Himchan’s P.O.V.

Thursday. 3:26 PM. Yup, the time is right.

The bridge was crowded and noisy, what seemed like a thousand people making their way to the other side, bumping into me without apologizing. Still, I ignored it, staring to my right, waiting for him to appear in the distance.

     In a few minutes you will walk across the bridge. What kind of expression will be on your face today? What will you be thinking about? Will you be smiling? I hope so…

     I cleared my throat, my eyes wandered across the many faces passing me as I tried to fit in, casually digging my hands into my pockets. I rocked back and forth on my feet, somehow ending up muttering a pointless little song in my head. Dae… hyun. Dae… hyun. Come… on. Dae… hyun.

     “Excuse me, oppa?” A voice said behind me, and I fell back on my heels, bumping into the tiny person. I quickly got on my feet and regained my balance, turning around to apologize.

     “S-sorry,” I stuttered, my eyes widening as I looked at the girl’s face. Waah, she’s really pretty…. Waaah.  

     She giggled, covering with her hands. “It’s okay… Ah, I’m a little lost…” She then said, looking at me. “I’m not from Seoul and to be honest, I’m a little frightened,” she blushed, looking down at the ground. I kept staring at her, nodding a little – sure thing, I thought I traced an accent. “I was wondering if you could help me?”

     “Oh?” My eyebrows rose, and I scratched the back of my head. “Sure, I guess…” I said, never been acting this awkward before – in front of a woman, that is. It felt weird, not being able to put on my confident and y smile; something somehow held me back, pulling my thoughts away from the pretty girl that was obviously interested, hitting on me with some cute aegyo, eyeing me.  

     Dae… hyun. Dae… hyun.

     I squeezed my eyes close while making a face. Oh, darn it! “I’m sorry, but I’m quite busy at the moment. I won’t be able to help you out, sorry,” I explained, slowly opening my eyes, but avoided her face. Another one declined. What the hell is happening to me!?

     “O-oh…” She mumbled. “Well… I understand, my mistake. I better… go… then,” she said, hesitated but then walked past me as I facepalmed myself. You’re such an .   

     “I’m sorry!” I yelled, turning around to see her walk away, not looking back. it! What the hell!? She didn’t even ask for my number? And what was that? “I understand, my mistake”? Huh? Aigoo…!

     I walked around in a little circle, complaining and pulling my hair, cursing and swearing. I probably scared off a few people (maybe even girls who also saw an interest in me), but honestly, I didn’t care. What’s going on!? Why am I turning down every chance I get to get some? How long has it been? I stopped, staring into nothing with big eyes. Last weekend… No. Last week? Two weeks ago? You. Have. Got. To. Be. ing. Kidding. Me.

     “Aish!” I exclaimed, throwing punches at the empty air. “No! No! No!”

     “Excuse me?”

     “Not now! I’m in the middle of something!” I snapped, stamping around in frustration and rage. “I don’t wanna– I’m gonna– Just die already– Aish!” I felt like jumping off the bridge, but sat down in stead, hiding my face in my hands. Why is this happening to me? Kim Himchan. Loosing his charm? No! No way!

     “Himchan?”

     Dae… hyun. Daehyun?  

     My head snapped and I found myself staring into his eyes as he squatted down beside me, wrapping his arms around his legs. He’s looking at me! Oh no! No, this is not what I planned! My heart almost jumped up my throat, all thinkable airways blocked, and I could do nothing but stare at his pretty face. So much prettier than that girl, that’s for sure. What was I possible thinking back then? Woah, he’s so pretty, I’m gonna die!

     He broke into a smile and I swear, a little piece of me died and went to some place rumored to be better than this – but they were all wrong; Daehyun was here, no place was more wonderful and brighter. “It is you,” he smiled, but then the gorgeous smile suddenly disappeared. He got up, looking down at me as if I was some lost, ugly dog. “I’m going. Bye,” he said in a cold voice, and damn, another part of me died and went straight to hell, burning and twisting in pain. I got it, I got it – he was probably happy because he’d recognized me and got his theory confirmed. He wasn’t happy because it was me he’d recognized. Why do I feel hurt?

     “Huh? No! Wait!” I reached out and surprisingly grabbed unto his wrist, jerking him back. I gasped and got on my feet, letting go of him. I cleared my throat and put on the best smile I could manage. “D-don’t leave,” I said, the awkward smile lingering and my voice shaky. Gosh, how does he do that? I can’t help but sweat bullets when he’s around. “I was wondering…” I suddenly started, surprising myself. Great. How are you gonna get out of this? “I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date with me?” Hm? I’m sorry, what?

     He raised an eyebrow, looking at me with a suspicious look on his face. I wiped my sweaty face off with the back of my hands and kept smiling, on the edge of peeing my pants of pure anxiety. “Are you…”

     “Yes?” I said, taking a step closer to him. What the hell are you doing? The movement made both eyebrows on his face rise, the expression changing to a startled almost frightful look.   

    “Are you gay?”

    “Huh?” I blinked a couple of times, my smile slowly fading. What? Gay? What was– “Huh?” What did he mean by that? Gay? I don’t– “Huh?” I can’t follow… Gay? Like me– “Huh?” Liking another guy? Like that? Gay? “Huh?” Wait. Woah, wait. Hold up! What!? Gay!? What!? “What!?”

     He shrugged. “I just figured… You asking me out, I just thought–“

     “No!” I blurted, making him jump a little. “No, absolutely not! Y-you know what?” I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times, but didn’t really manage to say anything. Finally, my head came up with the most perfect solution. “I’m leaving! Have a good one, bye!” I spun around and walked away, my eyes wide. What just happened? M-me? G… G-g-g… G-gay? I shook my head, running a hand down my face. No, no, I like girls! Girls with biiiig–

     “Aigoo…” I complained and the hand continued up, through my hair. I dug my fingernails into my scalp, the pain leveling up with the frustration, blurring it out a little. Still, I was screaming in my head, trying to figure it all out.

     He’d probably been calling out my name a couple of times, his voice drowned in chatter, loud noises from the city, laughter, yelling and my own screaming voice that echoed in my thick head.   

     “Himchan! Wait up!”

     “Holy–“ I gasped when I felt him grab unto my hand, his smooth skin touching mine. I stopped and turned, looking at his blushing face. Well, he’d been running and was slightly panting, so I guess it was just blood coloring his cheeks – still, I pretended that he was blushing, a little shy by our hands touching. I knew I was, and it hurt my pride like hell.

     “Wait a second…” he exhaled, and then nodded. I frowned confused, in the need of some kind of explanation. He must’ve noticed and put on a smile. “I’ll go out with you.”

     “Huh?”

     “Tomorrow? How does that sound?” He continued, cutely tilting his head a little to the left.

     “Huh?”

     “Great! How about we meet right here at seven?” He was holding on to my hand, the warmth of his skin burning me, and I couldn’t help but stare at him. “I’ll see you then,” he smiled and let go of me. He walked pass me, looking down at the ground, and then disappeared for my eyes.

     Daehyun. Date. I have a date with Daehyun. Tomorrow. Here. At seven. H-how did that happen?

I was pleased; finally, my confidence had returned to me. Yes! Kim Himchan is back! I smirked at the mirror, fixing my black hair. I’d pushed it upwards into a messy point, ruffling it a little, getting it out of my eyes. I was wearing black eyeliner, but after countless nights at the clubs wearing make-up, I’d learned what benefits it brought. Girls loved the dark, whispering into my ear how they felt captivated by my dark eyes, the black eyeliner clearly doing the job.

     I was wearing a black, deep V-neck T-shirt (showing off some skin), dark baggy jeans and sneakers. I spent minutes deciding whether to wear a few gold necklaces, or if I should just go casual, keeping it rather clean and straight. Straight.

     I exhaled, looking at the mirror like I’d done it so many times before. But, it was so different this time. I wasn’t going to a club with Yong Guk to have fun and pick up girls. I wasn’t preparing myself to meet with some stranger and spent the night with her – this was completely different. I was going on a date. With Daehyun. It was so surreal, considering the fact that I’d never expected him to even look at me in the first place. I’d been looking at him from a dark corner, disgusted by my own creepy behavior. I didn’t spy on other people – I didn’t watch and hope for them to come to me. They came to me on own free will, trying to seduce me and earn my attention.

     “Hardcore!” I said, striking a pose. I peeked at myself in the mirror and sighed. I then walked out of the bathroom, grabbing my jacket and threw it on. “Himchan, Himchan, Himchan!” I cheered on myself, walking out of my apartment, the anxiety suddenly returning, eating up all the confidence. Holy crap. Date. With Daehyun. Holy. Freaking. Crap.

     I walked down the street, heading for the bridge as if it was Thursday around three in the afternoon. I kept my chin up, my hands in my pocket and a leaned back position as I strolled down the crowded street, heads turning. Yeah, you can look. Look! Yes yes, citizens of Seoul, I know… I’m awesome.

     As I reached the bridge, my façade crumbled as I kept clearing my throat, my sweaty hands twitching in my pockets. I was the first one to arrive and somehow it kinda calmed me down, the shine from a single streetlamp lightening up my dark figure. Even so, I felt shivers slide down my back, the anxiety now my closest and most hated friend.

     “Himchan, Himchan, Himchan…” I muttered without enthusiasm, walking around in a circle with my head lowered, my shoes suddenly very interesting. I realized how much I hated waiting for others, especially the ones that carried around the habit of giving me a heart attack every time he looked at me. Damn, kid…  “Date, date, date… Daehyun, Daehyun, Daehyun… Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap…” I continued, a beat growing in my mind. How long have I been waiting?

     I gasped and my head snapped. “Oh, God…” What if it was all a joke? What if he didn’t show up? Just sat at home and laughed at me? Or hit in some corner and took pictures of me? Put them out on the Internet… Made a fool out of me! Ya! Kid!

     “Himchan!” A voice called, and I turned my head, my eyes widening. Oh my… Just let me die already…! He was walking towards me, waving and smiling as I stared. He was wearing a black leather jacket with red sleeves, a white T-shirt with some confusing images on it in blue, yellow and red, black loose pants and sneakers while his light brown hair was styled, his figure way cooler than mine.

     “O-oh, hey,” I muttered, raising a hand. What the hell? Daehyun… You’re too… cool.

     He reached me, his wide smile bright and breathtaking. “Sorry, I’m a little late…”

     “Huh? Oh. That’s okay,” I nodded, gulping.  

     “Let’s go?” He said, still smiling at me.

     “Y-yeah, okay,” I stuttered, following him as he walked away, heading downtown. Realizing that I’d intended to walk behind him all the way, he slowed down a little, letting me catch up with him.

     “Hyung, let’s have fun, yeah?” He said, locking our arms. I stared at him with big eyes, the sweat already sliding down my temples. I-I-I can’t walk like this with a guy! Can I? How do I make it stop? What have I gotten myself into?

     I nodded at him, trying to smile. My first date. With Daehyun. I discreetly exhaled, shaking the chills off me, gazing down at our arms. Wow, this is actually not that bad. I frowned, the voice inside my head suddenly squealing like some crazy, annoying schoolgirl. Daehyun is touching me! On our first date! Yay! I’m so happy! Himchannie is happy!

     “Ya…” I complained, Daehyun looking at me.

     “Hm?”

     “Oh, nothing,” I faked a shrill laugh, facepalming myself as he smiled and looked away. Don’t ruin this, man. Stay cool! Stay… I looked up, raising an eyebrow and smirked. Awesome.    

Hey, hope this was okay~ New update tomorrow, stay tuned! :D