This must be love (Taeyeon’s Version)
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This must be love (Taeyeon’s Version)
When they were 16…
Taeyeon grabbed the guitar leaning somewhere in the living room and went out to their house’s front terrace. Earlier, she was washing the dirty dishes in the sink when a tune suddenly popped in her mind, she immediately finished washing and tried to continue the new tune and put lyrics on it. Sitting on the terrace’s bench, she started strumming on her guitar and started singing.
After few minutes, she’s already done, she nearly completed the song, she was about to stand up and go inside to make a piano version of her new song when she heard this angelic voice calling her.
“Tae!” In an instant, her lips formed into a smile, it grew wider when she noticed that the girl is going to her direction. Seeing the red-head smile made taeyeon think… My day is complete again…
“Oh, What’s up ppani-ah?” I greeted tiffany who was panting from all the running she did, though she’s in the middle of making a song, no one can disturb her because she’ll surely go banana’s. But tiffany is an ‘exemption’.
“Guess what?” Tiffany enthusiastically said, blinking her eyes cutely. This girl! She really knows when and how to act cute. “What?!” I answered with the same level of excitement.
“Jessica our neighbor asked out!!” Tiffany cheered excitedly, with that word of hers, I felt my knees weaken, like they are about to break. Since when we were young I’ve always known about tiffany’s interest in girls, we share secrets since we’re best friend of course, I always know who were her crushes, but I never tell her mine, I say I don’t have one but I really have ‘one’. She. I pretended that I was straight, I will never share mine coz i really can’t. I can’t tell her I like her for she might change her view of me. But earlier, I’ve thought that she might like me too, but I’m so damn wrong. I faked a smile so she won’t notice. No matter what, I won’t tell you my feelings, I will be forever by your side….. as your best friend.
“Jinjja? Grab the chance ppani!” I slightly pushed tiffany who was previously holding both my hands, I the saw tiffany frown. I need to pretend I’m not hurt, though right now, I feel like I’ve been shot straight in my chest.
“D-don’t you feel jealous? Even a bit?” Tiffany said those from a high tone going down, So she’s thinking I’ll be jealous? Of what? That she’ll have more time when she’s already in relationship than bonding with her best friend? No ppani, I’m jealous because I don’t want you to be with her, I’m so jealous! And hurt! I want to keep you for myself but I can’t. I just can’t. Okay, let me tell you, I’m jealous. Let’s see what you reaction will be…
“Tippani I-” I was about to tell her I’m jealous but I was cut by her.
“No tae, I know you don’t like this kind of matters, I’ll leave. Still need to prepare.” Tiffany stood and walked away with heavy steps and her shoulder down.
I’m jealous Miyoung, if you only know how important this matters to me, how others are stealing you away from me, how I see you leaving me, it hurts me. It hurts me to see you drifting away from me, and I can’t even tell you my feelings. I’m sorry, I’m a coward. I don’t know how to confess. I guess I’ll just die seeing you go away with someone and it’s not me.
When they were 19…
I was sitting on our front terrace changing the fourth, fifth and sixth string of my guitar. The third one got broken so I decided to replace the three base strings; I have spares with me anyway.
Then I saw tiffany walking straight to my direction, she sat beside me and I didn’t bother looking, I know she still has her eyes on me and I feel really nervous.
“Taeyeon-ah, it’s our anniversary. My second year anniversary with Sica.” Tiffany nudges my elbow, true to her words, they are already together for two years, at that span of time, I felt like we’ve became distant with each other, before, we were inseparable, her being with sica. I felt like she’s so far away from me now though she’s just living a meter away from me. Her words made me stop a little but I continued, pretended I’m busy changing the strings though I really wanted to break this guitar now, I’ll do it later. By the way, it’s already my seventh guitar since when we were 16, I just kept buying the same design so they won’t notice.
“So? Then you guys should celebrate.” I replied nonchalantly, I didn’t even throw a glimpse at her, afraid that I might start tearing up once I do.
“Won’t you greet us?” Tiffany asked. It’s like telling me, Congratulations taeyeon! It’s the second year of your foolishness and for being so coward!
“Chukahae.” But I did it anyways, congratulating myself for being such a moron and a coward.
“Aren’t you happy for me?” So fany? You’re telling me to be happy and celebrate my second year of being a ?
“I am..”
“Don’t you like sica for me? Tiffany again asked making me completely stop on pulling the sixth string and look at her, they say eyes are the mirror of human’s feelings. Can’t she see that I’m hurt now? Of course I don’t like Jessica for you, because it would be better if you’ll be with me.
I can’t take this anymore, I know my tears will fall anytime soon. “It’s not like that, it’s just I’m not in the mood now. Talk to you later…” I stood and went inside, as soon as I closed the door, I just found myself lying on the floor and tears flowing endlessly.
Two years ago, after I have resorted and cleared my feelings, I planned to make you mine, but you told me you are already with her, I want to die that very moment, I guess I’ll just stay at the sidelines and be happy for you.
When they were 25…
Miyoung invited me to dinner, telling me we need some catch-up, we finished college a year a go. Tiff is a nurse and I’m in a business.
We just finished eating when tiffany spoke.
“Jessica proposed to me.” Tiffany informed that made my smile fade, I can’t deny the fact that I’m hurt, she can tell me this earlier, but why just now?
“I thought you wanted catch-up? Is that what you wanted to say to me?”
I’m hurt, yes I am… I’m angry. I don’t know to whom I’m angry, is to me or to tiffany?
“I want to know what you wanted me to do.” Jessica won’t propose if tiffany didn’t show any sign that she wanted marriage right? I lowered my head down, I noticed a single tear fell, after years of crying secretly, I finally mastered how to cry without even being noticed by the people around, I lifted my head again and smiled. Maybe it’s time to let go tiffany.
“Then say yes, I will be very happy to see you happy fany.” I smiled as I grabbed tiffany’s hand assuring her. If tiff is happy with Jessica, who am I to take that happiness away from her? I saw tiffany sighed heavily as she started crying.
“Maybe I really should… thank you tae.” Tiffany stood and went near me to hug me, we stayed in that position when I heard tiffany whisper something, I didn’t mind since I’m busy crying.
I really need to let go, I’ll try to move on and be happy for you fany, I’ll try.
THE DAY OF THE WEDDING
I was asked by Jessica-ssi to be a special guest on her wedding with tiffany, I wasn’t really going
but Jessica-ssi pleaded, after the wedding reception it’s my flight to New York. I think I’m staying there for good, no one knows about that, not even my family or tiffany. Jessica said tiffany requested me to sing ‘This must be Love’ by Taeyeon and Sunny of a K-Pop girl group called Girls’ Generation.
As I was singing, I kept glancing at the couple happily leaning on each other while listening to me. Tiffany looks so happy. As I finished the song, I was greeted by a loud applause, I again glanced at the couple and I saw tiffany looking at me, she smiled. This will be the last time I’ll be seeing that smile. I smiled back and started walking away.
“I’m so happy for you Tiffany Jung, that should be me! Damn! You should be Tiffany Kim. But it’s too late, I’m too late. I will try my very best to move on, I love you tiffany, for the very last time… I love you, Bye…”
-Jae
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