signs of that, Kahi, as Jessica's personal secretary, worried a lot.

"Do you want me to tell him you already headed out?" Kahi asked in concern because it didn't seem like a good thing for the chairman to be calling Jessica. Typically, it would just be an email or two, but today she was being called to his office. Her boss didn't seem to be fit to be in more stressful situations.

Jessica shook her head with a smile on her face as though she knew of Kahi's intention. "No. It's fine."

"You sure? Do you know why though?"

Jessica shrugged. "It's just the first time he summoned for me since I came to work here so I really don't know what he wants."

"He was in Japan," Kahi reminded.

"Right. Thanks." Jessica stood up from her chair and continued as she headed for the door, "After this, I'll most likely head to school so just email me if you need anything, okay?" Jessica sighed, raised her wrist and looked at her watch.   She has less than half an hour to start heading for school so she hoped whatever it was her grandfather wanted to discuss would be done within the time she had. She hit the button on the elevator and pressed the appropriate floor number for the executives' offices. Not long after, she was there  and was soon greeted by a receptionist, "Good morning, Miss Jung."

"Good morning."

"The chairman is waiting for you." She pressed something on the tablet in front of her, allowing access to the hallway leading to Jessica's grandfather's office.

"Thanks," Jessica said and she walked, following the familiar path.

"At the end of the hall, a large wooden door greeted Jessica and so she pulled it open after knocking once.

A stoic old man with grey hair, skin wrinkled, eyes directed at Jessica was seated behind the large desk. "Jessica, take a seat." He didn't particularly stated wear so Jessica figured it was anywhere in the living room situated in front of him. She took the seat closest to him. "Good morning, Chairman." The old man looked surprised since Jessica never addressed him that. Knowing it probably struck a cord in his grandfather, Jessica just put on a smile, and said, "You called for me?" It wasn't like she wanted to be rude, but Jessica didn't want to seem like she wasn't professional simply because they were related.

"I was told that you were the one that lead the success of the new real estate, the housing division, and I just want to congratulate you on that."

"Thank you, you're being too kind. I wouldn't have done it without my team." She slightly bowed at him. Of course Jessica was used to all the formalities and how she should act around her grandfather inside the company because here she was a dispensable commodity. To her, even her grandfather would fire her if she tainted their name in the business world. Especially now that their business was expanding from the financing world and now real estate as well. There was just no way she could be on her grandfather's bad side. Not now that she couldn't even bring to introduce Tiffany to him.

"How's school?"

"I'm still a straight A student. Don't worry. I don't plan to neglect my work or my studies." She looked him in the eyes, knowing full well that this was how she should deal with her grandfather. "Thank you for asking."

"That's good. I wouldn't want you doing anything reckless just b---"

"What do you think you're doing!?" Jessica heard her father bellowed in anger as he stood by the door. "I told you to not talk to my daughter!"

"Da---"

"Jessica, leave the room, please."

"What's going on?"

"Jessica. Please." Her father was stern.

She looked back at her grandfather who was still blankly looking at her father. She bowed a little, excusing herself. But this seemed to be concerning her so she just acted as though she wasn't going to be there, but she stood behind that door that she left slightly ajar, curiosity took over her and she needed to know why her father reacted such a way.

"You can't control my daughter!"

"What are you saying? Do you hear yourself, Son?" she heard her grandfather.

"Jessica made a decision and we have to support her."

"Have to? The last time I checked, I'm the head of this family. And we have traditions; we simply can't break them."

Inside Jessica seemed to not only be butterflies but horses running around the pit of her stomach. She didn't want to be a burden to anyone, but, at the same time, she didn't want to be without Tiffany. Was she too much of a person that God didn't want to grant her to have Tiffany and her family as well? But her father did say he loved her regardless of what her choices in life were, right? Her mother and her maternal grandparents were there for her, too. So there was no way that God was so against this kind of love because she wouldn’t be feeling happy --- to an extent until this happened.

"You don't want to do this to me, Dad,” her father threatened her grandfather. She knew her father was a ruthless businessman, but to see this kind of anger and frustration that was apparent in his face, this was a first. The fear that drummed in her chest as she heard her father yell seeped through, making her whole body weak.

Unfazed, her the older Jung then said, "What are you going to do? I still am the head of this company, owning majority of the shares. So be a good boy and listen to your father for once."

"For once? For once? Are you joking? Because my whole life, you dictated it! But this is one thing I won't back down. Jessica is my life, and I'll do anything for her. So you better not try to do anything to hurt her."

"If she is with this girl, whatever her name is, I won't welcome her to the company. I’m not the one hurting her, but you. You’re not leading her in the right path. What made you think this whole ordeal is decent? You failed as a father to her!"

“Failed as a father? Maybe so. But at least take part to why I failed. You pushed me away from my family and made me dedicate my whole life in this business so you don’t have to do this to my daughter. What more do you want? I gave you my all!”

“Don’t blame me for your incompetence. You really think it was my fault that you failed?”

"Well, Chairman Jung, there is no point talking to you. I'm tendering my resignation effective immediately. By the way, I've signed over all my shares to Jessica so if we're speaking on who really owns this company, maybe you should start questioning whether you truly own this institution because as far as shareholders are concerned, Jessica has her original shares and mine. That makes her the majority stockholder."

Slamming his hand on the table, the Chairman then yelled, "What do you think you're doing?!"

"I told you that Jessica is my life and you still can't accept her? Really, Chairman, if you only think of saving-face, don't drag my daughter into this. Her whole life, my daughter didn't know any type of happiness, so don't steal this from her."

"You have no idea what you're doing!"

"Chairman, you have no idea how much Jessica changed just because of Tiffany. Do you think I'd approve if I don't think she doesn't make Jessica a better person? This girl is on full scholarship and is accepted into Cornell for her master's. Don't belittle them."

"Y---"

"Really, get to know the both of them as a person. If you have any complaints, which I doubt, I'd reconsider whatever you want me to do. But leave Jessica out of it. Oh, one more thing, I bought stocks for Tiffany as well so you’re forced to deal with her your whole life."

“You ungrateful bastard!”

A few moments later, the door opened, and her father looked at her with eyes wide open, not believing that her daughter heard everything. After collecting himself back together, he smiled softly at her and reached for her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. “Things will be fine,” he said almost as soft as a whisper and finished with a kiss on her forehead.

She felt a little better in her father’s embrace as though she was safe from any harm --- she loved that since it reminded her so much when they were a family--- but at the same time, Jessica questioned herself, would it really be fine? There was no way she would let the world think less of Tiffany simply because of her, so why would she let her grandfather think less of her because of her girlfriend? Would things really be as hard as what people said? Hyomin didn’t seem to have the same problem; wasn’t it unfair that only she had to suffer like this and hurt the people around her simply because she loved the right person?

“Jessica,” her father called, bursting her inner thoughts. “There is a press conference waiting for me downstairs, I will announce my resignation.”

“What!?”
 

He smiled softly at her. “I had this prepared already. If your grandfather didn’t agree with your choices, I would steer it up to make him see what there is to see anyway. It’s just a little show to drop the stocks and then we’ll buy more for you and Tiffany.”

“But, Da---”

“Jessica, this is the least I can do. As a father, I want the best for you.”

“And that means resigning?” Jessica sounded dejected.

“Dear, this means you’re the major stock holder of this company. Nobody will dare oppose you. Not even my father.” He the crown of her head and continued, “make sure you use this to your advantage. Because now I won’t be here to be supporting you.”

“Dad, don’t do this,” she begged almost tearful. “Please.”

“It is needed,” was all he said with that same smile remaining on his face.

“You can’t. I mean, what will you do?!” She sounded almost as though she was whining.

Her father chuckled. “You think I won’t be able to sustain myself since I’m quitting?”

“Well, you’ve invested your whole life to this company. And I don’t want you wasti---”

“Jessica, I am an investor. I don’t put all my eggs in one basket. Don’t worry about me. I still have enough to sustain your mother and me….” he laughed and continued, “I wonder what your mother will say when she finds out I’m unemployed?”

Jessica smiled at him softly. “Imagine being a housewife. Maybe this is a good thing. Go to New York and fix things with Mom.” Because there was never a time in their lives where they were just a family, where her father or mother just stayed home, that was unthinkable.

*********

“Jessi!” Tiffany called as she rushed into their room. “Your mom just called me and she’s trying to reach you!”
 

Jessica looked over her shoulder as she lifted her hand, stopping Tiffany from talking since she was on the phone. “So, yeah, don’t worry about it.” She then turned around and smiled at her girlfriend, walking closer to her. “Hey, yeah, my dad has enough money, don’t worry,” she stopped in front of Tiffany and giving her a kiss on the lips. “Cous, seriously? Yeah, Taeyeon already told me about it. But what can I do?” With a forced smile, she then said, “I need to go. Tiffany’s home. Bye. Welcome home.” She pulled her girlfriend in for a hug. “Just stay like this,” she whispered as she rested her chin on the other girl’s shoulder. She then felt arms being wrapped around her and the feeling of comfort slowly crept in, making her feel slightly better about the situation. “I wish I do enough for you.”

Tiffany brushed her hair, trailing her fingertips and meaning to soothe her stressed girlfriend. “Jessi, you do more than enough for me.”

“I hope so,” she said as she pulled Tiffany closer, not wanting her to get away. With all these things happening, that was the last thing she wanted in her life. If Tiffany permits it, she would want to spend the rest of their lives together, but what did she know. She was a college student. But she knew of her feelings, maybe even if Tiffany wouldn’t want to be with her anymore in the future, she would still flail her selfish attitude and hold on to Tiffany. Because she knew they were going to fight and maybe break up, but she wouldn’t let that happen. They will work things out somehow, she just knew it. Because she wanted for things to work. “Fany-ah, don’t ever leave me, okay?” These things in her --- these thoughts --- she wasn’t sure where it came from but she just wanted Tiffany to know that no matter what happened, she would be there and only there by her side.

“I don’t know what happened,” Tiffany kissed her cheek and then whispered to her ears, “but Jessi, please know that no matter what, I’ll be with you. I want to give back what you’ve given me and maybe twice or even thirty times more.”

“Then marry me.” Jessica didn’t know where that came from but she knew that was what she wanted. It would solve all of her troubles and it would make the both of them happy. Now that she thought about it more, she knew it made more sense. If they married, there would be no secrets. Her grandfather would have to accept everything about them. Plus, both their parents were supportive of them. Her dad bought Tiffany shares for crying out loud. If that wasn’t sign of their approval, what else would?

“Fany-ah?” Jessica called since there was no reply from Tiffany. Now there was a crushing sensation in her stomach, as though she knew there was something wrong. She felt Tiffany just standing there, frozen as she was hugging the blonde. Tiffany’s arms dropped to her sides. Jessica took a step back, wanting to look Tiffany in the eyes. “Is it because I didn’t have a ring? I’ll get one right now.” She panicked.

“It isn’t that.” Tiffany shook her head.

“Then what?” Jessica’s face turned pale. “Is it because you don’t lo---”

“It isn’t that!” Tiffany cut her words off before she could even finish her statement. “Jessica, we’ve only been dating for months. It doesn’t make sense to get married right now.”

Jessica frowned. She was sure she wanted Tiffany for the rest of her life, but maybe that was just her. Maybe she was the only one who was so in love. But she was convinced that Tiffany felt the same way as her. “I---”

“Jessica, you don’t tell me anything about what’s happening with you and you expect us to be married?”

Woah. Jessica didn’t expect that at all. “What do you mean? I tell you everything you need to know.”

“Then tell me what happened.”

“Nothing happened,” Jessica denied.

“What do you mean nothing happened?! Your father resigned and you’re asking me to marry you. If nothing happened, you won’t be asking me to marry you like this!”

“What do you mean? Today, tomorrow, in a year, or two it doesn’t even matter; if we truly love each other, we can get married when we want to, right?”

Tiffany signed. “Jessica, that’s true so why the rush? We can do this when we can support each other even more.”

“I’m not rushing. I just wanted to be with you and I thought you felt the same thing,” she said as she looked down. She knew she wasn’t thinking straight but she didn’t really expect Tiffany to just flat out say no. But Tiffany made sense. How could they be getting married now when they’re just getting to know each other? But even still. Did Tiffany really have to turn her down?

“Jessi, please understand. It’s not that I don’t love you because I do. I obviously am dating you to have a future with you and marriage is part of that. But we’re only in our early twenties. It seems to me that something happened that you’re not telling me. Tell me what happened today so I can understand.”

“Nothing happened, Fany-ah. But I think I’ll go back to my room.” She wouldn’t tell Tiffany that her grandfather disapproved of their relationship. What was the point anyway? If she wouldn’t marry her now, she would have to come up with another solution. Involving her and getting her hurt would be the last thing Jessica wanted.

“Jessi.” Tiffany called as she started to head to her room.

“Leave me alone today, Tiffany. Just please give me that.”

*********

She rolled in bed, not being able to sleep. She had been thinking of what she asked of Tiffany earlier. How would she face Tiffany tomorrow? It would definitely be awkward but she had to face whatever tomorrow brought. Why would she ask Tiffany in that kind of manner? Shouldn’t she have set up an orchestra or something? Most girls only got proposed to once and to give Tiffany such a memory, that was just bad on her part. How could she snap after proposing in such a way?

She wants to share everything with Tiffany, but there was no point in sharing things that were bad. How could she tell Tiffany that her father and grandfather had a falling out because of her. How was that justified? Well, whatever the reason why, she needed to apologize to how she acted. She got out of her bed and headed for Tiffany’s room. She reached for the door and she felt nervous as she turned the knob. Maybe Tiffany was upset with her. Well, they just have to patch things up now. She didn’t want to sleep when they didn’t end the night in good terms.

“Tiffany?” She called as she climbed in the bed, pulling the comforter to her shoulders and scooted closer to her girlfriend, pulling her in her embrace. She placed her head in between Tiffany’s shoulder and her neck. “Fany-ah?” She snuggled closer. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want for this to happen.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I know it isn’t okay. I acted like a child and I apologize for that.”

“Jessi, you know I love you, right? Sometimes, I feel like I’m not even doing enough for you compared to what you do,” Tiffany said and finished with a sniffle.

“Don’t be ridiculous. You may not be perfect, Tiffany, but you’re all that I want. Please believe that.”

“I think that’s the problem. I believe it so much that it’s scary that I’m waiting here, not doing anything for you and you’re doing everything for us.”

“Tiffany, we’re students. All I expect from you is to keep me in mind for your future. That’s all.”

Tiffany sighed and didn’t say anything in return. Jessica just kissed her neck and apologized once more. Maybe in the future when they can laugh about the things that were happening now, she would finally tell her girlfriend what happened; however, today wouldn’t be that time.