STORY LINK

Reviewer: LeeHyorin

Title: [4/5]

It wouldn’t necessarily draw me in, but it had relevance to the story so I gave you the points. Your chapter titles are also relevant to that particular chapter so, kudos. 

Appearance: [5/5]

The poster looks nice and the background as well. A few times your font changed throughout the story when it didn’t need to be, making it too small. Other than that it was really nice.

Foreword & Description: [3/5]

There wasn’t much written and the character charts were very hard for me to read. They were colorful and well put together but it just offset the feel of the story. You didn’t really have anything in the foreword other than some author’s notes so I just let it go.

Characterization: [10/10]

I got to know TOP’s personality pretty quickly, but there were times were he did something I didn’t expect which was nice. Bom also had unexpected twists and moments that I adored, showing her true colors and being the fighting woman she was, was amazing. Minah was adorable the whole time and I thoroughly enjoyed her character in the story. There were a few times where I was a bit confused with the characters, but overall great job. 

Originality: [5/5]

I have read my share of stories and, sure, there are a few out there that resemble this plot but overall it was very nice and original.

Plot: [14/15]

Having the main character think they lost a loved one and want to get revenge was beautiful. I loved the idea, how you wrote it and how it panned out. All in all it was just great, nothing bad to say.



Spelling/Grammar/Punctuation: [17/25]

I found a lot of mistakes, a lot. You told me though that English wasn’t your first language so I couldn’t really deduct too many points, but you could have had someone proof read for you. There were a lot of capitalization errors and misplaced punctuation. For example:

"A guy dressing a black suit shooted a gun right in the middle of the chest of the paper figure that was held in a wall. He lowered the gun and stared at it" 

Should be:

"A guy dressed in a black suit shot a gun right in the middle of the paper figure‘s chest that was on the wall. He lowered the gun and stared at it."

Another would be:

"Since that deadful night, this was all he did
Kill anybody that dared to hurt innocent people"

When it should be:

"Since that dreadful night, all he did was kill anybody that dared to hurt innocent people."

Some spelling I found was “toke” when it should have been “took”.
“Shoot” , in your sentence, should have been “shot”.
Along with ownership, “Park boyfriend” should be “Park’s boyfriend” and so on.
The one that bothered me was “wheels” did you mean “heels” as in high heels? 

I won’t put them all, clearly, but maybe you could find someone to proofread your chapters for you next time.

Flow: [8/10]

Going back and forth between past and present was a nice touch, but there was too much that I became confused. There were too many transitions in one chapter but it was a great addition. Other than that the story went smooth and I liked that.

Enjoyment: [13/15]

It was really interesting with the twists and all. I enjoyed it alot.

Bonus: [5/5]

For writing it so well and having great dialogue, I gave you bonus points.

Total: [80/100]

Comments: I really enjoyed your story. The only big thing was grammar and spelling. Find a proofreader and your stories will be amazing! Great work I mean it, I loved reading it and keep up the good work! <3 
 

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