Bang Yong Guk’s P.O.V.

     “Jeep Blackman?”

     “Bang Yong Guk, sir,” I smiled, getting off the stage. My footsteps echoed in the large room, the club completely empty as my eyes wandered across it, admiring it.    

     The bald guy chuckled, walking closer to me. Shaking my hand, he nodded at me, raising an eyebrow. “Mr. Bang,” he exhaled, studying my face. “The rumors are true, I see. You are indeed handsome,” he said, the smile on my face turning a bit awkward but still visible.

     “Thank you, sir,” I said, clearing my throat.

     “Then I guess all rumors about you most be true, huh?” He took his hand back, laughing a bit – I supposed what he’d just said was meant to be a joke, and I faked a quiet chuckle.

     “Rumors, sir?”

     He nodded and pointed at me. “They say you have talent, young man,” he raised an eyebrow, glancing up at the stage behind me. “That your music is rather good.”

     “I’m touched, I–“

     “What do you think? You think you’re the rapper of the century?” He asked, looking rather daydreaming and old-fashioned as he looked at me. His white-striped, blue suit topped with a little pink scarf tied around his neck didn’t help at all – I almost couldn’t believe that he was the owner of that club. 

     I frowned, blinking a few times. “Century? No, sir, I’m just–“

     “Huh, well-mannered too…” he smiled, gesturing me to follow him before turning around, walking through the club. “I’m just playing around with you, Mr. Bang,” he said over his shoulder as I followed him into his office. “I’ve seen you perform,” he got behind his desk, sitting down in a large chair, spinning a little around in it. “That’s why you’re here, you see.”

     I carefully sat down on the chair on the other side of the desk, my hands resting in my lap as I straightened my back. “Yes, I guess I must’ve–“

     “I own this club,” he cut me off, looking out into his office, a proud look on his face. “And a lot more for that matter… Why do you think I’ve called you, having you come here?” He asked, putting his elbows down on the desk, resting his chin on his hands. Weird, sassy, kind of creepy guy, jeez…

     “Honestly, I must admit that I’m thrilled to be here, sir, I can only imagine–“

     “I own clubs all over Asia, Mr. Bang… And one in Paris!” He exclaimed, looking as I raised an eyebrow. “I like how the name of that city…” he hesitated, looking like he was tasting something as he considered the choice of words. “How it tickles my tongue, so I build a club there! ... Isn’t that just wonderful?” He said, smiling at me. This guy is officially mentally retarded. “And I want my clubs to be filled with music!” He exclaimed, spinning around in his chair again, his arms spread out wide. “Wonderful music! Music like yours!” He pointed at me once again, scaring me a little. “Therefore…” He calmed down again, running a hand through his nonexistent hair on his shiny head. “I’ve brought you to my office.”

     “I’m honored, sir, I–“

     “I wish to sign you, Mr. Bang! I guess you didn’t see that one coming, huh?” He chuckled, leaning back in his chair.

     I bowed in the chair several times, my head turning a little dizzy. “Thank you, sir! I’m very honored, truly, I–“

     “I want you to perform, participate in running the club and be the DJ, I want you!” He shouted, throwing his arms around with the brightest smile on his face.

     I gulped, admitting that the guy was scaring the crap out of me. “Wow, sir, thank you, I sure I won’t let you do–“

     “Here!” He jerked open a drawer, pulling out a piece of paper, throwing it through the air in my direction. “Sign it!” He exclaimed dramatically, banging the drawer closed again while laughing. I caught it and looked down at the contract in my hands, reading everything printed on the white piece of oath. “The salary is good, Mr. Bang,” he said in a calm voice, suddenly all the way down to earth again. “I don’t know your mind, but I’m sure that the job I’m offering you includes everything that you’ve ever wanted. I’m offering you a career.”

     I glanced up at him, the look in his eyes reflecting sincerity. And I knew that he wasn’t lying or trying to fool me – this guy was famous. Famous for his clubs and the direction he’d guided now some of the most famous music producers and rappers in, all educated at his clubs and under his oath. This was my chance.

     “And you’re gonna love it there, I’m sure,” he continued, leaning back in his chair once again.

     “There?” I asked, my eyes now glued to the contract in front of me.

     “Yes, it’s a wonderful place after all, I’ve been there many times!” He laughed, spinning around.

     “I’m sorry,” I looked up, trying to catch a look of his face. “What are you talking about? Where is the job set?”

     He stopped, looking at me while shrugging. “Well, Japan of course.”

I looked down at my cellphone in my hand, hesitating a little before dialing his number. “Okay, okay…” I mumbled, closing my eyes for a brief moment while walking home, the busy street overcrowded and noisy. “Pick up, pick up, pick u–“

     “Hello?”

     “Hey!” I exclaimed a little too loudly, the lady beside me flinching a little, giving me a mean look afterwards. I quickly apologized to her as we both continued down the street in a stream.

     “Yong Guk? What’s up, man?” Young Jae answered, the sound of his voice calming me down a bit – the panic of rush hour kinda getting to me.

     “You good? I haven’t seen you since the gathering at my place a week ago,” I said, making my way down a sideway, deciding to take a short cut home.

     “Yeah sure, I’m… good,” he cleared his throat, a muffled sound confusing me.

     “Something wrong?” I asked, continuing down the smaller, less crowded street, bowing and smiling at the people who seemed to recognize me, doing the same thing at me. “Listen, you can tell me. I’m your hyung after all.”

     “It’s nothing, I’m just…”

     “Don’t be like this, huh? You’ve always come to me whenever you’ve been in trouble, yeah? And I’ve helped solving it all, haven’t I? Come on, you can tell me,” I made the corner, jogging over the street when the coast was clear. “I’m all ears, hit me.”

     “I’m not in trouble, hyung. Something just… kinda happened.”

     “What is it? Listen, I won’t get mad, okay?” I smiled and picked up the keys an old man dropped in the same moment I passed him, and handed them to him while nodding my head.

     “It’s complicated, hyung, I don’t think you’ll–“

     “Oh, by the way, that wife of yours is really bad mannered. You should teach her something, Young Jae, you’re such a good boy,” I chuckled, spotting my apartment in the distance.

     “Hyung…”

     “You are! Don’t deny it,” moving in a fast pace, I flew down the street, for some unknown reason rushing home. “You’ve always been the good one. Himchan and I are the rotten ones,” I joked, suddenly already climbing the stairs up to my apartment. “You’re a good kid, Young Jae.”

     “You’re acting weird, hyung, stop it.”

     I laughed, finally standing at my front door. I exhaled, the smile on my face slowly fading. “Listen… Young Jae, I… I know we haven’t seen each other that much since… Since the wedding, you know? But you’ve always been like a younger brother to me,” I explained, letting my forehead rest against the door. “Really, you mean a lot to me, and I’m sorry for all the things I’ve been doing wrong lately, I just… I wish we could’ve seen each other more often…”

     “What are you talking about, hyung?”

     I sighed, closing my eyes. “I want you to be happy, okay? Don’t take any crap, just be your own man, yeah? You hear me?”

     “I-I-I… Okay, I will.”

     “Good… Listen, I’m running late, I’ll see you around, okay?” I made out, clearing my throat.

     “Oh, okay. Bye… hyung,” he said, and I hung up.   

     Stepping inside the dark apartment, I took a deep breath, slowly taking off my jacket. The silence was killing me, the place turning into a dull, monotone hole I disappeared in every time I entered. Even so, it had its precious corners of light and color – spots I would run to whenever the pain in my chest got too unbearable. I’d spent hours the other day staring at a framed photo placed by the TV, the color-printed paper soothing but also tearing me down. He’d placed the picture of us there – along with other stuff spread out the apartment: teddy bears on his side of the bed, colorful magnets on the fridge, funny-shaped pillows on the couch, a light blue toothbrush and a rubber duck in the bathroom, pictures of every place we’d gone to together plastered up on the wall in the hallway, cartoon stickers decorating the doorframe of the door to the bedroom, etc., etc.

     I’d been hurting before; therefore I seemed to maintain a… normal life while suffering. It’d taking me time and strength to leave him that time, not lasting without him for that long – giving in before even having the chance to move on. I’d been convinced that leaving him had been for his own good, but also admitted and acknowledge my weakness towards him. My foolish, stupid heart had won the battle last time, demanding him back in my arms. But now, I was armed – with distance and selfishness. What his mother and his sister had called me was of course still bothering me, but not the reason for my decision. The beautiful smile on his pretty face was. I wanted it to linger there, and even though it seemed to glow whenever I was around, I was beginning to doubt what I really was. Worthy? I didn’t know. Selfish? Absolutely – I even gave in as the craving in my chest cut through me once again, my hand reaching for my cellphone. The sound of his voice would ease my pain for a moment, and then get worse. Burn and sting me as I stuck to my decision, convinced that it was for the best. And he deserved the best.

     Dialing his number in the speed of light, I held my breath as I put the phone to my ear, waiting for him to pick up. This is it. I urged and dreaded the moment he would answer, and when he finally did, all air seemed to be punched out of me, the sound of his smooth voice bringing tears to my eyes.