Unnedtied!

Chapter Twelve

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Is This The End?

I delicately ran my finger through the edge of the paper as my trembling hand held into it. It was only one frail leaf of paper, but the tear smudges were visible and rather obvious, blurring the beautiful cursive handwriting in some places. I could feel my own tears pricking my eyes but I held them in. I had promised myself that I would never cry over somebody else ever again. Once had been enough and I didn't want to let the walls I had built around my heart to crash down and burn. I had had enough, yet my hands moved on their own accord. Instead of ripping the white sheet, they unfolded it, ever so carefully. My hands trembled harder than they had ever before.

Dear Jongwoon,

I closed my eyes. I could not do this! It was harder than I expected it to be. Why couldn't I just read it like I read any other news article? Why!? Jongwoon breathe...Taking in a big gulf of fresh air, I opened my eyes again, exhaling slowly. My erratic heart calming slowly. I repeated this until I was positive I could continue with my own torture. After blinking the tears back, I made sure that I was not going to stop myself from reading this terrifyingly, scary and arduous paper.  

I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to think. You have made me feel confused in every aspect that can exist and now you have simply banished. I can never find you, no matter where I go searching for you. They tell me you are not there anymore or that you haven't´appeared there the whole day. That was the case in your school. Please Jongwoon stop skipping school, you only damage yourself more than you damage others. How have they treated you? Are you better? Have you been eating well? Have you been cold? I know it´s been getting pretty chilly now, hasn't it?

I know I am seriously ranting, but what can I say. You have me worried. I really wanted to see you Jongwoon, at least one last time. I went to your village to attenuate my stress. I needed it before I could take the next step to my treatment. Believe me, I never thought I was going to meet someone like you. Someone whom I would fall in love. If I had known, I would have never gone there (though I don't regret any moment we had together). I wouldn't have because now, I will have something I will regret for all my life. That would be leaving you so soon and never telling you anything.

I searched for you because I wanted to hold you one last time, hear your wonderful laughter, see those shy smiles I love and memorize your face´s every detail. I wanted us to have a memory together, one I would never regret doing. But now I don't know if it´s too late, Jongwoon. The doctors told me I only had a mere fifty percent chance of survival in this open heart operation. It is low, I know. Anything can go wrong during the operation and I am scared. But not scared for me. I am scared of leaving you my Jongwoonie. Of leaving you when I just found you and when you just entered into my life. Into my heart.

Jongwoon, I really love you. I seriously love everything about you. Please just for me, be happy, try to live the life, I may not get a chance to live. For me, I know you will do it. I know you will help me live. If I am in your heart, I will still be alive, even if my physical body is not here anymore. But...       

I promise, and I, Siwon, never back down from a promise, that if I get out of this one alive, I will never let you down. Never.

I love you (I wanted to tell you this a long time ago) very much,

Siwon.

PS: I hope you like your present (under the piano if you have not seen him) and always hold him close as if it were me :)

Jongwoon´s tears silently streamed down his cheeks. He hadn't even noticed he had started crying at all. He was so confused but he knew the words written on that paper were sincere. Had he missed his chance to be happy, even if only for a few months?  Was the last time he was with Siwon seriously going to be the last time? Was he never going to see that bright smile and those captivating eyes again? Was this all true? Jongwoon´s strength failed him, as his whole body trembled with neglected tears.

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After he had calmed down, Jongwoon folded the letter neatly before hiding it in his pockets. He was going to save this until Siwon came back. Jongwoon the crawled his way towards the piano and peeked under it. What had Siwon´s last gift been? Even the words made his heart shudder. After his eyes had adjusted to the darkness under the piano, he could make out a soft shine reflecting on glass. He started to pull the big object out. It was heavy, so he had to drag it out from under the piano´s bench.

Finally making out the present, his heart started feeling heavy. his eyes had finally seen what Siwon had given him. It was what he had told Siwon he wanted the most.

A baby tortoise.

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Well...I feel this chapter is reeeaally bad...I don´t know...Well that´s how I feel lol but I wrote what came to mind so I hope it´s at least ok...Oh what I wanted to ask you was...Do you want an epilogue? Because if you didn´t know this is supposed to be the end for this story but I am feeling good so I feel like giving you guys something....but tell me do you want this to be the end or do you want an epilogue? So anyone seen School 2013? It´s a drama... O_O Have you seen Yesung doing aegyo? Click here

Oh if you didn´t know, well if you didn´t udnerstand...When Siwon said what he said in the phone (two chapter back) he actually meant the turtoise he had bought XD Sorry...

❦ ❧Special thanks to kikunohana, BloodieHime12 and gothprincess666 for upvoting this story! :) Love you guys!  ❦ ❧

JailBird  Sorry I kindda phrased the question wrong ^^¨ Sorry... Oh, I am glad I did well than you :) Actually this is my experimenting fic for angst :p I am experimenting here to see if I can write angst XD I know I get sick way too often, I think I am just too frail...*sad* But at least I am better now than I was when I was younger XD Thank you and I hope you´re ok as well ~ 

jomijin I felt bad writing all of this too...but oh well :) Thank you and I am feeling better. I hope you are ok as well =) And as you can see, Yesung did misintepret (it´s written wrongly) the words...Well I did update fast so I hope you enjoyed it :D

WeLovesKey OMG YOU killed me with your comment! Lol XD Sorry I phrased my question incorrectly I meant the army thing :p Sorry. But you almost killed me asking that! When I read that I thought ¨What would I do if he decided to not go back to SuJu!¨ XD I am honored to read that~ That´s always my intention, that readers can feel the character´s emotions (though most of the time I do it badly XD) Thank you though :D

angelye I love you! Lol XD Have you seen the video where he does aegyo (I linekd it up there :p) Awww that is sad...But be happy, I don´t think he wants you to be sad :) Cheer up ok? Oh! Your b-day? I´ll give you something :D What do you want? *Bear Hug!* =D

KcuLL22 Oh wow! You are the same as me!! I can´t believe it! The saem thing you described in your comment happened to me! That´s creepy :) On a better topic though...When´s your b-day?

cloudy91 Thank you and for once I did update fast! XD Yaaaay! You´re also Yesung biased :D Nice to meet ya~ XD Thank you for commenting and I hope you liked this :D

nighcloud407 True!XD Sorry it was a kindda obvious question qhen I can see your name XD But you know that´s the best, sending people off with a smile even if you suffer...I like you username :) Don´t worry I love ti when you guys talk a lot :D It makes me happy =) I hope your received your answers :D Thanks for commenting~

Yesung4ever I am also proud of him =) He makes me proud and I am happy and proud to say I like him :D And yeah it was a misunderstanding =) Thank you! Your comment made me feel so good~ I am so happy that you think that of my story! Normally I view my own stories as lame and Boring...but yeah...So thank you very much! 

BloodieHime12 I AM SORRRYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!! I didn´t mean to do that! Sorry! I feel really bad with you now! Seriously, it was not my intention....Please don´t avoid being online you´ll only make me feel worst. I won´t bring it up again :) Am I forgiven? If not what can I do so you forgive me? BTW I don´t think you have to perform voodoo....I am glad I know someone like you. Someone who loves Jongwoon so much :D But please...I am sorry! My goodness you´re the first person to make me feel so bad about writing something in A/N....I shall accompany you in your crying, with my own tears....sorry...

DredhezRei Yeapp, yeah, yes! That´s correct :D Wow o_o I should seriously do some weird twists in my stories...are they that common and repetitive? Or are you just that good at reading in between the words? Just because of you I shall consider a happy epilogue, if that´s what wins the poll....:D