Unnedited!

Chapter Eleven

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Hypocritical

In the end, the world is just a piece of hypocritical beings clustered together. There is absolutely no one trustworthy. No one who can actually understand you, and absolutely no one does something to help others without a goal of their own. There´s only envy, hatred, humiliation, disgust and worthlessness. Once you are in either the mistreated side or the bullies side, there´s no liberation. Since young, I had been in the wrongs side, and now there was no changing. No moving away, no escape without ending my own life.

I had thought Siwon was different. That he was going to protect me because he felt something for me, even if it was something small. But it seems as if he didn´t. I was the only fool whose heart actually came alive, started beating faster for the first time after many years, when he was close to me. It seems as if I was the only fool, liking someone who would never like me back. I opened my eyes, staring at the distant starry sky. Was there no hope for me then? Was there mother? What should I do? Why did you have to leave me mother? I need you the most now! I couldn't hold my tears from setting lose. The clenching of my heart was too much. The need to release my feelings aggravating, without really thinking but wanting to punish myself for being a stupid moron, my clenched fist hit the hard wooden trunk of the tree, I was currently sitting next to. Not once but thrice. I was about to do it the fourth time when I noticed that my hand was already bleeding.

I stared as the blood made a red trail down my hand and arm. I could feel no pain, just the stupendous sensation of accomplishment running through my veins. I smiled, now I could replenish myself with a newfound torture that could actually overcome my heart´s pain, physical plain. I stayed staring at my hand, the blood still trickling down its path, but the turmoil in my head and heart dragged me away from that pain into the pain of losing your first love.

How can I forget? My broken heart had healed with his constant attention. But I admit it had been my fault. I should have never opened my heart again. I should have remained as stoic as I was before. I knew no one would ever love me, they were just being fake. Who would love someone like me? No one. Not even my family did, so what could I expect from other? I cradled my bleeding hand against my chest and cried. Was it even worth to continue living?  

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I opened the wooden door of the cabin, entering cautiously. I didn't want unexpected surprises. It was the first time I stepped into the cabin again after three months of living hell.  I stared at everything and noticed that it was still the same as I remembered. The grand wooden piano, still stood elegantly adorning the whole place. As I walked towards it, I noticed that there was something on its lid. Upon further inspection, I realized they were my favorite type of flowers. I grabbed them and held them, although they were already dry, they were still beautiful. As I sniffed them, I heard something flutter and land on the floor. Looking down, I saw a letter. A white envelope with elegant writing on the top. Crouching down, I picked it up and read from who it was.  

Choi Siwon.

My hand started trembling slightly as I stared at it. I had had difficult months because of this person. I had had to escape from him multiple times and all because of him. I had tried so hard to forget him. And now he wanted to give me a reminder that he were real, that he actually existed, that he stole a spot in my heart?

I placed the flowers where I had found them and was about to do the same with the letter, but something stopped me. Call me stupid but I really cared a lot about this man. All these months had been torture. With a deep sigh, I leaned on the wall, staring at the letter and wondering what it could contain. I had to make up my mind, and I did it kind of fast. Opening the letter I slid down the floor, a loud thud resonating around the room as my exhausted body fell to the ground.

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Oh if you were confused this was Jongwoon´s POV...So you could say this is half of a chapter, but also this is the second to last chapter....I have a question though, but I´ll ask it in the next update :D I hope you guys have been well :D Sorry about the lateness but I am currently sick (again -_-¨) and today is the first day I feel slightyl better... Oh did you hear about Yesung´s enlistment date!? :( It´s sad....That´s one of the reasons why I wrote this chapter like this XD Is there any Yesung bias here?

Oh BTW has anyone seen the drama School 2013?

❦ ❧Special thanks to Yesung4ever* for upvoting this story! :) Love you guys!  ❦ ❧

givivi123 Hahahaaha thank you! I did enjoy it so thanks :D Oh sorry about not being able to update but it seems as if teachers hate us so after small vacations they leave tons of hw... -_-¨ Does that happen to you as well? Oooh btw thanks for your comment :D

nanobot It was confirmed :( It´s sad right? Are you Yesung biased or do you just like Yesung? Ahhh SuJu´s members are being less by the year...although Chullie is comming back right? Do you know? Hey it´s amazing how you guessed it would be around May... 0o0

cloudy91 *wicked smile* You´ll see the next chapter explains everything. :) I hope you enjoyed this update though and thanks for commenting =)

angelye Did you cry? If you did then we´re two :( I was so sad to actually know when he would be leaving....I am surely going to miss him  alot... Yeah it´s good he´s going to do teh same thing as Heechul =) Though I wanted to see the AB brothers together...When I started liking SuJU Heechul wasn´t there anymore....Sad...Thanks for the comments :)

rayie_159 You could say Jongwoon did understand something XD But I won´t tell if that something was true or not ;) It was confirmed now huh? May 6...It´s sad...How Yesung was in the SS5 I am going to miss him, how about you?

WeLovesKey ....Ummmm Siwon has secret motives? :p Lol I´ll explain in the next update :D I am sorry for putting you in that spot. I tried to update fast though, but I failed miserably...Sorry oh and yeah Yesung was hurt once more but was it actually real? Thanks for the comment~

JailBird Hehehehe I think everything went wrong now, no? Yeah Yesung heard the conversation towards the end, so I don´t know if he misinterpreted it ;) Yeah now it´s sure that Yesung is leaving T_T Thanks for the comment!

tifane No,We love each other equally XD Why don´t you have your laptop? yeah I am also sad now that´s been confirmed and all :( But I shall wait for him :)  I also miss you. Yep heis life is beyond miserable...Haahahhahaha! You sure Siwon wasn´t talking about Yesung? Really sure? Thank you :) Yeah they were short vacations but still :) I also think about you and trias appa and of my lil´sis  :D I am always a good girl XD *gives Infinite hugs* Oh, oh, oh thanks for commenting :D You made me laugh, when I feel so bad :) 

BloodieHime12 Well Jongwoon ran away, so I guess Siwon never had a chance to explain or invent a lie...Hahahahaha just don´t morph into the story yet ;) Wait till the next chapter and then you can do it :D  Awwww that big time! Please don´t cry. Try to study. I mean Sungie wouldn´t want you to fail because of him! I know I also hate that army thing -_- but what can we do...*sigh* Hoefully 2 years will pass fast :D

ILoveToEatChicken I AM SOOOO SOORY!!! I didn´t mean to use a cliffhanger! They just come naturally...And I do it in all the stories...I am so sorry I could only update until now! Please forgive me...yes? I´ll try to update the next one reeeaaallyyyyy soon....Like tomorrow or something like that....Thanks for commenting :)

DredhezRei Ohhh~ I like you! You´re the only one that has caught on to that specific detail ;) Hahaahaha I love how smart you are ;) We´ll see, you´ll see if it was a misunderstanding or not in the next chapter =) Thanks for commenting! :)