"Feeling it in your heart...was more than I could see"
Bleed by Smashing Pumpkins

“I’m sorry,” My best friend said as he shook his head at me, blinking like a damn fool in shock. “What did you just tell me?” I’m sure that if we weren’t sitting at a small booth in a halfway full steakhouse, Junho would have been yelling his head off at me. But thankfully, I knew better than to have told him what I just had while we were alone.

   I looked, hoping he’d keep his tone down so that we didn’t attract any stares, before leaning in and speaking quietly. “He asked me if I wanted to date him . . . and his husband.” I smirked, but not for the reason that Junho assumed. I was really recalling the nervous stutter of words that left Min-Jun’s mouth as he stared at me with wide eyes and asked me to come to his house for a dinner ‘date’.

   I knew that lying was useless so I didn’t even try; at first I was utterly shocked, maybe even a little fearful to answer. But then I remembered the adoring way he stared at his husband that one time I’d the pleasure of meeting the other man, and I couldn’t help but envy it. As hard as I tried to tell myself that it was a dumb idea, I had absolutely nothing to lose. And so my apprehension ebbed away when MinJun had trailed off his words and then blushed – oh so sweetly – while calmly asking me to ‘never mind’ his question.

   Lucky for him, I never forget.

   Junho sighed so loudly that I had to look up at him, no longer in my thoughts of the recent past. “You told him ‘no’, right?”

   I said nothing, which was more than enough to answer his question.

   “Channie . . .” Junho growled. “I’ve known you since we were eight, I know what you and silence means.”

   “Oh really, what’s it mean then?” I couldn’t help but tease, even though the look he gave me actually sent a shiver down my spine.

   “It means I’m about to punch you if you don’t tell me that you said ‘no’ to that absurd offer.”

   “I . . . can’t.” His eyes widened and now I was really struggling to hold off my laughter. Pushing Junho too far was never a safe thing to do. “I’m having dinner with them tonight.” I said confidently, placing my chin in my palm and propping my head up on my elbow. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s creepy.”

   Junho’s already small eyes tightened into thin lines as he narrowed his eyes at me, his mouth slightly agape. “You’re kidding me, right?” When I shook my head, he threw his hands up, literally face palming. “Chansung, I care about you too much to let you do this . . . you need to run from this situation–run far away and never look back!”

   I rolled my eyes, finally starting to become fed up with his attitude, not to mention the whole drama queen act was really unnecessary. “Why are you so negative?” I mumbled with an exasperated pout. “I’m looking forward to this . . . You of all people know my life’s been lacking a little fun~”

   “Three-way relationships never work out to be fun though.” Junho was now leaning over the table towards me, staring at me in that serious way that he only ever showed when something really important to him was on the line. “Someone always get’s left out and someone always gets hurt. It’ll most likely be you in this situation.”

   “There’s nothing that can hurt me more than I already have been, so who cares?” I said without thinking and the sudden drop of his facial expression made me aware of my random ‘low-blow’. I cursed myself in my head and reached across the table when Junho sat back in his seat, almost slinking into the corner of the booth like small frightened animal.

   His lips moved slightly, around the pout he was trying desperately to hold in, but I couldn’t even hear what he’d said.

   I always hated hurting him, so it was most ironic that it would turn out to be the most popular choice in my life. “Junnie, I didn’t mean it like that.” I said when my hand was just in reach to grasp his, sighing when he flinched away.

   “No–I get it . . .” Junho looked down for a moment and then up and out the window, never letting his eyes wander to me. “It’s not my job to be so protective of you . . . I’m just now realizing that.” He trailed off, almost succeeding in hiding the sadness behind his words.



I clutched the bottle of wine in my hand, almost allowing myself to be distracted by the crunch of the brown paper bag that it was wrapped in, as I waited at the front door of a small and cozy looking house. Glancing down at my phone for the fifth time just to make super sure that I was standing in front of the right door, I almost reached out to ring the bell again when it suddenly opened and I was met face to face with the biggest smile I think I’d ever seen.

   “You’re right on time!” The abnormally large smile stepped back to let me inside the house. “Come on in before MinJun starts nagging~”

   For just a second, I debated on listening to Junho. Upon actually seeing Taecyeon again I was almost dizzy, wanting to turn around and just walk away before I made a fool of myself. It was just watching the way his lips curved up at the corners that made my nerves go to ; seeing the sharply cut jaw line and letting my eyes roam down to watch the skin on his throat tense just a little as he swallowed before clearing his throat.

   “Chansung?” Taecyeon’s smooth voice saying my name removed all the doubt that had accumulated over the last few seconds. His smile confirmed my decision.

   I stepped past him, actually making eye contact with a nervous smile before allowing myself to take note of my surroundings. The décor was so full of character, but quite modest. Most of the furniture in the rooms looked old – not run down, just old – and warmth seemed to radiate through the soft earthy brown and yellow and orange colors of the walls. Such an inviting home this was.

   Simply calling it a ‘house’ would never suffice, for it was much more than that. It was a home.

   Many pictures sat on shelves that lined the walls. Pictures of Taecyeon. Taecyeon and MinJun. Taecyeon and many loving and smiling faces, I assumed to be his family. There were none of just MinJun, though.  I stopped when I saw an old photograph in a worn down frame mounted on the wall. It was small, like from an old camera, and the color was already starting to fade a little, but you could clearly see the image of a young boy sitting next to a tall man. Their faces were so similar, they shared almost the same structure, they even sat the same, it was obvious they were father and son.

   “That’s MinJun,” Taecyeon said as he pointed to the boy in the photo, moving along to the man next to him. “. . . And that’s his father. Come on, dinner should be just about ready.” This time Taecyeon’s smile was forced and uncomfortable. I glanced at the picture one more time before following him into a small dining room that was cozy and warm with a table that could seat four comfortably.

   Side dishes were already set on the table and Taecyeon plopped down on a cushion and looked at me. I expected him to say something, but instead he just smiled and remained silent. It wasn’t a weird silence like it would be with most people. Something in me told me that Taecyeon just didn’t do all that much talking, so his quiet demeanor felt completely normal.

   However, not even a minute later, the silence was broken by MinJun walking in through an archway that connected to what I assumed to be the kitchen. “Dinner is ready!” He announced, setting a large wooden platter on the table, it held a cast iron plate filled with sizzling beef that smelled absolutely scrumptious. “Chansung-ah~” I was mildly surprised by the sudden arms around me as MinJun hugged me with a bright smile. “What’s this?”

   I looked down at the bottle of wine still in my hands and then smirked, taking it out of the bag. “Ah . . . I almost forgot~” Min-Jun’s smile widened when he saw the bottle as I handed it to him. “I thought we might enjoy this with dinner.”

   “This looks expensive!” MinJun sounded as if he was trying to reprimand me, but I could hear the heartfelt appreciation in his voice through the accent that I’d noticed he often tried too hard to hide.

   “It’s the least I could do.” I assured him and hugged me again and then sat down, handing the bottle to Taecyeon – who already had three glasses ready. I hadn’t even noticed him get up from the table.

   When the wine was served, Taecyeon rubbed his hands together with excitement. “Alright, let’s eat. Taecyeon is hungry~” He did some kind of imitation aegyo that had MinJun blushing adorningly at him while I just watched, amused at the couple.

   A part of me wondered if it was a charade. If the happiness that seemed to emanate from them was fixed, but I pushed that thought back. There was no sense ruining a beautiful moment with skepticism. I bowed and grabbed the pair of chopsticks near my plate as MinJun served up the food. The silence in the room now, was unlike Taecyeon’s silence, and it knew it was because of MinJun. Watching the slightly older couple eat, I swallowed my food and broke the silence first.

   “Seriously, this is some of the best bulgogi I’ve ever had.” I said, expecting the blush that painted MinJun’s cheeks in a soft shade.

   “Jun can’t cook that much,” Taecyeon said, stuffing more of the beef into his mouth with a smile. “But if it’s bulgogi . . . he kick’s it’s ~”

   “Oh hush.” MinJun mumbled to Taecyeon shyly before looking at me. “He’s such a kid~”

   I just smiled. “He’s right though, you’re bulgogi kicks MinJun hyung.”

   “Aish, you two are one in the same!” MinJun was officially a flustering tomato and not only was it so very amusing, but he was also rather beautiful. I could tell by the way Taecyeon eyed his husband, the other man was sharing my thoughts, but MinJun seemed to be oblivious of his stares.

   In that moment, I questioned how if I really could ever become a meaningful part of this relationship, with these two beautiful souls. Would they actually let me in, and start to need me and intertwine my existence into their hearts, the same way they had obviously done with each other?  Would MinJun ever nag gently at me the way he did to Taecyeon? Would Taecyeon ever smile as fondly in my direction as he did in MinJun’s?

   If the answer was yes . . . how could I not let myself into their hearts?



Dinner passed slowly, the three of us sitting and talking as the bottle of wine emptied and quiet laughs filled the room. At first, they shared their stories of their journey some years ago. MinJun was originally from Daegu – which explained his heavy dialect that showed itself the more he drank – and Taecyeon from Busan, somehow they ended up here in Seoul. I could clearly imagine the two of them running away together perfectly like in some movie. Taecyeon was only nineteen then, and the moment they could, they were married. It wasn’t legal, of course, but it was a spiritual marriage that was just as meaningful to them all the same.

   Then came the time where they asked about me and I shifted a little uncomfortably.

   MinJun looked at me with concern. “If I’m being nosy, you can just say so.” He tried to smile reassuringly but I shook my head. It’s not that I was hiding anything, and I didn’t want them to think it, but my story wasn’t really something that I liked to think about.

   So I opted for just telling them the gist of my ‘life’s story’. “Well my life is horribly boring compared to yours,” I laughed lightly, trying to lighten the air as I leaned forward. “I was born and raised here in Seoul–ya’ know, normal city family, older brother . . . I just finished my military service a few months ago.”

   “Ah, that’s nice that you got it over with.” MinJun nodded. “Taecyeon was exempt ‘cause he has such poor eyesight.” I didn’t miss the faintest blush on Taecyeon’s face as he narrowed his eyes at MinJun, who just giggled sweetly. “One time he walked into the wall because he didn’t see it.”

   “Anniyo! I said I was distracted.” The tall man defended himself with a huff before turning to me with a sigh. Taecyeon leaned closer to me and cleared his throat as he stated simply. “I’ll be blunt . . . Have you ever been in a real relationship before?” He asked slowly. “I’m not trying to insult you, but you’re just so young . . .”

   My eyes widened and MinJun was instantly quiet.

   Exactly the topic I didn’t want to discuss, but I knew that if anyone was going to take this situation seriously, complete honesty was needed. I sighed, looking down at my plate of mostly eaten food as memories came back to me in a flash; things I’d always tried to stop thinking about. So much to the point where I turned to smoking weed just to help clear my mind.

   “Yes, I have.” I said, looking at Taecyeon and forcing myself to smirk, hiding my pain.

   Pain is temporary, eventually it fades and the only proof of its existence is in our heads, so I hated acting like I was affected by it. Why be affected by something that, in theory, doesn’t exist?

   “Well that’s good,” MinJun said, eyeing both Taecyeon and myself apprehensively. “Are you guys sure that this is what you want though?” He asked carefully, edging his way around the words and not really stating the topic of discussion clearly. It felt like he was talking more to Taecyeon instead of me, though.

   Taecyeon looked at him, and for a moment I was scared, but my worries were eased when he nodded and reached for his husband’s hand. “You know me, baby. I’m always up for experimenting . . . whatever happens isn’t going to affect how much I love and care about you.”

   MinJun's eyes sparkled with what looked like threatening tears; he cleared his throat and then looked down, keeping Taecyeon’s hand in his. Is it weird that I was oddly jealous of the sight of them?  I wanted that . . . the small, simple action. I craved it and I wouldn’t stop craving it until I had it in my grasp. I took the silent moment to answer MinJun’s question, gaining their gazes and smiling reassuringly at them. “The way I see it is this . . . You guys look like an amazing couple at the very least, and I’m sure we can become good friends.” They nodded and I smiled more. “I’m single, young, and I’ve got nothing to lose . . . There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun and enjoying life, right?” I winked at the word ‘fun’ and smirked at the grin that spread across Taecyeon’s perfect lips while MinJun blushed like an embarrassed teenager.

   “There’s just one rule we’d like to request though.” MinJun stopped to look at me, continuing after seeing my nod of approval. “Taecyeon and I are committed to each other, now we’d be committed to you, as well. Would you be able to do the same for us?”

   Simply put; no outside .

   I nodded with a small hint of an amused smile. “Another question,” Taecyeon said this time and both MinJun and I looked at him expectantly and surprised. “Do you want to stay with us tonight?”

   For some reason, I couldn’t even bring myself to be surprised. Even long after I’d nodded and the conversation at the table consisted of little more than small talk, and the table was cleared and the three of us cleaned the dishes with jokes and light laughs. Even when more drinks were poured and the mood lightened as my new couple showed me around the house and told me that I should think of it as a ‘second home’, when the three of us lingered in the bedroom furthest in the back of the house, I still wasn’t surprised.

   The only thing that surprised me was when Taecyeon grabbed my arm, with more care than I could tell he wanted to, and almost burned me with those deep eyes of his. He smiled, such an honest and pure action that, in this moment, felt so dark and sinful. “Can I kiss you?”

   My heart beat felt like it was pulsating, twisting around in my chest at random, but it was . . . good. A familiar kind of nervousness that I’d honestly forgotten about, not even realizing how lacking I felt until this moment.

   Taecyeon didn’t wait for me to answer, which was okay, since I couldn’t have answered even if I wanted to. I felt his hand come up to reach around my neck and my eyes fell closed just in time for his lips to crush against mine in a timid, but heated kiss. His tongue traced my lip and I let him in, savoring the taste of desire, beauty and passion that drove his actions and made the kiss all the more powerful. I immediately envied Junsu for being able to have this every day of his life. The thought reminded me that we weren’t alone and I suddenly pulled away from Taecyeon, hearing a quiet sigh of disapproval, and then looked over to MinJun. He was now sitting on the edge of the bed staring up at us with what I thought was hurt in his eyes, but as quickly as I knelt over to him with a blush, he grabbed me by my shirt collar and pulled our faces together.

   As amazing as Taecyeon was at kissing, MinJun’s lips were softer, warmer, fuller. They were tender. The fire that burned from his kiss was slow to ignite, but when it finally reached its full temperature, it burned hotter than anything I’d ever felt before.

   Oh yes, I definitely wanted to stay with them tonight. 

NOTE: I know I left a bad cliffhanger here...I originally planned to write a lot more to this chapter, but I was a little hung up and decided that it was because I feel it should be in a different POV. So instead of staring at this for another 2 weeks like I have been, I decided to post what I've got so far and pick up on the next chapter that I'm currently working on. So yeah. If I dont have this next chapter up within a new days, I'll most likely be updating a different fic fisrt. Sorry about the inconsistancy, but you all know me by now~ <33333 Happy reading.