On your own

“You won’t be able to take the smudge off that wall if you just keep on staring at it” Bom, who had just entered her office, said aloud, making Dara jump up from her mindless wall-watching while she sat comfortably on her swivel chair. It was four hours after Ji had asked her out for a date and she couldn’t even remember if she said yes or no to it.

It was crazy. She knew that a moment like that should have kept on replaying in her mind up until the moment she gave her answer but her memory got stuck with that one line that Ji Yong had uttered “I want to spend tonight with you” and it blanked out after that.

How could she even dare ask him what her answer had been?!? It would look stupid and he’d absolutely think she was foolish. Aing.

“Earth to Pluto!” Bom said impatiently, shaking Dara from her reverie as she finally registered that Bom was actually in front of her.

“Why are you here?” she immediately asked in concern as the very pregnant Bom made her way to her desk – trying to forget the date with Ji for a second by focusing on her friend.

“I’m here for my check-up” Bom answered with a smile, happy to note that Dara had finally recognized her presence “I’m due next week remember?”

“Yes but… I meant what are you doing here in my office?”

“Seunghyun’s supposed to take me home but he got called up on our way out. I told him I’d wait for him here and see you coz you haven’t visited me for the past two weeks.”

“Ow. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok” the pregnant woman brushed aside “I know you’ve got your hands full and you got sick a few days ago. Seunghyun would have burned the both of us if he saw us talking.”

It was Dara’s turn to smile “You can’t blame him being protective of you.”

“I don’t know if he’s protective of me or just with our baby.”

“Of course he’s protective of you both!”

Embarrassed by her slip of tongue, Bom shook her head “Oh don’t mind me. I’m just going mental again. It comes with being pregnant.”

Dara laughed aloud “What made you think that Seunghyun isn’t protective of you? It’s so obvious.”

Bom released a sigh, taking Dara’s total attention. She had never heard Bom complain of something like this.

“It just feels weird…” her friend now began “There are times when he doesn’t seem to even want to look at me and now that I’m closer to my due date, he’s somehow stand-offish. It’s like he just supported me for the past eight months and now he’s leaving me hanging.”

“What are you talking about?” she sought.

Puffing her cheeks, Bom covered her eyes for a second and Dara was surprised to see that her friend was almost in tears. “I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time… it all began just this week and I don’t know, Seunghyun suddenly became weird all around me. I mean… I still feel how concerned he is, how much he looks out after me, he still kisses me and hugs me and… aishhhh…. I don’t know it’s like there’s this cloud around him when it comes to me. I don’t know why it’s there and when I asked him about it, he told me there’s no such thing but I can still feel it! I’ve known him for so long… and I know he still loves me but it feels like he’s trying to push me away.”

“Are you sure of this?” Dara asked and when Bom raised a brow at her, she shrugged her shoulders “Hey! Don’t get me wrong ok? I’m your friend but I want you to ask yourself as well whether this is just a part of your pregnancy. Remember, your hormones are all over the place, right?”

“I’ve told myself the same thing” Bom justified but wasn’t able to continue as the door opened and in came Seunghyun.

“Honey” he called out “I’ll need to stay another 20 minutes but I’ll be back for you okay? We’ll go home together. Keep her company Dara.”

And as the door closed, Bom looked at Dara with knowing eyes and she had to agree. There is indeed something wrong with the Chief Doctor.

It isn’t that he did not say the right things and it isn’t that he didn’t do the right things but for someone who knew the couple closely… it was obvious. There indeed seem to be a cloud hanging around Seunghyun.

“I wonder what’s wrong with him” she whispered.

“I’ve been wondering the same thing too” Bom told her “He’s still sweet and he’s still caring but knowing him, he always goes the extra mile for me. Like right now, he would have stayed here a while longer just to make sure I was going to be alright. He’s always been like that in spite of the number of patients he has to go to and I would scold him for it but I don’t know anymore.”

“Ow…” Dara stood up from her chair and hugged the ‘Mrs. Choi’ who has now succumbed to her tears “Bommie-yah… take hold of yourself. Come on Nurse Bom… you shouldn’t allow yourself to cry. It’s not good for you and your little boy… he’s gonna be a cry baby.”

“Pssssh” Bom replied and wiped at her tears, painting a smile on her face “My boy’s not going to be a cry baby… he’s going to be a bully just like Mommy.”

“Good for him then” Dara answered and helped her wipe at her tears, trying to stop her own for she was easily influenced by tears too “He’s going to break a lot of hearts and hurt a lot of people.”

Bom’s smile widened “And he’s going to have a friend like you who’s afraid to love.”

“Hey! How did the conversation turn to me?” she reacted and dabbed at her eyes to stop the tears “Bommie… don’t change the topic ok? I know you feel bad and what have we always done at times like these? We talk it all out right?”

Bom nodded.“So… I’m going to tell you something and I hope you listen to me good.”

Bom’s eyebrows were arching but she still nodded.

“Remember Jung Hee?” That was Seunghyun’s first wife.“Have you forgotten how Jung Hee died? She died trying to give birth to hers and Seunghyun’s son a few years ago. And she died in this very hospital because her weak heart couldn’t take the pain of birthing. You’re in the same phase now.”

“But I’m stronger than a mule.”

“Yet Seunghyun can’t seem to see that” she replied “Don’t you think that maybe there’s this cloud around him coz he’s afraid he might lose you too.”

“How could he be afraid of that?!? We go to my check-ups together. He knows I’m healthy and fit and -”

“Bommie! You’re not listening to what I’m really saying” Dara cut in “You keep reminding me before, more than anyone else, that what has happened to Seunghyun is sure to leave deep marks in his life. Isn’t it that you drew him out from such a dark place you were surprised he could have stayed sane for so long? You yourself told me this.”

“And those deep marks are with him still…”

“Right” she agreed as she saw Bom’s eyes clarify with the words she had just said.

“I’d forgotten that” Bom muttered “It could be possible.”

“Everyone tends to forget things like these some time or another.”

“But thank you for reminding me” her friend answered cheerfully, slowly gaining light “I guess I should never stop with Seunghyun… I should never stop telling him I love him and I’m not going to go away or leave him behind.”

“That’s the spirit!” Dara cheered.

“I guess I should have talked to you a long time ago” Bom told her happily, her eyes getting dreamy “There are a lot of times when we think silly things when we’re on our own.”

The last sentence reminded Dara of her date with Ji and she had to stop herself before blurting it out.

It isn’t that Bom would not have been happy for her but she felt like announcing it might put a lot of questions up in the air, might rationalize the situation, might look for reasons, might complicate it with logic…

And truth is she didn’t want to share this just yet… she wanted to be silly… just on her own.